


Amber Eyes

by Sailingfreely



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Lee Taeyong, But home is where you are with those important people, Cat/Human Hybrids, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hybrids, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mental Health Issues, Psychological Trauma, Self-Lubrication, Slow Burn, Smut, They say blood is thicker than water, This fic is about finding that one true family, Top Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Who loves you independent of blood relation, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-07-23 19:24:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 111,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16165358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailingfreely/pseuds/Sailingfreely
Summary: And this story is about a certain young adult from a wealthy family named, Jung Jaehyun.His mother said to him, "how about you adopt a hybrid?"





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we are i'm with another jaeyong fic :')) I don't know if this one will be long or not? Hopefully not too long hdjskskaakajxg
> 
> Forgive the grammar errors and weird chooses of words hdjskskaakajxg

They came out out of nowhere, the hybrids. There's a theory that they came to exist from a certain tribe where their people are very close to nature, other theories are the hybrids are some sort of aliens, or mutants, or even the results of secret research and experiments. But no one really knows, in the end they're seen as a threat and the nature wrong doings. And humans are always not so welcoming to the unknown, suffice to say, the hybrids are discriminated and unwelcomed. Even though in recent research shown that these hybrids indeed have partial human DNA, still, they're in minority and scorned, treated not as fellow human and instead, as part of their animals characteristic.

The hybrids are treated unjustly and abused, but not many cared, just as people turn a blind eye to any misfortunes that befalling others since it's not theirs. Some activist groups arise for these hybrids' rights many years later, gaining a place for them to live among people although still below them, despite many protests. Some as many forms of slaves, some are being sold like they're just animals, and some are adopted by kind families who brought them up and school them properly, if they're fortunate enough. But the majority of hybrids are still treated as slaves, it's common to see hybrids without owners being chased around and captured with electric rods as if they're beasts by special enforcement. The world is unkind to hybrids.

And this story is about a certain young adult from a wealthy family named, Jung Jaehyun. When he was just born, hybrids still have no rights, but then when he grew into his teens, he saw some of his parents maids are hybrids, so basically he's pretty familiar to hybrids. It's normal for him to see hybrids being brought along to social parties their family attended to, them being showed off like they're nothing more than jewelries and pets. Because they're basically are that, objects of wealth and pets, ironically.

Maybe it's due to the fact his parents never treated their hybrids maids any less than human, maybe because he was brought up with love and good concepts of kindness and compassion, which makes Jaehyun feels it's cruel to treat the hybrids like that and pitied them. If he ever to have a hybrid, he promised himself to treat them right.

It was mentioned in his twenty fifth birthday party, when a Count from somewhere congratulated him and asked, ' _when he will took in his own hybrid?'_

He was put off by the way the man said it, as if he was telling him it was the right time of his age to have a car of his own, to show his wealth and power. But Jaehyun is polite and he knows despite his disagreement, that just the way the world works and he steer the conversation elsewhere. But the questions risen many times after that and Jaehyun's patience is wearing thin.

That's why his mother said to him, "how about you adopt a hybrid? You live by yourself now and the house your father gifted to you is too big for you alone right? I think they could be your friend."

"But mother..." _you know I hate it_ , he doesn't say the continuation of his words because his mother knew, as always.

"I know darling, you hate to treat them like that and I'm not telling you to. Beside that if you have one, people will stop asking, think about it as helping them. People may see you adopting them as a show of power, but you and I know best that's not it. They'll be your friend or your brother, and I'll treat them just as I treated you, as my child."

And Jaehyun relented, his mother is right. He have money to spare, rather than using it for other meaningless things, why not use it to help others? Which is why he's here now, in a special store where they exclusively sell hybrids. Despite the beautiful and refined designs of the building, he hates that place. Because he can see the rows of small glass rooms where it contained many hybrids being displayed to be purchased. So inhumane.

The shop manager herself came out to serve him, explaining enthusiastically about the hybrids and the store's policy with plethora of excessive flattery which almost make him gag. They have quite diverse types of hybrids from the most common ones of cats and dogs, to the more rare ones like birds and fishes. Jaehyun would lie if he say he's not amazed when he saw the fish hybrids, they're beautiful and the personification of mermaids in many myths. But they are far more expensive and requires more care, Jaehyun is unsure he's capable of that. So he goes to the rows of dogs and cats hybrids.

They reminds him of the hybrids at his parents' home, but the ones here are looking visibly weaker, thinner and not taken cared of decently. His heart stung as he stares at their hollow eyes despite their smiles, as if they're desperate to get out from there, as if they're willing to be adopted without knowing what they'll be subjected to as long as they can have more freedom, if there's any at all for them. If Jaehyun could, he wants to help them all, but sadly he couldn't. But he will, maybe starting for the smallest things like donating to the hybrids rights communities and adopting one of them now.

There's one dog hybrid and a cat hybrid which taken his interest. The dog hybrid was tall, taller than him and obviously older than the other hybrids. And he looked really tired and try nothing to appeal to him like he had given up, maybe because most people only want to adopt cute and pretty looking hybrids and him being really tall, are not so appealing for these people. Jaehyun read the name at the glass door, ' _Johnny_ ' and tries to remember it.

Then he went to the cat hybrid, who's looking so thin, so weak from the way he's curling up at the corner of his glass room with eyes closed. The hybrid wearing a thin white shirt and have pink hair with white cat ears which flattened down as if he's scared. If Jaehyun didn't see the way the cat hybrid is breathing, he would have thought he was already dead, maybe he's only moments away from it.

"Oh him," the manager woman clicked her tongue, "he's a real beauty indeed, but too stubborn and feisty he always got turned back. He stopped eating for awhile now, I think he's trying to kill himself," she snorted, "we have many better hybrids for you Mr. Jaehyun, let me show you more."

He read the name carefully, ' _Taeyong_ ', then turned to smile -albeit obviously forced- and said, "I want to take him."

"Oh," to say she's embarrassed and surprised is an understatement, but still she's a professional and quickly leading him to the purchase table, "I will need you to fill these papers with our store's policy and legalities, there are also some questions about hybrids which you need to fill up to see if you know enough and qualified to adopt one, although some people just let us fill it instead," her awkward laughter dissipating when she sees Jaehyun is not smiling at all. "After that you only need to sign it with proper address and the payment, then you can bring him with you right away."

Jaehyun filled it smoothly since he had studied about hybrids and knew enough from his earlier life, signed it and put his card to the woman with a smile not without a hint of sarcasm and judgement, "perfect."

She went through the papers and gathering the cat hybrid's belongings swiftly after charging his card, then give it to him with a polite smile, "here are your card and his only luggage, and here is also his collar to keep him safe to be outside since he's not without master now."

 _Funny of you to talk about safety when you treated him like a dirty rag_ , Jaehyun scowls internally but never show it. He's thumbing the pink collar in his hands as the woman is getting the hybrid. Pink, like his rough hair, and it's a bit rough at the edges as if the collar had been tugged repeatedly. Maybe Taeyong doesn't like collar, he keep it in his mind.

"We also have collars for sale if you have your own preferences? That's his collar from his... Previous masters," the woman said when she came back with the cat hybrid in tow.

Jaehyun noted how the cat hybrid look so sluggish on his stood, eyes half closed despite the low rumbling heard coming off of his chest. He feels threatened and try to threaten back any possible threat, but Jaehyun is not one to be scared off so easily. With him standing there, it's even more obvious of how malnourished the cat hybrid is, Jaehyun's heart aching at the sight. He didn't want to alert him, so he only give the collar gently to the cat hybrid's hand, seeing the smaller man looking at it then warily glancing to Jaehyun.

"If you want to make a change, we could do it with a cut of your initial payment..." the woman said with uncertainty while seeing the whole exchange.

"No," Jaehyun shook his head, "I told you, he's perfect."

He salute himself for driving there alone without a chauffeur, seeing how distressed the hybrid is, less people is better for him. He sees the man hovering by the car's door, scared and hesitant, Jaehyun doesn't force him.

"If you don't want to come with me, that's okay," he found himself saying it, smiling gently as the man looking at him with shock, as if he said the most ridiculous thing ever. "I would suggest you wear the collar though, so no one can get to you. I'll also support your life because I know it'll be hard for you to be on your own, I'll give you a bit of what I have right now, then give you more later. Is there anywhere you can go to?"

He stare at him with wide eyes, cheeks almost concave from how thin he is, Jaehyun can only imagine if the body beneath the thin clothing is also skin on bones. If he could, he wanted to take care of him directly, but he won't ever force him. This is his life, he have every rights as other people's have. The cat hybrid shook his head to his question though, he have nowhere else to go.

"Would you like to live with me?" Jaehyun asked with the softest tone he could muster.

The hybrid open and close his mouth in hesitation, eyes downcast looking to his feet covered with cheap tattered shoes, until finally, with his soft deep voice, replied to Jaehyun, "nobody ever asked me that..."

"I see," Jaehyun whispered, waiting patiently.

He look up to stare at Jaehyun, "everybody just brought me with them without asking..."

"I know you don't trust me and you have every right to feel that way, trust is not given, it's gained. And I just want to say, I'm not like anybody else, I promise, but of course you don't have to trust me now. And I didn't took you in for... Let's say, make you do things that you don't want to. I have quite a big house, not to be cocky, that's just the way it is and it's too big for myself. So I was hoping if you could be my friend?"

"Friend...?" his eyes grew bigger, if it's possible.

"Yes, friend. And friends help each other, don't they?" Jaehyun smiled, trying to be assuring.

And finally, after a few moments, the smaller man nodded and getting inside the car wordlessly. Jaehyun feels proud, he did, it felt like a big accomplishment. And he will do his best to treat him right and gain his trust, he promised.

 

 

And so the life of Jung Jaehyun, the son of a wealthy family, with the cat hybrid Taeyong begins.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	2. Paw One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun founds that Taeyong's ears are fluffier than the blankets he bought for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's mention of past abuse and non consensual sexual relation.
> 
> It's only a small part, but there's still it.
> 
> Also warning grammar errors and bad choices of words.... Hahaha *hollow laughter*

Taeyong never wear his collar and it took Jaehyun only two days to notice that Taeyong _really_ likes his living room. There's a small fireplace there which got lit up at every evening by his day maid in this autumn season, and tall, big windows which allows many warm sunlight coming in. In the morning before Jaehyun leave for work, he will see Taeyong dozing off or reading forgotten magazines beside the windows, white tail laid peacefully and his equally white ears occasionally twitching adorably. At nights, he will be sprawled on the fluffy carpet beside the fireplace, dozing off again, everyday for two weeks now. Taeyong likes warm places and Jaehyun doesn't want to sound ignorant, but really, Taeyong is like the stereotype of a cat with that preference.

Once, Jaehyun came in to tell Taeyong that it's bad for him to sleep on the floor, but before he even utter a word, the hybrid already ran away and hide inside his bedroom which is few doors away from Jaehyun's master bedroom. It makes Jaehyun sad, but at least Taeyong is comfortable enough to go out of his room, because that's already an accomplishment after a week of said hybrid locking himself in.

When he first brought Taeyong home, the cat hybrid was extremely quiet, speak no word and eyes keep looking at the ground and the entrance door, as if waiting for the moment he needs to run away. But he kept following Jaehyun when he was bringing him to tour the house, through the foyer, the living room, the kitchen, the playroom and lastly the second floor where the bedrooms are.

It was super cute when Jaehyun told him he got his own room, Taeyong's eyes was so big, mouth opened and there was this sparkles on his face, tail straight up and bended at the tip showing how happy he was. At first he thought it was Jaehyun's bedroom since it's big and with a bathroom attached to it, it's too good for a hybrid like him, that was Taeyong's words.

"This is... My room?" he asked in a whisper, eyes roaming the room, excited yet not willing to let it show and only flicking his tail back and forth in disbelief.

"Yes," Jaehyun came in and opened the big wardrobe inside the room, "here is where you'll put your clothes and some other things. There's also a cabinet inside the bathroom if you need more space. And that bookshelf, well, it's... Quite empty, you can use it for other things or, if you would like to, I can bring and buy you more books."

Taeyong walked to the bed, fingers pulling at his shirt uncomfortably as he feels so small in that big room. There was only few furnitures inside and he didn't know the usage of the big space of his room should be. For him to run? No, it's not that big. To roll around? What for? Suddenly he wasn't so excited anymore being in the too big room.

"If you want to, I can buy you more things to fill up this room, don't worry," Jaehyun smiled as if he could hear his thoughts, to be fair it was pretty easy to read Taeyong at that moment.

"I..." Taeyong started, ears flattening back in fear when Jaehyun appeared too excited with hearing him speak.

"No it's okay, tell me, I won't get angry, I promise."

His tail flicking faster, fist tighter on his shirt, but eventually he speaks, "I never have... A room this big."

"Do you want a smaller room?" Jaehyun smiled, "I don't have any room smaller than this, but maybe I can remodel it a bit so it will have smaller space, although it will take some time."

Taeyong shook his head hurriedly, "no, it's... It's okay."

"And it's also okay if you want something, I won't mind as long as you're comfortable with it," he reminds him.

He looked around the room again still with folded ears, sniffing for a while before he replied softly, "it's okay."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded and avoiding Jaehyun's eyes. So Jaehyun left him with a smile after putting down Taeyong's luggage near the door and bid him good night. He supposed Taeyong needed some time alone and settle in, and Jaehyun noted how small and light Taeyong's luggage was. He would need a long, nice shopping day for him.

To say Taeyong is tense and apprehensive is an understatement. He would reply if he was spoken to, but it was obviously more of an obligation on Taeyong's part rather than his own initiative, and most of times when Jaehyun is home, he would stay locked inside his room. If Jaehyun didn't peek at the living room to find him there, he would almost sure he's still living alone since the hybrid kept avoiding him and running away from him.

In a way, it's cute. But Jaehyun hope they could have a proper conversation in the future. He thinks, he can start from small things to gain more of Taeyong's trust. He took extra care when choosing blankets, sheets and pillows for him, after all they said cat hybrids loves soft, fluffy things. Since Taeyong prefer the living room instead of his own room, Jaehyun put all of it on the long couch after washing it and was rewarded pleasantly by the sight of Taeyong snuggling in it with low purrs filling the room hours later.

Then he asked his mother for Soonbok, one of her maid who's a cat hybrid just like Taeyong, to be his day maid -as in they didn't live in and went home after their work-. His mother was excited when he told her he finally adopted a hybrid, and was understanding and patient when he told her Taeyong was too scared to be introduced to her. ' _Take care of him son'_ , she said and Jaehyun is determined to do just that.

Jaehyun's living room is now quite literally becoming Taeyong's room, not that he minds it since he also got a TV in his own room. Still, it's kind of lonely not being able to join Taeyong there, yet he would be more sad if he sees the hybrid trying to run away from him again. But it gave Jaehyun just enough time for him to changed Taeyong's bed into a canopy bed with thick dark curtains, so even though the room is still big, he'll be more comfortable in his bed at least. Taeyong may be a hybrid, but he sure loves narrow and tight spaces like cats do.

Jaehyun wasn't sure when was it that Taeyong is starting to warm up to him, he supposed Soonbok have a hand in it. He still stare at Jaehyun at all times when they were in a same space though, as if making sure he won't get attacked suddenly, and the best Jaehyun can do is give him a smile and leave him be to show that he meant no harm. Until a while passed and Taeyong is relaxing at his corner, wrapping the fluffy blanket tighter around him although his white ears still on alert and tail swishing with attention.

His pink hair growing softer, just like his golden skin which gaining more flesh and becoming smoother from decent meals and sleep. Jaehyun is beyond happy and proud when he can see the subtle change in Taeyong, the hybrid's cheeks are fuller now and really, Jaehyun can finally see how beautiful he is. ' _A real beauty indeed_ '.

Gradually Taeyong stopped running away at the sight of him and actually stayed when Jaehyun lingers in the living room. Not long after that, Jaehyun gained back his living room with Taeyong bundled up near the fireplace or by the foot of the couch. Sometimes they watched TV together without speaking, other times the TV was just background noises while they separately reading books. And when at one time Jaehyun found Taeyong fell asleep on the carpet, that was enough confirmation that Taeyong trusted him to some level. Jaehyun's heart blooms at the thought and he couldn't stop smiling even after his friends and colleagues mocked him about it.

And, maybe... The fault is due to miscommunication which led to the current situation of Jaehyun staring wide eyed at Taeyong. The cat hybrid is standing by his bedroom door with a shy and uncertain look on his face, wearing a pink silk pajama top which Jaehyun had bought in his hasty shopping session for Taeyong since he was too busy and rarely have enough free time -he had forced himself to do it or else Taeyong won't have anything to wear and use-.

And really, the pink pajama top really is complimenting Taeyong's beautiful lighter pink hair and his smooth golden thighs, as the top ending just to his mid thighs -briefly he wonders where did the pajama bottom gone to?-. It was a sight to behold and Jaehyun's brain stuttered to stop, but not because of how pretty Taeyong looked, but because of what the smaller man just said.

Afraid to have misheard it, Jaehyun asked, "I'm sorry?"

Taeyong pulls at the end of his pajama top, tail flickering faster as his ears deflated, "am I... Unattractive?"

"No, I- I uh-" he stutters, what's with this situation?

"Did I make you angry? Because... Because I always avoided you?" Taeyong bit his lower lip and seemingly getting smaller on his stood, "I won't... Do it again, I'm sorry. Do you... Hate me now and want to return me?"

" _What!_ " Jaehyun reflexively exclaimed in sudden anger from the way Taeyong is addressing himself so cheaply, so... Unworthy. And Taeyong flinched, fur rising and tail stiff in apparent shock and fear. "Oh sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to startle you. I... I'm not angry, really. I just, don't like it when you think of yourself so lowly like just now, I still shouldn't have raised my voice though, sorry for that."

Taeyong keep quiet, head lowered yet eyes fleeting from the floor to Jaehyun's eyes, lips jutted up a bit like he's pouting. Before his tail slackening and he's visibly relaxing, nodding softly to Jaehyun telling him that he understand.

"I... My head just fails me right now and I don't understand, what- what was it that you asked me?" Jaehyun laughed awkwardly, mostly in disbelief.

A blush slowy creeping up Taeyong's cheeks as he repeated his words, "I asked if... You want me to accompany you in bed..."

Jaehyun's head is spinning, "as in...?"

Taeyong blushed harder, yet still he elaborate more, "if you want to sleep with me..."

Although it wasn't elaborate enough and Jaehyun feels like he's getting dumber. It's not like he have no idea at all about what Taeyong is talking about, he just doesn't want to assume, to jump into conclusions. So he asked himself again, did Taeyong mean it as in sleeping together in a platonic way _or...?_

"If you want to have sex with me," finally Taeyong said it save the both of them from further embarrassment.

Jaehyun's brain is put into a halt at the words, blushing too from the confirmation, yet something doesn't make sense. Why suddenly Taeyong asked this? "is there a reason as to why you..." he cleared his throat, "gracing me with your offer?"

He's at lost of what words he should use, okay? Don't judge him. Taeyong did though, if the way he lifted an eyebrow was any indication.

"It just... You haven't ask me for anything, and you gave me a lot of things. I have to... Do something for you," he said in a soft voice, eyes back again at gazing to the floor.

Jaehyun is curious, "why do you think you have to do anything?"

"Why...?" he's fidgeting on his feet, "if I don't do anything, what's the use...?"

There's an urge to sigh, but Jaehyun denied it not wanting for Taeyong to misunderstand him, "I told you I wanted a friend, am I not? I don't want and not gonna ask you to do something that you don't want to, you don't have to do anything," but then he thought over his words again, "to be honest, I do want something from you."

At the words Taeyong visibly growing uncomfortable, hands gripping tighter on his pajama top, yet eyes never straying away from Jaehyun, waiting for -what he might think is- his doom. But Jaehyun is smiling gently, eyes warm and calm.

"If you would like to, I want you to talk to me."

He blinked, then blinking again, "that's it...?"

"Yeah," Jaehyun shrugged, "friends talk to each other, right? Sometimes I want to talk about my problems, or my annoyance about work. Or maybe you can talk to me about your day, what you watched and did. Or maybe, we can just have dinner together without saying anything. It already makes me happy that you allowed me to be in the same room with you and even talking to me like right now."

Taeyong blushed again at the reminder of his behavior from the last few weeks, he nodded but there's a small frown on his face. Disbelief, surprise and uncertainty mixed together in his eyes. "But... That way I still didn't do anything..."

"Says who?"

"I... In my previous houses, I always have to do something for the meals and the bed I got... So..."

Unconsciously Jaehyun fisting his hand, anger twirling hideously in his gut, "and they told you to sleep with them? As one of their condition?"

He tried to keep his voice neutral, but with the way Taeyong is slightly flinching and ears pulled back, he obviously failed at it. Against any little hope that Jaehyun subconsciously wished within his heart, Taeyong nodded to his statement.

He was _used_  for a bullshit. How could anyone, have a heart to hurt someone like Taeyong? No matter who, no matter what, there's no reason for anyone to went through what Taeyong did. The way he was so scared, flinching at the slightest sounds, mistrusting and very apprehensive, Jaehyun could only wonder how badly he was abused. And he couldn't even defend himself, because hurting a human, self defense or not, is seen as being harmful and he will get captured by the special enforcement with only god knows what happen to those hybrids.

He was angry, so angry he wanted to slam the table under his fists, but he didn't, because Taeyong shouldn't experience anymore violence no matter if it's directed to him or not. So despite the burning in his chest, Jaehyun is smiling to Taeyong, praying that it didn't look awkward at all. He's standing up slowly from his work desk, walking up to uneasy looking Taeyong, and stopped just right before he got too close nor too far from the said hybrid.

He thinks, it must be involuntary the way that Taeyong's ears moves according to his emotions, because it's apparent how he's trying to look unaffected despite the way his white ears are flattened down to his pink hair. Or maybe he's just bad at hiding his emotions. Jaehyun rises both his hands, to show Taeyong that he didn't intend to do anything bad with it and smiling again.

"There's one little thing that I've been wanting to do and, if you're okay with it, could you let me do it?"

 _Because Jaehyun thinks, telling him not to do anything while Jaehyun keep taking care of him, will be too much of a foreign concept and he's sure Taeyong would find it difficult to understand. So he will do some sort of a '_ trade off' _which will get Taeyong into thinking that he's doing something for the care he received and eases his worry_.

Taeyong's left ear twitches as his white tail folded in between his legs, a sign of fear and feeling threatened, yet he nodded after a couple of seconds passed. _Does he thinks he have no choice but to submit even when he doesn't want to?_

Jaehyun cleared his throat, a slight hue of pink dusting his cheeks, "can I... Touch your ears?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, is that not okay?" Jaehyun's eyes widened in the same way Taeyong's eyes widening comically in surprise.

"You want... To touch my ears? Just that?"

"Yeah, I mean... They look really soft... And cute," he grinned, shrugging trying to erase the blush off his cheeks.

Was it the compliment or Jaehyun's question, he didn't know, but Taeyong's ears was flickering rapidly for a short moment after he asked. It was terribly cute and Jaehyun's heart feels squeezed in adoration for a second, fingers itching to touch it, but he waits until Taeyong gives him verbal permission.

The cat hybrid looking at him straight in the eyes, emotions unreadable within it, but Jaehyun thinks he must be thinking about how insane he is. Then he blinks and lowering his face so Jaehyun can access his ears easier, "you can touch it."

With careful fingers Jaehyun reach out to his cat ears, trying to be as slow as possible so not to startle Taeyong. And when his fingers touched it, surprise blooming in his chest along with awe, it was softer than he thought it would be. Warm, soft and... Fluffy. It's kind of weird that there's a funny, happy feeling when he's stroking it, he suppose it's familiar to when he's petting his pet dog. That little bit was rude and he was actually sorry for even thinking that.

Cautiously and gently, he tries to scratch it softly, going down to the base of the ear then through the pink hair. Jaehyun almost cooing when Taeyong subconsciously leaning towards his fingers asking for more, but he successfully held it in or else he could break the fragile serene moment. And his heart jumped when he heard low, soft rumbles, vibrating even to his fingertips.

Taeyong is purring.

Jaehyun is shrieking like a dying whale internally out of pleasant surprise and excitement, it's a miracle and a wonder how did he outwardly only gaped, " _eh_."

"Eh," Taeyong startles, taking a step away in reflex with wide eyes, still confused of what exactly happened to make Jaehyun looked like that, dumb and flustered. Until he realized what he did and blushed furiously before scurrying away.

Jaehyun laughed after making sure his bedroom door is closed, Taeyong was so cute. He brings his fingers to his nose, wondering if the white cotton candy like ears and pink ice cream like hair will smell as sweet as it looks like? Yet he was met with another surprise and a, "huh?" slipped out his mouth.

 

Why Taeyong's hair smell like burnt ramyun?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man Jaehyun is filthy rich. I wanna be his kitty tho then :333
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	3. Paw Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Step by step.

"Good morning, young master."

Jaehyun grimaced at the name, "good morning to you too Soonbok, but please quit mocking me."

"It still better than being called _little_ master, doesn't it?" she giggled, black tail straight up and bended at the tip. It's not news that she adores him, really, she's a lot like big sister to him.

"That was years ago! I find it weird to be called master," he sit at the dining chair at the counter, grabbing the plates of toasts and salads.

"Oh? Haven't Taeyong-shi talk to you yet?"

"Taeyong? What about him?"

"He was surprised when I called him Taeyong-shi, saying that he never been addressed formally like that," she sighed quietly, plating the hams into two plates and serve one to Jaehyun. "He must have had it rough."

"Yeah..." he's itching to tell it to her, about the things he had learnt from Taeyong himself what had happened in his past. But he decided it's not his story to tell. "You never tell me how it was for you before mom adopted you, is it okay if you share with me?"

"Well," she sit by the chair beside Jaehyun then, clearly showing how much she trusted him and how comfortable she is with him. Other hybrids wouldn't even dare to dream about being in the same level or even sit beside their master, and Jaehyun always feel proud whenever he realized it. Because this is how it should be, everyone are equals.

"Most hybrids doesn't know who our parents are and so I am, all I know I was already amongst the other hybrids in an orphanage. They say it's an hybrid orphanage, but really it was more of a containment building for us. Some are lucky enough to be taken for sale, like Taeyong-shi who have attractive appearance, some are like me who... Less worthy and unneeded. If your mother hadn't found me selling tissues by the road waiting for my coming of age, I would most probably be send to slave dealers or sold to brothels with the cheapest price."

Jaehyun feels angry thinking about the many other hybrids who had suffered a lot, what Soonbok and Taeyong experienced wasn't something that can be taken as fortunate at all for him, they were still suffering. She is a black cat hybrid, seen as unappealing or bad luck, what utter bullshit. Soonbok placed a hand on his shoulder knowing his anger and smiling sweetly.

"It's true we're lucky to have met your family, many others... Hybrids and humans alike are unlucky too, you don't have to feel bad about it, there's always the top and the bottom of food chains. It's just the way the world works, it's impossible for anyone to be at equal standing, hierarchy exists even among you humans, of course it exists with us too," she shrugged.

"That doesn't mean it's fine."

"You're right, but that also doesn't mean you have to burden it all onto yourself," she said while patting Jaehyun's shoulder, "one man can't do a lot, Jaehyun. But because there are people like you the world could make changes. Do what you can do, it's okay to feel it isn't fair, but only do what's within your capabilities. If you try to do it all out of your capability, all you will end up with are more faults and pain. You'll understand this as you grow up."

"I'm a grown man already," he scowls.

"Oh really? Remember when you cried while running to me about your... Soiled diaper," she chuckled.

"Come on! That was when we were young!" he whined much to her delight.

"You were a baby and still a baby for me even now."

"I hate you..."

"Well, I did feel proud when I saw the way you treated Taeyong-shi, you are a good man," she said with a calm voice, pride filling her eyes and Jaehyun is softening.

"I hope I can give him more."

"I'm sure you will, I can see how much you care about him, it also makes me happy."

"He still haven't open up with me though."

"It will take time, but now he's no longer running away from you at least."

"That's only because he thought... If he keeps running away from me, I might return him. I want him to stop thinking that I would even have the thought of doing that, that it's okay if he doesn't like me or want to be away from me and I still wouldn't return him," he sighed before finally start eating his breakfast.

"He can't help it, that's just how it is for him, you have to talk to him about it."

"I did!"

"You can't just do it once or a few times then he will believe you," she shook her head with a sigh, as if tired about Jaehyun's naivety and childish thinking, "look at me, sometimes I still have those thoughts, because that's what we believe in when we were growing up, it was instilled into us."

"Noona, you know we won't ever do that, you're a sister to me and important to us..."

"I know, I believe it," she smiled, "yet you just can't control it. Anyway, if you want to make him trust you more, be patient and don't feed him burnt ramyun!"

He got confused then, "I haven't cook any ramyun since he lives here? Beside, you know I can cook, why would I burnt something as simple as ramyun?"

She tapped her chin in thinking, "that's true, you can cook. But I found a burnt pan and remains of burnt ramyun just this morning..."

"Ah," Jaehyun remembered the way Taeyong's hair smelt of burnt ramyun last night, "he might tried to cook ramyun and burnt it."

"Jaehyun..." she said in a scolding tone.

"I forgot _I swear_! I've been living alone and forget that I need to heat up your meals for his dinner!" he whined, ashamed.

"What do I do with you," she sighed and walking back to the stove, "I will make some which you don't need to heat up and leave it on the table, so he wouldn't have to starve and possibly put the kitchen on fire."

"I'm sorry..."

"Say sorry to him, he must have been really hungry to even dared himself to cook in his master kitchen. Although I know you won't mind it, but he doesn't know that."

Jaehyun pouted and keep quiet, looking to the other plate of hams and sees it starting to cool down and little bits of oil hardening. Soonbok twirled around while holding a spatula in one hand and glared to him.

"I know you've been leaving him be to make him comfortable, but he wouldn't even think about coming down to have meals with you if you don't invite him properly."

Jaehyun gaped dumbly, realizing his stupidity -again- then quickly be on his feet to go to Taeyong's room. Mildly he wonders, did Taeyong came to him last night because he was also hungry but too scared to ask him? He mentally hit himself in ashame. He exhales deeply when he's standing in front of the said cat hybrid's door, knuckles up and hesitant to knock. The first knocking was too soft even to Jaehyun, so he did it harder for the second time and yet, there's still no answer. Is he still sleeping? It's only 7 am after all, he could be sleeping.

Still he waits, contemplating about knocking again when the door opens to meek Taeyong wearing the same pink pajamas, although this time he's wearing the pajama bottom -why didn't he last night?-. His white ears was pulled back when he sees who was it that is knocking at his door. He had probably thought it was Soonbok instead of him.

"Y-yes?"

"Would you like to have breakfast with me?" he said with his softest voice and sweetest smile to reassure the other man.

"Oh," for a second white pink ears perked up, before it's deflating again, "I..."

Taeyong must be hungry for him to look that interested even for a second, but was too afraid to even agree since it's uncommon for a hybrid to share a meal with their master. Jaehyun have to show him that it is okay and not wrong at all, "I would love to eat with you, please?"

Taeyong appears to be really shocked, never he heard about a master saying ' _please_ ' to a hybrid. Eventually his ears straighten up again in what appears to be relaxing and he nodded, "yes master."

Somehow, Jaehyun blushed from the way Taeyong addressed him, "oh no, don't call me that."

The white ears flattening again from his somewhat grimacing tone, afraid if Taeyong had said something wrong. Jaehyun quickly waves his hands in assurance, "no, no, I'm not mad at you, honest. It just, I don't like being called that."

"What should I call you, ma-" he closed his mouth hastily since he almost address Jaehyun with master again.

"Um, please just call my name..." Jaehyun said in embarrassment.

"Jaehyun-nim."

"Not that either!" he cringed, _what the heck even?_

Taeyong titled his head a bit to the side, confused and uncertain, "...Jaehyun-shi?"

"I- I mean, just my name! You don't have to be formal with me," he stutters a bit, flushing.

"But..." it's obvious how apprehensive he is to call his master too casually like that.

Jaehyun sighed in resignation, "well, it's a lot better than master, at least. Let's go, Soonbok is waiting for us."

Taeyong following obediently behind him with a meter and half distance between them, his hands pulling at his pajama top like he always did whenever he's uncomfortable. When they reached the kitchen, Jaehyun instantly whining to Soonbok in embarrassment.

"Now I know why you say what you said!" he accused and she was laughing loudly with mirth in her eyes, satisfied.

"I'm guessing he really called you that? I wish I could've seen it," she laughed some more.

"I hate you," he pouted, sitting down on his previous chair and look back to Taeyong who's standing awkwardly with wide eyes a few feet away from them.

"Are you now?" she grinned.

He only hmph-ed before beckoning Taeyong to sit beside him, who's still staring at Soonbok and Jaehyun as if they're the eighth wonders of the world. Never did he seen a hybrid talking to their master like that, so casual, so... Friendly. He thinks, he's being thrown into another universe, it's incomprehensible for him, it doesn't make sense at all. Yet, Jaehyun is still smiling to him, motioning for him with kind and patient eyes.

Taeyong had thought that maybe the human being kind to him only to fool him into false comfort and safety, it had happened before with his second master. The lady was so kind and he fell into it blindly, only to suffer and hurt even harder than it did with his first master. Then he came to learnt, that it's better to be hurt and treated badly from the beginning than for his trust to be betrayed. And yet, maybe this Jung Jaehyun person is different.

Maybe. But he's not going to trust him so easily, not again.

Even when Jaehyun feels slightly disappointed that Taeyong didn't sit beside him, at least the cat hybrid allowed himself to sit at the same table with him, that's already another accomplishment. And he was a bit jealous how Soonbok could stroke Taeyong's hair so easily and the man closed his eyes calmly for a short moment, he wonders when will Taeyong be that comfortable with him.

He's a patient man, at least he hoped so. He will just relish at the fact that Taeyong is no longer running away from him anymore.

 

\--

 

He came home when Soonbok already left for home, and he went to the kitchen right away to see if dinner is served on the table, smiling guilty when it does. He need to make sure he never forget about feeding Taeyong dinner again. He went to change out of his work clothes before going down again and peeking into the living room, wondering if Taeyong is there again. Only to get surprised seeing wide eyes staring at him with white ears up in alert.

 _Oh right, hybrids have sensitive senses after all,_ he must have heard or smelled him even before he's coming in. Jaehyun smiling sheepishly to Taeyong who's still staring at him, hands stiff and fingers deep in his fluffy blanket.

"Hello," Jaehyun said, somehow a bit embarrassed because the tension in the room was awkward.

Taeyong hesitantly bowed and his voice was so soft it was almost a whisper, "hello... Jaehyun-shi."

"I, um... Have you had dinner yet? It's already 8 pm, sorry I just came home."

His tail swishing, then he said with a bit louder voice, "not yet..."

"Would you like to join me, then?"

He nodded then standing up, although he keep standing there even when Jaehyun is waiting for him to come closer. Belatedly he realized that Taeyong is waiting for him to go first before he would follow him to the kitchen. Was it conditioned? That he have to wait and follows only when his master is ahead of him? Jaehyun noted it mentally as another one on his list of what he need to change.

And Jaehyun's guess had been right when Taeyong keep standing near the chair without sitting down, he only does after Jaehyun told him to sit verbally. Jaehyun hates it, Taeyong should be able to do anything that he wants without being afraid like that. There is a lot of things he needs to change and he almost let out a sigh at the thought of it.

"Would you prefer we eat at the dining room?" Jaehyun asked to which Taeyong only responded with a blink, he must have thought it wasn't his right to decide anything. He tries to laugh a bit to lighten up the tension, "I like having my meals here because it feels... More homey, you know? I seldom use the dining room because it feels too impersonal and I get lonely easily."

Taeyong only stares at him then to his plate before he speak softly, "you have a nice and big house."

The smile which blooming on Jaehyun's lips was genuine, he really feels happy to hear Taeyong is talking to him, although he might just trying to be polite, "I actually prefer a smaller house, this is too big for me but, yeah it's nice. My dad bought it for me, saying that I would need the big space even when I told him I wouldn't need a house which have a dining room or even a foyer, really. He likes to be over the top, but he's a nice man."

Taeyong only nodded, briefly glancing to Jaehyun before his eyes settling at his plate of food again, white ears twitching slightly.

"Is the food not to your liking?" he asked and almost regretting for asking that when Taeyong look up to him with frightened eyes, "no, I mean-"

"I'm sorry," Taeyong hurriedly said, face lowered and ears pulled back as he seem to try to make himself smaller, "I like the food, I'm sorry for making you think I don't like it."

"Taeyong," he said in a firm, yet calming tone when he sees the hybrid about to ramble about him being unworthy. "Were you... _Scolded_ by your previous... Adopter when you didn't like the food?"

Taeyong instantly paled at the question, fur rising and tail tucked under the chair and his legs. He didn't say anything, but Jaehyun saw the signs as enough confirmation. There was no room to get angry when Taeyong look so scared like that, Jaehyun could only think of ways to calm him down, to assure him that bad things won't happen to him again, nobody will hurt him anymore.

Taeyong flinched strongly when he heard Jaehyun getting up from his seat, wide eyes flickering to his tightly tangled feet under the counter. He was too terrified to even look at Jaehyun, not wanting to see what the man is about to do with him. But, all he felt was a warm hand on top of his head, unmoving and a calming weight. Slowly he look up to see Jaehyun is smiling to him.

"I won't hurt you," he said softly, keeping his hand on the pink hair just to let the man feel his warmth and sincerity, "I won't let anyone hurt you and I promise, I'm not angry with you."

Taeyong is stiff under his hand, as if he's afraid to ruin anything if he were to move even a slightest bit. Jaehyun hope he won't try to stop breathing just so he won't move at all. "Listen, when you are with me, which is from now on, you don't have to hold back about what you feel and what you want, because nobody will blame you for that and nobody will hurt you because of it. If you have something that you don't like, tell me and I won't be angry.

"We all have things we dislike, you and me are the same. I don't like to waste food and always finish my meals even when I don't like it, to an extent. To be truthful, I would like it if you also finish your food, but if you have something you don't like, tell me so we can avoid it rather than forcing you to eat it, okay?"

Taeyong only stare at him unblinking, but gradually Jaehyun could feel the way he's relaxing through his hand. Then he slowly nodded, "okay."

"Good," he grinned, patted the pink hair softly before asking again, "so tell me honestly, do you like it?"

"I- I like to be petted," Taeyong said lowly to which Jaehyun almost laugh at.

"I mean the food, but okay I will pet you more if you like it," he chuckled, scratching the hair and the base of his pink ear gently to avoid startling the man.

"O- oh, I like it..." Taeyong answered sheepishly, eyes fleeting to his plate for a moment.

 _The eyes_. Jaehyun only noticed the color of Taeyong's eyes now in that close proximity, it's a beautiful amber, like deep honey. He had thought that Taeyong have lighter eye color than his own dark brown eyes, but only then he sees the true color. It's beautiful. When it's closing, Jaehyun feel a bit disappointed since he want to see longer at the beautiful eyes, yet the disappointment only short lived because Taeyong is there, letting him touch him and closing his eyes in serenity. It was somewhat a display of trust and Jaehyun's heart is soaring at the realization.

And he was purring too. But Jaehyun won't comment at it or Taeyong would ran away from him again, so he just keep his fingers scratching lightly at the hair. Again, he almost squealing when Taeyong's head nudging to his fingers asking for more. He schooled his expression before asking, "shall we start eating then?"

And the beautiful amber eyes opening again like a blooming flower, so enchanting. Before he realized that Taeyong was nodding to his question. Jaehyun goes back to his chair then, feeling a bit shy somehow and smiling again to Taeyong before beginning to eat. And only after he swallowed his first mouthful did Taeyong start eating. He was waiting for Jaehyun to eat first. Again, he feels sad at the realization.

"You know," Jaehyun started casually as they are eating, "you don't have to wait for me to do something. If you want to eat first, it's okay, if you want to walk or run before me, that's okay too. Anything that you want to do, as long as it's not a harmful thing, you can do it freely, okay?"

Taeyong doesn't answer, but the way he keep eating without glancing back in alert to Jaehyun time and time again, was enough of an answer.

 

Step by step.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mistrusting kittYong hmm hmm :3
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is one of my coping mechanism, I love to do it. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if want to check it out or talk to me, thank you ♥♥♥


	4. Paw Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh man."
> 
> Jaehyun fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for the MV to drop anxiously omg
> 
> So why not drop an update too.... Lmao

He knocks again for the third time, yet silence is the only response Jaehyun get. It's been five days since they first started having meals together and Taeyong never fails to come to the door every morning, and for dinner time it was him who's waiting for Jaehyun. So to say Jaehyun is confused and slightly worried is understandable. Taeyong have a sensitive hearing after all, even if he's sleeping he should be able to hear it and wake up from it.

He went down to the kitchen for Soonbok then, "he's not answering me?"

"Really? I could hear your knocking even from here, it should have wake him up even if he's sleeping," she replied, worry starting to fill her eyes, "why don't you try to look inside and see what happen? Maybe he's feeling unwell?"

 _Unwell?_ Considering Taeyong's personality, although Jaehyun haven't know him that much, he knows that the cat hybrid would still try to force himself up even when he's feeling unwell. So if he doesn't... He could be feeling _really_ sick. Jaehyun hurriedly goes back to Taeyong's room and knocked at it again for the last time, when he's still getting nothing, he slowly opening the door to come in.

The curtains by the windows was opened widely letting the sunlight flooding into the room, but the dark blue curtains of Taeyong's canopy bed was tightly closed. He's inching slowly to the bed, making as little noises as possible even though he's sure Taeyong's superior hearing would still hear it. If he's in his perfect condition that is. When he pushed away the dark curtain a little bit, he sees Taeyong is still sleeping deeply.

Jaehyun is hovering by the bed unmoving, eyes racking the cat hybrid's face carefully to see if there's any sign of illness, yet Taeyong only look so peaceful in his sleep. Maybe he really is just sleeping? He lingers there for a while, contemplating whether to wake him up or let him sleep more, it's saturday after all, everybody is titled for longer sleep. But then he noticed the way Taeyong's breathing is shifting, a soft frown made on his face as his white ears keep twitching in the same way as his clawing hands on his pillow.

_Is he having nightmare?_

"Taeyong?" he called, not really sure if it's okay to wake him up with a touch or not, considering Taeyong was very sensitive about being touched. But he still didn't wake up even after the fourth call, and only appearing to be in more pain. Jaehyun placed a palm on Taeyong's forehead, finding it quite hot. Is he having fever? But aren't cat and dog hybrids have higher temperature? Is it normal then?

"Taeyong?" he shakes the man's shoulder lightly hoping it was enough to rouse him awake. But he was taken by surprise when Taeyong's eyes suddenly widened and claws out tearing the skin of Jaehyun's lower arm. Instantly he screamed in shock and pain, cradling his hand which is starting to bleed closer to his chest in reflex, two pair of shocked wide eyes met in the middle.

At first Taeyong's wide eyes was staring at him along with rapid breathing, then his eyes flickered to Jaehyun's arm and dread filling his amber eyes, "master! I- I hurt you!"

"It's okay, it's okay, it was my fault for starling you," he tried to calm him down and smiling a bit to show that he really is okay. Even though he knew his smile must seem like a grimace, the wound really stings and few drops of blood fell onto the wooden floor. He didn't even notice Taeyong was calling him _master_.

"B-but" he started again and Jaehyun put up a hand to stop him.

"It's fine, really, nothing to worry about. Are you fine though? You seemed like you had a nightmare?"

Taeyong didn't answer and only looking extremely worried as his eyes keep flickering to Jaehyun's eyes to the bleeding arm then back again to his eyes. Knowing that he wouldn't get an answer and Taeyong would only get more panicked seeing his arm, Jaehyun stroked his pink hair for a short moment as reassurance before walking out of the room to the kitchen.

"What happened? I heard some yelling and a smell of blood-" Soonbok said before she gasped from seeing his blood, " _your arm!"_

"Yes yes, it's bleeding, but really it's nothing bad. Just the bleeding being too _extra_ ," he laughed it off while seeing Soonbok pulling out a first aid kit from one of the cupboard.

"Seriously," she shook her head to his attempt at joking, motioning him to sit down on one of the chair by the counter, "we need to treat it to make sure it won't get infected."

He only hummed and let her do her thing to his arm, catching the silhouette of Taeyong from the corner of his eyes. The cat hybrid stood there stiffly by the kitchen entrance, eyes still full of fear and worry as Soonbok is dressing his wounds. Why does he looks like he just done the most unforgivable crime?

"So you have retractable claws?" Jaehyun asked to Soonbok with light tone to shake of the tension in the room.

"Only when we feels truly threatened..." she keep glancing back to Taeyong in worry, who's still standing there pitifully, tail stiff in between his legs and ears flattening it almost hidden in his pink hair.

"Taeyong it's okay, really. I'm okay, see?" he smiles the same way Soonbok is doing to Taeyong, then showing his neatly dressed wound, "it's not your fault."

Abruptly Taeyong is prostrating by Jaehyun's feet, it was done so fast it almost seem like he fell down, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry for hurting you!"

For a moment Jaehyun was too shell shocked that he couldn't even react at all, but then he hastily get down from his chair to kneel in front of Taeyong, pulling at him, "no, no, don't do this, it's okay! You-"

"I hurt you! I'm so sorry, please forgive me I will do anything you want, please don't return me," he keep repeating the apology over and over again and refused to look up even when Jaehyun is pulling at his arms. There's something wet to Jaehyun's hands as he tries to lift Taeyong's face, he was crying.

"Taeyong..."

"Please... Please don't return me," he cried.

Somehow Jaehyun's mind came back to the time when he was in the hybrids store, when the manager said something about Taeyong being too feisty and got returned time and again. This must be it, because any other time Taeyong was always so quiet, so soft spoken and submissive that it's hard for Jaehyun to believe that he's feisty. Taeyong was thrown away for a mistake that he had no control of, he didn't do it deliberately, he was having a nightmare which made him felt threatened, just like Soonbok said that's the only time their claws will come out. How could people be so heartless?

"First of all, don't do this," Jaehyun said softly, tone coaxing and his hands pulling again at Taeyong's arms, finally succeeding at making the said man to sit beside him. Jaehyun got some tissues and hesitating there for a minute of confusion, should he wipe his tears or should he just give Taeyong the tissues? He decided to wipe it, although Taeyong jolted when he touched his cheeks and he felt sorry for that.

"I will do anything you want me to do master... Please, I promise I'll be better, I'll be good for you, please don't return me," he sniffles, taking the tissues from Jaehyun's hands and wipe his cheeks by himself.

Jaehyun's heart aching at the sight of Taeyong's red eyes and nose, there is a defeated look on his face, he must be really scared. "Taeyong, look at me please."

He slowly lifting up his face, white ears flattening and tail swishing nervously. The way he's curling his body to make it seem smaller tells a lot of his emotions, he's surrendering to Jaehyun but also preparing a stance to protect his body if he'll get beaten later. Oh how heart breaking it is to see that, so Jaehyun stroking the pink hair gently knowing Taeyong likes it, hoping that simple gesture is enough to reassure and comfort him.

"Do I look angry?"

Taeyong searches his eyes for a short moment, but he shook his head slowly and Jaehyun smiled, "yes, I'm not angry and I won't be angry for something you didn't do deliberately. I promise you'll know if I'm angry and I will tell you, even then I won't return you and will talk about the issue with you rather than hurting you, okay?"

He didn't react for a while, but eventually nodding to his words despite the mistrust and uncertainty still painted in his eyes. Jaehyun motioned for his hand, which Taeyong quickly placed both his hands into Jaehyun's bigger one. Jaehyun caresses the back of those hands gently with his thumb, for comfort but also to make a point.

"I'm not angry and you've already apologized, so let's not dwell in it, there was nothing to worry about, okay? Let us have our breakfast, then you can go back to do what you would like to do, hm?"

Taeyong is frowning then, confusion apparent on his face, "but... My punishment?"

"What punishment! No, there's no punishment, you did made mistake but it was more of an accident, so apology is enough. Besides, if you said like that I'm also at fault right? I shouldn't have surprised you like that," Jaehyun said playfully with a soft laugh.

He didn't say more, but it's obvious that Taeyong thinks it's not enough no matter what Jaehyun had said. That has been his life, if he made mistakes dependent on whether he did it deliberately or not, he should be punished, it always been like that. It doesn't feel right if he didn't. Jaehyun who caught the silent discomfort, shared a look with Soonbok, to which she shook her head slowly with sadness in her eyes. ' _He won't be at peace until you punished him_.'

"I don't want to and won't punish you."

"But... I hurt you." _How could he eat, or sleep or be at ease knowing that he hurt his master and not being punished for it? It feels like being treated like nothing, like empty air while shame coiling in his gut. He'd rather being hit than not at all, at least then he still meant_ something _._

Jaehyun lets out a deep sigh then, he's so stubborn. "Alright, as a punishment you have to call me by my name, no more formalities!"

This time Taeyong's reaction was immediate, shaking his head in reluctance, "no, I couldn't possibly do that."

"Well, you said you'll do anything, so do it," Jaehyun smiled smugly, only to feel disappointed because Taeyong still refuses to do it so strongly. "Why are you like this?" he whined.

"Forgive me master, but I couldn't do it, please tell me to do something else."

"You're so stubborn in weird and stupid matters, do you know that?" Jaehyun huffed yet relenting, "fine, you have to have your meals properly regardless I'm there or not. I don't want to come home so late in the night only to found you haven't eaten anything at all because you were waiting for me."

"But that's not a punishment..."

"It is if I deemed so!" Jaehyun said proudly, missing the way Soonbok is rolling her eyes sarcastically behind him. "I got worried everyday thinking about you so stubbornly refusing to eat if I wasn't there with you, so it'll make me happy if you listen to this wish of mine. The goal of punishing you is to make me feel happy and content, right? So there's that."

Taeyong is still not looking nearly convinced, but he's nodding his head in affirmation finally, "yes master."

"Also!" Jaehyun nearly shrieking from that name, "if I ever caught you calling me master once again, I'll make you sleep with me."

Taeyong blinked and Soonbok snorted somewhere in the kitchen, causing Jaehyun to realized that he had said it ambiguously, "no I mean! Not that kind of sleeping! Literally just _sleeping_ with me! I want you to be more familiar with me, but I always have work and often come home late, so that's the only time we can try to get closer right? I wanted to be your friend and not your master."

"Hm, quite a solid reason if you asked me," Soonbok said with teasing tone, making Jaehyun blushing a bit.

But what Taeyong said next shocked the both of them, especially Jaehyun, "it's okay if you want to sleep with me in that other way too."

"No?!" Jaehyun nearly screeching in horror, "that's _not_ okay, I don't want to do _that_!"

"Oh, I'm sorry for getting ahead of myself," Taeyong said softly and ears deflating again.

"No, it's not about you're not good enough or some shit about you're not attractive, no! But you only said that out of obligation, right? I don't want that, only if- if you want to, only if you want to and likes me."

"But I like you, Jaehyun-shi," Taeyong said naively, big amber eyes staring unabashedly making Jaehyun even redder in the face.

"I- you're missing the point, let's stop talking and have breakfast, now," he decided, flustered.

This time Taeyong obediently keep quiet and start eating, oblivious to the way Soonbok is grinning to a blushing Jaehyun. And she only began her teasing after Taeyong went back to his room.

"You just admitted that you're okay with sleeping with him, you could have said you don't see him as a bed partner," she chuckles.

"Shut up."

"A young love," she sing song mockingly, but then she's smiling happily when she said, "I'm glad he likes to live here."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember how he was behaving before? He could careless if you were to return him with the way he was blatantly ignoring and running away from you. But look at him now, he begged you not to, that's saying a lot doesn't it?"

Jaehyun could only sighed and smiling a bit from the proudness he felt blooming in his chest, "hopefully he'll grow even more comfortable."

"I'm sure he will."

 

\--

 

Few days later and Taeyong is following Jaehyun's words obediently, eating his meals on time even when without Jaehyun and becoming less reluctant as Jaehyun keep praising him about it. Jaehyun is busy lately with works and the social parties he has to attend, he also may heard Soonbok said something about Taeyong's slightly risen body temperature but he decided to check on it later when he have time, he can trust her if anything were to happen when he was away.

At least he didn't have to feel worried now to leave Taeyong at home when he knew the guy is already eating well. The party he's attending right now is his current sole focus for future reference, no matter how skittish he felt whenever some people asked him about his newly bought hybrid and why he didn't take them to the party.

"Bastard," he lets out after the lady who's been talking about how hybrids should be trained to be obedient and behaved nicely before he could show they to parties, went somewhere else and left a distate on his tongue. Nasty people everywhere, this is why he refused to get married.

"So," Jaehyun turned around at the deep voice, seeing a slightly taller man smiling to him with one hand holding up a glass of champagne as a greeting to him, "I take it you're pro to hybrids rights?"

"I'm sorry?" he didn't quite understand why the man said that to him, he looks familiar though.

"You were being too obvious with showing your dislike while talking to her," the man chuckled making his eyes look like crescent moons and that was when Jaehyun finally recognized him, "so I'm guessing you're supporting the hybrids rights."

"Im Jaebum-shi, right? Nice to meet you," Jaehyun smiled and shaking the man's hand politely, "and you're right, I am. I heard you took in four hybrids?"

"Nice meeting you too Jung Jaehyun-shi."

He didn't know where to stand with this man, he has heard about him adopting many hybrids for typical reasons such as making them his toys and the sort, it didn't sit well with him. Jaehyun is not one to believe rumours, but it would be a lie if it didn't make him feel wary. But at the same time, he needs to be careful so not to offend this man, he was a sole heir of a rising company which have quite an influence in the business world after all. If he could help it, dependent of whether he like the man or not, they could become an acquaintance for mutual benefits.

And the man is broader than him, it will do well if he didn't cross him.

"Actually I didn't plan on getting any hybrids initially," Jaebum said after taking a sip of his champagne, catching Jaehyun's interest right away, "I'm not so naive to think I could do anything to change how mistreated they are, so I chose not to get involved at all."

Jaehyun smiled back when Jaebum shared a knowing look to him, smiling sheepishly, "pretty cowardly of me, huh?"

"I know where you're coming from, I was in the same position," Jaehyun said and it was as honest as he can be.

Jaebum hummed, "fate decided I met a stray hybrid though and there was no other way than taking him in, it was bad enough to saw him bleeding so badly from having been chased around by the special enforcement."

"He was your first hybrid?"

"Yeah, his name is Jackson, a dog hybrid," he smiled so sweetly to his tall glass of champagne that Jaehyun can't help blushing a bit seeing how smitten the guy looked.

"You must care for him so deeply," he couldn't stop himself from commenting that.

"Ah, I love him," he waves his hand to Jaehyun in assurance, "don't worry it was mutual between us."

 _They're in a relationship._ Jaehyun wonders if the man thought he's going to judge him for that since he said what he said. He concludes that this man is nothing like the rumours and he likes him,  "Love is love in the end."

"True," he chuckled again seemingly so blissful, "I'm glad to found someone who shares the same sentiments as me, there aren't many like us here as you may already know."

"Tell me about it," Jaehyun grimaced, "that lady was only one of the many and surely I hope they will stop talking about it to me after seeing me talking with you."

The man guffawed, mouth opened widely as he throws his head back without any reservations, "I have quite a reputation, I'm aware, it's better to act like a fool and let others think that they're better than me, it makes them the fool in the end. You're quite bold."

"I'm honest to people I agree with," he grinned.

"Yeah, you're really bold," he snickered before taking another sip then pointing at someone to the mass of people in the ballroom, "do you know Park Jinyoung? The junior? He's my childhood friend and we share the same idea about hybrids rights, now we're teaming up together to help the activists and communities."

"Yes, we're acquainted actually, it's a pity I wasn't aware about it," he said in mild surprise.

"Well, it's not wise to talk about it blindly seeing where we are, I'm sure that's why he never said anything. But now, if you're interested you could help join us."

"Absolutely," he said excitedly and shaking Jaebum's hand again.

"You're new to this right? How your hybrid is like?"

"He's a cat hybrid, his name is Taeyong."

"Oh, I have a cat hybrid too, his name is Bambam, he's quite a prankster. But if you would like, maybe you can visit us? Bambam been asking for a fellow cat hybrid friend."

"Definitely!" Jaehyun enthusiastically said, "Taeyong could use some company since he was too shy and quiet. Maybe he can be more comfortable if he have friends."

"That's good, all my buddies are nice although a bit naughty, but I promise Taeyong would love their company. Jackson and Yugyeom also had it rough in the past, maybe they could offer him help as some sort of counselors if you're fine with it," he smiled with understanding and empathy swimming in his eyes.

"Actually, that's everything I could asked for," he smiled, feeling so happy and decided this is the best party he ever attended. How come he only knew Jaebum now?

"How about his suppressant? It's important to find one which is compatible with him so it'll have the least side effects. I know some types which I can help you with. But I must say it's better to be off of it, although it's a necessity if they don't have mates."

Jaehyun blinked trying to process the words in his brain, "a what?"

And Jaebum got shocked too, "you didn't know? Hybrids have mating cycle, it's called heats which averagely happens every two or three months depending on the types of their hybrid side. The suppressant is there to help them suppress it since it will be painful for them if they have no mating partner. Some choose to ride it out alone naturally, but some are using those suppressant. How about Taeyong?"

Jaehyun growing pale at the question, "I feel so terribly ignorant now that I don't know the answer to it."

Jaebum sighed slowly, "when did you adopted him? Cat hybrids often have it every two months."

"Um, well... It's been almost five weeks since I adopted him...?"

"Then he could probably have it anytime soon, have he start experiencing slight fever?"

He mentally start hitting himself then, "he had it few days ago..."

Jaebum could only chugged down his champagne and bit down his lower lip, "oh man."

 

Jaehyun fucked up.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *COUGH*smuttynext?*COUGHCOUGH*
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	5. Paw Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So why not suck it up and suffer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourself, smutty is coming!

He suppose it's because he's been learning about hybrids from the maids in his parents' house that he missed that one crucial point, of course they wouldn't go around talking about them having heats, so of course he didn't know about it. But didn't he filled the papers at the store? Yeah, he was just making excuses for himself, the fact stand that he forgot about it. Stupid Jaehyun, always almost perfect academically yet slow and clumsy about anything else he is.

As he's tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously, sitting on the edge of the back seat car he's dialing Soonbok's phone. He keep looking to his driver through the rear mirror, seeing the man extreme focus on the road as he told him to dash, _drift,_ whatever, home. The line cracking alive as a gentle voce answering his call.

" _Yes Jaehyun-shi?_ "

"Noona, you said about Taeyong having slight fever, do you think he's getting his heat?" he said hurriedly.

There was a moment of silence before she answered, " _that could be it, I had thought that maybe his fever was caused by the change of environment but maybe you're right._ "

"Are you aware if he brought with him some suppressant or not?"

" _No, I don't know about that... But I didn't see anything like it in his room when I cleaned it,_ " she sounds unsure, slightly worried.

"Do you think it'll work if I bought him some now?"

" _hmm, I'm not sure about that. In my experience it doesn't help and only makes it hit even harder when I took it too late, but it differs from one to another, so I can't tell for sure_."

"Oh shit-" he breathed.

" _Language_ ," she said sharply, " _I would suggest you talk to him first about how is it for him, then you can take it from there."_

"Take from there...?" he feels something akin to fear from the statement.

" _Well_..." her voice contain both worry and amusement, " _if the suppressant can help, that's good. If he choose to ride it out, then... It's best for you to leave him alone for three days at least. If he... Require help, I suppose you just need to help him, or find a fellow hybrid whom will be willing to help him._ "

"Help him as in...?"

" _Oh Jaehyun-shi, stop being so dumb, I know you know what,_ " she chuckles, " _if that's the case please be gentle with him, in that condition he will lose any reasoning and most probably will pounce on you, I expect you to know better. It feels a lot like when you got drunk, still aware of what's happening but._.."

"You have no inhibitions and may make choices which you will regret it later when you got sober?" Jaehyun supplies.

" _Yeah, indeed_."

"Oh sh-"

" _Language, but also... Have fun I guess?_ " she giggles.

"How is this fun?"

" _It's not, but I trust you, so it'll be fun for me on your account_."

"You sadist."

" _Thank you, now if you'll excuse me I have a mate to tend to,_ " she said cheerily and hang up before Jaehyun could even utter a word.

"Damn her," he huffed then pocketing his phone, looking up to his driver, "are we there yet?"

"Just... A little bit more, sir," he grinned sheepishly and Jaehyun leaning back tiredly on the seat, steeling his mind to whatever shit he may have to get through that night. He supposed it won't be necessarily tonight that Taeyong will get hit with his heat, right? Oh how he wished that was the case.

The car pulled up at the front of his house almost ten minutes later, which Jaehyun quickly got off and ran up the stairs to Taeyong's room, a bit breathless. He really needs to start his work out session again, it's lame for his standard to get that breathless only by running up one floor. He knocked at the door a bit louder than he usually does, managing to comb back his slightly messy hair before the door opens to a Taeyong wearing a bright blue shirt without any pants, _again_.

"Jaehyun-shi? You're back early?"

"Yeah I-" he didn't know what to say so he chose to comment about the other's attire, "why are you often wearing nothing under your shirt?"

Taeyong look down while his tail swishing, "I'm wearing underwear...? A boxer."

"Oh," finally Jaehyun realized, dumbly he said, "it was because of your tail isn't it? I forgot to buy clothes which can accommodate your tail."

Somehow it's Taeyong who looks guilty although it should be Jaehyun since he made another mistake, "yeah, but it's okay..."

Jaehyun noticed the way Taeyong is standing awkwardly in front of him, one hand pulling down at the front of his shirt and legs keep shifting to one another, it almost as if the man is holding his pee or something. Then it hits Jaehyun that his heat may have started already, from the way Taeyong's face slightly sweating and red painting his usually golden cheeks.

"Um, Jaehyun-shi... Do you need something?"

"Are you in your heat right now?" he fired too quickly and brashly that he cringed at his own stupidity and lack of proper manner.

Taeyong blushing a bit more at his question, but it didn't take long for him to nod in affirmation. Jaehyun cussed inside his head, blushing too at lost of what he should do, "ah I... Should I buy some suppressant for you?"

"No... It won't work now..." he replied with a whisper, head hung low.

"How do you- how do you usually do it? I want to help."

"um... Usually I'm on suppressant, but lately... The store, won't give me more so I was helped by my friend with my last two heats..."

Jaehyun is frowning at the information, "why won't they give it to you?"

Taeyong pulled at his shirt again, seemingly gritting his teeth to swallow down a noise then replied with even softer voice, "waste... Of money..."

"How dare they," he hissed without being able to contain, got slightly surprised when he saw the way Taeyong visibly shivering, "are you okay?"

"I'm... Jaehyun-shi, if you could... Leave me alone...?" Taeyong squirms, legs twisting and Jaehyun sees it, that one drop rolling down the inside of Taeyong's thigh. _Oh shit._

"Oh um, I see, I guess... I should leave you be... Um I... You are in your heat now... So... Yeah," he stutters, heart thundering in his chest as his face burning from the realization alone. He knows what was it that dripping down Taeyong's legs, and hell if that's not hot.

"Yeah," he said breathlessly, almost like a soft moan and Jaehyun's brain short-circuit.

"If you need my help... I could... Help you?"

Taeyong whined, ears deflating and tail straight up in the air as it seem a gush of liquid dripping down his legs more. "...yes, yes please..." he gasped, one hand reaching out for Jaehyun and fisting on his dress jacket.

 _Shit, shit, shit_ , Jaehyun shrieking in his head as Taeyong starting to sniff him and leaning at the front of his body, the way his lithe hot body pressing to his chest is igniting lust in the depth of his gut and antagonizing his sanity. "Is it okay to... Touch you?"

"Please... Touch me," Taeyong whined to Jaehyun's throat, vibrating it more with the low purr which rumbling out his chest as he's pressing more into Jaehyun.

Jaehyun didn't ask for more confirmation as he grabbed at Taeyong's thighs and lifted him up flushed to his chest, bringing the both of them to Taeyong's canopy bed. When Jaehyun lay Taeyong down, the man instantly spreading open his legs for him, face red and without any hint of embarrassment, there's only want and lust in his amber eyes.

Jaehyun halts for a short moment, trying to even his suddenly raged breathing at the growing tightness in his own pants from seeing Taeyong so vulnerable, pliant and open for him. _Fuck_ , he's screaming internally, where was his sanity? Off for vacation it seems.

"How- what should I do?" Jaehyun asked dumbly, brain cells dying every seconds spent hovering over the alluring body beneath him. He took off his jacket and throw it carelessly to the floor, bracing himself for what's to come.

Unabashedly Taeyong pulled off his boxer and lifted his bright blue shirt up to the under of his neck, lean fingers going down again to touch the wetness of the inside of his things, "touch me... Do me however you want."

Jaehyun should be given a gold medal for his super ability to keep his sanity present and not just lunge forward to take everything that Taeyong is offering him. Taeyong is not in the right state of mind to give a clear consent despite the words he's saying, Jaehyun reasoned. _Don't do anymore stupid thing Jaehyun, you can't just fuck him like he wanted you to, remember, think of it like you're dealing with a horny drunk. Just don't_.

"I will..." he heaved a deep breath, "touch you okay?"

"Yes, please... Please," he swallowed, mouth opened for soft gasps and he just got even more beautiful with the way his pink hair sticking to his sweaty and red face, wet tongue darting out to lick at his pretty lips.

Jaehyun is having a crisis moment before he carefully sliding his palm over Taeyong's golden chest, caressing the slightly damp skin down to his quivering stomach, feeling the trembles and heat transferring from the tips of his fingers down to his groin. He groaned when Taeyong whimpered and his wet opening twitching for more liquid to rush out. He tries to focus more about Taeyong's fluffy tail which keep flicking on the bed, _yeah that's less arousing and more adorable, let's focus on that._

 _Shit_ , why is it so hot to see Taeyong is self lubricating, as if ready to take him whole without any preparation. Jaehyun bit his lower lip to steel himself, taking Taeyong's no less wet dick into his hand, feeling the way it's so hard, so full and twitching impatiently. Jaehyun wonders if it's okay to suck it, god he wanted to, but he decided to stroke it instead. He took it slow at first, but stroking it harder as Taeyong is whining for more.

It didn't took Taeyong long for him to come, hard, in Jaehyun's hand, thick white liquid squirting out and running down between Jaehyun's thicker fingers. _God dammit_. Yet Taeyong is nowhere satisfied, his dick is still hard and rim clenching constantly for more. Taeyong took a deep breath before he brings his fingers to touch his rim, fingertip digging deeper as more whines slipping out his red lips and his tail softly brushing Jaehyun's wrist.

"Inside... Fill me inside please..."

 _Calm down Jaehyun_ , he screamed to himself internally. _He may tell you to fuck him but he's in incoherent state of mind now, don't do it_. So Jaehyun leaning down to kiss the golden skin as he start stroking Taeyong's dick again, taking in the musky scent coming off from the groomed pubic hair, making his own dick hardens and painfully tight within his dress pants. Takes any longer and he's sure he'll come untouched just by getting Taeyong off alone.

He started to lick at the reddish head of Taeyong's dick, heavy and hot on his tongue and he sucked it strongly that Taeyong is screaming while his body arching up from the bed beautifully, slim thighs pressing at both side of Jaehyun's head. It was both heaven and hell for Jaehyun, Taeyong's smooth and wet thighs will be the death of him. Abruptly there's a hand fisting his hair, pressing him down as Taeyong thrusts his hip up, forcing his dick deeper into Jaehyun's throat. He nearly gag, but thank heavens this wasn't his first time at giving blow job and he smoothly relaxing his throat and swallowing around Taeyong's dick.

When he was ready to take more, Taeyong is going slack as he pulls away his hand from Jaehyun's hair, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I shouldn't..."

He looked up to see tears rolling down Taeyong's cheeks, face looks scared. He pulled off from Taeyong's dick, stroking it as he's smiling to the man as reassurance, "it's okay, I don't mind. I'm sure you did it unconsciously, but you can fuck my mouth if you-."

Suddenly Taeyong whimpered and he came, staining the side of Jaehyun's face. Jaehyun swallowed from the surprise and the pleasant realization that Taeyong came from his words alone, stroking slowly to help Taeyong rides out his high, yet his dick only softens a little bit, if any. This heat must be something else, Jaehyun curses in his head. How many times it would take for Taeyong to finally calm down? His dick isn't showing any hints of it.

"Take me," Taeyong said breathlessly, body slack from exhaustion yet lust still raging under his skin, "fuck me... Please fuck me, breed me."

 _Breed him?_ Jaehyun chokes, he's straightening up to sit on his heels, finally opening the zipper of his pants to free his suffocated dick with a groan. _Think something silly Jaehyun, don't do anything that will make the both of you regret it_. He could no longer focusing on Taeyong's white tail because it's been brushing against his thighs, his face and coiling around his arm suggestively that it's no longer just adorable but also pouring oil to his desire. He's moving to lay down beside Taeyong, kissing his shoulder and cheek, then turning the smaller body to lay on his side, pressing Taeyong's back to his clothed chest.

"Let's do it like this," Jaehyun whispered to Taeyong's ear, relishing the way he's shuddering against him, slinging one of his leg to rest on his own propped up thicker thigh. "Stroke yourself Taeyong, is it okay if I finger you?"

"Yes, please... Fuck me, it's okay to do it now," he moaned, coiling his lean fingers to stroke himself, faster and hard.

 _He keeps telling you to fuck him, without any preparation even, maybe it's really okay Jaehyun?_ He shook his head strongly to rid of the thoughts, _no, Jaehyun think with your brain not your dick_. He brings his hand to the between of Taeyong's thighs, heart leaping and dick pulsing as his fingers got welcomed with the sound of lewd squelching noises, so wet and hot, drenching his fingers in no time. _Fuck_.

He's pressing in one finger tentatively, breath caught in his throat as Taeyong start moaning loudly, hip thrusting back to his finger. It's tight, hot and extremely wet, but it's also letting his finger in so easily, smoothly like Taeyong is sucking in his finger. Jaehyun start stroking his own dick when he's pressing in two fingers, trying to reach deeper and pressing experimentally to find his prostate, and hits it dead on when Taeyong mewls loudly, his leg tensing on his thigh and tail coiling around his arm.

It's fairly easy to fit four fingers inside Taeyong, he hadn't lie when he said he could fuck him straight away, the thought alone send harsh shivers down Jaehyun's spine in waves. Jaehyun keep kissing and biting Taeyong's neck and shoulder mostly as a distraction, but the man reciprocating with more moans and gasps, letting him know that he likes it. Bullets of sweat pooling at Jaehyun's temple and back, making his dress shirt stuck to it, heat creeping up his whole body as the telltale of orgasm reaching it's peak. He's thrusting his four fingers deeper and faster right on Taeyong's prostate, and only allowing himself to focus on his release when Taeyong screamed and tensing against him, coming undone harder than he did before and mewling tiredly as Jaehyun's fingers stills inside him and his back painted with Jaehyun's come.

He breathed harshly on Taeyong's neck, exhausted. After pulling out his fingers, he forced himself to lean up on one of his elbow to see Taeyong's face, finding the man already fell asleep open mouthed with bliss painted on his face. Jaehyun lets out a breath of relief, plopping down on the bed tiredly, _finally it's finished_. He let himself rest for a moment before getting out of the bed and start cleaning himself and Taeyong, carefully tucking him in the bed and stood with swirling emotions akin to proudness while watching him sleep.

He needs to sleep too, he could already feel the way his eyes starting to drop from exhaustion, that was a feat to control his raging hormones, he really should be gifted gold medal. But then he thinks again if it's alright to leave Taeyong alone? Soonbok implied that the heat may stay for three days, what if he got hit with it again when he woke up? Should he help him again or should he let Taeyong handle it himself as he seemed to have already planned on before Jaehyun imposed the idea of helping?

He's not sure he can handle another intense sessions like what had inspired just a moment ago. But can he let his conscience rest at the thought of Taeyong dealing with it alone, after knowing how hard it is? Maybe he can, maybe not, he's not sure. But he supposed, he's responsible for it since it's due to his ignorance.

So why not suck it up and suffer? At least his conscience is clear rather than leaving Taeyong to suffer alone. So he climbs up on the bed and lay down in it a distance away from Taeyong to catch himself some sleep, it'll be okay, he just need to be strong and sanity intact. _Yeah_.

And he may regretted his choice when not even three hours later Taeyong woke him up with a blow job and rutting to his leg on top of him with predatory eyes.

 

_Goodbye sanity._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was the smut cringey....? I'm sorry hehehe
> 
> I have twitter if you want check it out! [@riri_sailing](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing)


	6. Paw Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're so slow and dense!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit smutty again ^^
> 
> Also it's not yet proofread-ed, I'll come back to edit it later :'))

Jaehyun opened the door after it's been knocked on for the past five minutes, revealing Soonbok holding a tray of food and a box of water by her feet. She scrunched up her nose immediately after the door opened, Jaehyun was too tired and bleary-eyed to understand why until she fanned her nose.

"Does it really smell?" he asked with a blush creeping up his face, taking the tray of food from her hands then.

"Open the windows at least, will you?" she made a face and pushing the box inside the room carefully to not waking up the sleeping figure in the bed. "It smells like ten person having sex here. And these are waters and food as I know he nor you can really get away too far, I'll bring more if you run out, make sure he stay hydrated."

Jaehyun went to open the windows to air out the room, going back to Soonbok after that, "will there even a time to make him eat or drink? It's been happening non stop..."

"With you in the room? Of course he can only focus on riding it out, so you have to be the responsible one."

"So I should just let him do it himself?" he asked genuinely in confusion.

"After helping him? Well... That can be kinda cruel, but... It's your choice. How about your work?"

"Oh!" Jaehyun is blinking and shaking his head to rid the persistent sleepiness, "right, I have work! What time is it?"

"It's 9 am," she deadpanned.

"Oh my god, I'm so late. So I should stay with him? Right? But... I have important meeting this noon, what to do?" Jaehyun began slightly bouncing on his feet in nervousness, looking at Soonbok like she have all the answers.

"Honestly Jaehyun-shi, I don't know? If it were me and there was someone else helping me with my heat only to leave me midway, I'd rather they don't help me at all from the start."

"Right... It's like taking away the thing which was promised to you only to got denied in the end, right," Jaehyun huffed, ruffling his hair frustatedly, "I'll take a day off and let my assistant take care of it then... Hopefully nothing bad will happen, will it?"

"Just do it...." she deadpanned.

"Oh, and noona, can you get me the first aid kit?" he turned around after getting his phone from the night stand, typing at it furiously.

"Okay, but what for?"

"Taeyong was bleeding so I have to-"

"You _what_ ," she hissed angrily, "I taught you better than that! Did you-?!"

Jaehyun's eyes widened in shock before realization dawning on him, "not that kind of bleeding!" he whisper shouted, walking back to Soonbok to make a point, "it was his nose which was bleeding! He crashed to the headboard!"

"Oh," she breathed in relief, hand pressed on her chest, "god that scared me. But how did it happened?"

Jaehyun scratching his head sheepishly, "well... He was literally trying to ride me and so," he drawled out, blushing in shame, "I got surprised and kinda pushed him away too hard?"

She sighed deeply with closed eyes, seemingly so done, "Jaehyun-shi..."

"Not my fault?! I mean- I didn't know he would quite literally flew like that and crashed on the headboard?"

"He's small and thin... You should have controlled your strength."

"I- I was surprised, okay? It was reflex!"

"Did you at least apologize to him?"

"I did... And with other things..." he mumbled with head hung low.

"Okay I don't need to know what those other things are, keep it to yourself. I'll go get the first aid kit then," she walked away and leave Jaehyun standing by the door.

He too get out of the room and closed the door behind him, dialing the number of his assistant and got answered right away, "hey."

" _Yo boss, you can't just suddenly take a day off like that,"_ the other male voice whined.

"But you understand the presentation, right? You studied it with me when I made it, you'll be fine and please make sure the meeting goes through like what we had planned."

The man hissed, " _what should I tell them when you're not there? And you're taking_ three _days off??_ "

"Just tell them a family of mine got sick, I trust you, you can do this," he smiled to encourage, although the man couldn't see it, he's sure he can feel it from his voice.

There was some grumbling before the man back again to talk, " _okay, you owe me a lot for this. What did I get?_ "

Jaehyun snorted, "Jungwoo, are you seriously asking for something from me for telling you to do your job?"

" _Yeah, my job is to assist you, not covering for your ass?_ "

"That's included in assisting me though."

The man huffed, " _fine, okay, can I at least get a kiss from you?_ "

"What the hell are you saying!" he laughed softly, "stop joking, get back to your work."

" _You het bastard, I hate you, why I took this job, just because you're fine as fuck,_ " he rambled quickly, " _you still owe me_."

"I get it, I'll treat you to lunch."

" _Not enough, I have to deal with these arrogant, hard headed old men, I deserve more than a lunch._ "

"Fine, five days of lunch, satisfied?"

" _Not at all, but it will do,_ " he hmph-ed, " _is that all boss?_ " he emphasized the word ' _boss_ ' full of sarcasm.

"One last thing, I never said I was straight? So the term het is unfitting for me."

" _You what-_ " he screamed and Jaehyun quickly pulled away his phone from his ear.

"Good work Jungwoo-ah," then he hang up, finally noticing Soonbok's presence who had came back some moments ago.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she said, face serious.

"What's not a good idea?"

"He could take it wrongly you know, you're leading him on," she sighed, giving the kit to Jaehyun's free hand.

"He was only joking, you know he flirted with almost everyone," he chuckled.

"You really think he was joking with you?"

"Um, yes? Is he not?" Jaehyun frowned, uncertain.

"Well, sleep on it," she said with finality, "I'll be doing the house chores, if you need anything else just call for me."

"Wait noona, what do you mean by that? Were you serious?"

"Am I serious? Yes. But do I know it for real if he's serious about you or not? Not really, it's just intuition. That's why you have to think about it, it's not right to lead him on," she shrugged, eyes subtly flickering to Taeyong's door, muttering under her breath, "I just hoped..."

"You...? You what?" Jaehyun asked since he didn't really hear her whisper.

"I said you're slow and dense!" she grunted then leaves.

Jaehyun pouted, "well I'm sorry I'm slow and dense."

He walked back into the room to see that Taeyong is still asleep, so he went to the box of water and took huge gulps from one of the bottle. He didn't realize he was actually thirsty. Well, after the deeds, it's not really that strange, he sweated a lot. He took a few with him and put it on the night stand near Taeyong and goes back to the tray of food to eat some.

Taeyong is stirring awake when he was about to get into the bed again, hand reaching out for him, "Jaehyun-shi..."

"Hey, good morning," he smiled, taking the hand in his and caresses it, heart jumping when Taeyong scooting closer to him and nuzzling his nose to his stomach, "okay, _wait_."

He leaned away to stare at Jaehyun confusedly and Jaehyun took that moment to reach at one of the bottled water, kind of hard to do since have to hover across Taeyong, he should have put it on his night stand, really. He will move it later, he noted.

"Here, drink some water first, are you hungry?"

Taeyong took the bottle graciously, and nodded to Jaehyun's question, prompting the man to get out of the bed and bring the food tray to the bed, "here, fill your stomach too."

Taeyong finished two bottles of water before he start eating, face still kind of red and hands slightly trembling. Jaehyun is stroking his back gently, reaching upwards to scratch at the white ear, earning himself low purrs from the man. There's just something about Taeyong's purring that makes his heart feels fuzzy.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, brushing away the fallen bang over Taeyong's face.

"Yes," he answered equally soft, still munching on his food.

"Let me take a look at your nose," he tapped Taeyong's chin to make him turn his face to him, it's cute how Taeyong did it but still keep eating. "I think it's bruising a bit, I'll put some balm on it, okay?"

He nodded, letting Jaehyun tending to his nose all the while he never stop eating, eyes closed contently when Jaehyun smearing the balm on his nose then thumbing at his cheek. He was being so cute that Jaehyun's chest is stirring in adoration, deep down in his heart there's an urge to kiss him, but he will it away. Taeyong drank half a bottle again after he finished eating, he must have been so thirsty.

"Good?" Jaehyun chuckled as Taeyong put away the tray to the floor, lips pursed and he's nodding cutely. He can't help it when he's ruffling Taeyong's pink hair a little bit harder, so cute.

Taeyong leaning on the headboard after that, eyes closed and face gaining more red as his breathing get slightly faster, the heat is hitting again. But he whispered softly, "I'm sorry..."

"Sorry for what?" Jaehyun frowned.

"For making you... Do this, Jaehyun-shi."

"Hey, none of that," Jaehyun said sternly, holding Taeyong's chin gently making the man to stare back at him, "I wanted to, I told you I want to help, I was the one who offered, remember?"

Taeyong breathed deeply, leaning more to his hand and nodding, "okay."

When Jaehyun is laying down, Taeyong instantly curling up against him, breathing in his neck and hand start stroking Jaehyun's side. Jaehyun is suppressing a moan and the shiver running down his spine when Taeyong start kissing his skin, climbing onto his lap and grinding down. After all that and Taeyong is still hard and wet, dampening Jaehyun's dress pants again.

His heart kicked his rib when Taeyong leaning down and seemingly wanting to kiss him. Is that okay? Should he? But then Taeyong is leaning away again, eyes shut tightly, "sorry..."

"Why?" Jaehyun said breathlessly, hands flying up to hold Taeyong's lean waist gently.

"I'm almost forcing you... I'm sorry," he tucked his face on Jaehyun's neck, hip still grinding down gently on Jaehyun, steadily making the pants tight as Jaehyun is growing hard.

"You're not forcing me," Jaehyun smiled, brushing the pink hair and cupped the man's face, "you can kiss me if you want to."

"You don't like it," he mutters, hands trailing the taut muscles of Jaehyun's arms.

"Who said I don't like it?"

"You never kiss me..." he's straighten up to stare at Jaehyun, thighs tightening around Jaehyun's waist.

"I uh... It's not that I don't want to, I was just afraid that will be crossing your boundaries."

Taeyong is looking at him like he's trying to see the truth, assessing him. Then with a soft choked, barely there moan he said, "I want to kiss you."

Jaehyun didn't need to do more than grabbing Taeyong's nape before the man leaning down again and kissing him right away, mouth open and tongues sliding together. _Fuck_ , it's so hot and it wasn't just the way Taeyong is grinding harder on him, hot breath hitting his face it almost feel like they're hungry for each other. Jaehyun only realized it then how much he had wanted to kiss him.

"Take me," Taeyong moaned to his mouth, licking his lips and forcing Jaehyun to close his eyes to suppress another moan and thrusting up to match Taeyong's grind.

"That... I can't do that," he whispered, letting Taeyong tasting the inside of his mouth.

He grunts, grinding hard once before he's stopping and pressing his forehead to Jaehyun's chin, "sorry, must be disgusting... With a hybrid with me."

"Hey, woah, woah," Jaehyun grabbed Taeyong's arms and pushed him away a bit to see his face, "what the fuck are you saying? Nothing like that, okay? There's nothing disgusting about you! Doesn't matter what you are!"

"Then why...?" he said almost like a plea, keening when he start grinding down again, "I wanted you to, but you didn't..."

"I just... I don't want to do meaningless sex, I don't like it."

Taeyong is staring at him with half lidded eyes, face flushing red beautifully, then he smiled softly. The first smile he's ever gracing Jaehyun with making his heart stutters from how pretty it was. Taeyong leaning down to kiss his lips softly, moulding their lips together before pulling away a bit.

"You're really a man of virtue..." Taeyong smiled again and Jaehyun's heart do another jump. He hissed before kissing Jaehyun again more hungrily, swiftly reaching out for his dress pants without stopping and opened it to let Jaehyun's hard dick sprung free. He lets out a long moan as his grinding his ass to Jaehyun's thick dick, sleek gushing out and slippery on Jaehyun's thighs.

He grabbed harder on Taeyong's waist, partly to keep his sanity intact, the other is afraid that Taeyong will do something while straddling him sinfully like that. Taeyong then leaning down bodily on Jaehyun's clothed chest, a contrast to his fully naked body and start lifting his hip up and down on Jaehyun's dick, too wet from his own precum mixed with Taeyong's sleek.

"God, it must feel very good if you're inside me," Taeyong gasped right to his face, licking his ear then to his lips, "I can feel you sliding against me..."

"Taeyong..." Jaehyun half moaning and whining, pulling at the lean waist to shift Taeyong's aim since his rim dangerously pressing on the head of his dick, almost sliding in.

"I'll be good for you," Taeyong purrs, one hand kneading his chest and the other stroking Jaehyun's side, "I'll squeeze you tight and feel me wet inside, I'll be good for you."

And that was the last thing that made Jaehyun snapped, rolling over to pin Taeyong to the bed and turning him to lay on his front, pressing his lean, wet thighs tightly together before he's sliding in his dick between it. Taeyong moaning loudly as Jaehyun start thrusting hard, snapping both their body forward it's undoing the sheets under them. He's stroking his dick in the same rhythm as Jaehyun's thrusts, coming undone hard and staining the sheets with his white liquid almost in the same time as Jaehyun is painting his back white.

Taeyong sliding down limply on the bed, gathering his breathing as Jaehyun took a water bottle and drained it into his throat instantly. _That was fucking close,_ he almost fucked Taeyong silly, Jaehyun rubs his face to calm down his rapid heartbeat and breathing. It felt like he almost popped a vein, holy shit. Yet before he managed to really calming down, Taeyong is already pulling at his legs with his feet and tail, hands reaching out to grab on Jaehyun's dress pants. Licking his lips hungrily, he's staring back to Jaehyun darkly.

"Give it to me Jaehyun-shi."

 

Who ever said that Taeyong is shy? He's a fucking tease.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, who said he was shy? ;)))
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	7. Paw Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I like your smell..."

The fouth morning since Taeyong had his heat, Jaehyun woke up on the canopy bed alone, dark blue curtains pulled up and sunlight greeting his eyes piercingly. He groaned and rolling to lay on his front to hide his face, still so tired and sleepy, until he realized that he shouldn't be alone on that bed. He gets up, looking around with bleary eyes noticing the previously messy room already cleaned up and neat again except for the sheets under him.

"Taeyong?" he called, voice hoarse and exhaustion clear. He didn't get any answer and the room stay eerily quiet, so he forced his sore muscles to stand up and walks to the bathroom, opening the door slowly. And there the man he's searching for are, bundled up in blanket and staring at him wide eyed, white ears pulled back while his tail peeking from under the blanket and visibly bristling.

"Jaehyun-shi..." Taeyong muttered, pulling the blanket around him tighter from where he's sitting inside the dry bathtub.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry," he quickly said, bending down so much that he looked like a fluffy bundle of white and pink inside the bathtub, which would have been a cute sight if Jaehyun didn't see that he was trembling.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?" Jaehyun instantly went closer to the bathtub, crouching in front of him and hands waving in the air awkwardly.

"I'm sorry..." he said again, refusing to look up and seemingly getting smaller under the blanket, "I'm so sorry for what I did."

"What? What's there to be sorry about? Taeyong, hey, look at me," he calls softly, fingers carefully touching Taeyong's cheek then lifting up his face, reflexively shushing the man gently when he's cowering from his touch, "Taeyong... Look at me."

Eventually he look up, there was no tears but there's fear in his amber eyes, his lips quivering before he lets out another apology, "I'm sorry for making you did that..."

"Is this about what happened these past days? Hey..." Jaehyun smiled, caressing the golden cheeks soothingly, "what did I told you? Hmm?"

Taeyong only diverting his eyes, pink blooming in his cheeks in a different way than when it was due to his heat, and said, "but I still made you-"

"I don't mind," Jaehyun cuts in sternly, "I was not forced, I did that willingly so you shouldn't think too much about it. I don't mind, and well... You were cute, I like it better than when you ignored me."

Taeyong blushed furiously when Jaehyun winked suggestively to him, pulling at his blanket to hide his face making Jaehyun chuckling and his hands trying to pull the blanket away gently, "don't hide your face, you're just making yourself cuter. To make a point, I would do it again if you allow me, if you need it again, so don't be sorry, okay? If you feel sorry about it I'll think I did something wrong."

"No, no you didn't... But..." he stare at Jaehyun again, biting his lip.

"But...?" Jaehyun encouraging with a soft smile.

If it's possible, he's getting even redder down to his neck, "I was... Behaving so shamefully, inappropriate and impolite to you... I shouldn't... I... You didn't do it because you actually don't want to... And I..."

"Hey, I told you already why I didn't," Jaehyun sighed still with a smile, thumb caressing Taeyong's chin, "let's be honest, this is why I didn't do it, because you weren't in the right state of mind and I promised you, I don't want to hurt you. If I did it, you'll regret it, right? I will too, regret it for not taking account of your condition, that was why. Even if you allowed me to, in that state I couldn't take it as a clear consent, so I didn't."

Taeyong still look doubtful, but his ears perking up and Jaehyun takes it as a good sign, "...really? It wasn't..."

 _Excuses?_  Jaehyun supplied Taeyong's unsaid word in his head. Taeyong still thinks he refused to have sex with him because of other reasons and only used the heat as an ' _excuse_ '. He's frowning from the realization, dumbfounded, "are you still thinking I didn't do it because I'm disgusted by you?"

He squirms under Jaehyun's stare, ears deflating again as he keep quiet, but Jaehyun have seen and understood enough. So he's stroking the pink hair gently, "Taeyong, you're being silly. Did you not see how I was in those days? Do you really think that's how a disgusted person will behave? If you're talking about being disgusted, then I'm actually disgusted of myself for almost... You know, and possibly disrespecting you regardless of what you did and said because I'm the more coherent one between us. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Taeyong appears to be thinking, then gradually he's nodding in understanding, calming down under Jaehyun's gentle stroking to his hair.

"So don't say sorry, okay? It's hurting my heart when you say sorry for something that is not your fault."

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled softly, but then he quickly catches himself and stare at Jaehyun with something akin to embarrassment, "for... Hurting your heart."

Jaehyun chuckled airily, "no, you haven't, but you will if you say another sorry."

Taeyong only stares at him with soft eyes, surprising Jaehyun when he's suddenly leaning forward and kissed his cheek, so soft and gentle as if he's saying sorry through it. Then he's nuzzling to the under of Jaehyun's chin, white ears flicking cutely to his chin that Jaehyun almost squealing in adoration. He's only patting Taeyong's back until he's leaning away from him and Jaehyun clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Okay, so... Can you get out from that bathtub for me? Why were you there in the first place?"

Suddenly Taeyong blushing again, hiding his face with both his palms while his white ears flattening again, "I'm ashamed... Of myself."

Jaehyun laughed softly, catching both Taeyong's wrists to see his face and pulling him to stand up, "don't be ashamed, but you can be embarrassed because I am too," his laughter turning weird then when the lewd memories coming back in his head, "this is awkward..."

He thinks he must be imagining it, but it seems Taeyong is leaning towards him although not yet touching while they stood there, as if he's trying to get close yet mindful enough not knowing if Jaehyun is okay with it or not. It's cute, but Jaehyun didn't know what to think about it except feeling the way his chest is warming pleasantly. He motioned for them to get out of the bathroom, but Taeyong, still bundled tightly with his blanket, waits for him to walk ahead of him.

Jaehyun sighed, pushing gently at Taeyong to start walking first, "there's nothing wrong with walking ahead of me, in front of me or beside me, you know. You may as well dangling on my neck and I'll not mind it. Well... Unless my neck starting to get hurt."

Taeyong walked a few steps more before he abruptly stopped and turned around looking at Jaehyun, eyes big and face unreadable, "is it really okay if I'm latching onto you?"

"Eh? Um, y-yeah?" Jaehyun stuttered a bit, taken aback by the comment, heart kicking when Taeyong shifting his blanket to free one of his arm to coils it around Jaehyun's arm, the side of his body pressing to him.

 _'Eeeeeeeeeh??_ ' Jaehyun shrieked in his mind, blushing from the sudden, unexpected closeness. Because this is Taeyong, the sober, _coherent_ Taeyong who used to ran away from the sight of him and now he's being so openly clingy he didn't know what to say nor do. Why suddenly he seems so comfortable with him? Not that Jaehyun is complaining, it's actually a good feeling and pride swelling in his chest, but still he's utterly - _pleasantly_ \- surprised.

Taeyong looked up to him when Jaehyun still standing rigidly there, a soft frown made on his face, "is this okay...?"

"Of course! Absolutely!" Jaehyun nervously said, start walking again and lead them to the window and gesturing for Taeyong to sit at the sofa by the window. He did heard that cat hybrids love warmth and with it some are clingy and need constant close contact. Could Taeyong be one of them? It's hard to comprehend with him being so distant towards him previously, but maybe that's because he hadn't trusted him yet? So does that mean he trust Jaehyun now? He couldn't help the smile which blooming on his lips at the thought.

Taeyong is looking at him tentatively when he's sitting down, pulling the blanket to properly make a burrito of himself again all the while keep staring at Jaehyun. He would be lying if he say those stare doesn't intimidate him, but he swallowed and said, "Taeyong, I need to go to work today, is that okay with you?"

He nodded, eyes softening and a small smile gracing his lips, "thank you, Jaehyun-shi."

And Jaehyun is swooning from the pretty smile, chest warm and all he wants at that time was to hug Taeyong tightly because he's being so adorable. But he didn't, because he's awkward with his own feelings and he didn't know if Taeyong is okay with it. After all, being touched and touching is two different things, Taeyong may be comfortable with touching him, but is he comfortable with Jaehyun touching him? His previous attempts which gained jolts and flinches said that he's not.

So he only smiled back and petted Taeyong's hair, "thank you too, Taeyong. Should we have breakfast together? I will need to take a shower first though."

"Okay," Taeyong nodded and standing up again to finally unwrapping himself from the blanket, folding it and placed it on the sofa armrest. He waits for Jaehyun to walk out his room before he start taking off the dirty sheets and replace it with fresh ones.

Since Jaehyun lingers at the door, he sees it, "Taeyong, it's okay to let Soonbok do it, or if you're uncomfortable with her doing it, I'll do it later. I'm sure you're more tired than me."

Taeyong shook his head, "no, I'm just... Sore, I can do it."

Jaehyun blushed when he understood what does Taeyong meant by feeling sore, causing Taeyong to blush as well from seeing his reaction. And they stared at each other awkwardly before Jaehyun cleared his throat and waved to him, "well, okay... Uh, see you at the kitchen later."

As soon as Taeyong nodded, Jaehyun began speed walking to his room and quickly locked it before he throws his arms in the air and mouth opened widely for a soundless scream, letting out his embarrassment and frustration from the awkwardness he have been feeling. Well okay it hadn't been just frustration, some part of it is because of the tingling urge to squish the hell of Taeyong because, _why is he so cute?_

He didn't know if controlling himself around sexy Taeyong is any better _or worst_ than being around cute Taeyong. Thankfully breakfast that morning went nicely without another attack from the cat hybrid, excluding the shit eating grin from Soonbok though.

 

\--

 

He decided that he hates Jungwoo that day when the man keep giving him work after work with a smug face and repeatedly said, ' _you owe me._ ' Suffice to say he went home terribly late that night, going straight to his room carefully since he guessed that Taeyong must be sleeping already. Jaehyun eyeing his big bed longingly, but alas he still need to do more work at his desk after changing into his home attire, sighing tiredly from the prospect of sleeping even later than he usually does. At least tomorrow is his free day, he can cope and sleep in, that's enough comfort for him to start working again.

A few minutes in, glasses perched on his nose to glare back at his glaring laptop, Jaehyun heard a soft knock at his door. He ignored it thinking that he must have misheard it, it's too late for anyone to still be awake. But then there's another knocking heard and Jaehyun stopped his typing to answer, "yeah?"

The door opens and Taeyong's head peeking in, eyes big and no hint of sleep present on his face, "can I... Ask something?"

"Yes, come in, is there something wrong?" he asked, putting away his glasses to focus solely on Taeyong. What could he possibly need from him this late at night?

"I... Can't sleep, is it okay if I sleep with you...?" he asked with a very soft voice, head hung low as if he's shy, as if he's unsure.

"Yes, yes of course it's okay," Jaehyun quickly said despite being surprised, "but I'm still working so you can go to bed first."

Taeyong nodded then coming into the room after closing the door behind him, blanket wrapped around his small body. _That blanket_ , Jaehyun noticed it's the same blanket he used this morning, which is also the one he bought for him and placed it in the living room as a peace offering. Taeyong seems to really like that blanket and Jaehyun feels very happy to know that, maybe he'll buy more blankets for him.

Taeyong climbed into the bed and makes himself comfortable under Jaehyun's blanket, placing his own blanket folded near his pillow and start purring with closed eyes, looking obviously pleased and content. Man, how was Jaehyun supposed to keep working when Taeyong is being so cute like that? He can't stop staring while grinning stupidly. But then Taeyong opened his eyes and staring at him, making Jaehyun shifted his eyes back to his laptop and try to continue working, although his brain keep going back to think about the fact that Taeyong is staring at him. His amber eyes is quite intimidating indeed.

"Do you-" Jaehyun started when Taeyong's stare starting to get too much and he can't handle the tension he's feeling, "do you often have trouble sleeping?"

He took a moment to answer, "I... Haven't been able to sleep well since... I came here."

Jaehyun look up to him then, "what? It's been more than a month, why didn't you tell me?"

Taeyong didn't answer and only tucking the blanket more under his chin. Of course he didn't say anything, he was uncomfortable and doesn't trust Jaehyun yet at that time. But then he replied, "I was able to slept well when... These past days... With you."

 _Oh_. Jaehyun blushed at the reminder of what happened, he reasoned, "you were tired, I think that's why. But if you can sleep better with me, well... That's an honor."

"I like your smell..."

Jaehyun's heart leaps, "oh? H-how do I smell?"

"Like warm pancakes..." he said sheepishly.

"Ah, I smell like food," Jaehyun chuckled, "I noticed you like sweets, is that why?"

Taeyong hummed, not really answering and silence ensues again. At that moment Jaehyun's brain actually supplies that Taeyong's sleek smelled like aloe vera, similar to Soonbok's skin moisturizer, but realized it's something inappropriate to say. Like seriously Jaehyun? How did you only remember the way his sleek smelled? What kind of a pervert are you?

A few minutes passed, Jaehyun's fingers hovering the keyboard yet his eyes seemingly unable to read any words, mind flying off somewhere else, mostly to the low purring coming from his big, soft, super inviting bed for his tired self. Jaehyun decided, _fuck it_ , he'll do it later. So as he's waiting for his laptop to save his files and shutting down, he tried to ask what's been bothering him.

"Taeyong?" he heard a soft ' _yes?_ ', "can I ask you something? About... Your heats?" It took a couple of minutes of silence that Jaehyun thinks the man doesn't want to talk about it, "if you're uncomfortable to-"

"It's okay..."

Jaehyun breathed in relief, that could be a sensitive topic after all, "how many times do you have it?"

"...once every two months," he answered so softly that Jaehyun almost missed it.

"Should I get you suppressants for it? I don't know what you prefer to do about it..." it is an embarrassing topic to have, but it's important so Jaehyun wills away his blush.

"I... I think it'll be better for me to have it," he said, and maybe Jaehyun is only imagining it but it's feels like he heard a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"I was told that a long period of suppressant isn't good for you though, will it be okay?"

"Sometimes I got headache due to it, or nausea, but... It'll be okay."

That doesn't sound okay, that sounds dangerous and Jaehyun isn't comfortable with it. If he thinks again, Taeyong said something about him having a partner for his heats, "you said there was a friend who helped you with it? Wouldn't it be better to do it like that rather than using suppressant?"

"Oh," Taeyong's white ears deflating at the question, that single voice heard obviously sad, "he's at the store... That's not possible."

"Ah..." Jaehyun kind of regretting for suggesting that since Taeyong seems so sad and lonely, he must be a close friend to him. "What is his name?"

"...Johnny, he's a dog hybrid."

Johnny. _Johnny_ , why does that name sounds awfully familiar? Then it hits Jaehyun, of course, that one hybrid he saw who was in a glass room across Taeyong's, that tall one. Taller than even him, his brain supplies. He had planned to take him in too seeing how obviously mistreated he was, maybe this is all the more reason to do it. But, why his chest feels kind of heavy thinking about that Johnny being Taeyong's heat partner?

"If you want me to not depend on suppressant..." Taeyong suddenly said taking Jaehyun out of his thoughts and finally realizing that his laptop already turned off minutes ago, "I like being with you... You're very kind."

 _Oh_. And strangely it feels like the heavy weight being lifted from Jaehyun's chest from the statement alone. There's a burn creeping up his face though at the _implied_ request, "I see..."

"Only if you're okay with it... With me..." Taeyong mutters uncertainly.

"I mean," Jaehyun walked to his bed and climbing in, expertly ignoring his flaming face and smiling to Taeyong when he's staring at him expectantly, "the feeling is mutual, I like it too."

Taeyong blushed, biting his nail seemingly trying to suppress a smile, "thank you."

"Now, let us sleep," Jaehyun sighed contently when he's settling in, nothing more satisfying than finally back into your own bed after a long, tiring day. He's eyes is drowsy already when he felt a shift beside him.

"Can I... Come closer?" Taeyong asked in a whisper.

Can he? Actually, why can't he? So Jaehyun nodded, "yeah, come here."

Instantly a warm weight of Taeyong's head is resting on his chest and an arm on his stomach, low purrs vibrating his skin. And really, it's really warm, comfortable and feels good, but Taeyong is being really close, literally clinging to his side and the sensations of his body against him, keep reawakening the memories of what they did in Jaehyun's mind.

 

Jaehyun wonders then if he'll get any sleep tonight. Apparently he did, so soundly even.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmm Jaehyun is emotionally constipated...
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	8. Paw Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's fucking beautiful, isn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm sorry for weird English :'))

Taeyong was still sleeping so deeply when Jaehyun woke up, he lingers in bed for a while to see how peaceful the man looks before he's getting up and went to the bathroom to wash his face. Going straight to the kitchen knowing Soonbok would already be done making some breakfast because it's way past 9 am, it feels good to sleep in a little. She greeted him with a warm smile and a cup of coffee, preparing another mug of hot chocolate for Taeyong later when he wake up and join them.

"Good morning Jaehyun-shi, any plan for today?"

He yawned widely and chuckling when Soonbok whipped his shoulder with a hand towel because that's impolite, "I'm planning to go shopping with Taeyong."

"About time, I'm getting a headache whenever I caught him roaming the house without pants."

"That," Jaehyun laughed, "is my fault, sorry. It totally slipped my mind that he needs those which can accommodate his tail."

Soonbok looking at him unimpressed, "you're stupid."

"I know, I'm surprised myself."

"At what time you'll be going? He's still sleeping?"

He yawned again, "I haven't told him, planning to do it now when he wake up."

"You just forgot to mention it last night, didn't you?" she deadpanned.

"Well, Jungwoo gave me too many works I barely able to think about anything else," he groaned, "spare me."

Soonbok hmph-ed, sitting down across the counter and staring at Jaehyun with strange look, "how's Jungwoo doing?"

"Why? You missed him?" he snickers at the rim of his cup before taking a sip, "he's fine, still the same insufferable guy with his two faced persona, but he's doing well."

"I figured, people thought he's the quiet and gentle one when he's actually more of a troublemaker than you," she laughed, leaning her face on her hand which is propped on the counter, "the last time you brought him here was when you both just graduated college."

"It's been years huh? We're busy, mostly him since he have to appeal to prove that he got the job not just through connection, I still think he's wasted on me though."

"Your dad thinks he's the only one who can keep a tight leash on you, which is not so wrong since you're weak for him," she sighed.

"He knows I can't say no when he uses _that_ face on me, seriously. It always reminds me to when he was always crying in his room, and now he use it to his advantage," he scowls.

Soonbok grows quiet, they're both thinking about the same thing, "is he still waiting for his parents?"

"I don't know, he didn't say it but I think he still is. There was one time when dad wanted to officially adopt him, but he refused. So I guess, yeah..."

She gazes into the distance, "I always have an image of loving parents from knowing yours, so it's kind of hard for me to understand how could a parents abandoned their child because they went bankrupt and with debt, shouldn't they protect him instead? He was lucky his parents' company was under your dad's company and supported his life. But then again, who am I to judge, I don't even know if I have parents or not."

Jaehyun sipping his coffee slowly, there are times when Soonbok talked about it like this and he never know what to say, but maybe this time he does, "you have us now."

She's smiling fondly to him, "you're right." There's a comfortable silence until she added, "which is why you shouldn't lead him on."

"I'm not leading him on? Why you keep saying this? We're just _friends_ ," Jaehyun said exasperatedly.

"Because you can be so dense, even about your own feelings and it's exhausting for me to see it," she grunts, standing up to warm up the breakfast.

"I'm not that bad," he grumbled.

" _Shh_ , I'm done talking to you, Taeyong is awake."

She was right because not long after Taeyong came padding into the kitchen and swiftly went to sit beside Jaehyun, "good morning Jaehyun-shi, Soonbok-shi."

Jaehyun replied with simple greeting while Soonbok cooing at him, "a very good morning to you dearie, how's your sleep?"

"I slept well, thank you."

"What is this favoritism? You never greet me like that," Jaehyun protests lightly, frowning.

"Why should I waste my breath for you?" she placed the plates of food on the counter, not even sparing Jaehyun a glance.

"I hate you," he pouted.

"Are you now?" then both Jaehyun and Soonbok got surprised when Taeyong giggles.

"Oh, I'm sorry... It's just both of you are funny," he quickly shut his mouth when he sees the other two person was looking at him, eyes lowered.

"Why are you saying sorry?" Jaehyun smiled.

"That's true, we're really glad to see you're comfortable with us, keep smiling honey, you look prettier like that," Soonbok said while giving the hot chocolate to Taeyong.

He blushed a bit, saying thank you then sipping at his hot chocolate. It was purely reflex when Jaehyun reached out to ruffle Taeyong's pink hair, gaining a smile and purrs causing himself to mirror the smile.

"Do have something you want to do today, Taeyong?" he keeps scratching at the base of the white ear, determined to draw out more purrs, chest warm when Taeyong titling his head towards him and tail straight up in the air in contentment.

"No... Just usual. Are you going somewhere, Jaehyun-shi?" he asked with closed eyes, chest rumbling with louder purring, shoulder leaning more to Jaehyun's side.

"Yeah, with you, if you want to."

Instantly Taeyong perked up, eyes wide, "we're going somewhere? You're taking me with you?"

"Yes, that's what I meant when I said I'm going with you, silly," he giggles seeing the enthusiasm, stroking the pink hair for one last time before he start eating his breakfast, "we better hurry because we have a lot of shopping to do."

Taeyong quickly start eating too, munching happily that Jaehyun feels a bit bad he haven't had the time to take Taeyong out before, he must be lonely and bored with only having Soonbok as company in the day and alone at night until Jaehyun got off of work.

Soonbok then leaning across the counter to ruffles both men's head, cooing, "have fun boys!"

 

\--

 

Taeyong keep staring outside with one hand splayed on the window, seemingly quiet yet visibly thrumming with excitement from the way his knees slightly jingling while Jaehyun driving the car. Sometimes he's pressing at the buttons on the car radio, messing with it and Jaehyun lets him with a wide grin, adoration swimming under his skin. The only time Taeyong look uncomfortable was when he's tugging at his pink collar which clasped on his neck.

"I'm sorry you have to wear that, but that will keep you safe."

"No, it's okay... It's just itchy..." he muttered, but can't help tugging at the collar again.

"Is it?" Jaehyun reached out to touch it by reflex, got surprised when Taeyong jolted away, "oh sorry."

"I'm sorry!" Taeyong hastily said, turning his upper body to face Jaehyun, "I was just surprised, you can... You can touch it if you want, I'm sorry."

"Taeyong I'm not angry," Jaehyun said softly, eyes straight on the road, "I'm sorry I startled you, you shouldn't feel bad for feeling what you're feeling, I won't get angry from that, you shouldn't force yourself."

He stayed silent for a moment before muttering, "I'm not forcing myself..."

"Okay, then I'll tell you first when I want to touch you," he smiled, patting the man's thigh briefly to comfort, that is until he's blushing over his own words, "that sounds kinda ambiguous, but you get what I meant right?"

"I don't mind even if you meant it in that way."

Jaehyun gritting his teeth to hold in the scream which got caught in his throat, Taeyong is shy but he's also so bold that he got whiplashed every single time from the surprise. Interacting with Taeyong feels like riding a roller coaster.

"Should we buy you a new collar? Get one which you'll feel more comfortable in," he tried to steer to another topic.

"Is that okay?" he sounds hopeful even when Jaehyun couldn't see it since he's driving.

"Of course it's okay, I wouldn't offered if I wasn't, silly."

A moment of silence then Taeyong said softly, "it's strange..."

"What is?"

"When you called me silly, somehow it sounds cute rather than... Mocking."

 _Maybe because you are?_ Jaehyun gritted his teeth again and he's mildly scared his teeth will shatter from the constant grinding. Taeyong seems to affecting his health as of lately, Jaehyun blames his cuteness and his own weaknesses over cute things. Yeah, that was it. Cute things.

When they're strolling in the mall, Jaehyun tries to suppress the warmth stirring in his chest from the way Taeyong is clinging to his arm, wide amber eyes looking around excitedly like a child in candy store. He's mostly following Jaehyun wherever he goes, but he start pulling at his arm unconsciously when he sees snacks or food aisles and bedroom things. And when Jaehyun let Taeyong leads them, he lingers at the blanket section, hand touching at the texture and a smile gracing his lips. Jaehyun wordlessly place it in their shopping bag with other things which Taeyong obviously taken a liking to.

Initially he planned to have lunch at a restaurant, but Taeyong cowered behind him and visibly feels intimidated with the people there so Jaehyun brought him to the food court instead, and relieved when Taeyong doesn't look as apprehensive. He noted that Taeyong likes junk foods, maybe he'll establish a pizza day a week despite the scolding he would most probably receive from Soonbok. She wouldn't scold Taeyong anyway, so he take that as a win.

After lunch, they go to a store specialized for hybrids needs, it varies from special snacks to special socks for sensitive hybrids. They first went to the collar section, to which Taeyong doesn't look interested, but he still looking at them carefully and test it on his skin. Jaehyun wonders why Taeyong only looking at the cheap ones though, the ones of artificial leather collars with simple colors. So he goes to look at the others, more expensive and pretty. There are also ones studded with diamonds, real ones with legal papers containing qualities and where the diamonds came from, price so expensive it could buy several houses, he wonders what kind of person would buy it, not that he can't but _still_.

Then he saw one collar which took his attention, simple enough for Taeyong to like it but classy and pretty with crystals lining on it, "Taeyong, come look at this one."

He quickly put away the one he was holding to walk to Jaehyun, from the way his eyes growing wide, it's either he likes it or he got scared from the price, "it's expensive..."

The price it is, Jaehyun chuckled, "not for you, wanna try it on?"

Instead of taking the collar from Jaehyun's hand like he had expected, Taeyong is leaning down and baring his neck to Jaehyun, wordlessly asking for him to put on the collar instead. The gesture stirring something in Jaehyun's gut, something he didn't know what and ignores it, coiling the cold crystals collar around the golden neck and clasped it just right, not too tight nor too loose.

And when Taeyong straightening up, eyelashes fluttering open for his big amber eyes to stare up into Jaehyun's, red lips slightly open and the glimmering crystals enhancing his golden skin all the more beautiful, Jaehyun's breath got caught in his throat. Taeyong is stunning, like he's unreal, something out of this world and Jaehyun couldn't look away. He's like an art, beautiful, holding the edges of something dark yet bright in a painful way you can't stop staring at. A beauty you relish in despite the sweet, torturing pain.

"Jaehyun-shi?"

He shook out of entrance at the call of his name, blush burning his face and he cleared his throat to regain any semblance of self control. What was that even? Why suddenly it felt like his brain stop functioning and fucking glitters raining down on Taeyong like he's a cotton rose under soft golden light? What kind of hallucination, just what nonsense- _it was the collar, wasn't it?_ His brain says, _you like the collar on Taeyong way too much, pervert._

He coughed harder then, croaking, "w-what do you think? The collar..."

Taeyong stares up to him unblinking, eyes big and amber piercing like it's trying to dissect Jaehyun, until he finally said, "do you like it?"

"M-me?" Jaehyun coughed again, looking away for a moment, "it's your collar, I should be the one to ask you that, does it feel alright on your skin though?"

Taeyong look down to finger at the collar, running over the lines of crystals then going down slowly to his skin and the dips between his collarbones, Jaehyun subconsciously biting his lower lip from looking at the touches and glancing up to find Taeyong staring at him closely. He swallows, throat tight and dry, maybe it's only his imagination, but it seems like the amber eyes getting a few shades darker and rousing awake something tingling under Jaehyun's skin.

"If you like it then I like it too," he whispered, soft and sweet.

Jaehyun coils back, unconsciously been leaning forward and he breathed deeply, "what?"

"It feels okay on my skin and it's not itchy," he said, the look in the amber eyes back into it's usual deep color without the low burning darkness from before, maybe it really was Jaehyun's imagination. He remembers those dark lusting looks from when Taeyong was in his heat. "I like it... If it's okay with you."

"D-don't, don't you have other collars that you like?" he cursed inside his head when his mouth just doesn't want to synchronize.

"No... Just this one, you seem to like it on me, so I like it too..." he's fingering at the shiny collar again, but he's not tugging at it, it seems he was being honest when he said it feels okay on his skin.

"Why my opinion matters to you?" and he knows, he actually knew he'll regret asking that question. Because Taeyong look up with an innocent look and smiling softly to him.

"Because I want to be pretty for you."

He thinks, it's like his chest just exploded and there's ringing in his ears after he heard Taeyong said those words. _Words_ , which sounds so ambiguous, so close, so dangerous. _Jaehyun, you've been alone for too long didn't you? Your dick is playing a trick to your brain, don't listen to it_. He never been in any relationship after all, he blames that fact for whatever shit stirring in his mind right now. Are you a pavlov dog, Jaehyun? Helped him once with his heat and you're conditioned whatever he does with _that_?

"We should- we should start searching for your clothes too," he said, quick on his feet to go to the clothes section, glancing once to see Taeyong following him without taking off the collar. And damn, why he gotta be so pretty? Jaehyun is far too aware of the eyes staring at Taeyong, and unlike most people who feel pride to show off their beautiful hybrids, Jaehyun feels extremely uncomfortable with it. If he have fur, he's sure he'll be bristling right then. So he took Taeyong's hand in his while keep walking and instantly Taeyong is clinging to his side, his other hand holding on Jaehyun's upper arm.

 _Calm down your hormones Jaehyun_ , his brain sings.

It almost doesn't help when Taeyong only choose loose, big clothes for himself, making his small body even smaller and Jaehyun's chest caught fire, or more especially his crotch. Holy shit, when did he ever feel this kind of sexual attraction this strongly? He can't remember anything, maybe never, there's just something about the way Taeyong is so cute, so adorable yet holds a dark glint in his eyes that keep doing things to his groin. Why suddenly he's feeling like this? _The collar Jaehyun, you think Taeyong is only cute and pretty, but that collar makes you really see him, didn't it? He's fucking beautiful, isn't he?_

Jaehyun never drove faster than he did after they're done with their shopping in the mall. Taeyong is wearing the crystals collar, pretty on his golden skin and his old pink collar shoved into the bag carelessly as if he have no plan of ever wearing it again. He's gripping at the safety belt over his chest when Jaehyun stepped on the gas pedal a bit harder, keep glancing to the road and Jaehyun in worry.

"Jaehyun-shi? This isn't the way home...?"

 

"Oh, we're not yet going home Taeyong-ah," he said without taking his eyes away from the road.

 

 

 

 

==========================

This is the collar

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Jaehyun just horny and sexually deprived,
> 
> Or is actually Taeyong playing mind games with him?
> 
> Hehehe ;))
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	9. Paw Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "are we not going to... Have sex?"

Taeyong start to visibly squirming in anxiety when he realized where Jaehyun is heading, hands gripping and pulling at either the safety belt or his big white shirt. And Jaehyun noticed the small rip on his fit jeans on the knees, his claws slightly out as a sign of feeling threatened. He even start whimpering when Jaehyun parked at the parking lot of a certain store, ears flattening and tail flicking non stop.

"Jaehyun-shi, are you... Are you returning me...?"

"Hey, hey," Jaehyun cooes soothingly, "I just bought a lot of things for you, how could I even think of returning you? I would never, okay?" he's stroking the pink hair and Taeyong seeming to relax a bit under his hand, leaning over the handle to snuggle to his chest, but he's not purring, meaning he's still anxious. "Wait here for a while, okay? I'll let the car on but lock it after I'm out, okay? Just for a moment."

Taeyong nodded and did as told when Jaehyun is getting out of the car. He waved his hand once to Taeyong before walking into the store, welcomed by the gush of cold air and polite greeting of the worker there. He was offered for a tour inside, but he already knew where he's going and declined, noticing the male worker going inside the door to the back of the store, probably to alert the manager since he knew who Jaehyun is.

Jaehyun stopped when he stood in front of one of a glass room, where a dog hybrid is sitting down with lowered head not realizing his presence. But then the tall body and floppy ears twitched, before he snapped his head up and wide eyes looking to him, "Taeyong?"

Jaehyun smiled, it seems the dog hybrid smelled Taeyong on him, "hello, Johnny."

Instantly his eyes narrowing in displeasure, bared teeth and low growls coming off from his chest. Jaehyun didn't even have the time to reply when suddenly the manager walked to him with wide grin, "nice to see you again, Jaehyun-shi, are you here for another adoption or... To return?"

It was the same lady as before, Jaehyun smiled to her and gesturing to Johnny with his hand politely, "I want to adopt Johnny, is it possible?"

She looked to the dog hybrid, surprise filling her dark brown hair eyes, "yes he's up for adoption but... He's quite aggressive."

"Aggressive?" Jaehyun jerked up an eyebrow in question, looking back to Johnny who's still growling and glaring at him.

"Yes, actually he's a docile one, but that's only when... Taeyong is with him, the one you adopted before. So he's quite... Aggressive now, is that okay with you?"

"Isn't that the best arrangement then? Taeyong is with me, so I don't see it as a problem," Jaehyun grinned, placing one palm on the glass room to the dog hybrid, "Johnny, I have Taeyong with me, would you like to be together with him?"

He stopped growling then, staring at Jaehyun expectantly and walking closer to stand right in front of Jaehyun despite the wariness washing over the lady manager. Jaehyun titled his head to Johnny while looking to her, "please open the door."

She's unlocking the door quickly and almost immediately Johnny jumped out, making her screeched in horror, but Johnny only standing right beside Jaehyun, sniffing at him and blinking calmly as his tail start wagging. He muttered, "Taeyongie..."

"Yes, he's waiting for you in the car," Jaehyun caught the man's thin white shirt when he's about to bolt out, "wait, you have to wait. I need to do the papers first, Johnny. Can you wait?"

He nodded, following Jaehyun without saying anything as he and the lady walking to the register. She keep looking at Jaehyun and Johnny as she's pulling out the papers, "I had thought you want to return him, Taeyong never lasted more than a month, but it's been a month and half now."

"As you can see, I have no intention to return him, or anyone for that matter. I want to adopt Johnny because I figured he needs a friend, can you be quick?"

She only give him a paper to sign, claiming she will fill out the rest from the data of his previous purchase and preparing Johnny's belonging, taking out several collar of many colors, "he have no collar yet, which one do you like?"

He's eyeing the collars closely, looking back to see Johnny's golden ears and tail, his fur is similar to a golden retriever, maybe a dark brown collar will suit him, "I'll take this one."

She scanned the collar and gives it back to Jaehyun before she begin processing the papers. Jaehyun turned around about to place the collar on Johnny's neck, but the guy took it from his hand and wear it himself. _Right_ , he's not Taeyong, he's still uncomfortable with Jaehyun. He keeps looking at Jaehyun cautiously as if he's about to attack him, yet he seems to relax whenever he sniffed at Jaehyun, must be Taeyong's scent on which him soothing him.

"Are they a pair? Johnny and Taeyong?" he can't help but asked, the lady giving him the papers and took the card from his hand.

"They've been together since they first brought here, I heard they're together even when they were still in the orphanage. That's it for the payment, Jaehyun-shi, thank you for your continuous patronage!" she said cheerily as she gives back the card.

"Thank you," he said and was about to take Johnny's bag when the man himself took it and hauls it on his back. They walked back to the car, noticing how Johnny following behind with quite a distance between them. He sees Taeyong unlocking the door and when he opened the back seat door, the cat hybrid instantly screaming in glee.

"Johnny!" he leap from the passenger seat to the back seat and hugged the taller hybrid excitedly.

"Taeyongie, I missed you!" Johnny reciprocate the hug and kissing the man's head, tail wagging crazily.

Jaehyun, being the kind and responsible man he is, took the forgotten bag off the ground and place it safely in the trunk, going back to the driver seat to see the two hybrids already huddled up together at the back seat car. They seems happy and relieved to be back together, Jaehyun start driving home with a huge grin on his face. It does feel like he had done a good deed, trying not to mind the slight loneliness of sitting alone at the front.

When they got home, Soonbok is already went home long time ago leaving some foods in the fridge with a note for Jaehyun, ' _don't forget to heat up the dinner for both of you! Or I'll come to wake you up with a hammer :)_ '. Never in Jaehyun life he feels intimidated by :) until then. So he heated it up right away before he forgot and placed it on the counter.

Taeyong keep clinging to Johnny's side as Jaehyun give the dog hybrid a tour of his house, telling him where his room which is right across Taeyong's and several doors away from his own bedroom. His reaction was similar to Taeyong's, he didn't believe it that he's given a room of his own - _big even_ \- rather than rooming together with others. Apparently hybrids often given a room with their master or other hybrids as opposed to having their own space.

After that Jaehyun leave them alone because Taeyong start talking animatedly about how is it the house, about Jaehyun and Soonbok. He showed Johnny the living room and where his corner is, the blanket folded on the carpet near the fireplace and the other blanket near the tall windows, before the two snuggling together on the couch still with Taeyong talking a lot. It's the first for Jaehyun to see him that cheerful, talking that much and smile a whole lot more. Some part of him feel relieved that Taeyong won't have to be alone when he was away, but the other part feels a bit lonely because he's clinging to Johnny instead of him.

But who was he kidding? Taeyong only clung to him these past days, of course he's much more comfortable with Johnny who's been with him for long years. He went back to his room to work on his job, finally able to concentrate without Taeyong being near him. Not that he can lie he didn't wait for the said cat hybrid to come into his room, but he guessed tonight he won't, not when he had company. If he got something hot twirling in his gut when he was with Taeyong before, it's gone without a trace now, maybe it really was just his hormones talking.

It's quite peculiar actually, what he felt for Taeyong, he never had those kind of urge before, not even with his previous lovers. He did get sexual attraction, but it never was as strong, mostly just lining down on his affections. He never initiate sexual activity with his previous lovers, only did when they suggested for it, he remember thinking it was weird, for feeling like that. And Soonbok had said that maybe his sexuality fell in that of ace spectrum, that maybe he could only feel the sex drive if he's deeply connected emotionally to his partner, which he hasn't.

What does it mean then, if he felt such a drive with Taeyong? Is it due to his sexual frustration of having to hold back when he was helping the said guy in his heat? Or is it because the deep affection he felt to him since he's his responsibility being him adopted to him? Maybe all of the above, Jaehyun couldn't really understand, maybe with the addition of Johnny he'll be able to. Or will he feel such emotions towards the tall hybrid too? He guessed he'll have to wait and see.

It was about 9 pm when he finally decided to stop working, going to the kitchen for a glass of water and noticing how quiet the house is. It was always quiet even when Taeyong is there, but somehow the silence this time feels different, is it because he knew that Taeyong is not alone and with someone else? So it feels a lot lonelier?

What welcomed him when he went to the living room was Taeyong and Johnny sleeping on the long couch, curled up against each other and looking so peaceful. There's warmth spreading in his chest at the sight, similar to adoration, but there's also an ache because, _well_ , he's alone. He took the blanket near the fireplace to cover them, guessing that despite their hot body temperature, the room is still a bit too cold and he didn't want anyone to catch a cold. Johnny seem to knocked out cold, not stirring in the slightest as he wrap the blanket around them, but Taeyong twitched, rousing awake and looking up to him with half lidded eyes, before his lips broke out into a smile.

"Jaehyun-shi..."

His heart thumped, then he replied with a smile too, "Taeyong, you shouldn't sleep here, I told you. What if you catch a cold? Wake Johnny up and you can sleep together."

He nodded, but there's a slight confusion in his big amber eyes, "am I not sleeping with you anymore?"

"I... Well, if you want to, of course you could," he's smiling awkwardly, also confused because he had thought Taeyong would prefer to sleep with Johnny now.

"I'll wake him up to sleep in my room, he'll be calmer in a room with my scent than his new room with no scent," he said in a whisper, lean fingers carding through Johnny's black strands, "but can I sleep with you...?"

"Yes, of course..." Jaehyun tries not to look too excited, why is he that excited anyway? Have he grow too accustomed to sleeping with Taeyong? Even though it has only been few days of it? Maybe because the proudness he felt since Taeyong still chose him instead of Johnny, since when he's that petty?

Johnny woke up and clinging to Taeyong, but he lets go when the cat hybrid told him to go sleep in his room, alone and he'll sleep in Jaehyun's room. His tail grew stiff and staring at Jaehyun strangely, as if he's trying to see any ill intentions, or maybe he just doesn't like it that he have to sleep alone. Jaehyun lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding when the dog hybrid start walking to his room, leaving him and Taeyong alone in the living room.

"Do you still have to work, Jaehyun-shi?" Taeyong asked, breaking Jaehyun out of his thoughts of trying to decipher the looks Johnny was throwing at him.

"Uh, no... It's still not the time for my sleep yet, but... I guess we can turn in early."

Taeyong instantly on his feet and clinging to his arm, tugging at it to lead them to the room. He sit down at the edge of the bed as soon as they got inside the bedroom, pulling Jaehyun with him and purr start rumbling out, "thank you Jaehyun-shi..."

"Thank you? For what?" he sit down too, got snuggled by Taeyong a beat after.

"For everything... For Johnny, he's the only family I have..."

 _Family_. What does it really mean for Taeyong? It was way too early, obviously, but there's a slight disappointment to know that Taeyong hadn't consider him as his family too, despite he adopted him. In time, maybe they'll be a big family, he said to himself. Yet he couldn't help to say, "we're your family now, Soonbok and I, and Johnny too of course."

Taeyong smiled, nodding slowly, hands squeezing Jaehyun's upper arm. After few beats of silence, they decided to settle inside the bed, blanket over them and Taeyong curling to his side. There's only warmth in his chest as Taeyong start purring again, it wasn't the warmth in his groin, so he guessed it was alright. That is until Taeyong's hand travelling down from it's previous place on his chest to his stomach and lower.

Jaehyun's body immediately grow stiff, alarm blaring in his head, gently he took Taeyong's hand and prying it off. Maybe Taeyong did it unconsciously, so he didn't think too much about it nor did he comment it, but then the same hand stroking down his stomach again, blunt nails scratching the zipper of his pants.

"Taeyong-" the name got caught in his throat as he look to the cat hybrid and met with big, dark amber eyes, intent with certain purpose.

"I can make you relax, Jaehyun-shi," he purrs, nuzzling his nose to Jaehyun's neck and sniffing his scent.

Shivers running down his spine and goosebumps awoken all over his body, suddenly the room grows hotter and his dick twitching alive. What does Taeyong want? Why? "Taeyong, wait-"

He already pushing Jaehyun's shirt up to his chest, pink lips kissing his sternum and inching down as his lean fingers already unbuttoning his pants. Jaehyun caught his wrist then, effectively stopping Taeyong and stare back to the amber eyes with slight ragged breath, heart thundering in his chest, "why- why are you doing this?"

The white ears deflating as Taeyong's face grows alerted, "did I do something wrong...?"

"I mean," he inhales deeply, "depends on why are you doing thi-this. Why so- sudden?"

"But... You bought me things..." he said, weak and almost like a whimper.

"Things? What- _wait_ , wait, hold on-" Jaehyun straighten up to sit against the headboard, trying to calm down his breathing and heart beats, looking back to Taeyong when he felt calm enough, "do... Do you think you have to do this whenever I bought something for you?"

Taeyong straighten up too, sitting on his heels, tail swishing and ears still pulled back, "shouldn't I...? They said I have to please my master whenever they're being kind to me, because... Give and take? And they always want me to sleep with them so I thought... I thought you want it too, am I wrong? Is there anything else you want me to do?"

"I- I..." Jaehyun stutters, shocked, and finally it all makes sense, why Taeyong being so obedient, why he wants to be pretty for him, not because he wants to from his own initiative, but because he _have to_. "so all that because you thought you have to please me? That you clung to me, about you being pretty for me?"

Taeyong looking at him in confusion, bending his body to look smaller, "but... They always like it if I'm pretty for them, or when I clung to them... So I thought... Do you not like it?"

He heaves a long breath, "Taeyong... I mean, I like it when you're being close to me, but the problem is... Because you thought I want you too, not because you want it yourself."

Taeyong titled his head, questioning, and Jaehyun can't imagine what kind of life did he had before him, he didn't want to really know. "Come here," he beckoning and Taeyong immediately snuggling to his chest, even though initially he only wanted to hold his hand, but Jaehyun lets him and stroking the small back.

"You don't have to do that for me, okay? Listen to me and really, _really_ think about it, I don't want you to do things for me because you think you _have to,_ I want you to do it only when you _want to_ , understand? If you want to give me something for the things I did for you, then please listen to this wish of mine, just do whatever you want to, be healthy, be happy and really, that's what makes me happy too. If you talk about give and take, then please, please do this for me, listen to this wish of mine."

Taeyong stay quiet, but he's relaxing against Jaehyun so it's a good sign, although he doubts Taeyong will agree just like that. Because this is his life, this what he knows all his life, to please his master in that way, the only way he knows of. Jaehyun want him to see that not all humans are like that, not all people who adopted hybrids wish for such thing, that there's people like him too, like his parents, like Im Jaebum. It'll be a long road until Taeyong can really see it, and Jaehyun is determined to help him see, he will, surely.

Eventually Taeyong said okay and stays there on Jaehyun's chest, breathing calmly as his fingers playing at Jaehyun's shirt. Until he suddenly asked, "are we not going to... Have sex?"

Jaehyun blushed, squeezing Taeyong's lithe body with his arms to ground himself and suppressing the sudden growing heat in his groin, "no, we're not going to do that. Why? Do you want to?"

"I'm okay with it, I want it too..."

"Taeyong..." he warns and Taeyong hastily leaning his head away to stare at him.

"But I'm okay with it, I want it too, isn't that okay?"

"Why you want it?"

Taeyong couldn't answer, confusion clear on his face, "but... I'm okay with it..."

"You're _okay_ with it, not because you _want_ to. You still think that you have to do it _for_ me, and it's should be alright because you're okay with it. That's not how it works, Taeyong. And I told you I don't like meaningless sex." As he explained it, he sees that Taeyong is still confused, "let's think about it like this, if you really want it, you'll want to do it still even if it's with Johnny, it doesn't have to be me. But, if you go to Johnny now, do you think you'll still want to do it?" It's a shitty example, Jaehyun realized, but he's at end here.

He appears to be thinking, hardly at that until he say, "no..."

"Then you wanted to do it with me because you think, you have to, don't you?"

"I... Don't know."

"Have you ever feel the urge like, you see this person and you just want to do it without any reason, you just want to be close, to feel them and just that?"

Slowly comprehension filling the amber eyes, "no..."

"Not even now, am I right? You don't feel it when you near me, that's because you don't actually want it, you just think that's the right thing to do. But it's not, it's _not right_ Taeyong. You should only have sex because you want to, trust that person and just... The urging want to feel them close, that's when you really want it," Jaehyun sighed slowly, patting the pink hair like he would do to soothe a child, "I think your way of thinking was way too conditioned to please your master despite what you want that you can't even differentiate it."

Taeyong whimpers lowly, hand fisting Jaehyun's shirt. Maybe he finally realized what was it that Jaehyun meant and he feels pity for himself, because he look so sad, so upset that Jaehyun's heart clenching painfully as he sees it. He hugs Taeyong tighter, stroking both the pink hair and his back soothingly, pressing his cheek to Taeyong's forehead.

"You'll understand, slowly, let's take it slow."

Taeyong only lets out a soft, "okay," then tucking his head under Jaehyun's chin, closing his eyes trying to sleep and erasing the sadness in his chest. Jaehyun keep patting his back gently, lulling both of them to sleep and softly whispering to the soft, pink hair.

 

"Good night Taeyong, sleep well."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now you know why Taeyong was being like that, his head is fucked up :))
> 
> I'm spoiling you guys with these fast updates aren't I? Lololol.
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	10. Paw Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And he hopes, it'll stay that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a part at the end of chapter : mention of past non consensual sexual relation and abuse

As always, Jaehyun woke up first before Taeyong, the cat hybrid is still sleeping with soft breathing fanning Jaehyun's cheek when he woke up, hand fisting at his shirt. It's so adorably cute, if that's even a word, Taeyong is just too cute Jaehyun want to squish him tight in his arms. But he decided to get out of the bed slowly instead, not wanting to accidentally wake the man up and washed his face in the bathroom. His face is always pale, but that morning he actually looks quite good, as if he had a very good sleep. He did.

He went to the kitchen because it's already 9 am, Soonbok must already came and he needs to tell her about Johnny so not to surprise her. Yet when he came to the kitchen, the woman is already talking to the said man, Johnny, who's turning his face to stare at him curiously. If Taeyong's stares makes him uncomfortable, Johnny's piercing stares makes him want to crawl out of his own skin, it was that unsettling.

"Good morning Jaehyun-shi, what a surprise," Soonbok greets him not without sarcasm.

"I was meaning to tell you this morning," he sighed, sitting down few seats away from Johnny who's still staring at him, fluffly golden tail straight up in alert, "Good morning Johnny."

"Good morning master," he said stiffly, much to Jaehyun's cringe and Soonbok giggling in amusement.

"Don't ever call me that, please, just call me Jaehyun."

"Okay, Jaehyun-shi."

"Without the formalities if you could," Jaehyun grumbled, why are they so hard to call him by name only?

"I can't do that, Taeyong is here before me and he called you that, I have to follow," he said, but rather than stubbornness over sense of obligatory, it almost sounds like he did that just to rile Jaehyun up.

He didn't reply with anything, only jerking up an eyebrow in question but Johnny ignored him to sip at his tea. There's tension in the air, not challenging, just uncomfortable, Johnny is visibly a very different character than Taeyong, he knows what he wants but he will play it nice according to rules for it and Jaehyun is intrigued.

Soonbok is eyeing them with meaningful looks, then she wiped her hands after putting out the foods and said, "I'll leave you both to talk." Then she left.

Silence only last no more than a minute until Johnny asked, "what will you assign me with?"

"Assign? What?" Suddenly he's feeling too thirsty for being left alone with Johnny, reaching out for a glass of water and gulps it. That hits the spot, but there's still crawling awkwardness in his skin.

"Like Taeyong, you assigned him as your bed partner, right? Are you going to assign me with it too?"

Jaehyun splutters, water coming in his lungs and out his nose and he's coughing desperately for air for a full minute, "what the- _no??_ I didn't assign him, I didn't assign anyone to anything?? What makes you think so?"

"Both of you smell of each other so thickly, and I also smelled lingering sex scent in his room, that's why," Johnny said it so nonchalantly that Jaehyun start coughing furiously again, blushing deep red even to his ears, he blames it to his coughing fit.

"I didn't make him- I only helped him through his heat, nothing happen beside that, and he only slept with me- literally just slept, with me in my bed because he said he can sleep better like that, okay? Nothing- nothing happened."

"Why are you so flustered? Even if there's something going on, I won't blame you."

"I- I..." he stutters, utterly taken aback, "I don't want you to think I take advantage of him? I- I meant it when I said I won't do anything that you guys don't like, I think of you both as my friends."

"Oh is that so? First time hearing it," Johnny nodded, sipping at his tea again in a way that's borderline skeptic and mocking. "You really didn't take him even when he's in heat? Wow, hard to believe, but okay."

Jaehyun cursed himself for forgetting to tell Johnny what it meant when he adopted him, "I really, really didn't do it. I'm not like... Other people. I adopted both of you because I... I want to help? I didn't do it just to... You know."

Johnny hummed, not looking at him and leaning back on his chair comfortably, as if he didn't care who is it that he's sitting with, he just being himself. Jaehyun eyeing him attentively, strange to see a hybrid this relaxed, uncaring and easy, because most are like Taeyong, skittish, fearful and so obedient. He wished Taeyong can learn one or two things from Johnny, and become more comfortable in being his own person. Johnny's passive-aggressive kind of intimidating though, hopefully Taeyong wouldn't take it up.

"But you're docile..." Jaehyun muttered unconsciously, panic rising in his mind when Johnny looking at him with offended glare. "I didn't mean it like that! Just- the manager back then said you're aggressive, so-"

Johnny snorted, obviously sarcastic, "I don't want to be adopted so I did that, every time there's a potential buyer."

That confused Jaehyun, "but... You let me...?"

"Because Taeyong is here, that's why I allowed you. It'll be harder to find him again if I got adopted, that's why I stayed in the store, hoping anyone who adopted him will return him, but I guess it's different now. If I didn't want to, I would have already bitten off your hand."

"You can't do that... Though?"

"Of course I can't," Johnny guffawed, positively mocking, "I'm almost as much of a human as you are, no teeth sharp enough for that. But ignorant people think we're ferals, so why not indulge in their idiocy?"

It's so palpable the way Johnny hates human, Jaehyun can feel it radiating off his whole big body. If Taeyong is afraid of humans and try to appeal to them to save himself, Johnny just hates them and condemn them, gives no shit about humans. It's peculiar how they're exposed in a similar situation yet they cope differently, Jaehyun is awed. Johnny and Taeyong really is a fitting pair where Taeyong soothes Johnny's anger and Johnny protects him from harms.

"Are you two... An item?" he found himself asked, unknown why there's an ache in his chest.

Johnny laughed out loud, as if what Jaehyun said is the most ridiculous thing he ever heard, "no, we're more like brothers, we can't see each other past that, we've been together since we first can remember."

 _But, is it really? Maybe you just didn't know it,_ Jaehyun thinks, somehow a bit relieved but there's also a dull worry stinging in his chest. "You slept with him though?"

"Is that wrong to sleep with your brother?"

Of course it is, isn't it? But then Jaehyun realized Johnny may took it differently, "no, I meant, slept as in _slept with him_ , sex..."

"I didn't? Who told you that?"

Jaehyun hesitates, "Taeyong... Said that you helped him with his heats."

"Ah," Johnny sipped at his tea, draining it before looking back to Jaehyun again, "I did help him, but we didn't fuck."

Jaehyun blushed at Johnny's brash words, fingering at his plate to appear not affected. Johnny elaborate more then, "Taeyong can't accommodate me anyway, even if I do it."

Reflexively Jaehyun's eyes flickering down to Johnny's crotch, surprised and in disbelief, before he's blushing again when Johnny chuckling at his obvious stare, "I do have a big dick, but that's not what I meant when I said he can't accommodate me. I'm a dog hybrid, you see, I knots and Taeyong being a cat hybrid wouldn't be able to handle it, it gets far bigger."

Jaehyun hopes the ground will swallow him whole now, so embarrassing, he hides his face with both his palms, rubbing it to will away the blush. Johnny decided to make him further embarrassed though, when he said -not without a nasty smirk-, "which is why I think you're impressive to be able not to fuck him, he gets really handsy and... Intense, when he's in heat. I have a condition which stop me from doing that, but you? How did you do it?"

Johnny really didn't care at all who is it that he's talking to, which Jaehyun is glad for it, but he wished the guy is more reserved than this. He can't answer, for the love of god, Jaehyun just shut his mouth and try his hardest not to blush in shame again. The dog hybrid put mercy on him after a few moments of silence.

"So, you'll just let us live here without doing anything? Sounds far too good to me."

His tone was suspicious, of course he is, anyone would, so Jaehyun try to assure him that he's being honest without hidden agenda, "yes, just think of it like we're roommates, you guys lives here and I won't I ask of you for something... Questionable, just be yourself."

"What's in it for you? Roommates pays rents, we can't do that, so what should we pay you with?"

Ah, so in this part Johnny have quite a similar thoughts as Taeyong, everything must have a payback. Well, to be fair anyone would think so, nothing is free in this world after all. "Be my friends? I need people to talk to at home, this house is far too big for myself alone, I hope you two can make it merrier."

"Friends? Have you got no friends, Jaehyun-shi?" he asked, and it's hinted with mock.

He tells himself that Johnny still doesn't like him, a human, so he didn't take offense in his continuous mocking, maybe he's testing him too so he needs to leave a good impression, "I do have friends, but they don't live in this house, do they? It's different."

Johnny asses him with his unwavering piercing gaze, dissecting Jaehyun with his eyes alone it almost makes him squirm in his seat. Eventually he nodded despite still visibly looking unconvinced, "okay. But I'll wreck this house and you so bad you'll wish you never laid eyes on me if you ever hurt Taeyong."

Jaehyun smiled, "I understand, maybe you can remind me if I did something unconsciously."

He scoffed, but his eyes softening, "you didn't seem so bad."

"I'll try."

Not long Soonbok ushering Taeyong into the kitchen, as if she knew they had finished their talk. Taeyong pulls at Johnny's hand to sit beside him, so he's sitting right in the middle of Jaehyun and Johnny, which makes him look smaller because the two guys are taller than him. And Soonbok had joked that they look like Taeyong's bodyguards. They ate in a more comfortable atmosphere, only Taeyong and Soonbok are talking since Jaehyun and Johnny still trying to get used to the new situation.

It surprised Jaehyun when he sees Johnny clinging to Taeyong, as if he's not that much bigger than the cat hybrid when he's curling his body to fit in Taeyong's arms. He's warm and affectionate to people he's comfortable with, it seems, because he's also leaning cutely to Soonbok when the woman was cleaning up his room. Jaehyun found it endearing to see such a big guy to be so soft, it's charming in the way there's a huge gap between his appearance and his actually soft heart. He's still hostile to Jaehyun though, much to his disappointment. It's only been a short time, give him more space, Jaehyun.

Taeyong seems to make it a mission to snuggle up to the two men equally, he must have know how much touch craving Johnny is with the way he always let Johnny clinging to him at every chances. But he must also felt bad to neglect Jaehyun because he would come to cling to him whenever Johnny lets him go. Jaehyun is aware that he did that because he still thinks he need to, _have to_ since Jaehyun is his master. Even when Jaehyun told him verbally that it's okay if he want to be with Johnny, Taeyong only stares at him confusedly before hugging him tightly and following him everywhere.

No one can blame Jaehyun if he hugs Taeyong at times because he's just too cute, following behind him with perked up white ears and tail, pink hair falling over his eyebrows as he's smiling softly whenever Jaehyun turns around to look at him.

At some point, Taeyong seem to officially moved into Jaehyun's room because he rarely sleep in his own at nights, which then now become Johnny's room and his actual room got abandoned. According to Johnny that room is too impersonal, no scent and makes him uncomfortable, but Taeyong's room feels lived, so he prefer to use it.

"Is it okay if you keep sleeping with me? Maybe Johnny want to sleep with you too," Jaehyun had asked someday, as they're preparing to go to sleep.

Taeyong's white tail is straight up in the air, tip bended to Jaehyun's direction. It's amusing how Taeyong's tail is stiff in the air when he likes the situation while Johnny's fluffy tail would wag instead, cats and dogs just different like that. He smiled to Jaehyun, fingers digging into the soft pillow.

"It's okay, I sleep with him when we take a nap, sometimes I also sleep with him at nights, he won't mind."

"Won't Johnny get angry with me? For... Stealing you?"

Taeyong giggles, pulling at Jaehyun's arm to make him lay down beside him and curling up against his side, "no one is stealing anyone. If you give him plushie, he'll come around to you."

"Plushie?" Jaehyun is surprised, that big guy loves plushies? Okay, that sounds ignorant, but still, it's such a huge gap. Or maybe not, if he considers the way Johnny is so soft and affectionate, plushies really suits him.

"Yeah, he loves those, but we never really have it, in the orphanage everything is shared and Johnny always gave it to the younger ones."

He wonders how is it at their orphanage, Soonbok said it was more of a containment building than an orphanage, it must have been bad. Could he maybe try to build a new, more humane orphanage for them? Jaehyun thinks, he'll need to get in touch with Im Jaebum again, maybe they can do it together.

He's patting Taeyong's back soothingly, a bit uncertain to ask, "how was it... When you were there?"

"The orphanage?" he's nuzzling at Jaehyun's neck, sniffing at it, he seems to really like Jaehyun's scent. "We slept in a huge room filled with rows after rows of bunk beds, there are a lot of us. Sometimes we didn't get to eat because we gave it to the young ones, sometimes we'll get punished to sleep outside on the hallways floor when we did something bad, although there are times when they just let us sleep there for no reason.

"The bathroom was also big which can fit a lot of us and made it faster when we shower. It's dirty though, nothing like your bathroom, even though we cleans it and take care of it, but because there were so many of us, it just got dirty so fast. We often fought over who was it that clogging the drain so fast, but we can't ever really tell since we shed fur almost at the same time. It's obvious when it's feathers, since there are not many of bird hybrids amongst us. The reptilian hybrids have it tough when it's winter, because their body temperature will drop so easily so we often snuggle together to keep warm, it was already cold for us with poor heaters, it was much harder for them."

Taeyong grows quiet, eyes into the distant and fingers playing at Jaehyun's shirt button mindlessly, he gathers there's sorrow in his amber eyes, "we were one big family... I missed them."

Jaehyun pulls at Taeyong's back to embrace him tighter, to make him feel his warmth and that he's not alone anymore, he's not suffering anymore, "was Johnny the closest one for you?"

"I... Was often bullied for my thin and small body, I did tried to ward them off, but then they'll come back to bully me harder. Some hybrids are just... Rough, as if they need violence to feel better. Johnny was one of the big hybrids, he always helped those who got bullied, then somehow... He just stuck to me, maybe because I often got bullied."

There's anger shimmering inside Jaehyun's chest, it sounds terrible, their lives was. But he couldn't find justice in bullying, no matter how shitty your life is, it doesn't help anyone better. "They bullied you like... What?" somehow he wants to know, because Taeyong is small, and above all he's _very pretty_ , he's afraid to hear the answer.

"They..." Taeyong is shivering against him and Jaehyun knows, he knew what he may experienced, "they tried to force me... But Johnny always saved me so... It's okay."

It's not okay, Jaehyun knows, the fear and scar will still lingers and haunt him. He thanked Johnny for being there, he wished he had been there to help. Taeyong is here, safe with him now, but he's sure there are other people going through the same thing right at this moment and he can't rest easy. He wants to help, that was the first time he feels it so strongly it's burning his skin. He wants to help.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you, I promise. And if it's me, I'll trust Johnny to keep me away from you," Jaehyun said truthfully, he meant it.

Then Taeyong smiled, coiling his arm around Jaehyun's neck and kissed his cheek, his amber eyes so soft, so trusting unlike the way he used to stare at him and Jaehyun's heart kicked his ribcage, warmth spreading in his chest.

"I don't think you'll ever hurt me, Jaehyun-shi, you're kind, a good person."

And he hopes, it'll stay that way.

Jaehyun then thinks about Im Jaebum, when he said something about his hybrids and that they could offer some emotional support, maybe Taeyong and Johnny really needs that. After all he's just a human, he grown up with love, with support and had almost everything. He couldn't possibly understand in full length of what is it that they experienced, he couldn't offer the same emotional support that they need, despite them seemingly fine, he knows it's lying underneath it all. He wants to give the most for them.

"Would you like to visit my friend? He have many hybrids with him, maybe you can find more friends and play with them," he suggested, gently so Taeyong will decide fully on his own account.

He seems surprised, eyes wide and that same apprehensive look from before twirling inside the beautiful amber, his lean fingers gripping at Jaehyun's shirt, "will... Will there be another... Master?"

"What?" Jaehyun is taken aback by how strongly Taeyong is reacting, there must be a story which triggered by what Jaehyun said, but what was it? "Another master as in, theirs? Well, yes he'll be there too, but he might stay with me because I have something to discuss. Are you uncomfortable with other humans? I'll be there too, but if you don't feel up for it, it's okay."

Taeyong tighten his arm around Jaehyun's neck, eyes wide and flickering with uncertainty, "you won't- You won't lend me to him, right?"

"Wha- what? Le- lend you?" his heart beating harshly in his chest, shock and fear mixing together in the sudden thought of what Taeyong could possibly meant, "no, no I won't do that! I- You- you're not a thing to be lend over, what are you saying?"

"It happened once..." he trembled, tucking his face into the crook of Jaehyun's neck, fur bristling and ears flattening back, "she... Lent me to a man... And..." he sniffed and start crying when Jaehyun cradling his head to his chest.

"Oh god, oh god I'm so sorry... Taeyong, I'm..." he couldn't say anything else, he couldn't. It feels so heavy, so painfully dark that tears is spilling out of Jaehyun's eyes too and he can only wish, can only hope his tight and warm embrace can erase a little bit of pain that's Taeyong is going through. He whispers sweet things, promises of a nice life as he's stroking the smaller man's back soothingly, and sorry, sorry he had to get through that, no one should. No one.

Taeyong's cry eventually calming down when Jaehyun promised him his friend isn't like that, what they're actually trying to do to support hybrids rights and his wish for Taeyong to find a place to put his fear and worries to rest in the accompany of other hybrids. He said a soft thank you, so soft it was Jaehyun almost missed it if it wasn't said right to his jaw, then slumber claimed him settling his breathing as his cheek pressed to Jaehyun's chest.

 

As he keep cradling Taeyong in his arms, Jaehyun cried.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, we can only cry to another when we trust them...
> 
>  
> 
> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥


	11. Paw Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're our son too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is more about them becoming more like a family.

That morning Jaehyun woke up alone without anyone beside him. It feels kind of strange although he didn't notice what was it at first, until he realized that maybe it's due to the fact that there's no Taeyong there. They've been sleeping together for at least a bit over than two weeks, it should be strange of how used to it he is to even feel that empty waking up alone. But Taeyong always feel so warm which makes Jaehyun's chest feel fuzzy, and he always looked so cute it kind of becoming such a mood booster for Jaehyun to get through the day.

And it's Sunday, even though Taeyong is usually woke up later than Jaehyun, he always slept in even later in the weekends, so it's weird to know the cat hybrid already got out from his bed. His initial thought was that maybe Taeyong is up that early because there's Johnny to play with, but he always slept in even with the said dog hybrid live there, so Jaehyun start to worry if something is amiss. Did Taeyong even sleep at all? What if he couldn't sleep because of their talk from last night? The topic seems to rattled the man so much.

Jaehyun washed his face and changed out of his night wear quickly before he set off to search for Taeyong in the house. He knocked on Johnny's door and peeking in when he received no answer, seeing the room empty and bed made neatly, as if no one is sleeping there. Then he went pass the kitchen after acknowledging Soonbok with a greeting wave and walked to the living room, stopping when he heard whispers.

"It's morning already," it sounds like Johnny's voice.

"Hmm."

"Will you tell me what happened? Did he hurt you? Why were you crying?"

Jaehyun's heart leaps at the question, did Taeyong really cried all night? Until he heard a whispered reply, "he didn't hurt me, he never hurt me. Just... I got reminded of something..."

Then he left the two quietly after he heard Johnny hummed, he didn't want to intrude and sit down in the kitchen with a tired sigh. Soonbok is looking at him questioningly, "did something happened? I found them this morning sleeping on the couch."

"I don't know... I might have brought up an old scar," he shrugged and she seem to understand.

"Should I call for them?"

Jaehyun shook his head, "no, they're up already, they'll be here anytime now."

Soonbok hummed thoughtfully, "mistress have been asking about them and wanting to see them."

"Oh, I forgot we haven't visit yet... Is my parents busy today? Maybe I could come to visit with them if they're okay with it."

"They don't seem to have anything for today, maybe you could, you should inform them first, though."

Then the two hybrids coming inside the kitchen 15 minutes later. They both greeted good morning before Taeyong snuggling to Jaehyun's side with a smile, as if nothing happened, "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up."

Did he just feeling bad or was it one of his conditioned response, of having to wait for his master to wake up first? He didn't know, Jaehyun couldn't ask nor apologize for last night, because Taeyong seems fine and he didn't want to trigger anything. So he settle with hugging the man back before letting go and they sit beside each other.

"Did you guys have something planned for today?" Jaehyun asked as they start having breakfast.

"We think of playing some games in the computer today," Johnny answered instead because Taeyong is munching and struggling to swallow and answering.

"And watch some movies!" he said finally after successfully swallowing.

Jaehyun chuckled from the warmness in his chest at the adorable display, "is it okay if we go out today? I want to take you both out, it's a nice day."

Instantly both of their eyes beaming with excitement, ears perking up, Johnny's tail wagging and Taeyong's swishing softly, "where are we going?" the taller asked.

"I figured we need another shopping session," he laughed, "Johnny's clothes is running out and I think mine would be too small for you. But, we do that after we visit my parents' house, is that okay?"

Johnny doesn't seem to mind, but Taeyong is obvious in the way he's looking uneasy, "your parents house? Is that... Okay?"

"Why would they not be okay with it? They've been dying to see you, both."

Eventually Taeyong nodded and continue eating wordlessly. Jaehyun stroked at his pink hair and smiling with reassurance when Taeyong turned to look at him, "we don't have to if you don't want, I won't force you."

There's relief in his amber eyes, but then he holds Jaehyun's hand which on his head and squeezing it, "if you say it's okay, I'm okay..."

"Taeyong," Jaehyun warns with a soft tone, he's not going to let Taeyong following along just because he thinks he _have to._

"No I..." he starts, a blush on his cheeks since he understand what Jaehyun is implying with his soft scolding, "I trust you..."

And it feels like flowers blooming in his chest when warmth spreading through his veins at the happiness, happy because Taeyong said it in his words that he trusted him. That's a huge thing, that's a huge progress from where they started at first, he almost, _almost_ squealing from fondness, his other hand fisting tight around his fork.

It's uncontrollable when he blurted out, "can I hug you?"

"Huh?" Taeyong is looking at him confusedly, his own fork hanging midair with a piece of omelette.

"I mean- I just feel, happy to hear you said that you trusted me," he grinned while blushing too, he couldn't help but be honest because he feels overwhelmed with proudness and happiness, "so I want to hug you-"

Johnny pulled at Taeyong and hugs him instead while glaring at Jaehyun, a low growl emitting from his chest. He only stop when Jaehyun held up his hands in the air as a mean of surrender, going back to eating like nothing happened leaving both Taeyong and Jaehyun confused and Soonbok lifting an eyebrow with a hidden snort.

"What's with you?" Taeyong asked which got replied by a shrug, but right at that moment Jaehyun didn't miss Johnny's hidden smirk.

 _He was messing with him_. That caught Jaehyun out of guard and he blushed in realization, he was being too obvious much to Johnny's and Soonbok's entertainment. But it's not like he have certain feelings like what apparently Johnny and Soonbok believed, so why should he feels embarrassed? So he coughed out his embarrassment before finishing his breakfast, ignoring Soonbok's eye roll, as if saying, ' _you're so dense_ '.

He's not dense, okay? He just find Taeyong adorable. Nothing more.

After eating, they went back to their rooms to get ready to go out and Jaehyun texting his mother about his visit, which was replied quite fast that they'll be waiting. Taeyong wearing his crystals collar with a loose white shirt and a tight fit black pants, and seriously, Jaehyun's heart thumping miles away for a while as he takes it how gorgeous the cat hybrid looks. He himself wearing a simple black shirt under his denim jacket and jeans, insisting Taeyong to wear a thicker jacket because it's cold outside before they went down to meet Johnny at the foyer. The tall hybrid wearing a soft brown turtleneck sweater to match with his partly hidden dark brown collar and similar tight black pants like Taeyong and honestly, Jaehyun is stunned of how beautiful they are just by wearing such simple clothes. There's just something about them that's so charming and a feast to his eyes.

Soonbok suggests them to have dinner out so she wouldn't have to cook and Jaehyun agreed, he knows for sure they'll have lunch at his parents' place since they love to talk, they'll be there for quite a long time. The ride there was silent, with Taeyong sleeping at the passenger seat and Johnny keep quiet at the back staring outside the window solemnly as if he's trying to remember the roads. There's a mild worry in the back of Jaehyun's head that the said hybrid will use his new knowledge to run away later, he seems to still disliking Jaehyun, much to his disappointment. But he figures, as long as Taeyong stays with him, Johnny wouldn't do that. Bold of him to think that Taeyong wouldn't leave him to go with Johnny, but he honestly think Taeyong would prefer to stay with him. Sue his confidence. Or maybe he was just hoping for such.

As Jaehyun had predicted, his mother greeted them warmly, all wide pretty smiles and not in the least uncertain to open her arms to hug everyone, not at all offended when Taeyong grew stiff in her fleeting embrace. His father did the same minus the hug, but his warm smiles was bright enough to feel like he had embraces all of them. It's pretty hard to converse when they haven't had anything common to talk about, Jaehyun also noticed the way his parents avoided to talk about any sensitive topics for the hybrids, like their past and sort. So they ended up talking about Jaehyun's past, much to his embarrassment.

Both their parents didn't hold back at all at talking about his most shameful childhood moments, like when he stole someone's bike, when once they found the baby him playing with his dirty diaper, or when he held up a kitten by her ear because apparently toddler version of him was much more problematic and dumb. Jaehyun got even more embarrassed when Taeyong reflexively cringed and held his ears in worry at the story. So yeah, maybe Jaehyun had a thing with cat ears, but he insisted he wouldn't hurt them, not anymore now that he knows better. The most embarrassing moment was when his mother pulled out every single of his albums, showing both hybrids the photos from when he just born to the most recent ones.

Jaehyun only relenting because Taeyong and Johnny seems to be having a good time smiling and laughing at his photos. It's weird, but with them looking at his photos, it feels like he had grown up with them, it's a nice feeling like they're really a family now. There's an ache in his heart at the thoughts, if only they were together from the start, maybe Taeyong's and Johnny's life would have been different, better and possibly happier. It's kind of a sad feeling, but he thinks, he could try to give them happiness from now on and it eases him a bit.

"Jaehyun-shi, you look so cute here," Taeyong said bringing Jaehyun out of his thoughts, his lean hands holding up the thick album to show him which photo he was talking about, "you're smiling in the middle of bushes, what were you doing there?" he giggles, tracing his fingers on the photo with glinting eyes as if he's in awe, "your smile still looks the same."

Jaehyun's heart warming at the display, content to see Taeyong already seemingly comfortable and relaxed even in his parents presence, none of his initial apprehension was present, "I don't remember either."

"He thought he was a model, no matter where he is, if there was a camera, he start posing right away," his father laughed, eyes crinkling showing more of his wrinkles, making him look much older yet so proud, warm and fond.

His mother is looking at Taeyong with the same fond eyes and smile, "why do you call him that?"

At that Taeyong becomes alerted, eyes wide in shock and fear tainting his amber eyes, "oh pardon me, I shouldn't have-"

"No, I didn't mean that," she chuckled, "I was wondering why you didn't call him Jaehyun like we did."

"Oh..." he blushes, lowering his head awkwardly, "I can't possibly... Call him like that."

"Why not? You're my son too now," his father said and it surprises both Taeyong and Johnny.

It seems to have affected them greatly, because Johnny is smiling something akin to happiness while Taeyong's eyes glistening with brimming tears, before he start crying quietly. His mother was quick to embrace him with her lean yet strong arms, warmly holding on to him to show their acceptance, their love before she gathers both the hybrids in her arms. It must be an unbelievable thing for them both, to be accepted as a family and not less of it, Jaehyun, as he knows this, also wiping at his tears. He's glad to have brought them here, to show them more love as they so deserving.

When they finally having lunch, they talk more about how is it Jaehyun had been treating them, what they're doing and if they have hobbies or something they would like to do. A mundane, easy conversation but it seems to pleased both Taeyong and Johnny, because they never have this, to have experience this, a _family_ meal. When the time for them to leave came, Johnny looks visibly sad and seemingly want to stay longer. He was even leaning on to his mother and eventually hugs her, reluctant to let go. Jaehyun is awed and kind of envious to see how easy it was for his mother to opened up Johnny's heart, he hadn't even come close to it.

As for Taeyong, he also seem wanting to hug her, but he's more uncertain, "thank you for the wonderful time today, mam."

"Mam?" she asked with wide eyes before laughing, "oh dear, nobody calls me that here! Only those who work for my husband call me such. Please call me mom, son."

"And call me dad too!" his father jumped in with glee. He maybe stern and unrelenting at his work, but he always such a warm, soft hearted for his family.

Taeyong teared up again and might have cried a little when his mother hugs him, "you're all welcome here anytime, so please visit us often."

"We would love to... Mom," he said softly, smiling so happily with wet eyes.

Jaehyun feels jealous again that his mother managed to make him call what she wanted when he refused to call him anything else other than Jaehyun-shi. But there's also a strange, worrying feelings hearing Taeyong calling her mom, as if he didn't welcome the thought of Taeyong being his brother, even though he only feels glad to hear Johnny called her mom too. It just feels wrong for him, he didn't know why though, even though Taeyong is clearly his favorite compared to Johnny. Not that he didn't like the tall one, he likes him too, but, it's kind of _different_. Maybe due to the time they spent longer.

The ride to the mall was more noisy this time, Taeyong and Johnny talking a lot and laughing sometimes, Jaehyun is happy. At first they talked about Jaehyun's photos, then the foods of how delicious it was. Until the atmosphere between them growing softer as they're smiling fondly and talk about his parents and how wonderful they are. Jaehyun never felt prouder than he did at that time in all his life.

Their walk in the mall is kind of funny this time, because Taeyong is clinging to his arm while Johnny clinging to him, sandwiching the smaller hybrid in between their taller, bigger bodies. Taeyong is more enthusiastic as they walk around, excited everytime he's showing or explaining things to Johnny, and the taller man took it all in with the same enthusiasm although quiter. It's cute, they're cute, it feels like Jaehyun is bringing hyperactive kids to the mall.

It seems Johnny loves fluffy things as much as Taeyong, because they lingers at the pillow and bed cover stations, patting almost everything and Jaehyun, being the generous and spoiling person that he is, throw in some of those pillows and blankets into their cart. It'll take no time for his home to be filled with mountain of pillows and blankets at this rate. When they go for the clothes, Jaehyun had to wonder out loud how is it that both hybrids are so fashionable, considering their... Past environment.

"Books are scarce in the orphanage, but when there are, it was mostly old fashion magazines and newspapers, we read those like we drink water," Johnny said, inspecting at his third shirt.

"Newspapers contains a lot of things, so we kind of learnt from it too," Taeyong added and looking for some clothes for himself too.

Jaehyun came to realized that hybrids, despite all the prejudice and shitty knowledge about them in general society, are actually very intelligent. They didn't only have heightens senses than that of humans, but also genius brain, he may also realized that facts are actually what makes humans more wary of hybrids. Jaehyun didn't dwell on it, leaving the two to search for their clothes and went to the other sections in that exclusive hybrids store.

He scans through the snacks aisle, seeing many types of it from regular chips to the ones for sensitive hybrids. There are catnip candies for feline hybrids and jerkies for canine hybrids, it's kind of interesting to see. He may even see some snacks specialized for bigger feline type of hybrids like tigers or lions, he wonders if it's not good for Taeyong, but the package looks hilarious and funny he kind of want to buy it. But he decided to buy the regular ones for both of them and wish for these snacks to have been made by hybrids too, if not, well, it's a rip off and not legit. He bought something else too for the later.

After he came back to Johnny and Taeyong, he ushered them to the collar section, telling them to choose whatever most comfortable for them and which they likes. Johnny seems to like leather collars more, he chose one of black studded leather collar, making him looking more fierce and handsome. While Taeyong taken a liking to a thin, silver collar in a form of garland leaves. Jaehyun check it out all of it while the two hybrids still roaming around to look for something else. And as he waits at the cashier, he really feels glad to see how at ease Taeyong is at doing things, being more like himself, brave enough to talk more even about things he normally would keep to himself and no longer being too reserve around Jaehyun.

"So, it's time to go home?" he said after the two hybrids came back to him.

They both nodded and Johnny said, "it feels like we were shopping for a short while but turns out we've been at it for hours, wow."

"Are you having fun?" Jaehyun asked with a gleeful smile, earning himself a hug from Taeyong.

"I'm always having fun with you, Jaehyun-shi, thank you."

"Yeah bro," Johnny smirked and bumping his fist to Jaehyun's shoulder.

His heart soaring at that implicated trust from Johnny, another huge accomplishment from the time when the said hybrid was hostile and reluctant to speak to him. But he have more up in his sleeves, pulling out the plushie of a golden retriever from the cart and give it to a surprised Johnny.

"For you Johnny, welcome to the family, it's kinda late, but-"

"Thank you," he cuts in, smile wide and unrestrained, gathering the fluffy doll in his arms and hugs it tightly, "I love it, thank you, Jaehyun."

His heart may thumped happily from the way Johnny called him by his name, it says a lot and it truly feels like they're getting closer more like an actual family, he can't help but mirroring the smile and patting Johnny's arm. Only for the said dog hybrid to leans bodily to his side and bumping their heads fondly, it warming his heart. Rounding his arms to hug both hybrids into a group hug, he needs to say his emotions genuinely.

"I'm glad to have you."

This time, it wasn't Johnny who voice out his feelings, instead it was Taeyong hugging him tighter and his purr resonating to his chest, lovingly, "it should have been our words, Jaehyun-shi."

 

 

He wishes, he could keep his family for eternity.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You see you Jaehyun, you don't like being 'brothers' with Taeyongie ;)))


	12. Paw Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe only then did he truly feels it seeping into his bones how significant the two hybrids have grown in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehem, we got more frustratingly stupid Jaehyun and jelly Jaehyun~
> 
> Also, I've yet proofread this, I'll edit it later.

Now, everytime Jaehyun came home he'd be greeted by either Taeyong or Johnny, and his home never again quiet and lonesome. His father insisted that he will put some pocket money for the two hybrids in their respective accounts, to which Jaehyun then came home to see they had bought new things like board games, card games, books, clothes and even more plushies courtesy of Johnny. He likes it how comfortable they had become, he wonders how much did his father gave them. But one time he commented why they only buy cheap, simple clothes.

"There are comfortable, and we only buy them when we need it, why must we buy expensive things when there are cheaper ones and good?" Taeyong had reasoned that it wasn't because they're feeling bad for using the money, some part of it maybe, but it was simply because this is them, they don't like to waste money.

Maybe after that Jaehyun learnt to stop splurging money for useless things. He's been too accustomed to using his money however he likes, he never run off of it anyway. But he learns from the two that there are more worthwhile things he could do with his money. Now Jaehyun focusing on putting more money to help institutions where they helps those who are unfortunate and for the minorities in society, including those for hybrids. And it does makes him happy, content and prouder to be able to help than when he bought a jacket collection of Hermes brand.

After the visit to his parents house, his mother make it a habit of hers to always call his home to talk with both Taeyong and Johnny. They talk about almost everything, even making the said two interested enough to learn cooking and sewing. There was even one time when he saw the two knitting with furrowed eyebrows showing frustration as they are following his mother non stop guidance. And it did serve Jaehyun a revelation that his mother is lonely, that she'd misses him after he lived away from her and that now she found other sons she could smother with.

It reminds him of the old days when his mother was spoiling him and had too much of love for him, to the point she was restraining his life. He remembers the time years ago when he was presented a chance to pursue his study overseas and she had clung, and cried to him not to go, that she couldn't bear to live so far away from him. If she could, she wanted to come along, but her duties doesn't allow her to. And Jaehyun is weak to tears, moreover of his mother's, so he threw away the chance to stay by his mother's side. Truth be told, he regretted it, but for his mother, he lets go of such regret.

Maybe his mother was the reason Jaehyun is not too fond of relationship, because he didn't want to have such attachment like his mother did to him. He's a bit of a cynic, in a way, he couldn't comprehend the fact that someone could feel such strong attachment to another like that, he never feel like that, probably because he's afraid to and in turn his heart closed off subconsciously to prevent it. And he's not dumb enough to not notice it that his mother too, know what she's doing to him, because the sorrow in her eyes was not hidden when she bid him farewell to live in his own house. Maybe it's a mother and child thing, but at least she understand enough she couldn't keep him as her little child forever and let him go eventually.

Which then brings Jaehyun to another question, because he obviously experiencing such attachment to Taeyong, why? Is it because Taeyong is adopted to him, so he feels some sort of similar responsibility like his mother to him? But if it's so, although he also adores Johnny as much, why he didn't feel the same depth as it is with Taeyong? Is it because of their differences in characters? It's apparent how Taeyong needs more emotional support than Johnny. Or is it because he's been with Taeyong longer than he is with Johnny? He didn't know, but he thinks, time will answer it.

One day he came home to a pillow crashing straight to his face, followed along with loud squeals and even louder noises of the thudding of their running. They're chasing after each other in loud laughter, face flushing and ragged breath in between their screaming. Bless his sound proof house, or else his neighbors would protests for such noise disturbance. It didn't take long for Taeyong to noticed him, screaming again when he realized the pillow Johnny threw had hit him.

"Jaehyun-shi! I'm so sorry to hit you!" he exclaimed, running to Jaehyun without a hint of remorse and hugs him tightly as a greeting.

"Hello to you two too," he laughed, squeezing the smaller man once before he let go. "I sure hope you guys didn't damage the house."

"It's his fault! He spilt ketchup on my hair!" Johnny yelled back, face offended before he's launching for Taeyong again when the man mocked him with jutted tongue.

Jaehyun could only chuckles when Taeyong start squealing again, hiding behind his body as Johnny trying to get him, "okay, okay, this is a very warm welcome, but I feel really old now with you two being so active when all I wanna do is to take a nice, long bath."

They stopped then, Johnny pouting while Taeyong stepped forward to face him, "do you have a long day, Jaehyun-shi?"

"hm, quite, I'm just tired. You can continue playing, I'll just change my clothes and take a bath before I join you two later," he smiled and patting his pink hair with assurance, then goes for his room.

When he came back down to the living room after a nice, relaxing bath and body slightly coming alive, he sees the two sitting on the long couch. Taeyong is swinging in a blanket wrapped over the taller man's long legs, a cute makeshift swing featuring a less amused Johnny with damp hair, probably from where he washed off the ketchup.

"Are you really that tiny, Taeyong? To be able to fit between his legs?" he laughed, causing the said man to huff up his cheeks with a pout, white ears and tail flicking in disagreement.

"I'm not tiny! Just him is too big!"

"I'm sure you are," Johnny sighed, before motioning Jaehyun to sit beside him, "could you please sit here?"

"Okay?" he did and instantly Johnny nudging his legs open, then he's standing up while lifting Taeyong with the blanket, making him the picture perfect of a kitten bundled up in a blanket.

He didn't protest though, if Jaehyun didn't mishear it, he's actually purring from being lifted like that. That's just so stupidly adorable and his shriek got caught and swallowed in his throat when Johnny dumped the cat hybrid into his lap, undoing the bundled blanket to make his legs as the swing this time. Taeyong didn't even look all that surprised, instead he start swinging softly in between his legs, hands squeezing Jaehyun's thighs and his tail brushing over his face cutely.

"There you go, comfortable," Johnny said with a proud sigh.

"No, your legs are longer, I'm not really hanging like this," Taeyong whined softly, although he's still swinging.

Jaehyun is flustered, not knowing where to put his hands, awkwardly placed it beside his thighs, "I will... Um, I'll buy you a swing later, if you want."

"Oh no," Johnny laughed, a teasing glint in his eyes, "it's not about the swing, he just like to be bundled up like that, either with the blanket, your body or... Your thighs."

Jaehyun blushed furiously, heart picking up a pace when Taeyong took his hands to round it around his torso as he's swinging about, his white tail keep brushing over his face. "I need warmth," the smaller man said a bit pouty.

"Well, you have it now. I'll go to bed, bye guys," Johnny sing song with a wave of his hand, leaving the two alone in the living room.

"I can... Turn up the heater if you need..." Jaehyun said, although he likes it to cuddle Taeyong like that, but his health is more important here, if Taeyong really feel cold then-

"No, I need body warmth like this," Taeyong said, stop swinging and instead leaning back on Jaehyun's torso with closed eyes and purring contently.

Jaehyun keep silent, brain too haywire to think about anything. Why is he that affected anyway? This is not the first time Taeyong is that cuddly or clingy, the man practically needs those to stay alive. Taeyong look super comfortable like that within his arms and between his thighs, but he's feeling super awkward with them not saying anything and no TV could serve as a good distraction, maybe he needs to turn it on even if just as an excuse to fill the silence.

"You know," Taeyong suddenly said causing a thump to his heart, "the suppressant you bought for us, it's not compatible with Johnny..."

"O-oh? Is that so?" he cursed in his head for stuttering lamely like that.

He hummed with a nod, "he's been getting into his heat lately, not yet full blown but... Maybe if not tomorrow, a few days later."

That's a problem, "I should ask for another to Jaebum-shi then."

Taeyong turned his face to look up to him, "will you help with his heat too?"

His heart jumped again, surprised and kind of feeling unpleasant at the request, he simply couldn't imagine it, "oh... Should I?"

"You helped with mine... But only if you are okay with it."

"I don't think-" he swallowed the tightness in his throat, "I don't think I'll fit the role to help him... I guess."

"Oh," Taeyong lets out, turning his face forward again that Jaehyun couldn't see his expression, "then I'll be the one to help him."

Now that, somehow makes Jaehyun even more reluctant, "can't he- can't he ride it out alone? I'll try to get him a more compatible suppressant."

"But it hurts to do it alone," Taeyong whined, ears flattening back from the thought alone.

Jaehyun didn't say anything else, he couldn't. He knows how bad it is from his experience with Taeyong, but he didn't feel it first hand, he couldn't imagine how painful it is for them. So he could only swallow down his disagreement and let Taeyong do what he thinks he must do. Even though, somehow, he feels like he's being torn apart with the idea, he couldn't say no.

And Taeyong had been right, few days later Jaehyun woke up alone in his bed and got out of his room to see Soonbok running about with a box of water and cooking more meals. He didn't quite catch on at that time, "what's going on?"

"Johnny, he's in heat, so I'm preparing foods and drinks to keep it in his room. Taeyong is helping him now," she said while trying to heaved the heavy box of water with her lean arms, climbing up the stairs.

"Wait, here, let me get that," Jaehyun took the box and bringing it to the said man's room.

He may hover by the door way too long, afraid to knock and even more afraid to see what's happening beyond it. He's thinking hard, how Taeyong is helping Johnny? Are they...? But Johnny said they can't... But still.

"What are you doing standing there for 15 minutes already?" Soonbok asked when she came with a tray of food, placing it on top of the box and knocked on the door, "go ahead and put those inside, I need to cook you breakfast."

Then she left without empathy for his pitiful internal turmoils. There's a soft ' _come in_ ', from the other side of the door, causing Jaehyun to took a deep breath before he's opening the door and going in. Subconsciously he breathed in relief when he sees Taeyong fully clothed standing beside the bed where Johnny is sleeping under the blanket.

"Jaehyun-shi, good morning," he said with a tired smile, helping him to put down the box and placing the food tray on the nightstand.

"Good morning Taeyong," he greeted back, looking away when he noticed Johnny is quite possibly naked under the blanket, "um, I... Is there anything I could help?"

"It's okay, Johnny finally fall asleep. I got woken up around 3 am when I smelled his thick heat pheromones, so I will get some sleep too..." he yawned, rubbing at his teary eyes. "you have work today right? We'll be fine."

He wants to ask, so badly that he couldn't keep it down, "how are you... Helping him?"

Taeyong blushed a bit before lowering his head in embarrassment, "uh, do I have to tell you...?"

"Oh, I'm just- I'm just curious, sorry. Never mind," he waved it off and about to walk off the room when Taeyong speak again.

"I didn't do it like it was with you. Um... Just, my hands... And mouth," he flushes.

Jaehyun didn't want to know anymore then, just those words able to put such a graphic images in his head and those aren't welcomed. He feels nauseous, he didn't like it at all. "Oh, okay. I'll just... Go," he said hurriedly and didn't even want to see Taeyong in the face.

"Okay, good luck for today Jaehyun-shi."

He never hated it that much for Taeyong to call him that. So distant, so... Insignificant does it rang in his head. The first thing he did after he stepped out of the room was to text Jaebum about the suppressant, then preparing for the day and going out with his text not yet replied to. He didn't dwell as to why he felt such desperation, he could only think about wishing for that said man to respond to his text. He couldn't focus on his job until Jaebum repkied to his text at lunch time, giving him a temporary relief.

When he come home that day, he was greeted by silence. It caused an ache in his chest, but he ignores it and goes to change his clothes and have his dinner in the same dead silence. Then he wonders, how did he lived it before the two came into his life, with his huge house too silent like this? How could he withstand it? Maybe only then did he truly feels it seeping into his bones how significant the two hybrids have grown in his life, they changed a lot of his life, for the better. But why he feels bitter knowing those two upstairs doing whatever the hell they're doing?

Before he goes back to his room, he lingers again in front of Johnny's room, eyes looking to his feet and ears not picking up any noises. He didn't know if he hates the fact that the rooms in his house are sound proof because he couldn't know what's happening inside. Or if he's actually relieved to not hear anything, if he didn't know, then that's the bliss of ignorance. Yet... Why is he feeling like this?

He almost jumped when his phone vibrating in his pocket, pulling it up to see a text coming from Jaebum asking if it's alright to call that late at night. It's considered impolite to call at that time, but Jaehyun could careless and impatient to hear what the man have to say that he dial the number instead.

" _Hello, sorry I could only get back to you now_ ," the man said.

"It's okay, do you have something you want to tell me?"

" _It's about the suppressant. You remember when I said I'm working with Jinyoung for hybrids rights? He have a pharmacy company and have been focusing to create more flexible and fast acting suppressant for these last couple of years. I want to talk about this one, it's been through preclinical test and have shown good results with about 70% of success rate. But you know how preclinical test are, the subjects aren't that wide and so it's still in a development phase, if you want to try it, we could put in Johnny's data too_."

Jaehyun's mind rolling faster than lightning, "are there any side effects?"

" _Yes, of course there are. We've tested for toxicity and it's not present and there also have been no case of hypersensitivity. But since it's a fast acting suppressant, it does, of course, messing up with one's hormones balance. They're suppressing the blown up heat hormones so there are nausea in most cases, followed by headache and joints ache in lower cases, for a long term usage there are cases of decreasing bone density and affecting the adrenals. But, as this is mostly a single dose suppressant, those side effects shouldn't show up. What do you think?_ " Jaebum laid it all out clearly with transparency, he didn't lie, he didn't sugar coat. Just facts.

"Is it safe?" he found himself asking.

Without missing a beat, Jaebum answered confidently, " _yes it is_."

"Okay then, I'll ask Johnny if he's okay with it."

" _Good, we need his clear and written consent before we can administer the suppressant. Tomorrow is Saturday, yes? If you could, please bring him to my house since it'll be easier for Jinyoung to do it._ "

Jaehyun gave one look to Johnny's bedroom door, his mind reflexively putting up images of the said hybrid with Taeyong, his grip tightens on his phone.

 

 

"Tomorrow it is."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop whoop whoop!!


	13. Paw Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let's do this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who doesn't know, unisex is a term for people who have two sexes physically, there are other terms for it but I guess unisex is more generally used.
> 
> Most unisex people have underdeveloped sex organs due to their 'messed up' hormones, for example a seemingly 'more' of a woman having testicles without penis and instead a vagina, or a man with underdeveloped penis with a vagina opening. This leading to several conditions which one of them being them unable to reproduce, for obvious reasons.
> 
> Unisex is a real thing, it happens to some and they struggle with it. Hopefully people will gain more awareness about this.
> 
> Now, enjoy the read~

"He said he want it," Taeyong relayed Johnny's decision about the suppressant injection to Jaehyun, one hand still holding on the doorknob.

"Are you sure? Have you tell him all the possible side effects to him?" Jaehyun pressed more, they need to do this carefully and thoughtfully.

"Yes, I made sure to explained it to him when he was in his most coherent state, that is now... For a while," he's fiddling with the hem of his shirt, white tail swishing restlessly.

"Okay then, could you help him change clothes to get ready now? Or do you need my or Soonbok's help?"

"Um... I can do it alone, am I... Tagging along too?"

"Yes, I was hoping for that, but... If you're uncomfortable about it, you don't have to," Jaehyun remembers how skittish Taeyong was about it, he didn't want to stress him.

"No, it's okay, I trust you," he had to take Jaehyun's hand to squeeze it, an act more about him trying to make sure of himself than making a point to Jaehyun, before he goes back into Johnny's room.

Jaehyun went down to the foyer and see Soonbok handing a big paper bag to him, "you can't go to someone else's house without a gift, so I readied some cakes and biscuits, not much but it'll do."

"Thank you noona, you're the best. Could you please help Taeyong getting Johnny inside the car? I'll pull it up at the front," he said to which she nodded to.

It took the two almost half an hour to get Johnny inside, Soonbok whining about the tall big guy refusing to wear any clothes, "yes, Johnny, I know how dreadful it feels to wear a clothes when you're like this, but just hang on for a while."

Johnny keep whining and groaning at the back seat car, making Jaehyun almost missed it that they wasn't wearing their collars, "Taeyong, your collars? Just in case if we're gonna be outside."

"Oh, oh right!" he was about to run into the house again before Soonbok give both his and Johnny's collars to him.

"Just bring it, wear it when you need to," she said and pushed Taeyong inside the car, with the way Johnny is behaving, they have to be quick so Jaehyun didn't waste any time and speeding to the designated address.

The drive was only not quiet because Johnny keep groaning non stop, tugging at his clothes and yanking at his hair hating the way his sweaty body felt, squirming, rolling, half jumping, causing Taeyong to keep looking back worriedly from where he's sitting at the passenger seat. Jaehyun squeezed his hand for a short while to calm down the man's nerves, but it's obvious how useless his attempts are.

"God, Johnny, stop that," he hissed eventually after a long moment into the drive.

"What? What happened?" Jaehyun asked confusedly, initially thought it was because of the tall man's non stop groaning and restless movements, but it can't be just that with the way Taeyong is gritting his teeth and bullets of sweat shining on his temples.

"His pheromones, he's calling out for someone to touch him," he hissed again, fingers harrowing over his clothed thighs, knees jerking uncomfortably. "You don't smell it?"

"No... I smell nothing..."

Taeyong didn't say anymore then, focusing more to stop himself from jumping to the back to help the groaning man, obviously reluctant to do so when they're in the open and Jaehyun would see them. Jaehyun didn't say anything too, thankful for the decency and being spared from any possible images which will scar his soul. Whatever that may means.

When he finally pulled up to Im Jaebum's mansion, there are already someone waiting outside the door. Two hybrids, one is a tall -he seems slightly taller than even Johnny what the heck- dog hybrid and the other is a slim, pretty cat hybrid. They swiftly transferring Johnny out of the car and bringing him inside the house, steady on their feet despite Johnny's resistance. Someone else, a human, took the car key from Jaehyun to park it somewhere else while he's being greeted by no one else other than Im Jaebum and Park Jinyoung themselves.

"Welcome, please come in, we have prepared everything and Johnny is safe inside, I promise," the house master said and Jinyoung stepped in front to shake Jaehyun's and Taeyong's hand.

"My man, a doctor, is inside taking care of everything, we need to calm Johnny down first before he could sign anything and proceed to the administration. Nice to see you again, Jaehyun-shi."

"Likewise Jinyoung-shi, but please call me by my name. This is Taeyong," Jaehyun smiled, pushing a bit at Taeyong's lower back to assure that everything is fine now. Although he did wonder what they actually mean by ' _calming Johnny down'_ , tranquilizer? Or... Traditional ways? He decided he didn't want to really know, as long as the guy is fine.

"Call me Jinyoung too then, Jaehyun," he winked flirtatiously, trying to ease their worries. Taeyong bowed and got so surprised that he hides behind Jaehyun when Jinyoung is bowing back to him, a human to a hybrid, "nice to finally meeting you Taeyong-shi, I've heard some lovely things about you."

Fear was the first look flashing over Taeyong's face, as if what been said is triggering something from his memories and he's holding onto Jaehyun's arms even harder it almost hurts. He may thought what the man meant with ' _lovely_ ' was a dirty implication, much too similar to when he was being lend to in the past. Jinyoung seems to realize it and Jaehyun guessed it's not his first time to get a reaction like that, because his eyes softens into something similar like a soothing mother.

"I have a feline hybrid like you too, his name is Mark and he's the one who helped Yugyeom bringing Johnny inside. They may seem, how to say it, too gentle and slim? But they're strong so if anything were to happen, which it won't, they would be able to handle the situation. Don't worry, your friend is in good hands, oh, when I said Yugyeom, I meant the tall one with him, he's adopted to Jaebum, a dog hybrid like Johnny."

Jinyoung's voice is so soft, gentle and drawling at some parts like a lullaby, he keeps talking to soothe Taeyong's wariness and it seems to be working, because he's not hiding behind Jaehyun anymore, although his ears and tail still showing distrust and nervousness. Jaebum explained that it's best to not overwhelm Johnny's current sensitive senses with the presence of too many people, advising them to wait at the living room. Before Taeyong could get a chance to sit down though, there's a sudden high squeal filling the room and abruptly someone, quite literally, jumping onto him, thick arms squeezing Taeyong so excitedly he always got toppled over.

"Hi! Oh my god, you're really so pretty! I'm Jackson! I've been waiting to meet you!"

Taeyong went rigid in the man's embrace, hands hanging midair and shock written all over his face. The man is so handsome, thick lips, beautiful double eyelids framed by dark red hair, and he appears to be a little shorter than Taeyong. He got a super buff body though. Taeyong want to reply the man, but before he managed to, Jaebum is already peeling the man off of him, "I'm sorry for that, he can be quite too enthusiastic about everything, a typical dog hybrid."

"That's not nice Jaebum, putting people into stereotypes!" Jackson twirled around to point a finger to Jaebum, much to Taeyong's surprise because, well, it's impolite for a hybrid to be dare enough to point at a human. But Jaebum doesn't seem to mind, and actually grinning fondly at the said hybrid.

"But you are-" Jaebum's nose got flicked by Jackson and Taeyong gasped in fear, hands gripping at Jaehyun's arm out of panic. How could a hybrid be that brash to a human? His master nonetheless.

"Don't listen to him Taeyong, I'm much more than just a bundle of energy and affection, you can be sure of that-" his words got cut off as Jaebum put him in a headlock, twirling him around.

It doesn't seem that bad, but Taeyong was too scared, too shocked he couldn't believe what he's seeing, genuinely scared for the dog hybrid's well being. That is until he registers that Jackson's gleeful laughter is ringing true, he didn't fake it and he didn't feel threatened at all despite his neck got locked in Jaebum's strong arm, seemingly choking him. They were just joking and laughing together, much to Taeyong's relief and confusion, because couldn't comprehend the dynamic of their relationship. He never see, never hear about hybrid-human's relationship such as this, Jaehyun was already strange enough for him, but they're even weirder. They look really close, like equal, truly intimate.

Taeyong turns around to look at Jaehyun when he heard a cough, seeing the thin blush on the man's cheeks from watching the two before them being so friendly, so close. He's leaning down to whisper to him, "they are lovers."

That _clicked_. So that's why they seem so intimate. But, they look different than any ' _lovers_ ' Taeyong had seen, even though he had seen them as touchy, it was apparent of how the master look at them as a source of lust, a thing to quench their desire. Jaebum doesn't look at Jackson like that, he just seems... Happy and _warm_. Taeyong feels weird tingles in his heart as he's watching the two, as if something is squeezing his chest, kind of weird yet not unpleasant, flipping his stomach slightly. What is this feeling? This is the first time he ever feel like this, almost a similar feeling to envy, in a longing and lonely sense.

They are a ' _different_ ' lovers than what Taeyong knew, they're more intimate and equal. _Respect_ , he sees it in their eyes, they respect each other, no matter human or hybrid. Somehow, he reflexively looking to his side, seeing Jaehyun staring at him with worry tainting his eyes. Why is he looking at him like that?

When he look back to Jaebum and Jackson who's talking among themselves, Taeyong realized he have been staring at them for too long, so Jaehyun probably got worried that there's something about the two which might trigger something within him. He really feels happy, something akin to excitement blooming in his chest at the thoughts that Jaehyun is watching over him that close, caring for him that much. He truly feel happy. There's a thought, but Taeyong let it floats without hope, without letting it down, just there, neutral.

' _Could they be like that with Jaehyun?_ '

It's pleasant a thought, although a weird sense of anxiety tickling at the bottom of the darkness residing in his soul. But Taeyong is never one to dwell in his emotions, never knew the importance of it nor did he ever have the chance to with his past being as it was, so he's leaning bodily on Jaehyun's side, rubbing his cheek to his shoulder and coiling his arms around his. Jaehyun is always so warm, so soft to the touch despite his firm muscles, subconsciously skinship was his way to cope, to comfort the unknown inside him. A squeal jolted both Jaehyun and him up in surprise.

"Aw, they're so cute! Look here Jaebum, that's what being affectionate is, not choking me," Jackson said in his standard of enthusiasm.

"Excuse me, why are you doing me so dirty?" Jaebum said in faux offended, making Jaehyun snorted unable to contain his laughter, "and you're not calling me hyung again."

"Come on, look how petty he is, he's just a few months older than me but because he's an early liner he demands me to call him that," he snorted with an eye roll, making eye contact with Jaehyun and Jinyoung meaningfully.

That was when Jaehyun realized that Jackson is indeed more than what he lets out, he deliberately displaying the easy banter for Taeyong to see, to look deeper, to understand better. He's trying to read Taeyong. Jaehyun is awed by it, he really playing his cards well. Right then, the two hybrids from before with another two whom Jaehyun haven't see came to join them in the living room.

"Ah, Jaehyun, Taeyong, meet Mark, Yugyeom, Bambam and Youngjae here," Jinyoung said, respectively gesturing for the four newcomers. Yugyeom and Youngjae are a dog hybrids while Bambam is a cat hybrid, his wide, silvery feline eyes inspecting both Jaehyun and Taeyong closely almost as if he could see beyond their eyes.

Taeyong is awkward when the dog hybrids greets him with hugs, but he's less apprehensive than when he just got there. Jinyoung then turned to Mark while rounding his arm on his thin shoulder, "how was Johnny?"

"He's getting calmer, but it'll take longer for his heat to tampering down completely, he's a giver, it's harder for them than the carrier and the neutral," Mark explained, letting Jinyoung hanging on him despite the human is taller than him.

"Oh, a giver is quite uncommon," Jaebum chimed in, and Jaehyun is lost.

"What do you mean?" he asked, making the others whom present in the room to look at him weirdly.

"You do know there's a giver, a neutral and a carrier in hybrids, right?" Jinyoung asked carefully, not wanting to offend, yet it's obvious they find it ridiculous that he wasn't aware of that knowledge.

"Um... No?" he said with a sheepish smile, a bit embarrassed.

"It's quite common of hybrids to be unisex, but their body development are different than us, so even when they're unisex, their sex organs are developed maturely, almost perfect as in one of the two being the more dominant and allow them to reproduce well. Those with dominant male sex are called the giver, while the opposite are called the carrier as they could get pregnant. The neutral have their sexes in a balanced level, so they're less reproductive and can be quite underdeveloped such that they couldn't reproduce, hence some doesn't have heats. Like Yugyeom here, he's not a unisex but he's quite a neutral, because he have his heat once every year. Jackson is leaning more to neutral, but he have his heats quite constantly so he could also fell into the carrier side, as for the rest they're a carrier," Jinyoung explained.

Jaehyun blinked, surprised. Now he really feels it that hybrids are different than humans, their bodies adaptation are obviously more advanced than that of humans, are they created by mutation after all? Not that new knowledge change his perception towards hybrids, maybe a little bit, he sees them more of superior beings, it's amazing. But then he also remembered something that Taeyong had said before in his heat.

' _Breed me_.'

He blushed at the memories, and as if Taeyong is able to sense his recollection, he says, "oh... like me, I'm a carrier too."

"Oh! Finally I could hear your beautiful voice!" Jackson exclaimed in glee, making the said cat hybrid to blush, before the other four hybrids gathering on him and ushering him to play somewhere else, probably Mark's room from what Jaehyun is able to hear.

Maybe it was planned, because as soon as Jaehyun is left with the remaining three people in the living room, Jaebum and Jinyoung also excused themselves to see Johnny, leaving him alone with Jackson. He doesn't feel awkward though, there's something about Jackson that eases his usual nervousness which always present whenever he's with new people, he have a charming, calming air about him. And it should have been weird to see the said man changed his expression into a firmer, dignified look opposite to his previous playful, slightly childish behavior. It was surprising, yet not at all weird.

"Can I call you Jaehyun? I heard Taeyong called you Jaehyun-shi, so I wanted to make sure," he asked in a leveled tone, not a hint of his previous jumping energy but mature like a man of many experiences.

"Yes, please. I've been trying to make him change that, but it never succeed," he shrugged with a deep sigh.

"I can see that," Jackson chuckled, sitting beside Jaehyun with a long exhale. "from his earlier reactions, I could deduct a few things. I didn't want to say this without looking at it more, but I think he got it worse than me in the past. My parents are runaway hybrids, you should now there's an area where most runaway hybrids are hiding, right? There might not be the best place to grow up in, but at least I know the concept of love from my parents and the few friends I got there. But Taeyong? I don't think he even know what it is.

"I felt that he only see things in black and white, what should have be and what should have been done, he didn't really know what's affection is and only take and give what he thinks is right, according to his... Beliefs."

Jaehyun thinks about it for a moment, "I think the same too, he seems to be lacking what we know as common sense, in a way."

"I've heard about what you told Jaebum about him, and I want to help, Bambam too. That kid is very sensitive and he has this knack to sense people's emotions and personalities. We will try to help him to the fullest, a talk or two won't do, we need to pull him in without direct approach, since I believe it'll only cause him to shut his self up even stronger. We can do it with similar approach like what I did with Jaebum just now, to make him see that this is okay, this is normal and lead him to think differently than what he had already believed in. It'll be a long, grueling process though, as you may already experienced with how he still refuses to call you by your name."

"C-can you? Do that?" Jaehyun asked, didn't even bother to hide his elation and expectation.

"The question is, will you? Because I think you're the one holding the key here. Also, I sensed that you have this something about yourself that you need to think about," Jackson's eyes is unrelenting when he's staring at him sternly. "You need to know where you'll place yourself before we can really be able to open his heart, Jaehyun."

Strangely, despite Jaehyun is still unsure and confused about himself, he did understand what Jackson is pointing at. His affection towards Taeyong, he needs to know what exactly it is. Is it denial? Or is he really simply that dense? He needs to figure it out so they could fix it accordingly, "I will. I want to, I need to. Please help him."

Jackson is smiling widely in satisfaction over his answer, "good, I expect no less from you. You guys can go back home when Johnny come to, but I need you guys back here often so we can really help them, especially Taeyong. You can trust us, miraculously Yugyeom and Youngjae have a healing touch, they could make you feel at ease only with a simple hug. Mark is a good buffer with his pacifying personality if something comes to play, and both Bambam and I are good at sensing things, it will work out. As long as you'll be there with a steady heart, are you prepared?"

"You make it sounds like you guys are a team of a healing haven," Jaehyun chuckled, "but am I prepared? I'll try to."

"We are, we often went to the institutions to help, so we kind of grow into it, thanks to Jaebum and Jinyoung. It's good that you have the will to help and mindful enough not to throw promises, aware that you might not be able to fulfill it, it's a good mindset, making you more careful and thoughtful, I like that," he grins, holding up a hand gesturing for a hand shake, "let's do this."

 

"Let's," Jaehyun grins back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is creeping in~


	14. Paw Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Remember Taeyong, kiss him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just a warning maybe, it's a soft one but there's a bit of JohnYong down there~
> 
> Have fun ♥

Bless Jinyoung and Jaebum for they succession at tampering down Johnny's heat into almost nonexistent. The guy walked out of the room looking spent from his last energy draining heat though, but he was coherent and able to ignore the leftover shimmering heat in his gut. He was experiencing nausea which last for a day, but that was all, so Jaehyun is relieved. Before they go home, Jaebum suggested for both Taeyong and Johnny to come play at his house whenever Jaehyun is working.

"Is that okay?" he asked, although already aware of another intentions of the said suggestion, he couldn't help feeling a bit uncertain to possibly imposing on them.

"I suggested it, of course I don't mind," Jaebum laughed, "I heard you often stay at work late too, so that's a good arrangement, right? My guys here also need a new friend, preferably someone softer than them so they could learn not to be so rowdy."

"You make us sounds bad," Youngjae pouted, supported by Yugyeom whining in protest.

"You are bad, it's not once or twice I came home to a wrecked house," Jaebum snorted.

"And you would have thought Jackson would be the messy one, yet it turns out to be you two who's the most problematic ones," Jinyoung chimed in, got punched on his back by Yugyeom then they start chasing one another with loud swearing.

"Please don't mind Jinyoung and Yugyeom, they seem to have beef for each other, but actually babying each other too," Jaebum explained when Taeyong looked so worried looking at the two still running around with angry face, "you would have thought Jinyoung is the calm one, but he's actually quite a temperament one."

"Don't twist my words Jaebum! You're the one with anger issues!" Jinyoung growls before he managed to catch Yugyeom and put him in a headlock.

"But he's right," Jackson, Bambam and Mark deadpanned together and they laughed at how in synch they are.

"I just nullified your cuddling sessions with me Jackson, next time you ask me, I'll leave you alone in the cold porch," Jinyoung hissed.

"Isn't he a meanie?" Jackson grimaced, clinging to Jaebum's arm then, "that's okay, hyung won't let me suffer, you don't scare me Jinyoung."

"How kind of you to only call me hyung whenever you want to use me," Jaebum grinned despite the heavy sarcasm.

Jaehyun thinks, this is what was lacking in his house, the easy banter. He could do it with Johnny, but the man often stay quiet when Taeyong is present so the cat hybrid never see or being in this kind of easy environment. Maybe these guys could really help him try to show Taeyong that, "okay then, I'll drop off Taeyong and Johnny in the morning on my way to job, at days when you guys could."

"Any days are fine, right Jackson?" Jaebum asked to which both Jackson and Bambam nodded to, "there are days when some hybrids come here too from some institutions for consultation, but maybe Taeyong and Johnny could also help."

"Is that alright for you?" Jaehyun asked mostly to Taeyong since Johnny already said okay, too tired to think more than wanting to crash on his bed.

Taeyong seems unsure and wary, but he eventually nodding in affirmation and almost all of them sighed in relief. Jaehyun figured Taeyong didn't actually want to, but Johnny said yes and he couldn't let the man to go alone so he also said yes. Whatever the reason was, they're glad he agreed, since the plan was mostly for Taeyong. After that they said their farewell and be on their way home.

Taeyong grow quiet not only on the way back home, but also as he's laying down beside Jaehyun to sleep that night, so apparent in the way he feels uncertain and affected by the plan. Jaehyun almost want to stop him from going just to make him stop looking that distraught and pitiful, but he held it in since the plan is for greater good. When he dropped off Taeyong and Johnny at Jaebum's house two days later, it feels so much like leaving a child on their first day at the daycare, so worrisome and guilt tripping, because Taeyong look so small, so fragile and almost as if he's about to break down. Jaehyun reasoned with himself that Johnny is there with him, so everything will be fine.

And he was right when he picked them up and Taeyong talking animatedly about what they did that day with gleeful smiles. It makes him smile too and less guilty to leave Taeyong at Jaebum's house later on. His eyes would lit up excitedly when he's talking about the guys, how funny and crazy Bambam actually is and how that thin guy could also be serious and mature with deep thoughts. About how cuddly Jackson and Yugyeom are, how Mark can be extremely quiet then extremely loud at times, how Youngjae seem to have the span of attention of a puppy and got easily excited with loud, gaping mouthed laughter.

Then he would turn a bit sad but also with twinkling eyes of being inspired when he talk about the other hybrids which came for consultation, about how hard their lives are and how happy they are for the guys' help and support. Taeyong may say it too softly that Jaehyun almost missed it, but he did say that he wanted to be able to help them like the guys did too, and honestly Jaehyun is glad and grateful of how much impact they have over Taeyong like that in a span of short period. It's quite prominent of how much Taeyong seems to be more thoughtful and open, in a way that's not forced but solely by his own person. Jaehyun salute his decision to brought him to Jaebum's welcoming house.

Sometimes Taeyong talked about Jackson and Jaebum, or Jinyoung and Mark. He said it's weird that they can be that close, that intimate, and Jaehyun couldn't understand why he couldn't understand it. He explained that they are lovers and still Taeyong is not convinced, he said he never see any lovers like them. Jaehyun only found out later what Taeyong understood of what a lover means through Jackson.

 

"So you're not... Um, forced into it?" Taeyong once asked Jackson when noon turning into evening and the other guys fast asleep from the tiredness of swimming vigorously a moment before.

"With Jaebum? Of course not, why would you think so?"

"But lovers are... Another word for being bed partners, right...?" he asked, uncertain, uneasy in the way he's squirming on the couch under Johnny's heavy head.

Then it clicked for Jackson, "I see... You thought we were that kind of lovers. There are people who used the term of lovers for that, indeed, but we weren't like that, at all. From the start, I don't care about the norms in relationship between hybrids and humans, so I never do something of what's a hybrid should do towards human, or their master or all that jazz. When I do something, that's entirely me, what I want, what I allowed. So when I said we are lovers, I meant it in the way that we truly are lovers, that we love and care for each other. It's mutual."

Taeyong furrowing his eyebrows, confused, "what do you mean by truly lovers?"

"Let's see..." Jackson thinks for a moment on how to explain it, it's obvious that Taeyong is utterly clueless about love, of any forms, but mostly those of care and mutual understanding and feelings. "There are many forms of loves, Taeyong. Love between friends, love between families, love between individuals and many more. When you care for someone, worry for them, wanting to be close, to ease the other's pain, to be their support, that's when you love someone. And that's what happens between me and Jaebum, we care for each other and we want to be there for each other."

Taeyong's big eyes appears to be thinking, undoing every words in his head to understand it, "so... Like I am to Johnny? Are we lovers then?"

Jackson chuckled softly, "not quite like that Taeyong, I do believe you both love each other, but being lovers isn't that kind of love. It's different, it's hard to describe, but you can feel the difference when you come to love someone romantically. I think the kind of love you feel for Johnny is more of a family love, you hold him close, but romantic love is much more intimate than that."

"Romantic love..." he mumbled, eyes down to the little details of the carpet beneath his feet.

"For me, what I feel for Jaebum is... Intense? If you wanna put it into a word. Sometimes just looking at him makes my chest feels burning, you know? My heart will beats faster, sometimes it aches, sometimes it's a warm feeling, sometimes it hurts. Then there are times when I want to kiss him so bad, to touch him, to hold him close and sort, sometimes it's a burning wants, sometimes it's gentle like warm ripples. I think feelings like that is when you know that you love them. To some people such romantic love comes along with sexual desire," Jackson chuckles when Taeyong blushing a bit, "but there are people who doesn't feel such sex drive even when they love their partner. Still, it's different than family or friendship love, you just feel it."

Taeyong fiddling with Johnny's hair, lips slightly open in thoughts, confused because he never feel like that. Jackson took his other hand to caress it, "so when you cuddle Jaehyun, do you only did that because you feel forced to do so?"

"No!" he hurriedly said, covering his mouth with his hand in surprise, "no... I don't feel forced at all. But it's... It's only because I like to be close with people...? I like to be cuddled, like with you and Yugy or Johnny... Just that."

"You crave touch and warmth," Jackson supplies and Taeyong nodded.

"Yeah... Maybe it's my nature, maybe it's because we used to huddle together in the orphanage and it just stick? I don't know..."

"Have you ever feel you miss him?"

Taeyong thinks for a moment, "I do..."

"How about wanting to touch him? To hold him, or just... You just want to be close with him, feel his warmth and it makes you feel safe and warm when he's around?"

He hesitated, confused because, "I do... Feel like that?"

"Hm," Jackson hummed, face unreadable but there's a hint of a smile on his lips, "do you feel so more than when you're with Johnny?"

Taeyong look down to stare at Johnny's sleeping face, "I don't know...? But... I missed him even when I'm with Johnny?"

"How about when you're with Jaehyun then, do you miss Johnny?"

"I... Not- not really? I do, but-"

"It's different, isn't it?" Jackson smiled, almost a bit proud, finding it cute how guilty and confused Taeyong seems to be. "Have you kiss them?"

"K-kiss?" he stutters, blushing even harder.

"Yeah, have you?" Jackson giggles, covering his mouth to hide his grin.

"I never kiss J-Johnny, but... I did kissed Jaehyun-shi..."

"Oh? How does it felt?" Jackson asked with wide glinting eyes, far too enthusiastic.

"I- I'm not sure? I mean, I don't really remember it, I was in my heat..." he hides his face under his palms, feeling so embarrassed.

"Aw, you're so cute," Jackson cooes, snuggling closer to Taeyong's side and kissed his cheek. "But you weren't forced to it, right? You said you were in heat?"

"No, Jaehyun-shi never force me into anything... Actually- actually I think it's more of me forcing myself on him," Taeyong whined, feeling ashamed and guilty, his white ears flattening to his pink hair.

"That's good, not the forcing part, but I doubt Jaehyun even think of it as you forcing him."

"...he said the same too, but..."

"Then you gotta trust him in that, stop beating yourself up with it, Jaehyun is a man of his words, if he said so, then he meant it," Jackson sighed, sniffing at Taeyong's pink hair which smells like jasmine and his tail reflexively wagging contently. "If you're curious, you can try kissing them again."

"W-what?" Taeyong got surprised, looking at Jackson as if the man just said something outrageous. He did.

"I mean, you're curious about what you're feeling towards them, don't you? I know for a fact what you feel for Johnny is more like a friend, like a brother. But you don't know what you're feeling for Jaehyun, right? Why not kiss them and see if that feels different?"

"B-but... Why?"

"Aren't you curious? From what you told me, I think that you feel differently with Jaehyun than what you feel for Johnny," Jackson shrugged.

Taeyong looks so confused, so lost and most importantly, scared, "but if- but if I really feel... That kind of love to Jaehyun-shi... Then, isn't that- isn't that bad?"

"Why is that bad?" Jackson asked with a slightly loud voice, shocked by the question.

"But- but he's a human, he's my master-"

"That doesn't stop me and Jaebum, or Mark and Jinyoung," he snorted.

"But-"

"Listen Taeyong," Jackson said more serious and firm, "humans or hybrids, love is love, and we're the same with them here," he pointed at his head and heart, "the only difference between us and them are physical features. Romantic love is problematic even between humans, as it is between fellow hybrids too, like when that love is onesided, or if they have certain circumstances and all. Forcing our love onto someone is not nice, but we weren't talking about doing that, we're talking to understand about your feelings, what is it that you truly feel for Jaehyun. And love, when it's mutual, between humans and hybrids, it's not bad, it's not wrong. It's okay, it's okay to love, Taeyong."

Taeyong sucked in a deep breath, taken aback, he never think like that, it's forbidden, it's taboo as he knows it. But... "why does it feel like you're trying to lead me into thinking that I do love him like that?"

Jackson leaned back with both hands in the air gesturing for surrender, "nope, I don't, I was just trying to help you understand without implicating anything."

Johnny snorted, surprising Taeyong more than Jackson because the dog hybrid already sensed him waking up before, "yeah right."

"You were awake?" Taeyong blushed, embarrassed.

"Since you guys talking about kissing someone," he yawned, but not moving from his lay on Taeyong's lap.

Taeyong makes noises of shame, face getting even redder to which Jackson jumped in shamelessly to say, "since you're awake, why don't you try it now Taeyong? Kiss him."

"What-" he choked out, noise like he's about to shriek yet the tone got pitched too high that his throat is closing up causing him to choke.

"Fine, let's get this done with," Johnny sighed, sitting up and leaning his face so close to Taeyong that the guy stopped breathing from nervousness.

"Wa-wait," he muttered, inhaling deeply when Johnny's lips brushing with his, chaste and soft before it's pressing harder then it's gone, leaving a tingling sensation under the sensitive skin.

"How does it feel?" Johnny and Jackson asked in unison.

"How does- I don't know, weird...?" He blushed even harder, yanking at his ears to stop the way it was twitching uncontrollably.

"Remember that feeling, then compare it with how it feels when you kiss Jaehyun," Jackson said with shit eating grin.

"I can't just- just kiss him like that."

"Oh please Taeyong, you shoved your hands unabashedly under his shirt to grope his chest, come on, what's a little kiss?" Johnny rolled his eyes.

"He did that??" Jackson squeals.

"That was-! I was sleepy! You know I did that to others unconsciously when I was sleepy!" Taeyong shrieks, face now even redder than tomato. But Johnny is right, he's bold, he didn't really get that shy, so why he is now? 

"You never touch our chest though, just our stomach because apparently you need to touch skin when you're sleeping, don't try to fool me," Johnny scoffed.

"I almost deck his face when he did that to me, gosh," Bambam said with sleepy face and ruffled hair, surprising the other three. "You guys were too loud I got woken up."

Taeyong whines pitifully, so ashamed with the situation he hides his face with his fists, pulling at his pink hair as if it could cover his face. Jackson pouts, feeling slightly jealous, "he never do that to me when we were napping."

"I thought he was about to touch my dick," Bambam laughs, followed by more laughter from Johnny and Jackson much to Taeyong's frustration.

He jerked a little when a hand gripping his shoulder, seeing Jackson winking to him, "remember Taeyong, kiss him."

He scurry away to the toilet to hide then, can't handle more embarrassment and Johnny following him just to make sure he's okay. Bambam giving Jackson a look when they're left alone, "you're swerving from our main mission."

"Oh shush, you know I'm a cupid, I've seen enough to understand their situation," Jackson jutted out his tongue playfully.

"You united one couple and look at you being so full of yourself," Bambam snorted.

"Shush."

 

\--

 

Taeyong is silent and Johnny keep chuckling softly when Jaehyun picked them up. When they reached home, the dog hybrid didn't waste any time to leave the two alone, not even bothering to hide his nasty smirk. Jaehyun keep looking at Taeyong worriedly because the man is being too quiet, too distant with him, he's worried if there's something wrong.

"Taeyong, are you okay?" he asked finally when they got inside their room. _Their room_ , it's still kind of weird to think like that, but Jaehyun doesn't dislike it.

He shook his head still not saying anything. Out of worry, Jaehyun reflectively rounding one of his arm on Taeyong's waist, pulling a little at his lithe body to press closer to his own, wanting to give a comforting warmth, "did you fight with Johnny?"

"No..." Taeyong answered so softly almost in a whisper, hugging Jaehyun's waist too before he's hiding his face on the firm chest.

"Okay then, why are you so down?" he smiled, stroking Taeyong's back lightly.

"I'm not down..."

"So... Are you in a bad mood? Or nervous...? Why?" Jaehyun is frowning in slight confusion, but he couldn't help the tiny smile on his lips because Taeyong is being so cute. But Taeyong didn't answer and instead rubbing his face on Jaehyun's chest, just like a cat, purring a bit. He kissed Taeyong's head then, he just want to do that so much, heart warm from adoration.

Suddenly Taeyong look up, eyes big and unreadable making Jaehyun almost squirming in unease, "sorry, I just- You were so cute, so-"

His word got cut off as Taeyong tiptoeing and leaning in to kiss his lips, so softly, a bit uncertain. Jaehyun gasped in surprise, yet not moving way and letting Taeyong kissed him, it was chaste at first, but then Taeyong is kissing him again, still gentle yet deeper, their lips moulding together and the tip of his tongue licking at Jaehyun's upper lips, warm and a bit wet, causing a shiver running up his spine along with goosebumps on his skin.

Jaehyun didn't open his eyes even when Taeyong is pulling away, way too surprised to even understand what's happening. Then he heard a soft ' _oh_ ', and when he opens his eyes, he sees Taeyong looking away with a blush adorning his golden cheeks. So adorably cute. Jaehyun open his mouth to ask, to say something, but all that's coming out was incoherent noises and stutters, so he's blushing too, embarrassed by his lameness.

"Um, I... You... Uh, why...?" he finally can voice it out, face hot from the blush and the rapid heartbeat.

"Is that- is that not okay?" Taeyong answered with more question.

"Uh, it's not, it's not not okay, I don't mind but- um, w-why?"

"I just... Want to..." Taeyong muttered, face still red as he lowering his face and his fingers fiddling with his shirt.

"O-oh..." was what Jaehyun could say, so lame.

Then Taeyong nodded, unknown to both of them to what he's nodding to. He let Jaehyun go after, inching away still with lowered head, "um, I'll sleep with Johnny tonight..."

"Oh," Jaehyun said, sounding so obvious in his disappointment, before he clears his throat from shame since he's being painfully obvious and dumb, "okay."

That night when Jaehyun is laying in his bed alone, he thinks, ' _oh, so this really is...'_

While Taeyong in another room, not yet sleeping beside snoring Johnny, keep touching his lips, feeling surprised and confused.

 

 _'It does feel different_.'

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless Wang Jackson *clap clap clap* the two dense people finally see some light.
> 
> How did I forgot to put slow burn in the tags Chsjakdjdhbx
> 
> Please tell me what do you think about this fic, that means a lot for me (･´з`･)♥♥


	15. Paw Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That feels like a slap to his face.

Johnny is slumped on the couch watching the TV, a movie where the characters are playing a game as if they live in it. And actually it's the kind of Taeyong's favorite movie, amongst another genres, but he couldn't focus on it and instead watching Mark who's laying on the sofa near him. Mark is very, _very_ pretty, but so thin, his slim body made it look like the guy was taller, yet he's actually shorter than Taeyong and almost the same height as Jackson. Mark are often quiet, loves to sleep on any soft surface he could lay on, and today is no better, but it seems someone is not amused by it which makes Taeyong keep staring at them.

"At least eat something," Jinyoung said, eyebrows pulled together into a soft frown, hand tugging at Mark's thin wrist.

Mark's tail flicking repeatedly on Jinyoung's face, making the said man blowing out the fur which accidentally slipped into his mouth, "I'm not hungry."

"But you haven't eaten anything since breakfast," he scolded, pulling at Mark's limp body and hauls him on his arms to bring the small man to the kitchen. "Look, you're so light."

"That's because of your muscles, Jinyoung... Have you been working out with Jackson again?"

Then Taeyong couldn't hear them anymore as they got futher away. Speaking of Jackson, the man is currently massaging Jaebum on the fluffy carpet in front of the TV. Taeyong smiled when Jaebum whined and grumbling about Jackson massaging him too hard that it hurts, making the said dog hybrid to squeal before smothering the human under him, kissing his cheeks and proceeding to make Jaebum whining in pain even more. It's cute, Taeyong's heart is aching a bit seeing all of it, scooting closer to Johnny for a cuddle, craving the same warmth he has been witnessing. But Johnny stay still, not giving him any attention and he whines in disappointment.

"I'm watching Taeyong, get someone else."

Taeyong huffed in annoyance and hit Johnny's face with a pillow before he went to Yugyeom's room. There's Youngjae playing a game in his computer and Bambam snuggling with Yugyeom in his bed, soft purrs heard amidst the noises of Youngjae's game. Taeyong is bored, but when Yugyeom acknowledged him with a smile, he's getting into the bed too and snuggle together with the two. Bambam's thin arms is digging to his rib a bit uncomfortably and he's drowning in Yugyeom's long legs, but it's warm, it's soft and he found himself drifting to sleep despite something still feels a bit lacking. Maybe because it wasn't these arms which he wanted to be around him.

That night Jackson told Taeyong and Johnny that they'll drive them home instead of Jaehyun picking them up. They said something about Jaehyun being too busy or too tired to do so, and Taeyong doesn't really mind, all he wanted was to get home fast, to see Jaehyun, to hug him and be close to him. It's weird, he thinks, just because of a small realization Taeyong is becoming that needy to feel Jaehyun. But it's pleasant, he didn't see anything wrong with it since Jaehyun never seem to mind his clinginess, so he bask in it to the fullest not bothering to understand what would all of that entails to.

They reached home safely and Jaebum and Jackson waved at them as they drive away, claiming they can't leave the kids for too long. Kids as in the trio Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom, although Taeyong thinks Jaebum only wanted to take Jackson out. When they opened the front door though, Johnny's ears perked up, "there's someone at home?"

"Huh? Probably Jaehyun-shi?" Taeyong said, his ears twitching to hear the low sounds of people talking inside, "he's not alone..."

He didn't know why but his skin brittles unpleasantly, he didn't like the feeling and he caught smell of a stranger. A male human and it's not a scent Taeyong is completely unfamiliar with, it's that scent which often lingers on Jaehyun's clothes everytime he got home. Johnny doesn't seem concerned, only taking off his shoes leisurely while Taeyong dashed to Jaehyun's room, something akin to anger and fear twisting in his gut, unknown to him why. And when he open the the door without warning, he sees Jaehyun with a human, beautiful, pretty and his hand on Jaehyun's arm. Something flares inside Taeyong, face burning and his body ready in a stance.

"Oh Taeyong, you're back already with Johnny?" Jaehyun is smiling, but it has lost it's calming effect on Taeyong as he's focusing on that one hand on Jaehyun. He don't like it. "Taeyong?"

"So you're Taeyong?" the other man said with a grin, seemingly bright but Taeyong sees the challenging glint in his dark eyes, he didn't take his hand off, "Jaehyun talked a lot about you."

"This is Jungwoo, my secretary," Jaehyun supplied, but his face look worried, eyeing Taeyong cautiously.

When the said Jungwoo took his hand off to offer him a handshake, Taeyong hissed threateningly, ears pulled back and tail swishing in warning, rounding to stand beside Jaehyun. Jungwoo only mildly got surprised, but he's still smiling, a bit wicked to Taeyong's eyes and Jaehyun holds his arms in worry.

"Taeyong what- what's wrong with you?"

"It seems I'm not so welcomed here," Jungwoo chuckled, giving Jaehyun a pat on the shoulder only for Taeyong to hiss again, "alright, I'll be going now, don't forget to look over the documents I gave you, Jaehyun."

"Yes, I will-" he stopped when he's about to walk Jungwoo out because Taeyong is clinging to his arm, wordlessly forbidding him to get anywhere near the other man, "Taeyong I-"

"Don't worry, I can see myself out," Jungwoo winked, gliding his palm over Jaehyun's chest suggestively, making Taeyong hissing even harder. He walks away with a laugh then, not bothering to look back anymore, giving Johnny a shallow nod before he's gone for good. Jaehyun is utterly confused, standing at the top of the stairs with Taeyong clinging to him and rubbing his face all over his neck and chest, as if he's trying to erase any trace that Jungwoo may left behind.

"What's with you?" he asked, voice so soft it almost for himself. He did realized Taeyong have been more clingy since they last kissed, but he didn't even think he'll be _that clingy_  to the point he didn't like him being too close with someone else. "You haven't even take off your shoes," he sighed.

Taeyong doesn't answer and only keep rubbing his cheeks to Jaehyun, persistent at sticking his scent on the human. It's instinctual, he didn't really try to understand why he's that territorial, he only knows he doesn't like the other man's scent on Jaehyun and it have to disappear, _now_. He never felt like this, not even to his previous masters, as those people often smothered with heavy scents of other people since they were doing God knows what, but Taeyong never even feel mildly bothered by it. Not with Jaehyun though, no. The only scents Taeyong allows on him was his own, Johnny's and Soonbok's, no one else.

He only yelped a bit when Jaehyun suddenly lifted him up and bringing him to the shoes rack near the front door, he keep his arms on Jaehyun's neck and rubbing to him even when he's being put down, "let's take off your shoes okay- _wait_ , stop doing that..."

He lets Jaehyun took off his shoes, then back hugging the man and trailing behind as Jaehyun put the shoes neatly in the rack, all the while Johnny looking at them with an amused grin. Jaehyun sighed, but he doesn't seem to mind it all that much considering the soft smile he's wearing and the fondness in his eyes.

"Are you gonna let me go? Hmm?"

Taeyong shook his head, mirroring Jaehyun's smile and snuggling to his neck again with soft giggles. Honestly, Jaehyun likes it, he really do, Taeyong being that clingy over him is making his heart soar although he's a bit worried. But his heart can't handle this much adorableness and it's beginning to thunder in his chest along with the heat in his face, so he steel himself and peeling Taeyong off of him gently.

"No, change your clothes first then we can- we can snuggle later."

Taeyong whined with a pout, still not satisfied at rubbing his scent on Jaehyun. But he relented and let Jaehyun go before he sprints to his room. Johnny is chuckling when Jaehyun is sighing tiredly, hand over his chest to calm it down.

"He's scenting you, huh?" the tall hybrid said.

"I mean, what- what happened? Why he's being like that?"

"I would say that's typical of him as a cat hybrid, he's being territorial and doesn't like other ' _cats_ ' smell on you," Johnny snickers, "although it could be due to something else too."

"What... Do you mean?"

He shrugged, seemingly teasing, "I don't know Jaehyun, you gotta find out yourself. Although, I think you did know what is it that you feel for him."

Jaehyun blushed, scratching his neck guiltily, "isn't that... Bad?"

"Why would you think it's bad?" he asked with a jerked eyebrow.

"Like... I don't think as it is, but for him and others I'm his... Master, right? That's not right, isn't it?"

"Are you harming him?" Johnny asked seriously, eyes levelled without a hint of tease.

"Huh? Of course not-"

"Are you forcing him? Are you making him uncomfortable? Are you making use of him?" he fired non stop, catching Jaehyun off guard and surprised.

"I... Don't?" Jaehyun answered, genuinely even though tainted with uncertainty. He never intended to make Taeyong uncomfortable or hurting him, but can he say so from his own mouth? He can't never really know for sure what's Taeyong is feeling despite he have no such intentions.

"Then? What's bad about it?" Johnny asked again, this time with a soft smile. "You're feeling and that's not wrong, isn't it? What's wrong is if you abused your status to fulfill that said feeling. If not, well, is it a fault if your alive heart being able to feel then?"

"No..." he realized. Why should he care what society thinks? As long as the involved parties knows what's really happening, why should society views dictate his feelings?

"Then good luck to you, just spoil him, either he'll realize it or you got rejected," Johnny grinned, and was about to walk away before he turned around again, "oh right, before I forgot, I suspect Taeyong would try to massage you or ask you to carry him around."

"Why... Is that?"

"He tried to cuddle with me after he saw the guys did it, so I thought, he actually wanted you to do that to him too," he shrugged with a smile, "have fun. But remember, I always ready to hurt you if you hurt him."

"Noted," Jaehyun is both blushing and grimacing. "By the way, have you guys had dinner?"

"Yeah we had it," then he went to the living room, it seems the living room isn't only Taeyong's favorite.

So Jaehyun went to the kitchen to put away the dinner on the table, placing it in containers then put it in the fridge. Not long, lean arms coiling at his waist from behind, and he look back to see Taeyong is pressing his chin to his back, crinkles at the corner of his big eyes as he's grinning up to him. Jaehyun grinned back too, heart fluttering at the cuteness, but he's mellowing it down by focusing on washing the dishes. Wordlessly Taeyong is letting him go to wash the dishes too, bumping their elbows at times since the sink wasn't that big, causing them to chuckle.

And Taeyong doesn't waste any time to plaster himself on Jaehyun again as they are done drying the plates, pulling at Jaehyun's neck with his arms, "what is it Taeyong?"

He makes a noise at the back of his gleeful smile, still pulling Jaehyun down and tip toeing to rub his nose to Jaehyun's chin. Well, that's so fucking cute Jaehyun's heart is about to burst, and he knows what is it that Taeyong wanted from him, according to what Johnny had informed him, "you want me to carry you?"

Taeyong nodded enthusiastically, big eyes looking at him with twinkles in it, "yes."

In that moment, Jaehyun realized adoration is awakening something quite ugly within him, oh so dangerous, as much as he wants to coddle Taeyong, he also want to hug him so hard to the point he could hurt him, tore him apart, and just break him into pieces. Pieces that only he can place together again. Is it the desire to make him his? Or was such feelings really is that wicked? Jaehyun rid the thoughts away and carry Taeyong as the man wanted, hooking an arm under his thighs and hold him securely by his back, to which Taeyong instantly burying his face to his head and hugging his neck. He's so light, Jaehyun need to fattening him up more.

Jaehyun bring them to their bedroom, putting Taeyong down as he need to change out of his work clothes. Before he could tell him about it though, Taeyong is already unbuttoning his dress shirt, glancing up at times to grin at him. And in all honesty, these moments rousing many thoughts inside Jaehyun's head, because this is too close, too intimate, far more intimate now that Jaehyun realized what is it that he's feeling for Taeyong. It could be a false alarm, this could be nothing for Taeyong, Jaehyun is aware of it, but he can't help but wish that everything the man did is due to a similar affection. And not the platonic one.

He couldn't stop the urge to kiss Taeyong though, so he did just that to his forehead, kissing him softly and the words flooding out from his lips, "you're so precious..." And it's true, his feelings may not be that of love yet, but it's close, it's a romantic affection.

Taeyong look up, fingers halting at the mid of his stomach, something deep and hidden within his big eyes which Jaehyun can't decipher so he said, "um, I mean... I didn't mean anything weird by it-"

Instead of being put off, as Jaehyun had predicted, Taeyong is smiling instead, sliding his palms up his chest to intertwine his slim fingers on his nape, tip toeing to kiss him on the lips. Jaehyun is caught by surprise, because, what the hell is this? Why is he kissing him like that? Time and again? What does it mean when he kiss him like that? Did he do that just because, or is there something else behind it just like he wished for?

"Why?" he asked when Taeyong pulls away.

He looks a bit confused, "why...? You said I can do that..."

"Ah, um... Well, you can kiss me all you want but... Why? Why you do that?"

His eyebrows is pulled into a hard frown, "because I want to? You said... I should only do that when I want to, I am."

 _But why?_ Jaehyun demanded in his head, but he swallowed it as Taeyong is looking genuinely confused. He didn't understand, he didn't even understand what love is, he couldn't possibly understand what such relationship is. So he sighed softly, defeated, Jaehyun couldn't ask for more in this situation, could he? He decided to just let it happen then, savor it as long as Taeyong wants to, as much as he allows it without question.

He pulls at Taeyong's waist with his arms, kissing the man's cheek, his temple and his eyes, avoiding his lips. Letting Taeyong be the one to initiate it for that one, as it is Jaehyun is not sure where is the lines he shouldn't cross, what's more with his status as Taeyong's master, it seem the most appropriate to let Taeyong be the one to decide it. And Taeyong always did, he kissed Jaehyun on the lips again, pulling him closer to press their bodies flush by keeping a hand on the back of Jaehyun's head. It feels so conflicting, so right yet also so wrong for Jaehyun, he can't stop himself from kissing Taeyong harder, slightly panting to his gasping mouth, tasting his wet, velvety tongue on his.

"Wait, wait-" Jaehyun gasped when Taeyong's thigh accidentally pressing to his crotch, causing him to notice the growing hardness under his pants.

Taeyong is leaning back to breathe for a short while, staring at Jaehyun who's inhaling harshly with closed eyes, before he's leaning in again to kiss him, not giving the man any chance to gather his scattered mind. Jaehyun cradling his nape to pull him away gently, "wait Taeyong, I said..."

"Why are you stopping?" he asked breathlessly, cheeks red and lips a bit swollen with glistening wetness, sneaking in his hand into Jaehyun's opened shirt to feel his bare chest directly.

It took all of Jaehyun to stop himself from asking the constant, ' _why?_ ' But it's futile, Taeyong would ask him back with, ' _why not?_ '

And really, Jaehyun want to say fuck it all and take it, without question, without reasoning. But he can't, for the love of God, he can't. Because he's all about black and white, and Taeyong is grey, they are grey, it's strange, it's conflicting for him. He never felt such attraction and it actually scares him, to want Taeyong this bad, this... Raging urge. It certainly doesn't feel like Jaehyun know himself anymore. He only take what's his, what his relationship entitled to, and he never touch what isn't his even when he have the attraction to, that's who he is. But with Taeyong, the man just crushing all that he knew about himself, Taeyong is a wrecking ball, wrecking everything that he is and what he believed in. Is it wrong? Or is it right?

"I told you I don't do meaningless sex..." he said eventually with a sigh.

Taeyong regards him with an unreadable look, "what is meaningful sex then?"

Jaehyun blushed, do he have to word it out? He really doesn't have common sense, does he? "for me... Sex is only when it's a mutual love...?" he reasoned with an uncertain and questioning tone, he doubts Taeyong understand that.

He's frowning then, "does that mean you don't love me?"

 _Do you even truly understand what love means?_ Jaehyun wanted to reply back, but he didn't, "I love you Taeyong, I do... But I don't think you really understand what I'm getting at."

He don't, "yes I don't... Because I don't see what's wrong, I want this, do you not want it...?"

"Not now. Not now, Taeyong," he whispered tiredly, emotionally spent, but he kissed Taeyong's forehead to placate him, "when we are both sure, then maybe we will."

It's obvious how Taeyong is not satisfied with his answer, frowning even harder and looking at him as if he had gone insane. Maybe Jaehyun is, _insane_ , what's stopping him from taking what Taeyong is offering? His conscience apparently. Maybe he's haunted by the possibility of a heartbreak, because this is an uncharted territory for him and he didn't want to, God forbid, break whatever it is that he have with Taeyong. Taeyong trusted him, and it's only right for him to be the sensible one since he understand better between them. He doesn't want to break that trust.

He leave Taeyong to think it over and went to the bathroom to change his clothes, sitting on the toilet lid to will down his painful arousal. Even when he had changed his clothes, he didn't get out right away, staring at the ceiling with a hollowing feeling, questioning himself and his choices. He's almost sure, despite all the reasons which holding him back, Taeyong would be able to break through it and wreck him good in the near future. He could already feel the taste of defeat. And he didn't know if it's going to hurt the both of them, or will break _only_ him.

Maybe him.

Taeyong didn't get discouraged after it, instead he seems to be more persistent to crack Jaehyun, clinging to him, kissing him softly every morning as he woke up, kissing him when he go to work and coming home, kissing him again as he insisted to help him change clothes, and more before they go to sleep. Jaehyun, for the lack of better words, feels wrecked, it seems he's only a thread away to crack and give in.

And really, the only thing which still holding him back effectively was the understanding that he might take advantage of Taeyong's clueless state. What if what Taeyong felt for him is similar to an imprint? Like a duckling to it's mother, that new craving for love which Jaehyun is willing to give, and he mistook it as the same love Jaehyun is feeling for him? Because isn't this the first time Taeyong is being cared and loved properly? He's not immune to any kind of love, the possibility is high that he may misunderstand it.

 

One day, Jaehyun is greeted by a tired looking Jackson when he's dropping off Taeyong and Johnny at Jaebum's house, "are you okay? You don't look good."

"Just lack of sleep," Jackson sighed with a smile to Taeyong and Johnny, patting the taller man's arm assuringly. "there's two hybrids temporarily staying over and... Well, it's a mess."

"If that's the case, I can bring Taeyong and Johnny back, I think you need a rest-"

"No, no it's okay," he snorted playfully, "it's not like I'm without rest, it's fine. Beside Taeyong may be able to help me."

Now that alerted Jaehyun, he recognized the way Jackson said it, it might be about _that_  kind of help, "something happened with those hybrids?"

Jackson sighed tiredly, "it's... Really bad actually. They were on a vacation with their master, but an accident happened and they were left without supervision, and... Some people-" he took a sharp, shaky breath, "some people took one of them illegally to... You know. Thankfully one of them was lucky enough to ran away and informed us so we got to save the other one. But the damage is already done and he's... In a traumatic state right now, we can't leave him alone even for a moment, and with their master passed away, it's a mess. Jaebum and Jinyoung is still trying to handle the situation."

Jaehyun unconsciously squeezing Taeyong's arm, heart aching in empathy, so cruel, so horrid. And Jackson wanted Taeyong to provide emotional support for the guy when he was also in a similar situation? Jaehyun isn't willing, he's afraid to let Taeyong go, he's terrified if something goes wrong and Taeyong will have to face his own trauma due to it. Jaehyun doesn't want to, no.

Jackson seem to notice his unwillingness as he look down to his hand which gripping Taeyong's arm, "no, I won't," he said firmly. "I'm not a fool Jaehyun, I was the same, you think I'll do that to Taeyong? I just need him to keep an eye on the kids, I won't ask him to do anything with that guy."

But what if Taeyong himself offering to do so? Jaehyun questioned wordlessly in his mind and Jackson caught it, "then it'll be his choice, I think you need to understand that Taeyong is fully capable of making decisions by himself, don't you?"

That feels like a slap to his face, Jaehyun cringed. Before he get to reply, Taeyong is already cupping his face, forcing him to look straight into his eyes, there's no smile on his lips, but there's a deep, resilient shimmering in his amber eyes, so beautiful, so strong that Jaehyun's heart stutters from how overwhelming it is. Since when his amber eyes holds such a force? That it wasn't the fear nor uncertainty which Jaehyun often saw within it? Was Jaehyun being too protective he missed how Taeyong is growing stronger?

"I'll be okay, I promise," he said, big eyes warm and determined, leaning in to kiss his lips softly, a reassurance, but Jaehyun could almost touch it, _feel it_ , something akin to gentle waves of _love_. "Don't worry about me."

Jaehyun may have been disillusioned by the picture of weak, fragile Taeyong from their early experiences. But _here_ , Taeyong is gazing into him with a strength he didn't recognize, not even a mirage of his past fragility present. And Jaehyun's heart burns, so many emotions rushing through his veins like raging river under his skin. Mesmerized, enchanted and so, _so gone_.

 

He's falling without safety as he truly sees all that is Taeyong.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun need to give Taeyong more credit!
> 
> Emotionally constipated Jaehyun with clueless Taeyong? Recipe for suffering.... Of readers AHAHAHAHA
> 
> Don't you just love it?


	16. Paw Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could it possibly mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: For mention of abuse and violence.
> 
> Thread carefully if you're triggered by it.

Hyungwon and Minhyuk, are the names of the hybrids who's staying at Jaebum's house for a while, they're trying to find a home for them. Taeyong feels a bit of relief seeing both Jaebum and Jinyoung are so adamant at finding a perfect home for them, someone who will care for them properly, what's more with Hyungwon being extremely warily and traumatized. Minhyuk was the one who was fortunate enough to ran away, Hyungwon was less fortunate and now have to mend his heart.

Jackson had instructed both Taeyong and Johnny to stick with the kids, as he and Mark have to keep an eye on Hyungwon. At first Taeyong found it weird how either Jackson or Jinyoung would have to carry Hyungwon to places, until he saw the cast on his legs and he got a wheelchair. He couldn't stop himself from being curious, in what way did Hyungwon broke his legs? He couldn't ask Mark because he refused to say anything, and he couldn't ask Yugyeom because the man would actually seem about to cry when he asked about Hyungwon, in the end he asked Youngjae and Bambam, but really, maybe it's better if he hadn't be so curious.

"The doctor said his legs were broken by a blunt object," Youngjae said with a sigh, rubbing at his arms to shake off the tremble which came up with the answer.

Taeyong didn't really gets it, so Bambam elaborate, "the guys who took him broke his legs so he can't run away."

Then he cried in Johnny's arms, because it's awakening memories of his own. No one have done something like that to him, but he knows what it felt like to be trapped, prisoned and freedom taken away for the living nightmare to haunt his every seconds. It hurts just to imagine what Hyungwon may have gone through, how could anyone be so cruel? Do they have no single bone of mercy in them? Why do they have to suffer just because they existed?

Sometimes, Taeyong found himself sitting beside Hyungwon who's never letting Minhyuk away from his side. He's quiet, so very quiet, refused to say anything and look at anyone other than Minhyuk, the only person he allowed to be near him. When Jackson or Jinyoung try to carry him, he would start to shake, sometimes cried despite he kept saying, ' _I know, I know, but I can't stop being scared_ '. And everytime, Taeyong would cry to, with Yugyeom, because they know that pain. Even when they know, rationally, that these people weren't trying to hurt them, the fear would overcome their rationality. And it gives Taeyong a space to feel grateful of how understanding and patient Jaehyun always was to him, that now he could override his own fear.

There was a thought, Taeyong recognized, that he thinks Jaehyun could be the perfect home for these guys. Yet deep down, so selfish, so greedy, he couldn't, he didn't want to share. He's ashamed for it, but still, he didn't have that much of a big heart to allow it. So he would sit with Hyungwon, trying to engage into easy conversation and anything he could do to ease the man. A guilty conscience.

Hyungwon is tall, almost as tall as Johnny, he noticed when Johnny was helping Jackson to carry Hyungwon. But despite his height, Hyungwon seem so small, so thin, so fragile like a ceramic doll which could break by a slight force. And he's pretty, so very pretty he almost doesn't look alive, truly like a doll with his silver hair and eyes, white fluffy ears and tail, thick curvy lips and delicate movements. All about Hyungwon is screaming vulnerability and submission, that's what people loves to break, wasn't it? And maybe there's anger twirling in Taeyong's gut as he look at the guy.

Why is it that looking at Hyungwon feels so much like looking at himself through a mirror? Those humans always saw him as an object of desire, to leave marks, to use, to break, to be moulded into what they want. So sick, so nauseating. Hyungwon's face stays beautiful, his face wasn't touched except for his repeatedly wet cheeks from his tears, but Taeyong had seen the bruises and scars littering his pale skin. Marks of ownership and nightmares to come. Minhyuk was his only anchor to believe that there's still kindness in this twisted, sick world.

Somewhat, somehow, Taeyong wonders, who was there for him when those similar things happened to him? Johnny. But there was a darkness resurfacing in his mind. There's warmth surrounding him, pain around his body and a voice. Gentle, soft and yet carries a tint of cry and pain. ' _You'll be okay, I'll protect you_ '.

Suddenly darkness engulf him, swallowing him whole and all he sees was.... Empty. A blank, limitless darkness dawning on him along with the seeping coldness into his skin, his bones and his soul, ripping out endless scream from his bleeding mouth. Then he jerked awake with dampness all over his body to the bed under him, taking in the mellow darkness of Jaehyun's room and the said man soft breathing beside him. It was a dream. He was sleeping and nightmare came to him even though it had stopped the moment he started sleeping with Jaehyun. It came again and the fear lingers in his mind.

Reflectively he seek for a warmth to comfort the fear, snuggling to a sleeping Jaehyun, to feel how alive he is. The man got woken up from his tight embrace, mumbling something in his addled state and hugging him while patting Taeyong's back as if he knew he need to calm him down. But it was short lived because Jaehyun fell asleep again under Taeyong, oblivious to the way his body slightly shaking from his swallowed cries.

For the first time, Taeyong feels scared being in Jaehyun's arms.

 

\--

 

"You've been docile lately, noona," Jaehyun snickers to Soonbok, who retaliate by slapping Jaehyun's face with a cloth.

"I've been feeling sluggish lately, but I'm sure it'll get better soon," she sighed.

"You know you can take a day off anytime right?"

"And risk you guys wrecking the house? Nope," she clicked her tongue.

"You give me too little credit, I was doing amazing taking care of the house before you, you know."

"Well, you were still alone at that time," she shrugged, then giving Jaehyun a look before glancing to Taeyong who's eating breakfast beside him silently.

"Is everything okay, Taeyong?" he asked, making the said man look up with a mild surprise.

"Huh?"

"You've been very quiet this morning," Jaehyun reached out to stroke at the pink hair, occasionally scratching the white ears. He knows that comforts Taeyong the most.

"I'm okay... Just a bit sleepy," he muttered softly.

Jaehyun shared a look with Johnny above Taeyong's head, the guy is also clueless why Taeyong is being like that, "you can stay home to sleep more if you want. If you want Johnny to stay with you, that's okay too."

He hummed thoughtfully, "no, they still need help..."

"Then I can go there without you, you should rest Taeyongie," Johnny offered and Taeyong agreed with a nod.

Jaehyun bit his lips with a mild envy, Taeyong listen to Johnny so well, and he also called Taeyong cutely like that from time to time, he want it too. But he squeezed Taeyong's nape gently and ruffling his hair before he gets up to go, realizing he's being petty. Johnny then went to his room to gather his things, so Jaehyun following Taeyong who's walking to the living room.

"Are you sure you'll be okay alone?" he asked and start stroking Taeyong's head again when the man is laying down on the couch.

"Soonbok-shi will be there..." he said with a closed eyes.

Something feels weird. Taeyong is not clinging to him. Jaehyun is worried, "are you feeling unwell?"

"No, I'm fine," he answered in a whisper.

"Is it Hyungwon...?" his heart thumped when Taeyong opened his eyes abruptly, gazing into a distance, quite an alarming sight for Jaehyun. "I told you-"

"I'm fine. It's not that..." he cuts in, exhaling slowly and closing his eyes again.

Jaehyun is not convinced, but he couldn't say more since Taeyong obviously doesn't want him to. So he just sit beside Taeyong's stomach and keep stroking his head, leaning down to kiss his cheek, "call me if you need something, okay?"

"Okay."

Jaehyun reluctantly standing up when Johnny came and waits for him by the door, leaving Taeyong with a lingering look, "we'll be going now."

"Be careful..." he said and that was the last Jaehyun saw of him before he went out with Johnny.

 

"He's been trying to talk to Hyungwon," Johnny informed when they're already driving away.

"I knew it," Jaehyun sighed, "this is what I feared."

"Jackson always tried to keep him away, but you know Taeyong, when he wants something, he's stubborn."

"Was... Hyungwon that bad?" he asked carefully, he never have the heart to ask the others how the hybrid was doing, but he needs to know now that it seem to affect Taeyong that much.

"It's horrible, really. The guy got broken legs to make him unable to run away, you can only imagine the worst what he gone through in the three days he got kidnapped," Johnny sighed.

Jaehyun always want to believe in the light which humans possess, but hearing things like this, he could only feel rage, hatred and disgust for his own kind. Humans, so disgusting, they point fingers to others about being beasts, but it's themselves who's the most vicious, brainless, heartless monsters. "I don't think I can ever understand how could you guys still be able to believe in humans for all the nasty things we have done to your kind."

"I don't," Johnny said firmly, eyes looking outside the window seeing the many humans mingling at the road, "but there's you, your parents and your friends, I want to believe in you."

It's an honor, but also a huge pressure because it seems like Johnny is about to make a judgement about human through him. What if he fucked up? He guessed Johnny wouldn't give him any second chance, and with it Taeyong too, would see him differently. After the struggles to open up these guys, Jaehyun is sure he's not ready for it, he didn't want them to distrust him again.

"You know," Johnny started breaking Jaehyun out of his inner turmoil, "you weren't the first human who is nice to us. There was a lady caretaker in our orphanage who was very nice to all of us, I think it's due to her kindness that I'm still holding on to the little hope that there are kind humans in this world."

"Really?" Jaehyun is surprised, Taeyong never tell him about her.

"Yeah, she was really kind, she often stole foods to give it to us secretly, yet she got fired due to it when she got caught. Strange how the world works," Johnny scoffed, "she was also the one who helped a lot to crack Taeyong, I wonder if she's doing okay now."

Jaehyun thinks over the words, "what do you mean by cracking Taeyong?"

"Oh I guess no one ever tell you about that. I've been in the orphanage for as long as I can remember, but Taeyong was put there when he's about... Ten? Or nine years old. Nobody tell us what brought him there but he was... Like an empty shell, nobody can ge to him."

"An empty shell...?"

Johnny rubbed his face as if the remembrance is enough to affect him, "he didn't talk, he didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he was... Just there, breathing with a hollow look in his eyes, living but dead inside. There are many times when the caretakers need to force food and water down in him with tubes and sort just to keep him alive. There was some who thought it'll be better to let him die, but thankfully this lady insisted to cure him. It was disastrous, really, Taeyong would start to scream, convulsing like a madman whenever someone held him too close. Nobody knows what happened to him, at least we don't, the caretakers often hid our background stories."

Something feels odd, "but Taeyong said you guys only know each other when he got bullied?"

Johnny laughed, hollow and pained, "I was there from the start even before he learn to talk and walk properly again, I was kinda appointed as his guard, in a way. It's not uncommon to found him almost drowning in a pond, or about to jump out from the second floor, he was fucked up and I had to be there to make sure he's not going to do anything stupid."

"But then... He remembers things differently?"

"If you could say it like that, he often unable to remember things or yes, remember it differently. There are things he couldn't remember when he was adopted too, maybe it's his defense mechanism to contain the pain? Who knows. There are times he couldn't even remember if he have eaten yet or not."

Jaehyun couldn't imagine it, that Taeyong? That Taeyong who always smiling so cutely, likes to cling to people and loves to eat snacks in the middle of the night? He knows Taeyong is vulnerable, he had seen it, he knows how weak he could be. But not this much, not as bad as Johnny is telling him. "Do you think... Do you think now, with Hyungwon case it could... Bring him into that state again?"

"Let's hope not," Johnny said with a finality, "you don't wanna know how he was at that time, and he's still eating and sleeping regularly, let's just hope it won't happen."

He keep silent, unable to say anything else. Now he understands why Johnny is protective over Taeyong and how Taeyong is so dependent on Johnny, it's their past he could never touch. There's an ugly jealousy pounding in his chest, but he realized they need it and he couldn't do anything about it.

Against all hope, they are deluding themselves into ignorance that the rusty gears would have to turn. And creating chaos with it.

Jaehyun make it a mission to spoil Taeyong after that. To hold him close, to kiss his face, caresses his hair and his back and pour him more affection. Taeyong didn't refuse, he took it all like water for a thirsty man, cling to him harder and kiss his lips hungrier. But Jaehyun couldn't give it all, when sometimes Taeyong's hands wander under his shirt, he stop it and place it away, because he's not ready and he knows, neither is Taeyong despite his persistence. There's a darkness inside Taeyong that they both didn't know and Jaehyun is afraid to touch it and ruin it all.

It's becoming a constant occurrence for Taeyong to have nightmares. Sometimes he would cry alone in the living room in the dead of night, sometimes he would go to Johnny, and other times he would embrace Jaehyun so tightly it almost hurt as he's shaking with cries in the man's arms. Jaehyun is getting less and less sleep every each night, trying to calm Taeyong down, whispering comforting words and stroking his back gently to lull him back to sleep, at times it will work, but mostly Taeyong couldn't go back to sleep, scared to have the nightmare back again.

Taeyong couldn't get the images of Hyungwon out of his mind, like a festering scars, twisting rotten inside. A mirror, full of stains and shadows, like a reawakening of something wicked. He grows quiet, losing appetite and sleep, hollowness starting to take place in his once, bright eyes. And he grows distant with Jaehyun, unknown why beside the man is growing busy with his work, being he couldn't keep his focus and in turn work start piling up. And it didn't make him feel better knowing Jaehyun is often stayed together with Jungwoo at the office, he hates it, hates welcoming him home with that man's scent on him.

Jaehyun had thought it have a correlation to leaving Taeyong alone at home, but then if they bring him along to Jaebum's house, that didn't serve him any help at all, moreover Jaehyun is still wary since Hyungwon is still there. Bambam had tried to talk to Taeyong about what he's feeling, what his nightmare is about, but they reach a dead end as Taeyong himself didn't understand what he's feeling.

"I don't know, I just feel scared, so scared," he cried to Youngjae's arms as the man is cradling him on the couch.

"Do you remember what were you dreaming about?" Bambam asked with his softest, most patient voice.

"I... It's dark, so dark and I can't see anything. Cold... Something stiff around me and there's pain, I don't know. There's a woman voice... I don't know whose. The dark terrifies me, makes me feel... So alone, so... So scary," he grips harder at Yugyeom's hand in his, curling himself smaller in Youngjae's embrace.

Bambam stare at Taeyong softly, empathy in his silvery eyes and it's calming him down even just a bit, "do you still feel such fear even when you're awake?"

"No..." Taeyong sniffed, silent for a moment before a recognition slowly filling his hollowing look in his eyes, "sometimes... Something similar gets to me..."

"Do you remember when you feel like that?"

"Jaehyun-shi..." he said with a shuddering breath, "sometimes when I'm looking at Jaehyun-shi..."

Bambam, Youngjae and Yugyeom sharing a look, of confusion, fear and alarmed.

 

What could it possibly mean?

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told ya angst is coming :')))


	17. Paw Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Please stay, don't leave me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehem... What's more to say? Angsty is coming.

The words stays on the white glaring light, yet his eyes could not really see it like the slight tremble on the black liquid in a cup within his grasp, mind miles away into nothingness but also running over many undecipherable images and thoughts, chaotic. He taps at the arrow mindlessly, still trying to read to lessen the accumulating documents he need to work on, trying to be effective and stay focus yet it drew more blank and unaware of how the cup is tilting to the side.

"Whoops," a voice heard from beside him and suddenly a hand is cupping his own which is holding the cup of coffee, "you almost spill it Jaehyun."

"Jungwoo," he sighed, pulling away to place the cup on his table, yet Jungwoo keep a hand on his arm, "sorry, I can't seem to focus lately."

"I figured, with the way my workload is increasing," he smiled with a hint of sarcasm in his tone, then he's sitting on the armrest of Jaehyun's sturdy, expensive leather seat. "Something is bothering you? Wanna talk about it?"

"I doubt that," he sighed and leaning back on his comfy seat, closing his eyes. There's a shift, then a warm back is pressing to his side, Jungwoo is sliding in too closely.

"What's a brother for if you couldn't discuss with me?"

"It doesn't concern you."

There's silence, until a hand stroking his head gently, "is it about Taeyong?"

Jaehyun didn't have to look to know what expression Jungwoo is wearing, "lately he couldn't sleep... And I with it."

"Why are you still sleeping with him then?"

"He said he could sleep better with me, so I-"

"But now he couldn't sleep even with you, isn't that futile then? Isn't it better to have one fully functioning person than two not functioning people?" Jungwoo said, voice soft yet carries a weight.

That's reasonable, it does have a point and true, but Jaehyun find it sounds wrong, "how can you say that? Are you saying I should let him suffer then? Just so I can get a good night sleep? That's not how it works."

"You have work, Jaehyun, you have to keep your mind intact, you can't be dragged around by a sense of responsibility and makes you unproductive."

He thinks it over, "you said it, responsibility, he is my responsibility, so I can't leave him alone for my own advantage. Family stick together no matter what, and I'll do my work, stop saying heartless shit like that."

"Sorry, but you do know I have a point," Jungwoo said.

"Stop, I don't need someone to question what I'm doing, I need someone who's willing to help me get through with this," he pushed at Jungwoo's back lightly, but the man is turning around to round his arms over his neck instead, almost sitting on his lap from doing that.

"Don't be like that, I was only giving you some input, of course I want to help you."

Jaehyun sighed, too tired to argue more, his energy is better spared for doing his work than that, "you shouldn't be too close with me, Taeyong doesn't like it."

Jungwoo seems surprised, before he's chuckling a bit, "he doesn't like it? And pray tell why you're indulging him in it?"

"Because I don't need another thing to stress him out, maybe it's due to his feline tendency, but he's territorial and doesn't like other people's scents on me. He got enough on his plate and I don't want to add to it more."

Jungwoo doesn't let go, pursuing his lips in what seem like disappointment, "so you're just gonna push people away? Push me, your brother, away?"

That sounds like accusation, like anger, like envy, and Jaehyun feels slightly guilty about it, "I'm not pushing you away, I'm just being thoughtful for him, you're still my brother."

"Really? Because I can't seem to remember when was the last time you spare a time for me."

That's definitely an accusation, "Jungwoo-ah, it's not that I'm ignoring you, I'm just... Busy."

"I'm not your favorite person anymore, isn't that it?" Jungwoo snorted, getting up and taking away his cup of coffee.

"I never said that-"

"What is he to you, really?" he asked, eyes deep with a thin smile and slightly twirling the cup.

"What...? Why are you asking that?" Jaehyun is confused, why should Jungwoo be interested in knowing that?

"Because responsibility doesn't mean spoiling or coddling someone, look at you unable to answer it," he's emptying the cup to his throat, a bit too forceful to show that he's upset. Why is he upset? "To be honest I never see you as my brother either."

"Why are you being like this?"

He placed the empty cup on the table and gives Jaehyun an unreadable smile, "oh I think you know, Jaehyun-ah."

_Does he, now?_

 

\--

 

That night when he came home, Taeyong is already asleep in his bed, so he's tiptoeing around to gather his sleepwear and goes to the bathroom quietly. He thinks it's best to shower first, since Jungwoo was all over him that day, his scent must have stuck on him just like how Taeyong dislike it. Why he care so much about Taeyong's dislike and whatnot? Of course he knew why, but he couldn't say it to Jungwoo and there's a reason to it. He knows of Jungwoo's vulnerability, he likes to have a place in people's heart and grow insecure when he lost it. Jaehyun doesn't want him to think that he's abandoning his brother for his... Attraction for Taeyong. Last time Jaehyun got a lover, Jungwoo cried about him forgetting him and he didn't want a repeat of it. He's always weak to tears.

After a quick shower and looking at the clock showing past 12, he's sneaking into the bed gently trying not to wake Taeyong. He barely got any sleep as it is, he didn't want to cause any less of it. But he's sliding up and spooning the smaller man in his arms, knowing that's how Taeyong likes it and kissed his head before he's drifting off to sleep.

He was far too gone into the dreamland that he didn't notice when Taeyong jerked awake in his arms few hours later. He's disorientated at first, not really aware where he is being still too deep in the lingering nightmare, then eventually he breathed in relief, able to bounce back into reality faster than before because Jaehyun left the bedside lamp on, so the room isn't too dark like his nightmare. He grips at Jaehyun's strong arms around his chest, wetting it a bit with his soft cries, slightly trembling.

Yet, even when his cry is subsiding, the fear lingers, like ripples on water, small at first and growing bigger as more ripples breaks. It's strange, it's scary because usually he could calm down within Jaehyun's arms. But _this_ , this actually makes him feel even more scared, undecipherable, gnawing at his consciousness. So he turns around to stare at Jaehyun's sleeping face, taking in the way the man's mouth is a bit parted with soft, regular breathing fanning his cheeks, so calm, so peaceful despite Taeyong's palpitating heart.

He reached out to caress at the soft, full cheek, relishing at the warmth, feels so alive under his touches. But the more he look at Jaehyun, the more his heart is clenching in anxiety, fear pounding in his mind and nausea twisting his gut. He look away, wiping the brimming tears away from his eyes and pressing his face to Jaehyun's neck, taking a shaky inhales of Jaehyun's sweet and warm scent, tinted with fresh smelling aloe vera soap. After a while, he find himself calming down enough for the sleepiness to come creeping in again, despite the mild throbbing of anxiety still present in his heart, he gradually falling asleep.

 

_There's a foul smell. Quiet, so quiet he could hear his own heartbeats. His body is in so much pain, legs bended into an awkward position, twisting it with even more pain yet he couldn't move his body at all, something stiff and hard is pressing down, encasing him with a horrifying sense of dread and anxiety. Something hot was drenching the front of his body, now it has grown cold and hard, turning sand like when he touched it, crumbling at his fingertips. Dark, so dark that he can't see anything, the dark is so terrorizing, beating his soul to shatter into nothingness. Why this feel so painful? Why is it so cold, so scary? What is this that's trapping him?_

There's a warm hand patting his back, soft voice shushing to his ear with a ticklish sensation and he jerked awake again, breath coming out in short, rapid panting, eyes seeing the pale skin of Jaehyun's neck. Instinctively he hugs the bigger body tightly, afraid that if he let it go, the nightmare will come for him again and leave him with nothing, nothing at all.

"It's just a dream, it's okay... You're with me now, you're safe..." Jaehyun whispers softly, hands still stroking his back ever so gently.

The cry comes a bit unexpected, since Taeyong had been able to stop himself these past couple days, yet it seems that night, his heart is clenching more painfully than it ever did before. Something is rousing the fear in his chest, heart kicking his ribcage and the way his gut is churning hotly in unpleasant way. Even as he tightens his arms around Jaehyun's strong body, searching for comfort, for the safety the man often provided, he couldn't feel it. Instead, it feels as if his chest is being tore open with dull, gnawing fingers.

"Taeyong, it's okay, calm down," he whispered again, a bit more desperate because Taeyong doesn't stop crying, his fingers digging in too deep to his back.

And when Jaehyun is pressing his face to Taeyong's shoulder to stop himself from hissing in pain, that was when Taeyong realized what was amiss. _His hair_ , there's something which doesn't smell like him, his hair is slightly smelling like Jungwoo. Instantly Taeyong's heart took a faster pace, making it a bit harder to breathe and so many emotions surging within his trembling body, but most of all was _fear_. So much fear drenching his whole body that nausea blooming in his stomach, but he wills it down, and instead kissing Jaehyun's face and hair, to get rid of the scent, away, so far away it must. Only his scent is allowed.

"Please don't leave me, please..." he cried softly, desperately, hooking his legs around Jaehyun's waist to make him stay.

"Taeyong I'm not leaving you, nobody is leaving you," Jaehyun said, cradling his cheeks to kiss the tears away from his eyes, down to his nose and his chin, so softly like fingertips on silk.

Despite the soft touches, Taeyong is flinching a bit, body starting to shake from fear. _Why?_ He asked himself, why is he feeling like this? He wants this, he craves for Jaehyun's touches, he needs more of it. But why, oh why his body is betraying his heart? Why his body seems to reject Jaehyun? Why only now? It was fine before, he was never like this.

"Taeyong-"

He cuts in Jaehyun's words with a kiss, slightly trembling and so desperate, tangling his fingers in Jaehyun's hair, keeping him there to kiss him harder, "don't stop, please."

"You are... you are shaking-" Jaehyun grunts to Taeyong's lips, trying to push him away only for Taeyong to harrow his fingers on his back, keeping him there between his legs.

"Jaehyun-shi, I need this please, please take me," he hiccuped, cheeks wet from tears yet he keeps leaning in to kiss him again, trembling fingers going down to lift up Jaehyun's shirt and dragging his pants slightly down with his leg.

"Are you- in heat? But you are-"

"No, I want this, _I need this,_ " Taeyong says with a soft gasp from feeling Jaehyun's bare skin on him, words reminding both of them that this can't be heat that's talking, because he's on suppressant. "Please, I need this."

Why? But Jaehyun kisses him hard, unknown because of the effect of lingering sleep or the desperation which tugging at his heart, he didn't have an ounce of restraint nor rationality to hold himself back. Sliding his hands into Taeyong's silk pajama, tasting the golden skin with his fingers and drinking in the man's pleas with his tongue. The way Taeyong is trembling is making him hesitate, but the man keep grinding up right on his crotch successfully bringing all his blood to rush into his groin, burning his growing arousal.

Taeyong's top was fairly easy to take off, but when he slid in his hands into his pants, he noticed something is not right. Taeyong is not hard and he's not wet, it's alarming because if he really wants this like the way he's being so desperate to be touched, it shouldn't be like this. So when the man is pulling him down to kiss him again, he cradles his nape to pull him away and stare into his teary eyes.

"Taeyong, do you really want this?"

He exhales with a shudder, pulling at the body on top of him to feel the previous proximity all the while the heels of his feet still trying to push down Jaehyun's pants, "yes, please, I want this."

"Why?" Jaehyun asked firmly, becoming sober in every seconds it takes pinning Taeyong down with his hard stare, searching for answers.

"Because I want to feel you," for once he answered clearly, no confusion present and in all honesty his eyes showing Jaehyun of how desperate he really is. It's not obligation, it's not his mind thinking that he _have to_. He really want this. "I want to feel you more, closer, deeper in me," he said in a breathy tone, "don't leave me, stay... I want you."

"I will stay, even without this, you know that," Jaehyun said, softer, assuring and kissing the man gently to make his point across.

"I know, but-" he sobbed, fist pressed to his thundering chest, body and mind torn because he wants this, truly, raging within his every veins, and yet his heart is clenching painfully in an unspeakable fear and anxiety from the heat of Jaehyun's body around him. Deep down he wished, if he could feel Jaehyun close, have everything the man could give him, this fear will disappear and his mind be at peace, "I need this."

And Jaehyun couldn't, he just couldn't deny him despite the blaring alarm in his head. And he wants this too, he's been wanting so, a greedy desire which racking his bones. He's always so weak to tears, driven to please and Taeyong's tears hurts him deep within his chest, he wants to ease it away. Slowly he gathers Taeyong in his arms, pressing their chests together and kisses his lips very tenderly, taking his time despite the way Taeyong is pulling at his body.

"Call me," he whispered, soft yet holds a power which he'll not take any refusal.

"Jaehyun-shi-"

"My name, Taeyong. Call me just with my name."

Taeyong is squirming uncomfortably, eyes unsure but for the first time, he let his name comes out without reserve from his lips, "Jaehyun..."

"I'll be gentle," he whispered, heart leaping from happiness just because of that simple thing. But it is important, it holds a deep meaning for him, and this is Taeyong, so precious, so powerful his presence is to him. He kisses the lips down to his jaw, mapping every inch of his golden skin with the softness of his lips, grazing the trembling chest slightly with his teeth.

Taeyong tightens his arm around Jaehyun's head, pulling him back up, "don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, never."

"Hold me close, closer," he whispers, keeping Jaehyun's head pressed to the side of his cheek.

So he traces Taeyong's skin with his fingers, caressing every skin he could reach, burning awake the arousal within both of them. "Keep calling my name, Taeyong. I'm not leaving you."

"Jaehyun..." he shudders, not really knowing whether it's due to the growing fear or the arousal stirring under his skin, grinding up to feel their hardness colliding together lightly.

Jaehyun took off their pants expertly despite Taeyong is not letting him go, lean arms holding his body so tightly he couldn't even look down and instead pressing their faces close, kissing every skin that he could. He breathed in relief when he touched the wetness between Taeyong's legs, reassuring him that he really wants this. Attentively he's circling the wet opening with his fingers, pushing in carefully and relishing in the way Taeyong is moaning shakily to his cheek.

He take his time, slowly dragging at the inside, pressing at the sensitive spot to bring out more moans and gasps out of Taeyong's gaping mouth, golden skin glistening under the soft yellowish light of the bedside lamp, so beautiful to his eyes, causing shudders not only to his tensing body but also the affection deep within. Taeyong pulls at his nape to kiss and bites at his lips when he's pushing in another finger, stretching him open way too slowly.

"Give me, Jaehyun... Give me everything," he whispered between panting gasps, biting at his jaw as Jaehyun could feel the way his heart is thrumming strongly against his own.

He could feel Taeyong is growing more desperate and frustrated when he finally got three fingers in, pressing the heels of his feet on Jaehyun's lower back as he's thrusting his body to his fingers, "now, now please."

"I don't want to hurt you-"

"Please, Jaehyun, please," he sobbed to his ear, fingers fisting at his hair with a strong pull.

How could he say no to that? But it was too tight when he's pushing in, hissing in slight pain since Taeyong is clenching too tightly around him, "Taeyong-"

"Don't," he denied with a firm tone, embracing his body with all his might, "don't stop, don't leave me, _do it_."

And all rationality flew out the window because Taeyong feels so heavenly, so hot, so perfect, his hip thrusting forward in one swift motion to bury himself inside him, causing a half scream jumping out Taeyong's mouth. He stills when Taeyong is jerking under him, fingers digging into his skin as his face scrunching up in pain.

He pressed his forehead to Taeyong's shoulder to calm down his breathing and the urge to take without reserve, kissing him softly, his cheek, his eyes, his forehead until he could feel Taeyong is relaxing under and around him. The act wasn't a novelty to him, but with Taeyong, it feels a lot like this is his first time, to feel so strongly, so overwhelmingly that he could come undone despite not moving at all. This is his heart speaking, this wasn't something which entirely physical, not at all. There, right then, Jaehyun knows he couldn't lie to himself anymore about the truth of how deep his feelings run for the man within his arms. _Precious like no one else_.

"Jaehyun, everything..." the soft whisper to his collar bone was the cue he's been waiting for.

The bed bounces, moans filling the room along with his soft grunts from trying to keep his sanity intact. This is all about Taeyong, he wants it that way, he should come second because Taeyong deserve nothing else. Not long Taeyong comes with a cry, nails creating long, red marks across his pale skin and Jaehyun leave his own marks with bruises of red and purple on his golden skin. He too coming undone as he's trying to drag Taeyong's orgasm longer, pulling out just right to paint the golden skin in his white.

They stay tangled with harsh breathing, arms around each other unwilling to let go. It was a surreal, blissful moment for Jaehyun, but even in the lingering afterglow, he didn't miss to notice the strangeness that's taking place. Taeyong's heart is still hammering against his chest even though moments have passed, and his breathing is irregular, sometimes too fast and short.

"Taeyong-"

Suddenly he got pushed on the chest, only for Taeyong to curls away and vomiting to the floor, catching him in shock. He keeps hurling despite his stomach is already empty, bile and saliva being the only thing spilling out his heavy panting. Jaehyun snapped out of his shock to hug the man and stroking his back tentatively, knees bouncing on the bed about to leap into the bathroom to retrieve a towel but a strong grip on his forearm didn't allow him to.

"Don't leave, please... Please, don't leave me," Taeyong cries, voice stretched thin and tears wetting his cheeks anew.

Jaehyun couldn't say anything, brain coming to a halt. He didn't, he couldn't understand what's happening. He did noticed something was wrong, he did, but he didn't know it could lead to _this_ , whatever it is. And he stills there, scared, shocked and confused, knees digging into the bed and eyes to the floor in a silent scream of helplessness not knowing what to do.

 

One thing he did know was, he made a mistake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaay~


	18. Paw Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can he choose? He's greedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This more of Jaehyun's and Jungwoo's insight, in a way ;)))

He rubs his face, drenched by the cold water, but it will not erase the bruising under his eyes from the lack of sleep and stress hanging on his half dead face. So many questions storming in his mind as he stare back at his reflection, and all of them have no answers. He grew tired, brain feels overloaded from the nonstop spinning, he really need to sleep to be able to function well. At this rate, his works are also fucked. Jungwoo's incessant texts and calls aren't helping either, he know that he's late, he should already be in the office by this time, but he doubts he could do anything with his current predicament.

When Soonbok came this morning, she was utterly shocked seeing his appearance, everything about him is messy and screaming helplessness. She then promised to make him an easy breakfast and help with the other two so he could go to work without worries. But can he? _Bullshit_. He couldn't even stop worrying as he's standing there in his bathroom, that if something happen he could be where he needs to be in an instant, so how could he not worry when he go to work and it'll be harder for him to go home? What if something happen? It feels like it undoubtedly will. 

Taeyong. He sighed, leaning on the mirror tiredly, how could he leave him when the guy almost didn't allow him to even go to the bathroom? Right now Taeyong is huddled up in Johnny's arms at the living room, trying to calm him down. What went wrong? He didn't know. One moment it felt like everything was fine, Jaehyun was blessed to have him close and for once he gave in to his own feelings, and the next all of it crumbling down to nothing. He shouldn't be too greedy, he should have been be more patient and wait for them to be ready, alas, here they are. The images of Taeyong crying and vomiting won't leave his mind, feels so much like a punch to his greediness, it hurts, and gives him a sharp sting of regret with no trace of his previous euphoria.

 _Jaehyun, you are never good with feelings, aren't you?_ This feels a lot like when Jungwoo cried to you when you had a lover, doesn't it? Because you were too high in your happiness about having that special someone that you forgot about him and give him no attention which you should have given being the brother you are. But _this_ , this is more painful than that time, a lot more painful. Because when Jungwoo cried, he knew what he needs to do to placate him, give him enough candies and attention and he'll be back to the sassy brother he is. But with Taeyong? Jaehyun didn't even know what he did wrong, what the guy wanted from him and what caused this. Is it the sex? Because of his traumatic past? But he had always seem so fine, and persistent at trying to get into his pants even, so is it really the sex or was there something else? Why was he so desperate last night when he doesn't even seem aroused at first? What hole did he try to fill?

He wiped his wet face with a towel, shaking of any droplets of water out of his bangs and goes to the living room. There, Johnny give him a look, his big hands cradling Taeyong's small body which bundled up in his favorite blanket. Jaehyun come to sit beside them, peeking in to see that Taeyong is asleep, cheeks marred with trails of dried tears.

"He just fall asleep," Johnny informed, stroking the man's back gently.

"I see, that's good," he sighed in mild relief, worry ever present, "I didn't know what happened."

Johnny keep quiet although he's still looking at him with that look, unreadable yet not accusing, so Jaehyun guessed he still haven't fucked up so bad. "this happened before, when he was under a huge stress."

Jaehyun give him a questioning look, and Johnny elaborating with a sigh, "when we hybrids come to age, we'll be send to places, institutions, brothels, shops or others," he cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Taeyong was scared he'll be send to somewhere else where he knows no one, and something similar like this happened, he was in so much stress he wouldn't be able to eat and throw up at times. So, what happened last night?"

Jaehyun is visibly gulping, "well... You know how he would try to.... Suggest things. He did it again last night, but more... Persistent? And I can't... Say no. We did it, but after that he get like this, I don't know what- why?"

He hummed, appears to be thinking with the way his eyebrows furrowing, "you always said no, what changed?"

There, a hard jab to his stomach only from the words. _He's right Jaehyun, what changed?_ "I..."

"You realized what you're feeling for him and it's become harder to say no?"

Another jab and Jaehyun wants to bury himself alive, "I'm sorry... I did try to make sure he was okay with it but... This happened, god, I'm so sorry."

"You didn't know and he was the one who asked for it," Johnny said surprisingly, being the level headed person that he is, "I would even say you did amazingly well for denying him for so long. This happened, we have no control of it, we can't possibly know what's inside his head."

"Do you-" Jaehyun's question died on his tongue when Soonbok is coming in with a tray filled with bowls of soup.

"Have something in your stomach, here," she placed the tray on the coffee table, motioning for the guys to eat it, "I'll make something else later when you're ready to eat more. For now, especially you Jaehyun-shi, please eat this, you look like you're about to collapse anytime now. How about your work?"

"I'll think about it later," he accepted the bowl with a nod, cradling it on his lap with meaningful looks to both Soonbok and Johnny.

She gets it, "I'll be somewhere cleaning the house, call me if you need anything else."

"Thank you noona," both of them said.

"Please just, take care," she said before went away, leaving the three with privacy.

"Do you know what's happening, truly?" Jaehyun asked again.

"With Taeyong? No," he's leaning down on the couch, bringing Taeyong with him, pressed closer to his chest. "There was a time when I thought it's due to his past experiences, but I don't think it was that, at least not entirely. You know he helped me with my heats, there are times when he hesitated, almost seem scared, but it never last and it's gone like it's never there. And when he got adopted by other people, he was always put into that situation and not once did we ever heard him being returned due to him unable to do it, so I think it's safe to say it wasn't that which triggered this."

It wasn't the sex. But then, what is it? "stress... you say?"

"From what I've seen, yeah it might be due to stress. What stressed him so much though? He, _we_ , always lived in worst conditions than here, with you, but he never like this... And I thought he was getting a lot better, he's been the most cheerful and happy lately, what could it be?"

Jaehyun agreed wordlessly, Taeyong did. But then he remembers the time when he saw the strength in his amber eyes which he never know existed, and with it he got reminded of what led to it, "Hyungwon..."

"What?"

"He starts to get weird after Hyungwon came," Jaehyun mutters mostly to himself. "Remember? He start to eat less, talk less and always seem to be thinking about something. His nightmares too, coming back since then... "

Johnny tried to think about it, "you are right... But why?"

"Maybe seeing Hyungwon reminds him of what he gone through? Look, before Hyungwon, is there anyone else with similar experiences that got to be near him?"

Recognition dawning in his eyes, "I don't think there was..."

"See? Isn't it Hyungwon then who is triggering him to this?"

Johnny sighed, brushing back his hair in frustration, "in the end this all just assumptions. Let's just think about this later, I'm too tired to continue. Don't you also have to go to work?"

Now that Jaehyun is reluctant, "I do," he look to the hanging clock showing 10 am. He's so late, Jungwoo must be pissed. He's leaning over to see Taeyong's sleeping face, unable to stop himself from caressing the bloated cheek and Johnny lets him, "I have to go..."

He doesn't want to, he want to be there for Taeyong but Johnny understand, "it's okay, I'm here with him, you can go. Best to do it now that he's still sleeping, god knows he'll start crying if he sees you going."

Jaehyun cringed, that did happened, like this morning when Johnny have to grabbed Taeyong tightly just so Jaehyun could go to the bathroom. He had cried, pleading for Jaehyun to stay, to be where he could see him, gripping strongly at his shirt. Why was he that scared to have Jaehyun away? He already made a point that he'll never leave, what caused such fear?

He didn't waste any time to go to his room to change into his work attire. He's looking at his own reflection again, the picture perfect of being wrecked, he don't think he could show up looking like that at the office, this could create bad image what's more with these power hungry superiors, they would think he's unfit to inherit his dad's company later in the future. Oh the world, so frustrating to live in, everything that he do could lead to many scenarios. He knows these people would think he's unprofessional, incompetent and abusing his status, but he seriously is contemplating to work from his home with the situation as it is.

And as he just tied his tie, he heard a cry from downstairs, immediately knowing that Taeyong is waking up. He dashed faster than he ever did to the living room, met with the sight of Taeyong trashing on Johnny's lap, crying and trying to get away. A sight which ripping apart his heart, _can you go when he's like this, Jaehyun?_

"Calm down Taeyong, he'll go back, he'll never leave us," Johnny tried to hush him gently, but it's apparent from his restrained void that he's about to lose it.

"Jaehyun-shi!" he half cried and half screaming, hands in the air harrowing in emptiness and his eyes, there's so much fear in it, as if he's seeing something that terrorizing him, clouding his judgement.

Jaehyun hurried to his side, catching him in a tight embrace the instant Taeyong throw himself to him, his lean fingers digging painfully to his skin from how strong he's clutching at him, almost clawing and bringing out a sharp hiss from his lips, "I'm here Taeyong, I'm here, I'm not leaving anywhere."

He keep crying, screaming right to his ears causing a piercing ringing, face buried to the skin of his neck, wetting it with his hot tears, "don't leave me, please, don't leave me."

"I'm not, never. I'm here, I'm here Taeyong," he hushes tenderly, patting the shaking back.

It doesn't feel like he's embracing Taeyong, it feels like he's hugging a child crying for his mother, it was. And tears brimming in his own eyes, hurting from the pain which is plaguing Taeyong without knowing how to ease it, a butcher to his soul. Oh love, why is it so painful? What makes you suffer, Taeyong? He will do anything to rid it away, _anything_. But here he is, cradling Taeyong with all his might, crying quietly not minding that Johnny is there to see his vulnerability and his heart shattering with no means of comfort and answer.

For the first time in his life, he let his heart to feel and pain was his reward. Why fate is so cruel to them?

 

\--

 

To say Jungwoo is pissed when he asked him to arrange so he could work from home is understatement. The guy was grumbling non stop, shouting at times about how irresponsible he is being, until it gives away to a tone of disappointment, clear in his disagreement.

"You realized this is a crucial moment for you? All eyes are on you to see if you're fit to lead, the board can kick you down if they deemed you are unable to."

"I know, I know Jungwoo, I know very well the consequences of this."

"You've been doing so well, they have high hopes for you. And then suddenly... This? Can't you see he's a bad influence to you? You can't keep coddling him just for you to ruin yourself, Jaehyun."

 _Shut up, shut up, I know_. "He's not a bad influence, you don't understand, you have no right-"

"Will he break us apart too? I'm the one who's been there for you all these years, yet look at you, you can't even tell me things, you shut me out. Am I still your brother in your eyes?"

_You are, but now it's so clear that you never see me as such, and I can't give you that Jungwoo. I can't. And this is also my fault isn't it? Because I didn't want to hurt you, in turn I'm giving you false hope, a hope I'll never be able to fulfill because I can't see you more than a brother, as much as it hurts me to let you down. I know it's kinder for to let you know this, but I can't, for the love of god, bear to see you cry. Everytime I saw you cry all I can see is the you when you were lost, abandoned by your parents and it hurts to see. After all these years, that you was the only thing I see, isn't it? It's unfair, but I'm sorry I'm such a coward._

"You're my important brother, and it'll never change. I'll do my best not to let you down, but please, I really can't leave him alone like this."

The silence line is too tense and heavy with so much wordless consequences, and when his pained voice heard, Jaehyun is drowning in guilt, "what about me then?"

 _Can leave him alone, your brother?_ His heart is torn, god he didn't know what he should do, he's at lost, trapped in the endless chaos. "I'll always be there for you, if you need me."

"I don't think you are, Jaehyun. Because I'm the one who have to receive any backlash these people going to do because you're not here. So let me ask you again, what becomes of me? Your wall of defense so you can do what you want?"

"You know I would never put you in that situation if this is something I can avoid." he don't even understand anymore what was it they're talking about, everything is jumbled up and it's hard to untangle.

"Coward," he hissed to the phone causing a crackling noises, "you are so afraid of failure you try to do it all, have it all, but do you even try to see what happens? You're hurting everyone, me, even Taeyong. You can't have it all, you have to choose, Jaehyun."

"Jungwoo-" the line is cut off even before he could reply, the constant beeping tone slashing his heart with guilt and shame. Who is he kidding? Of course Jungwoo knows. Even then, they're blinding themselves and dancing around like fools with the thinning hope that they still can have each other. Him to keep his brother, and Jungwoo to have more of him.

Why is he like this? Why can't he just be honest and deal with it, even if it'll hurt the both of them? Isn't this gonna hurt them more? But Jungwoo will always be in his life, it's easier to stay in the bliss of ignorance, that everything is not falling apart, and they're also working together, there are his parents and he didn't want to ruin what they have. He's weak for Jungwoo, a foolish weakness that hurts them.

When he sees Taeyong's eyes though, all he can think about was him, and him alone. Making him fall deeper into the spiral of bad decisions, although he knows he's being stupid, that this is wrong, he can't stop to wish to remain in this cursed oblivion. How can he choose when he love both of them although in different ways? He can't, he can't, he don't want to lose anything. He's greedy, he knows.

But it let him see more into Taeyong's eyes, the way he's being so scared to be left alone, the way he's crying to him to make him stay, doesn't this feel so familiar, Jaehyun? You've been in a similar situation before, with little Jungwoo who refused to eat, curled at the corner of his dark room, crying to him because, he'll be left alone and he shouldn't be nice to him if he would just leave at the end. That kindness only hurting him because he thinks he could never have it to last, that temporary happiness will make him more vulnerable later in life. Isn't this similar to Taeyong's situation now?

 

That deep at the core of his heart, he's afraid to be abandoned.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp.
> 
> When he said 'abandonment issues', he understands it's deeper than what's seen.


	19. Paw Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dam is broken.

The constant clicking sounds become a lulling background in his bedroom, typing non stop on the small table he put on the bed as Taeyong lie asleep beside his thighs. Initially he was working in his study, fully equipped with documents and computer, now he have to work on his works with his laptop and the documents scattered on the floor beside the bed. It's not efficient, but it was far more inefficient to have Taeyong hovering around in his study, because apparently the guy can't be away from him for too long. The few times he tried to keep working in his study, Taeyong so stubbornly stayed with him even though that means he'll have to sit on the floor beside his desk.

Jaehyun told himself to stop wondering, but he couldn't, not when Taeyong is getting more clingy in unhealthy way. If he even leave Taeyong for a while, the guy would start to panic, and if he stay away longer, he would start crying and having a panic attack. Jaehyun is spent, physically and psychologically, he wants to be able to understand what's the origin of Taeyong's fear, but he always reached a dead end. Not to mention Taeyong also starting to be apprehensive with his mom, that in itself is weird considering how happy he was with his mom's warm welcoming.

"But why? I thought you like her?" Jaehyun had asked.

"I don't know," he rubs his shoulder incessantly, eyes down to his feet. His golden skin is now marred with scars from when he couldn't stop scratching at it. He said his skin feel itchy, but from the doctors whom Jaehyun called in, there was nothing wrong with his skin or anything else. It's alarming for Jaehyun to know that Taeyong's unstable mental state would be that bad to the point it affecting his physic too.

"She's been asking about you, I think she's worried," he said gently, hoping that by saying this Taeyong would try to get a hold of his mind better. But it seems like it's a bad move, because Taeyong start to scratch at his skin even harder, "no don't do that, don't hurt yourself like that."

"I can't stop," he whispered with a shudder, eyes shut tight and lip bitten it almost break the skin.

"If you need to hurt, hurt me instead, don't hurt yourself," Jaehyun pried away Taeyong's hands, gripping at it tightly when he try to scratch his skin again, "no, Taeyong-"

He's suddenly screaming then, thrashing in Jaehyun's hold and both Johnny and Soonbok have to help him to keep him still. Such a small body, but it holds so much strength that three persons could barely hold him down. After a while he finally stop, goes slack and almost fall to the floor if not for them holding him, energy spent from the breakdown.

They lay him down on Jaehyun's bed after that, and to let him rest properly Johnny and Soonbok left the room with worried looks. Jaehyun couldn't go away still because Taeyong's grip on his shirt remains strong and doesn't allow him to leave. He fell asleep for a few hours or so then, but when Jaehyun's phone vibrating on the nightstand, showing his mom's picture on it, Taeyong woke up and fear taking place on his face again.

"Don't go, don't leave me please... Please you can't."

Maybe he was still deep in his slumber which makes him said all that. But in the end, Jaehyun stayed and the call stopped ringing.

It feels like Jaehyun is become a prisoner in his own house, with Taeyong be the only key to his freedom. In turn it adds to Soonbok's job, because the groceries which Jaehyun always be the one to buy, now become her job too for obvious reasons. At first Johnny was adequate enough to ease Taeyong's anxiety whenever Jaehyun have to go somewhere, but even that starting to become less and less effective, and now Taeyong really didn't let him go where his eyes can't see him. _The car_ , Jaehyun suspect there is something connected with cars. Taeyong is more relenting if he go by foot, but when he tried to go with his car, Taeyong didn't allow him with fear stricken face.

He was fine with car before all of this happened, does that mean his fear awakening his other fears which was buried deep within him? The car, fear of being left behind, what does it tells him? Many scenarios there was, to which he didn't know which one is the truth. Maybe, Jaehyun needs to dig out Taeyong's past, or else he'll be aiming blindly. There's one more thing which is strange and starting to show itself, Taeyong seems to revert into... His child self? If Jaehyun and Johnny could even describe it as such. Isn't this feels like the guy have double personality then?

As Taeyong doesn't want to let Jaehyun go, it's inevitable that they can't have separate shower or bath, so they do it together. The first few times Jaehyun couldn't really understand what was it that's strange, until one day he bathed Taeyong and the said guy playing with water as he washed him. _A child_ , he's behaving like a child. And what was strange was Taeyong touching him innocently, in a way he never did, like a curious child, playing around and shoving at him playfully. That just successfully make the growing headache in Jaehyun's skull even greater.

Every night they still sleep together on Jaehyun's bed. Sometimes Taeyong hold his hand as if to make sure he won't go anywhere without telling him. Or when Taeyong was feeling well enough, he would hold onto Jaehyun as he sleeps, although with it his nightmare will hit harder and sometimes Jaehyun got woken up to a screaming Taeyong. The darkness, it always about the darkness whenever Taeyong told him what was his nightmare about.

Because of it now Jaehyun's room is never dark again. Sometimes the light from bedside lamp is enough to placate Taeyong, other times it's not and Jaehyun have to keep his room alight brightly, to which he couldn't sleep then being him already used to sleeping in pitch black. His work is deteriorating even more and that means more of Jungwoo's anger and long calls filled with his rants and disapprovals.

It's hard to calm Taeyong down when Jaehyun couldn't touch him. Before, he would cradle him on his chest, making him almost lying half bodily on him as he run his hands on the smaller back and the pink hair. Now, Jaehyun could only rely on his voice, whispering calming words with his softest voice, or dared himself to rub at Taeyong's arms, which sometimes is okay, other times Taeyong only get more scared. He would imagine himself embracing Taeyong gently as he speak the soothing words, hoping by doing that, Taeyong could feel it through his voice. Nothing can calm him more to see Taeyong finally sleeping without nightmare, something which is rarely ever happen now.

Some days Taeyong eat well, other days he couldn't keep his food long enough in his stomach before he throw up, face pale and even more frantic around Jaehyun. And he's torn, because Taeyong doesn't want to let him go, yet he also can't be too close with him. This is the worst push and pull Jaehyun ever experienced, and it makes matter worse because Taeyong have no control of it to which he couldn't make him stop.

It wasn't just Jaehyun, but it's affecting Johnny and Soonbok too since they have to tiptoe around Taeyong. But being too careful also have it side effects because it makes Taeyong uneasy and wary too, to the point he couldn't sleep nor eat when it get too much. Johnny made a passing remark about it one day, ' _this almost feel like when he just got into the orphanage._ ' Maybe he didn't mean anything to it, but Jaehyun thinks Johnny have a solid point there.

"Seeing him like this, I can only guess whatever happened with him which caused this, must took place when he was a child," Jaehyun said to Johnny as they're watching Taeyong playing with his blanket while watching TV, white ears and tail twitching cutely.

"What makes you think so?"

"Aside from what you told me about his orphanage life, you implied that there was nothing major happened, right? I've been talking to my friend who is a psychologist, his name is Doyoung. He said that maybe there was a happening in his past that makes him revert back to it since he have yet move on from it, it's like his time stopped there and it's showing up again now."

"But he was fine? He wasn't like this? I never see him like this?" Johnny argues, it doesn't make sense.

"You said he was... Like an empty shell when he came to the orphanage? What if it's him resetting his memories? Doyoung said it's possible for a child to do that to cope with traumas, in turn it allows them to create a different self, so it's not like he come terms with his trauma, he was just forgetting it."

Johnny look to Taeyong before he's visibly gulping out of worry, "so... Are you saying that something triggers that old self of him? That's why he's behaving like that? Then, where is his current... Self?"

"I don't know," Jaehyun sighed, rubbing his aching temples, "it should still be there, but it's the one being buried now with his old self, at least that's what I and Doyoung think."

"Will that him be back?" Johnny asked in whisper, scared for Taeyong.

"We need to find out about his past to know that," Jaehyun said, eyes firm and glancing to Taeyong warily to make sure the guy is not listening to their conversation. "I'm guessing the orphanage should have his documentation and why he was put to there. But it's hard to contact them and the one time I did, they refused to give me those datas despite I adopted him. Our best chance is for me to go there in person, to hopefully change their mind."

Johnny stay quiet for a moment, thinking deeply, "or... You can go to that lady who helped us a lot before."

That does feel like a true assistance in their blind seeking, "do you perhaps know how I can contact her?"

"I don't," Johnny sighed desperately, "all that I know before she left the orphanage was she went to Mokpo because the hybrids orphanage there was in terrible conditions. There was also rumours she actually have law degree and it might have something to do with her getting fired, but we don't really know."

"Mokpo..." Jaehyun is growing even more frustrated, that's a long journey and he couldn't go too far nor too long. Is it another dead end? "the orphanage is in Incheon, but even that is too far for me who can't go out. And I can't possibly ask you to do it without risking it, god knows what happen to lone hybrids out there despite the collar."

They could only look at Taeyong then, feeling confused and hopeless. The guy is playing with a tie now, most probably Jaehyun's although he didn't know where did Taeyong got it. If only everything was fine, maybe looking at Taeyong like this, playing around while humming and sometimes got distracted with the movie on the TV, it must be such an adorable sight. But...

Taeyong seems to realized he was being watched, turning his head to look at Jaehyun and Johnny then smiling widely, "look, look! I made a rose with a tie!"

"That's nice, although I wonder where did you get that tie from?" Jaehyun inquired with a somewhat sad smile.

"I found it under the table," he points at the coffee table, grinning cutely. The Taeyong they knew was always cute, always enthusiastic and easy to get excited, but still it feels different with _this_ Taeyong, with the way his voice is slightly more pitched and tone childish.

"It pains me to see him like this," Jaehyun whispered to Johnny with a long sigh.

"It feels so wrong," he agreed.

Johnny gets up then, claiming to be hungry and will search for Soonbok, while in whole truth he's giving Jaehyun a time alone with Taeyong. Because there's one thing they know for sure. Jaehyun gets up too and sit down beside Taeyong on the carpet, seeing the guy still fiddling with the tie.

"What are you trying to make this time?"

"A bigger rose!" he grinned, looking to Jaehyun only to look away again, with other reason than only focusing on the tie. Taeyong seems to feel uncomfortable to stare at Jaehyun in the eyes.

Jaehyun need to talk to Taeyong, the Taeyong whom he knows, not this child version, and so he's leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. Taeyong got surprised, but he lets him, ducking his face a little as his white fluffy ears flattening down to his pink hair in a way that tells he's feeling uncomfortable. Jaehyun keep kissing his face because it's not yet enough to drive him to the corner, coiling one arm on the slender torso. There, trembles taking over Taeyong's body and his eyes shifted.

"Don't..." he muttered in a tone Jaehyun knows so well. This is the one thing they know for sure about Taeyong's condition, that when his fear is triggered, his self which Jaehyun knows of will be the one surfacing instead. So he keep his arm around Taeyong, kissing him to push him out almost to the limit, "....stop, Jaehyun-shi-"

"Call me Jaehyun, please," he whispered with desperation, he needs to know to whom he's speaking with, "you have to call me Jaehyun."

Taeyong is shivering slightly, pushing at Jaehyun's chest, "Jaehyun please... Your arm..."

Kisses doesn't seem to evoke as much fear as arms around Taeyong, Jaehyun lets go then because he knew this one is the right Taeyong he wants to talk with. He took the blanket pooling on Taeyong's lap to wrap it tight around the smaller body, fisting the meeting ends right on Taeyong's chest as he's resting his forehead on his collarbone.

"I wish I can hold you," Jaehyun whispered, soft and sorrowful, "at least like this it feels as if I'm holding you." With the blanket as his arms which could no longer touch Taeyong without causing fear.

"Don't," he look away, unable to see Jaehyun's eyes, "don't look at me like that."

 _Like what? Like I'm in love with you?_ Another question Jaehyun couldn't voice out. Is it love that Taeyong is so afraid of then? "Then close your eyes," he said while kissing Taeyong's temple, slowly to his closed eyes to keep it that way, "you don't need to see." _To feel me, to know what is it that I'm trying to give you._

"Darkness... Scares me," he's trembling again, harder than before and Jaehyun recoiling back although he keep his hands on the blanket as it is.

"Taeyong-"

"I hate this," he cuts in with a sob, no tears seen yet but with the way his chest is shaking and the thrumming of his heart beats hitting Jaehyun's hands, it may start showing soon. "I hate it that I'm being like this, why?"

Jaehyun could only swallow the tightness in his throat seeing how pitiful and lost Taeyong are, his own eyes stinging with incoming tears. Why answers are always hard to be found, why must it be them to experience this, why must the world be so cruel to any of us?

"I want-" he sobbed harder, tears spilling out his closed eyes, finally looking up to stare into Jaehyun's eyes although only for a very short moment before he's staring at Jaehyun's hands which is on his chest instead, "I want to be hold by you, to kiss you, to touch you, I... I hate this."

Deep down, Jaehyun is asking, _why do you want that? Is it mere attachment? Or is it because you love me in the way I might love you too?_ But, does that even matter? Taeyong is here, hurting and lost, wanting to do so although he have to face his fear, when he could just push Jaehyun away and such fear would never have to be awaken? Doesn't that already tells a lot, Jaehyun? _Why words should matter when he already shown you this?_

"Then let me help you," he said firmly with determination, eyes fierce and unrelenting, "let me go so I can search about your past and with it I promise to save you, I promise." _You never throw words, Jaehyun, what makes you think you can do it? What if your promises are empty and all you will do is hurting Taeyong even more? But what other choice do they have?_ For Taeyong, he must, he have to, even if he will come out empty and torn, he will not stop. No. No more second guessing, no more hesitation, he will do it. _He will_.

Taeyong cried, glancing momentarily to Jaehyun as long as he could before he look away again, heart crushed as his mind and body torn in different wishes. "You can't make me say yes..." he whispered through his sobbing, tears wetting his cheeks down to his neck, "but I'm not... I also can't say no..."

And the dam is broken, Jaehyun fall to Taeyong's lap, body shaking as cries also racking his chest. Oh why does it hurts so much? "I will come back, I promise you I will come back to you, because I too want to be with you," he lets go of the blanket to hold both Taeyong's hands, kissing it with promises and desperation, "and I will bring you back to me."

Cries still spilling out Taeyong's quivering lips, but there's a smile there as Jaehyun look up to see his face, pained, lost, but always so beautiful in his eyes, "please bring me back."

And Taeyong leaning down, bumping their heads gently before he's kissing Jaehyun's lips so softly it almost feel like fleeting wind caressing his lips which wet by tears. It's barely a kiss, barely a touch, but their hearts did collide together in ways their bodies couldn't. Longing, so much longing and mixed feelings. If Taeyong is brave enough to face his fear, Jaehyun mustn't let him down. He have to be strong for both of them.

 

This might be his reason for living. For Taeyong.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many tears.....
> 
> Just to make it clear, Taeyong did not have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, or the more generally known as Double Personality).
> 
> It's more like his coping mechanism to behave differently, he didn't do it deliberately as it is a subconscious thing. For example like how we're behaving differently to person A and person B. He's aware of what he's doing, but he doesn't really realize he's behaving differently, although he may question himself why he did something, but he's much more concerned about his uncontrollable fear and may missed his childish behavior.
> 
> As for Jaehyun, didn't reallly know what's happening with Taeyong so he did what he did. It's also easier for him to cope by thinking that this Taeyong is different with the Taeyong he knew before. Hence he need to differentiate them by asking Taeyong to call him "Jaehyun", while the more childish side will call him "Jaehyun-shi".
> 
> Until the next update!


	20. Paw Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you sure about this?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is the prelude to the BIG revelation next!

Even when his eyes are open, room alight and the noises of TV is heard, he could see the seeping darkness at the back of his mind, dulling his senses and everything about the world swept away into it. It's there, quiet, still but also pulsating in ways it can't be described. It's as if Taeyong is seeing but also blind, hearing and deaf, feeling yet numb. Where does this comes from? What is that the darkness is trying to show him? If he tries to reach out into it, there's a hard pull at the core of his heart trying to swallow him whole and he jerk away in fear because it feels like he's about to lose himself to it.

Sometimes, there's a woman's voice, soft and gentle, yet it awaken more fear and panic within Taeyong's heart, so much terror racking his whole body. If he's holding onto Jaehyun's arms, it seems to ward off the darkness temporarily, only for it to come back even stronger when he look at his warm eyes and the way his arms around him. Whose darkness and voices was it?

When he's too tired to keep his mind running, sometimes images of Hyungwon haunts him under his eyelids, broken, lost and so... _Alone_. And it was always of the same images, of when Hyungwon would clutch, clawing and holding onto Minhyuk for dear life, afraid for everything and everyone other than that man who was there with him in whatever nightmare they lived in. And Taeyong would often see the images of Hyungwon calling for that man, Minhyuk, over and over again as he got swallowed into the darkness and no one was there to keep him afloat. Is this Hyungwon that he is seeing, or was it his own self in the form of Hyungwon's images that he's seeing? Isn't this why he was scared to see Hyungwon, because it feels like he's looking into a mirror? Is it himself then, that he keep seeing?

But why looking too long or being too close with Jaehyun terrified him so much? What was the connection between him and the darkness which plaguing him? Is it truly Jaehyun that he's scared of, or was it whatever darkness he seems to evoke within him? What is this? Where does it comes from? Why is this happening? Who or what is he actually scared of?

Taeyong doesn't know, and he's not sure if he really wants to know. If this darkness with no answers could terror him that much, would the answers hurt and scare him even more? How would Jaehyun be so sure that knowing whatever this is, wouldn't make him more terrified? What if he dig out more nightmares than conclusions? Taeyong can't say yes, nor he can say no, and he's not ready. At all.

 

\--

 

The voice which greeted Jaehyun when he took the incessant calls was deeper than he thought it would be, it's not Jaebum's voice despite what the caller id said, "is this Jackson?"

"Yes it's me, Jaehyun, I'm sorry I've been calling repeatedly. Jaebum want to talk to you but he's been too busy so I figured I would have to do it myself."

"It's okay Jackson, is there something that you need?"

There's a soft sigh and his voice sounds more uncertain then, "we've been wondering why you guys haven't visited yet."

"Ah..." Jaehyun is at lost of what to say, "I've been thinking that I might burden you too much with how busy you guys are right now. But we will come to visit again when things are slowing down."

"Because of Hyungwon?" it was a question they both know the answer to, "things are already slowing down, in a way. Jinyoung had a friend who's willing to take in both Hyungwon and Minhyuk, although we think it'll be better for those two to stay longer with us until they are familiar with this friend of Jinyoung. The kids have been asking for you guys, they missed you, especially Bambam... He's worried about Taeyong. Is he okay?"

 _Is he okay? No, not at all_. But Jaehyun can't possibly say that, "he's not doing so well, to be honest. But I'm trying to make him feel better, don't worry about it."

"Of course I'm worried, you can't tell me not to," Jackson huffed, letting a short silence to fill in before he speak again, "why won't you tell me? You know we want to help, if you're holding back like this it'll only make us even more worried, you know?"

Jaehyun sighed deeply, rubbing his face in exhaustion, "okay, truthfully I'm spent, I'm at lost and Taeyong is getting worse. He-" he stopped, not sure to tell the whole truth and possibly making it worse to his psych, "I think I need to look up his past, but I can't really be away from him for too long because... He's frantic, he needs to keep me close and I'm... I don't know."

"We can come over, me and Jinyoung, his doctor friend knows Taeyong already, maybe we can get him a prescription to keep him relaxed," he said in a very soft voice, calming and grounding.

"Relaxed...? What kind of-"

"Just a relaxant to keep away the anxiety, don't worry it's not addictive, it's not narcotic."

"I... I don't know what to think about it," Jaehyun said honestly, he had been trying to make do without any medicine, but maybe Jackson had a point.

"Jaehyun, I understand where you are coming from, what's with the stigma in this society. But relying on it, does not mean that Taeyong is at the bottom of the abyss. Is it wrong to use a pliers when we want to pull out a bad nail? No, it's a help, it doesn't make the situation worse. What will make it worse is trying to pull that nail out using your fingers and hurting yourself because you don't know better."

As expected of Jackson to make a weid analogy which hits at the right places, "okay... Okay, I understand."

"Good, I can't believe you wait until now to tell me that, you can be somewhat dumb," he chuckled and Jaehyun wasn't even offended, because well, this is Jackson, he knows the man only meant well. "I think the sooner the better, when are you planning to go?"

He really have a quick wits, don't he? Jaehyun only said so little yet he already knows the situation, "I was thinking of going today, but it's too late now as I was thinking of what to do to make it less problematic when I'm away. So possibly tomorrow if you could...?"

"Tomorrow, hmm," there's rustling of papers, "it's possible, I'll try to ask Jinyoung to come here in the morning so we can go to your place as soon as we can."

"I'm sorry to bother you-"

"Hush, you bother us more when you make us worried, no more of that," Jackson snorted, "I'll text you for details later, Jaebum's phone is mine for now, so be sure to look at it."

"Alright," Jaehyun chuckled out of relief, calling out when the man is about to hang up, "Jackson? Thank you, for everything."

"That's what friends are for, darling," and although Jaehyun couldn't see him, he can feel it that Jackson is winking. He feels blessed to have known them, truly.

 

\--

 

At 6 am Jaehyun and Johnny are already awake and worries for the day, "are you sure about this?" Johnny asked with uncertainty in his slightly trembling voice, having be the one in charge as Jaehyun need to step out.

"Honestly, no," Jaehyun exhales slowly, trying to push down his anxiety, hoping for Taeyong not to wake up just yet, "but at least there will be Jackson and Jinyoung if anything goes wrong."

"Shouldn't you tell him first before you go out?"

"And risking it if he doesn't allow me and I force it and make it worse?" he said with a jerked eyebrow.

"Well, if you say it like that..."

"I heard Jinyoung have pharmacology degree, and with his experience in his pharmaceutical company, I think he'll know what to do," Jaehyun tried to placate.

"But he doesn't have license to administer drugs," Johnny stressed, kind of surprising Jaehyun that he have that knowledge, probably from what he studied through books and newspapers.

"He doesn't, but he got a friend who's a doctor who does have it, and he understand doses so I'll trust him," Jaehyun give Johnny a firm grip on his shoulder, "it'll be okay, just for today."

"You don't know if it's going to work out or not today, if the orphanage still doesn't want to give you the data, you'll most probably have to go to Mokpo and I'm sure that can't take just a day."

"God, Johnny, I'm already stressed as it is, I don't need you to make me even more stressed," he groaned, rubbing his face in a way that he's starting to reconsider his choices.

"We have to prepare for the worse, don't we?"

"Just..." he sighed, have no resources to think of any other ways, "let this happen, this is important and believe it, today will be okay, alright? It'll be okay. And I'm not going to Mokpo yet, Incheon is near and I can go back fast, so don't stress, don't make me scared, and just... Try your best, okay?"

Jackson and Jinyoung managed to come at 8 am, when Taeyong has yet waking up and Jaehyun dashed out to chase after the ticking time. Thank god to GPS, he managed to get to the orphanage without getting lost and wasting more time. Although it does seem like he's still wasting time because the orphanage staffs still refused, vehemently denied his request to open Taeyong's documents, although he had gone so far to beg and offered more for the favor, they don't even let him read it there on the spot. It's as if they're scared of something which Jaehyun isn't sure of what.

"I will not bring any of it with me, I just need to read it, that's it," he stressed, jabbing his finger to the mahogany table with emphasis.

"It's our orphanage policy Jung Jaehyun-shi, we can not let you see it, no matter what you have to say," the old man stressed back, teeth grinding together in a show that he's running out of patience with Jaehyun.

"I adopted him and Johnny, I have the papers here with me as you can see and I have rights to know their documents," he keep pushing it to the limit, oh hell he would start a fight or anything just to make sure he have it. But his mind is in two places, he couldn't focus solely at breaking down this old man's shitty persistence because his phone have been vibrating in his pocket. And he knows just what kind of texts are flooding in, from what he had read before when he got a chance to.

It full of Johnny's texts with similar words like, ' _when are you going to be back?' 'please get back fast' 'Jaehyun are you still gonna take longer?' Taeyong is starting to..._ ' and the last pressing text his received was, ' _Jaehyun please go back as soon as you can, we can't hold off any longer_.' For the love of god, he need to be fast, yet he needs more time to tear this old man apart. If only he could do that in literal sense because this man really is testing his temper, he's not a person who agree with violence, but he sure is contemplating it just so he could break this man's triumphant face when he have no words left to say.

By the time lunch time is over, Jaehyun is sure he couldn't crack anyone in that orphanage, he had done so much to the point some caretakers started to gather and watching him with curious looks. Walking out the orphanage empty handed, Jaehyun is not so keen to go home despite he must to, it feels like he failed everyone, himself and Taeyong. He feels useless and he couldn't stop blaming himself. Was he too arrogant to think he could do this? If he wasn't sitting on the bench at the bus stop with the public could see him, he's surely be crying by this time, so frustrated.

A salvation came in a different form though, "hey."

Jaehyun look up from his bending form to see a lady standing near him, a woman he didn't recognize, but she does seem to know him, somewhat, "yes?"

"Are you the one who adopted Taeyong?" she asked, legs shifting in hesitation and unease.

He straightened up then, "yes I am, and you are?"

"I'm a caretaker in the orphanage," she said with a low voice, sitting down beside him while looking around as if she's wary some eyes might be watching them, "it's no use, the orphanage wouldn't open any data to outsiders, they are afraid those will be used against them."

 _Used against them?_ "I'm aware of it by now, and...?"

"Here, a person who could help you," she slip in a piece of paper into Jaehyun's coat pocket, "I don't know if the contact number is still active, but I do know her address is still the same, she could help you."

Jaehyun is urged to take out the paper to look at it, but decided against it since this lady seems too wary to even be talking with him, it must be for a reason, "do you perhaps know Taeyong?"

A smile blooming on her lips then, "yes, I know that boy, you could say I raised him too. And I've seen your persistence in the orphanage, and I believe... You need it for a good reason, yes?"

"A good reason, yes, I want to help him..." he searches her eyes, there's nothing but honesty in it, "who is this person I'll be talking to?"

"She was a caretaker at this orphanage too, years even before Taeyong came to us. You could say she was the reason why the orphanage disallowed any data to be seen by outsiders anymore."

Somehow, Jaehyun made the connection, "is she the same person who got fired because she stole foods for the hybrids?"

"Foods?" she laughed sarcastically with a snort, "truth is she stole datas from the orphanage and was about to bring it up to the court and media about inside happenings. Do you really think an orphanage like this would fire someone just because they stole foods? Every kids here stole foods, some of us the caretakers too, it was definitely _not_ the food which got her fired."

Maybe there is an admiration rousing in his chest as he heard that, another person who is brave enough to make changes, to bring justice, "do you think she would have Taeyong's data?"

"Of course, it was Taeyong's case which got her caught. She was planning to lay low and gather as much as she could before she bolt out and spread it out. But Taeyong's case was a pressing matter of life and death, so she got careless and... I'm thankful enough they let her go amongst other horrible possibilities which could have be done to her."

Jaehyun understand, "the mafia... Because even though it's a government facility, they always play a part behind it all." Free hybrids for the markets, these guys would surely put a hand in it and with the woman holding such inside information, she's a threat. "That's why she ran to a far away place... But then, they must be keeping an eye on her still."

"Yes, but after years I think they stop thinking that she's a threat, after all they made sure she destroyed any datas she had found. But of course they didn't know the fact that she already sent those datas before it to other people for the same cause," there's a glint in her eyes which Jaehyun caught the meaning of it.

"She's waiting..." he muttered in awe.

"Maybe it's time for the movement to start," she smiled, standing up hastily then, "I shouldn't be seen with you after what you pulled off at the orphanage. I hope you use this information wisely."

"Wait, what do you mean by Taeyong's case was a matter of life and death, and are you gonna be alright?" he asked in worry, because she's putting herself in danger just by helping him.

"He was about to be put to death because the orphanage saw him as too much problem and irreparable broken goods," she grimaced with a shiver. "I will be fine and after all, I'm her eyes here," she grinned with pride, stepping backward with a wave of her hand, "send my regards to her and Taeyong! Oh, and Johnny too!"

Before Jaehyun could ask for her name, she already ran off and disappeared. He quickly take the paper out of his pocket and reads it. Phone number and an address. Suddenly it seems that other than searching for a clarity, Jaehyun is on for another mission now. Too much danger, too much things could go wrong, but the notion of being able to help more people like Taeyong, Jaehyun feels moved to do so. And he's not alone, he have Jaebum and Jinyoung who are already gathering more people for the change.

 

A journey to Mokpo he will go.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be bittersweet fluff in the next chapter.
> 
> And please prepare your heart for the revelation because it will be..... Super angsty.


	21. Paw Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His soul died that day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is the big reveal. I tried to soften it so it won't be too triggering for the faint hearted...

The first thing which greeted him as he pull up his car to his driveway was a white sedan which he knew so well. Of course, that's the car he bought for Jungwoo just because he felt guilty for having a lover few years ago, he feels mildly bad for still keeping the pattern up until now. _You fucked this up by yourself Jaehyun, you can only get angry to yourself._

When he got out of his car, he saw Jungwoo standing in front of the front door with an expressionless face, "why are you here?"

"Why am I here, indeed," Jungwoo deadpanned not without a hint of sarcasm, he pulled out a big envelope from under his arm, "here's the time sensitive documents I received from the head manager today, I figured mailing it will take too long."

"Ah, that documents, thank you," he took the envelope and hesitant when he asked, "do you want to come in?"

"No, I just came out and I don't want to go back in," Jungwoo said with a strange voice, hands rubbing his arms as if he's feeling uncomfortable.

"Why...?"

"I might saw something I shouldn't have," he sighed, changing his standing posture as he put his hands on his waist, looking at Jaehyun with unreadable face.

What could he possibly seen for him to say that? Jaehyun feels alarmed, but he also know Jungwoo have more to say, "is there-"

"Look, Jaehyun," he cuts in with a firm voice, "what are you doing?"

 _What am I doing?_ Why he asked that? "What?"

"I'm tired and I did rather you put an end to this and free me."

There, Jaehyun is forced to face his bad decisions which have been going on for too long, too overdue, yet still, still Jaehyun could not admit it, "I don't understand what you're saying."

Jungwoo scoffed, starting to walk away but Jaehyun didn't miss the glisten in his eyes, "sure, you don't."

He stopped him by catching his wrist, "no, Jungwoo-"

"You are a fucking coward!" he slapped his hand away and didn't hide the brimming tears in his eyes anymore, "how dare you said that when the fucking word was always at the tip of your tongue!"

"Because if I say it than I'll make it real!" Jaehyun exclaimed in frustration, far too stretched to think over his words and regretting it the next seconds, "I mean-"

"You want to pretend nothing is wrong? For how much longer? Even though you know that hurts me?" he stares at him in storm of disbelief, pain, sorrow and disappointment.

"I can't-" Jaehyun stopped, throat tight and there's a sting to his eyes, realizing he's only seconds away to ruin it all, "I can't say anything to what you never say."

Jungwoo lets out a short pained laugh then, eyes red and anger filling in, "you know of all the people that I can not say it. Even without me saying it, _you know_ , you fucking know yet you decided to deny it and pretend everything is alright? Just so you can keep me? To keep me as your-"

"I don't want to lose you!" he said also tainted with anger but most of all, regret and fear.

Jungwoo stares at him with so much pain, so much disbelief, "do you think so little of me?"

"It's the opposite! I- I care so much about you, you're too important for me that I'd rather to stay blind than to ruin us! I... I can't see you cry, please don't look at me like that."

"I'm not the kid that locked in his own room, Jaehyun, I'm not anymore," Jungwoo said with a hiss, suppressing the cry although he couldn't stop the lone tears rolling down his cheek, "is that why you keep pulling me back when I wanted to move on because you thought I'll break when you say no to me?"

Jaehyun have no words to say, no more excuses because Jungwoo is determined to lay it all out for them to see the rotten flesh gnawing within them for years, "you never say it."

"Of course I can't from where I'm standing! I'm here because your dad's extended hand and do you think I have it in me to ruin it? For my own selfish desire? I maybe a coward, but you knew and you chose to stay blind and that makes you a bigger coward than me! And whenever I tried to let go, you pulled me back by doing and buying things because you thought that will make it all better. But I can't let go when you hold me too tightly, I can't let this go by myself!"

"What makes you said all this?" Jaehyun muttered so softly that Jungwoo almost didn't hear it, but he did.

"Because I saw him and I know this is different than any other times before," he said in a similar soft voice, "and I hate that I'm feeling like this, knowing that I'll never get what I want but you'll still keep me in the way that torn me apart, giving me everything except that one thing only for you to throw me aside and go back to him. I'm... I'm tired Jaehyun."

"I... I don't want to lose you."

"You can't have it all Jaehyun, from the start we were never brothers-"

"Don't say that," Jaehyun pleaded, "please don't say that, you're the only place I could go back to, Jungwoo, my brother-"

"And where is my place? You made it that I have nowhere to go, do you really think doing this won't ruin us? That you won't lose me? You're the one who's ruining us, not me. No, _it's you_ ," he cries without a sound, only his tears wetting his cheeks.

"Jungwoo I-"

"Just fucking say it, say it Jaehyun," he pleaded too.

"I- I can't," because then he'll make it real even though Jungwoo already uncovering the veil, but the words will make it even more solid that they were never what they tried to believe in.

"Are you afraid to hurt people, Jaehyun? Or are you afraid to hurt yourself?" he scoffed, starting to walk away again, "fuck you Jaehyun, honestly, fuck you."

"If I say it then we will never be able to go back! And I don't want that."

Jungwoo turned around then, grabbing at the suit over his chest, his heart, "this. _This_ is too heavy for me to take off alone, Jaehyun. I need your help but you never help me, you made it worse. Your kindness hurts me because I can't kill it even though I know I'll never have it."

And Jungwoo left without turning back anymore, driving off in his white sedan and away from Jaehyun who's trying his best not to cry.

_But you were always crying, you were so broken and I'm too used to put back pieces of you to fix you. And with it, I spoiled you like nothing I ever done with anybody else, because that's the only thing I know to stop your cry and I don't want to be the reason of your tears. I know, I know that by doing that it's hard on you to see me with others because all my attention had always been yours, and yours alone. But when you tried to let me go, I'm scared that it'll break you and I'll never be able to fix you again and you'll be alone to cry with no one able to reach you. I can't do that. But it's useless, isn't it? I made you cry._

Jaehyun kicked his car in frustration, mind so overloaded with many emotions and thoughts. He can't do this all, with Taeyong and Jungwoo, he's being beaten to crumbs, and who's gonna put his pieces back? No one, there's no one. Why must his heart is so weak? If only he was brave enough to say what Jungwoo's wanted him to say, but he couldn't when he's still haunted with how terrifying it was the image of a boy wasting away in his room as he cried without no one to mend his broken heart. So how could he have it in him to break the heart he spent years to fix? Even when he knows he's also tearing it to pieces as he keep doing this shit.

"Jaehyun?"

He look up in surprise to see Johnny standing behind the opened door, looking at him with worry, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay..." he forced himself to smile, walking into the house and once again, pretends that nothing happened with Jungwoo. They are still the brothers he believes in, just like always. A nonexistent always.

"I heard voices," Johnny said obviously unconvinced.

"It's nothing, how was Taeyong?" he brushed it off, having no space in mind to stay thinking when everything just came up jumbled and chaotic.

"He's calm now, but he was... You know, like always," Johnny sighed, "he kept crying for hours and starting to have difficult breathing until Soonbok noona started to told him things about you. And I guess the drugs finally kicking in."

"Things...?" now that makes Jaehyun worried.

"Just little things like when you were a baby and playing with your own shit from the diaper," Jackson snickers, suddenly making his and Jinyoung's presence known to Jaehyun.

He groaned and look past the three to a giggling Soonbok, "of all things you could say, you told them that?"

"What? It worked like miracle, you can't blame me," she shrugged with a nasty grin, "that was the first thing which caught his attention and we were able to stop him from panicking, you should be thankful I was that creative."

"Never would thought you were a naughty boy, Jaehyun," Jinyoung shook his head with a mocking grin and Jaehyun just had enough.

"Whatever, where is he now?"

"He's in your room, probably sleeping," Johnny answered and their playful mood dissipating from seeing Jaehyun in a bad mood.

He didn't say anything more and climb up the stairs, only hearing their soft voice saying, ' _did something happened?' 'did we hit a nerve?_ ' And he didn't have a mind to ease their worry, only wanting to see Taeyong so badly and make sure he's okay, since it's the least he could do after fucking up too much things in his life. The curtains was shut so his room is dim and Jaehyun could only see the silhouette of the furnitures inside and a man lying on his big bed.

He sit down slowly on the bed, afraid to wake Taeyong up, brushing away the pink hair gently to see dried tears staining his bloated golden cheeks. His heart hurts seeing it, for making him suffer only to come back empty handed. Maybe he's being unreasonable to himself because he didn't really come home with nothing, but he's way too worn out to be able to soothe his own ill feelings and thoughts. Why can't things goes just the way he wish it to be?

Suddenly Taeyong is stirring in his lay, long eyelashes fluttering open and amber eyes looking up to him, "you come back..."

"I promised you so, didn't I?" he whispered, heart full but also relieved to see Taeyong smiling softly to him, he kissed his forehead and stroking at the pink hair, gently scratching at the white ears occasionally. Maybe it's a bit worrying to see Taeyong being able to stare at him although there's a hollowness inside his amber eyes. Maybe it's the drugs.

"You didn't say goodbye..." Taeyong said in equal whisper, his lean fingers curling on Jaehyun's arm, "please don't do that."

"I'm sorry, I won't," he tired to smile, another guilt stacking up in his mind for his bad decisions.

"I don't want to be put under again," he said a bit sad, a bit disappointed. "it's hard to feel, but it's strange not to feel anything."

Jaehyun want to say no, because he need to go far away in the next day, but how can he deny Taeyong when this is about his life? It'll be a shit show, but Jaehyun found himself saying, "okay..."

"Can you hug me?" Taeyong asked, voice floaty but there's no hint of uncertainty in it, "I think I can do it right now."

"Are you sure?" Jaehyun is not sure it's okay, he don't want to trigger the man like the other times, is it his delirious side talking?

"Please," he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment before staring at him again, calm and sleepy.

So Jaehyun is hugging him, pulling his head to rest on his chest as his arms coiling around his smaller body, tight and warm. _Oh_ how he missed this so bad, to feel Taeyong so close, fitting perfectly in his frame as if they were made for each other. They stay in a languid silence, comfortable and relaxing like a still water. Jaehyun keep stroking at the pink hair, sometimes rubbing his back and kissed his cheek, for too much longing have been trying to break free.

Somehow, Jaehyun find himself asking, "do you think I'm a bad person?"

Taeyong didn't say anything for a moment, causing Jaehyun to think that he had fallen asleep, until he said, "I don't think you're a bad person, you're kind... Too kind."

"Don't you think too much kindness is also bad?"

He blinked, not really seeing anything as it is require more focus to even understand the words being said, "why would it be bad?"

"It makes you attached, makes you dependent, and when it's gone... It feels like the ground is crumbling down, isn't it? It makes us weak, and changes is scary," Jaehyun whispered, every words he knitted together was what he's feeling towards Jungwoo. Maybe he's the giver between them, but it's true that he did that to keep Jungwoo there as the little brother he sees him as. How greedy and weak he is too be scared to lose it in the expense of Jungwoo's pain.

"Maybe," Taeyong's soft voice bring Jaehyun out of his thoughts, "but I think it depends on the person... If they are a strong person, they'll take your kindness as a strength to be better, to give you back just as much and more... I think. Things changing for us to grow stronger, isn't it?"

 _A strong person_. Jaehyun think about it more deeply, trying to see where was wrong in his point of view and he hears it, the echo, ' _I'm not the kid that locked in his own room, Jaehyun, I'm not anymore_.' Oh, his heart is aching as the realization slapped him in the face, how unfair he was to Jungwoo, how terrible of him to force the image of his weak, vulnerable state on him even though so many years had passed.

How could he missed it? Jungwoo is not the same kid he need to cradle to sleep and playing with his fingers to make him eat his food. Now he's a strong, independent adult who got his job with his talents and intelligence, clever and witty with a charming personality. He stands on his own feet, Jaehyun. _And yet despite you can't stop thinking of him as the weak kid you need to take care of, you throw so much shit on him just so you can take care of Taeyong whom you might probably love, although you know damn well Jungwoo loves you. Goddammit Jaehyun, you're a fucking jerk._

"I want to be better..." Taeyong said again ripping Jaehyun off his inner turmoil, "your kindness encourage me that I could, and I will. I don't think your kindness is bad, Jaehyun..."

 _Maybe not to you, but I did to someone else,_ Jaehyun exhales shakily to suppress the anguish inside his tightening chest, there's so much he have to mend with Jungwoo. He took Taeyong's hand to kiss it, to keep himself in the present as he touch the tender warmth which only Taeyong could evoke within him, "what do you think of me, Taeyong?"

He took a while to think about his answer, positively looking sleepier than the minutes before, "a beach..."

"A beach?" Jaehyun asked in surprise, now feeling sure that the drugs is messing with Taeyong's head.

"Yeah... Like the white sand beach I saw in the magazine," he chuckles, voice too soft it almost disappears in the air.

"Well... I guess that's a good thing," Jaehyun chuckle along too, brushing back the pink hair to place a kiss on his forehead again, "does that mean you see me as a cheerful person? Beach feels like a cheerful place."

Taeyong keep quiet although a smile still playing on his lips, such a rare sight that Jaehyun missed so dearly, so he hugs him a bit tighter taking advantage of the situation before they couldn't do it anymore. After a moment, Taeyong said, "no... It's more like... Serene and gentle, so vast and warm, but holds a loneliness which easily missed by it's beauty. You feel like that..."

 _Lonely_ , maybe he is. It kind of surprised him to realized that maybe Taeyong is that observant, just how deep did he able to see Jaehyun? The image which came to his mind is of him standing alone in a beach, limitless ocean at the horizon, bright sun above him but so alone, so little, so insignificant. It feels strange to see himself in the eyes of others, but to know that Taeyong see a beauty inside him, spreading warmth in his chest, something akin to relief and contentment.

"Then you're a garden full of flowers," he said, voice soft and might as well lulling Taeyong into sleep, "beautiful and easy for the eyes, but fleeting. Because as the seasons change, the flowers will wilt and become something different, a bit sad and longing, but still beautiful nonetheless in different ways. New flowers will bloom then wilt, only to bloom again, a strength that is unbending yet gentle and grounding. You're a rebirth, a change, seemingly insignificant yet it moves people's hearts."

They stay in the comfortable silence, skin touching and soul mingling from the shared words and thoughts. Jaehyun doesn't want to let Taeyong go, even more so when they knew this tranquility will disappear along with the morning comes. But it's not impossible, Jaehyun believe they will find themselves in this again in the future without any chemicals playing a part. They will.

"Is it a nice change?" Taeyong asked in a whisper before he's slowly falling asleep.

"You are," Jaehyun said with all honesty filling his heart, _for me, for us_.

 

\--

 

The first thing he did when he woke up was to call Jaebum and told him how sorry he was that he didn't escort Jackson and Jinyoung back home after they have done so much for him. Jaebum reassure him that everything was okay and they understand he was tired, more psychologically than physically, only that he made Jaehyun promise he wouldn't try to do it all by himself and talk to them when he need help. Jaehyun said it verbally that he would do that, but he didn't tell Jaebum he would need said help that day since he'll be going to Mokpo, because he feels guilt and shame for being selfish yesterday.

"It'll take me two hours and half by train, but I'll try to come back as soon as I could," he told Johnny and Soonbok, to which the woman took out a strip of pills.

"Jinyoung gave me this, it's antihistamine, it's safe and it'll make Taeyong sleepy."

"He told me he didn't want to be put under."

"No, there's a different one for that, and we will not use it," Johnny informed, grabbing Jaehyun's shoulder for strength, "we will try our best, try not to worry."

"Hard to do, but I'll try," Jaehyun answered in a whisper, patting Johnny's arm before he went back to his bedroom to wake Taeyong gently, "Taeyong, I'll be going now."

He didn't turn around refusing to look at Jaehyun, but he's awake and he heard him, "please come back."

"I will, I will always come back to you."

"Please don't make me say another word," Taeyong whispered, body slightly trembling and might be crying although Jaehyun didn't know because he couldn't see him.

So he say nothing, leaning down to kiss Taeyong's head gently before he start to walk away, "please wait for me, I'll be back before you know it."

A lie, but they need to voice it out, a false sense of relief to calm down their anxiety. And he goes to seek truth and clarity, to put a stop to their pain and promises for a better future. The train journey is filled with worry although in those hours Johnny didn't text him anything, he's almost sure everything might be not fine, but he can only focus to finish his mission now. It's a bit harder to find the address he's going this time around, since it's not to another orphanage but instead a rundown apartment in a small alley.

His heart went thundering in his chest as he bring up his knuckles to knock at the thin door, not ready to find whatever the past have in store for him. After he knocked, it took only a short moment before the door opens and revealing a woman behind it, beautiful with bleached hair and shorter than him.

"Excuse me, my apologies to bother you in the morning but-"

"Are you the man who's asking for Taeyong's documents?" she asked effectively, staring firmly at Jaehyun when he got caught by surprise and confusion. "I received a mail telling me about it just this early morning, please come in."

The inside of the apartment is nice and clean although small and the building outward appearance look so hideous, the woman seems to be a practical person who have a nice sense of decorating. She lead him to sit at the only available couch in that small space, going to an even smaller kitchen to make some tea for him, "everybody loves tea, right?"

Jaehyun is not so sure about that statement, but he's not there to argue, "I love tea."

"My name is Hyohyeon, I'm guessing Soonkyu didn't even tell you that?" she asked with a smile while pouring hot water to a teapot, face young and warm although Jaehyun could sense it that this woman might be a lot older than she seem.

 _Who the hell is Soonkyu anyway?_ Jaehyun supposed it's the lady from yesterday, "I'm Jung Jaehyun, pleased to meet you."

She stops as she put down the teapot and cups on a tray, "Jung Jaehyun? From the Jung family?"

"Yes," he sounds firm, but inwardly growing uneasy from the way she appears to recognize him right away.

She took a seat on the carpet across the small table in front of Jaehyun, making him uncomfortable and sliding down to sit on the carpet too, "oh no, you don't have to sit down there, I only sit here because there's no other chair."

"It's okay," he smiled in a way that's hopefully polite and not at all awkward.

"That's strange," she chuckled, "JNS Company is a huge deal even in politic worlds, I didn't think the main heir would be so humble."

Jaehyun couldn't help to blush from the woman's blunt honesty, "we're not different from anyone else..."

"I beg to differ, people with privilege like you aren't always so humble and genuine, it's a good difference," she said and start pouring the tea into the cup, placing one of it in front of Jaehyun, "do you mind telling me why you're searching for Taeyong's documents?"

"Oh I," he's fumbling with his sling bag to take out the adoption papers and showing it to her, "I adopted Taeyong a few months back and I need to know his... Past."

She look over the paper then stare at him with leveled questioning look, so Jaehyun added, "pardon me for being so straight forward, but I need to go back as soon as I could."

"First, let's stop talking so formally with me for a start," she grinned, giving back the papers to Jaehyun, "can you tell me why you need it?"

He exhales slowly to calm his nerves, "alright, um... It's hard to tell, but Taeyong is not doing so well these past couple of weeks and I think I need to understand his past to help him."

"Not doing so well?"

"He, uh... He's been having nightmares and getting more... Frantic, if I have to put it into word," his fingers fiddling under the table from the uncomfortable feeling being the receiving end of her searching eyes.

"I see, his trauma acting up again..." she said with a soft sigh, "the documents I have are sensitive and I don't give it out freely to protect myself and the people involved in it. But you seem genuine, and if you're doing this for good cause, I will tell you."

Jaehyun nodded, "yes, please."

"I think the fact that you're here looking like you haven't sleep for years, I can trust you..." she stares at him some more, until she rose from her seat and going to her bed to search at the many envelopes and papers hidden under the ragged mattress. "I have his documents and I believe I can give you what you're looking for. But, this is quite a disturbing knowledge, are you sure you're prepared to see it?"

"If by knowing it can help me to help him, then yes," he said impatiently with a firm, calm voice despite he's feeling anything but.

She came back with a thin folder, smiling a bit sadly to him, "I don't know about that, Jaehyun-shi, it's not like we tried nothing years ago when we took care of him."

Jaehyun took the outreached folder with shaking hands, the want to know is so overwhelming yet the knowledge that he finally can touch Taeyong's hidden past, makes the thin folder weights so heavy in his grasp. If she said that, just how terrifying it could be? He flipped open the papers inside the folder, reading Taeyong's name and the description of his appearance, then his eyes caught the few photos attached to it, a small kid with hollow eyes, a photograph of a forest and some more of wrecked cars beyond recognition. He reads the written words carefully, heart palpitating anxiously at each words awakening a darkness he never knew existed.

' _Winter year...' 'the three hybrids family found presumably four days after...' 'a car crash with two casualties...' 'one child survived with minor injuries...' 'one instant death due to head trauma and the female from blood lost...' 'the child was found alive in the arms of the mother...'_

Jaehyun pressed a hand to his mouth, nausea twisting in his gut. Taeyong's family was in a car accident, and his mother and him was still alive after it, trapped inside a wrecked car at a thick forest far from civilization. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about how Taeyong must have felt, starving and can't get out to save himself, feeling his mother dying and starting to rot around him. He runs for the sink in the kitchen, hurling out his breakfast in terrorizing darkness and the haunt of photos he seen attached to the papers.

Oh god, is this why Taeyong was always so shaken whenever he felt arms around him? Is this why he was so scared to look into his eyes because it reminds him of his mother's death eyes which was starting to melt while he couldn't go away and forced to live trapped with his parents rotting flesh for four days? A child, alone in the darkness with corpses, starving for days yet he couldn't drink, he couldn't eat, he couldn't run and could only watch his mother's dead face, seeing it starting to deform and the air full of rotten smell making him hard to breathe. How gruesome he must have felt to feel his mother dying in the exact dreadful seconds, convulsing as death claimed her with her arms still tight around him, and yet he stay alive even when it felt like living a hell? How could he withstood it?

 _He didn't_ , his soul died that day.

"He wasn't afraid of me, he was afraid that he will feel me dying and rot like his mother did..."

 

This wasn't like anything Jaehyun expected to find. And now, he didn't know if he still have an answer to Taeyong's salvation.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'((


	22. Paw Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More tears... But maybe their hearts found each other.

The nausea is easing down although Jaehyun couldn't ward off the nightmarish images of the photos from his mind despite it was in black and white. Just remembering the black ink showing the amount of blood was enough to twist his gut again, hard to ignore the constant thought of little Taeyong could have bathed in it. Maybe that was what Taeyong dreamt about when he said he felt something hardens on his skin and crumbles when he touched it, it was his mother's dried blood. How should he tell Taeyong about it? He can't. He don't think he could do it without risking their own sanity, a traumatic experience even for an adult and even more so for a child.

Maybe this was also why Taeyong reverted back to his childish side? Because he never have a happy childhood and crave for it through Jaehyun?

A glass of water made a clunking sound when it was placed on the table in front of him, looking up to see Hyohyeon offering him a sympathetic smile, "feeling better?"

"Not really, I don't think anything can erase this," Jaehyun sighed, taking the glass with gratefulness and drinking it slowly to ease his stomach. "This is nothing like what I was expecting..."

"You haven't even scratch the surface of how ugly this side of the world is," she's settling to sit beside him, taking the folder and put it away from Jaehyun's sight, "normal people would react like you, but for those guys, he was only seen as another _free goods_. Why do you think the orphanage have access to so many unidentified hybrids?"

"The police... They have a hand in this too?" Jaehyun couldn't believe what she's trying to imply.

"Yeah, some of them, quick cash as you know it. No empathy none so ever, and they were so quick to decide to put him down when he was unresponsive to all the therapy we put him into," she's leaning back on the couch, eyes staring emptily to her cup of cold tea, "I was too rash, my only regret was I didn't manage to bring him with me as they kicked me out. But now I think I'm glad that led him to you, at least I know he's in better hands."

"Not soon enough," Jaehyun said sadly, "he wasn't in good hands before me. Although I'm not sure if I take care of him good enough, seeing how he's being the way he is now."

It took a moment of her giving him a firm stare, "quite the contrary I guess, harsh environment caused him to suppress this past memories as it is too much of a burden to bear, the fact that he have enough space to get back into this now, shows how much you put his guard down and it all got triggered to the surface. It's hardly your fault, this is bound to happen sooner or later, what matters now is how we will help him."

Jaehyun didn't respond to it, have no words to deny nor accept it, "so this is why government do nothing despite the rising movements of hybrids rights, there are many roles playing a part in it."

"No government or business without the mafia behind it all, the hybrids rights will only put disadvantage to these people who's racking money from it, mafia or not. Just like many technologies never make it to the surface, like those engines which using water as their fuels that nobody know because many sides would be losing profits due to it, since water is easy to come by and people can access it easily. They wouldn't let anyone rip them off from their goldmine."

"Are you not afraid they will get to you having these kind of solid facts and information?"

"Fear is my constant friend, Jaehyun," she laughed sarcastically, "I have connections which allows me to get close to this, but those connections are nothing but ants to squash for the people in the capital, Mokpo is relatively safe for me, but they would instantly be on me if they see me make a movement."

Jaehyun is thinking over the words and the fact that his phone didn't go off at all, something is not right, "I have friends who's actively trying to gain more help to make changes, they mostly stay behind the scenes, but they indeed gathering more connections and people to make a mass movement when the time comes. And when it does, and it will, I think even these people would think twice to squash us, maybe you could also play a big hand in this, with what you have."

Her eyes growing bright in challenge, an image of strength and determination, "you just gained a friend in me Jaehyun, take my name card with you and I'll join you as soon as I wrap up my things here."

"Yeah, I have to go back soon, I think something is happening and no one is telling me about it, I'm worried about Taeyong," he said as he's getting up and share a look with Hyohyeon who's reaching out her hand for a handshake.

"Hopefully the odds will be on our side."

He took her hand into a firm grip, slightly shaking it with renew ambition, "glad to have you on our side, let's make a bang. And thank you for your help despite I'm just a stranger who suddenly intruding you."

"Taeyong's friend is never a stranger to me," she said with the word _friend_ holding more meaning to it.

"He's more than a friend to me," he smiled as Hyohyeon lifted a knowing eyebrow, "we hope to see you soon, with Johnny too."

"Johnny? He's also with you?" she grinned almost impossibly wide, "I'll be sure to visit you soon Jaehyun, be careful on your way back."

Maybe it did give him a bit of wariness as she said that, deep with meaning and warning because now he's in too deep, but he have chosen this path and he'll be damned if he didn't see it through to the end. She didn't walk him out as it's safer for Jaehyun to not be seen with her, as they both have big roles, Jaehyun is also aware these people might have sniffed him out since he mingles with Jaebum and Jinyoung who are active in the movement, seeing him with Hyohyeon will only make it risky .

He didn't call Johnny until he's sure he was on the right train and waits as it take him back home. When he did call Johnny, the man took the call only after two missed calls, "Johnny? Is everything alright there?"

It's so quiet wherever Johnny is and he talk in his softest voice, "where are you right now? Are you done?"

"Yes, I'm on the train back now, you haven't answer my question," the way Johnny is behaving is making him grow worried, he's shifting on his seat uncomfortably.

"I want to make sure you're calm enough before I say anything, just... Stay calm and be careful on your way back, I'll tell you-"

"Johnny, quit the suspense, just tell me," he grits out, heart starting to palpitate as the woman sitting beside him giving him a strange look.

A long sigh and a rustling of clothes tells Jaehyun that Johnny is also shifting uncomfortably from nervousness, "we're in hospital right now, Taeyong passed out."

It feels like the time is stretching out into a bad slow motion, Johnny's voice drowning in the back of his mind is it's being stormed with mounting anxiety and worry. He didn't hear the call of his name until Johnny called out a bit louder and snapped him out of it, "Jaehyun, stay with me, Taeyong is fine, don't panic. He will only not be fine if you being reckless and possibly injure yourself, okay? Keep your cool head attached and be careful on your way, Soonbok, Jackson and Jaebum are here with me, so calm down."

"Is- is he okay?" he squeaked out, throat impossibly tight from fear, breathing strained with the only wish to be able to teleport himself to wherever Taeyong is right now.

"I told you he's fine-"

"What happened?"

Johnny sighed again, as if he's tired, so strung to the limit, "he was fine at first after you left, he was very quiet but he did ate when we told him to. I thought he'll be okay since he was aware that you were going only for a while, but then he started crying, not the panic kind, just... Quietly. Until he suddenly cried harder and started to panic to the point he couldn't regulate his breathing, we tried to slow down his hyperventilating, but it was no use, he passed out and we took him here and called Jaebum since we don't want to alarm you. They put him under when he woke up trashing again, so now we've admitted him to the hospital and waits for you, the doctor told us to keep him here for at least tonight."

 _Why, why you didn't tell me?_ But Jaehyun knows why, so he didn't voice out his frustration, "I'll be there as soon as I can, is there anything I should bring with me?"

"Just be here, he's calm now, but whenever he woke up, he's asking for you," Johnny hesitates for a moment, "he's been saying silly things... But just get here, don't worry, be careful."

"Okay... Okay, I will."

After the call, the train home feels excruciatingly long for Jaehyun, but he steels himself to calm himself down, panicking will only clouding his judgement and the last thing Taeyong need right now is to hear him possibly getting into an accident. A chilling shiver running down his spine at the notion of it, how would Taeyong take it if that were to happen? With him being so afraid to lose another person from an accident much like his parents, Taeyong couldn't possibly take it. Then maybe, an understanding is dawning on him from the thought.

 _He loves you_. Jaehyun realized with an overwhelming burst in his chest, thoughts backtracking to past events when Taeyong didn't really mind it when Johnny held him, such a contrast from the way he got scared just by looking into Jaehyun's eyes, even though Taeyong consider Johnny as his family too, a very close person who had always been there for him. And yet, he was a lot more scared towards Jaehyun, doesn't that means he regards Jaehyun more than he cares for Johnny? _He loves you more, didn't he?_ Although Jaehyun still didn't really know for sure if Taeyong loves him in the way he wish him to be, or if he loves him in a familial sense. He didn't know what to think about that.

It's a very inappropriate time to feel like what Jaehyun is feeling at the moment, something akin to happy and expectant, as if he's being given a promise to have what he's been desiring all along. He shook his head to rid the growing warmth in his chest, _this is not the time to be glad about it Jaehyun, Taeyong is suffering somewhere and you are feeling like this? How selfish can you be?_ This is not about him alone, this more about Taeyong and he should put his emotions aside, he should stop being so self centered. Although he realized that in a way, his life isn't just his alone anymore now, he's holding a part of Taeyong's heart and with it, he have to keep himself and Taeyong safe.

It's a heavy burden, to hold someone's life like that, but Jaehyun couldn't deny the greediness from being so important like that makes him happy. Since when he's so greedy like that? Because Taeyong didn't only turning his own rusty gears but also Jaehyun's indifferent heart, he is _the change_ , Jaehyun wish it will all work out better for all of them. Or else Johnny would be so fucking mad at him.

The text which tells him where the hospital and Taeyong's room are came from Jaebum instead of Johnny then, he stare at it over and over to the point he remembers it by heart, as if it could ease his worry as the train brings him back to Seoul. At least fate was on his side this time, since there was no incidents and he arrived at the station two hours and half later. He took the subway right away, because going back to get his car would take too long and a part of him also feeling scared due to the haunting images he just learnt that day.

The gentle shaking of the subway somewhat relaxing to Jaehyun, he leaned sluggishly on the seat as he stare at the reflection of himself across the aisle, hollow eyes with bruise under it from exhaustion and lack of sleep, lips dry and chapped due to constant stress which makes him look so pale even though he was already pale to begin with. Some people look at him with concern in their eyes, maybe they thought Jaehyun is either a very sick person or a junkie who might suddenly collapse or start convulsing out of nowhere from drugs withdrawal. He laughed with a hollow sound, it's so strange that human's mind awakening such dark humor as a sense of despair touching his way too burdened heart. Despite all the worry, stress and anxiety, it's as if Jaehyun's brain stop functioning to numb it, he feels like a heavy lead against the seat, so, _so_ tired.

Whatever strength which remains for him to stand up and walking to the hospital, was only his yearning heart could muster up. It's kind of scary for him to feel that strongly, that love could ruin him so much as it is also bring forth power he never knew existed. What fate put them together? But he never want to erase Taeyong no matter how hard it is, because he will never know such emotions are real if he never meet him. Although it's so painful, Jaehyun feels truly alive then, he never stop thinking how did he lived his life before Taeyong, was he even living? It doesn't feel like it.

When he walked through the hallway which lead him to the room Taeyong got admitted to, he saw Jaebum and Jackson standing against the wall, talking in their soft voice. They noticed him as he got near and greeted him with small smiles, Jaebum's warm hand feel a bit heavy on his shoulder.

"Johnny is inside to make sure he's not alone," he infomed and Jaehyun could only nod as an acknowledgement and thanks, mind too spent to spare even a word, then he slip inside the said room.

As soon as Johnny noticed him, he's standing up from his seat beside the bed where Taeyong is sleeping deeply. Jaehyun waved his hand to motion for Johnny to sit back down, "it's okay."

"Nah, you look like you need to sit," he shifted the chair quietly for Jaehyun to sit down, there seem to be hesitation on his face, "Jaehyun, if he said something weird... Just don't give in, okay?"

 _Why he said that?_ But Jaehyun nodded without inquiring it and took Taeyong's hand in his as Johnny exit the room and silence becoming his companion.

He caresses the golden skin with his thumb, gently to feel how thin and small Taeyong's hand is in his, so light and cold to the touch that if not for the soft breathing he heard, he would have thought Taeyong is not alive. He took in every slope and expanse of Taeyong's face with his tired eyes, how pale he looks and eyes swollen from too much crying, how his pink hair and white fur look so dull and rough, so vulnerable and broken he is. There's a cry within Jaehyun's chest as he look at him, but nothing shows and he only sit there unmoving with a blank face, that his body is too tired to even bring out the emotions twirling within.

A soft, hollow laugh passed his lips as he thinks about their situation, "we really do look like a sick couple with how pale we are, huh?"

Suddenly Taeyong's eyes fluttering open slowly, bringing Jaehyun to straighten up on his seat while his hand unconsciously squeezing the small hand in it, "...Jaehyun?"

"Yes, yes I'm here Taeyong," he answered and reaching out his other hand to stroke Taeyong's slightly sticky cheek from the dried tears.

"Jaehyun..." he blinked, turning his face to look at Jaehyun only for the tears to start anew again, "Jaehyun."

"Yes, Taeyong, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere again, I'm here," he's shushing Taeyong's cry gently, cupping his trembling face to kiss his wet eyes, slowly, grounding themselves into the present and how real it is.

Taeyong sobbed as he stretched out his hands to harrow at Jaehyun's back, crumpling his shirt and yanking at the line of drip attached to his arm, "you're here, Jaehyun, you're here..."

"Yes, I'm back, I'll always be here with you," he's patting Taeyong's bony back, noticing how thin he's becoming and feels bad that he didn't realize it sooner. It's hard to notice when he sees the man everyday, almost every minutes, but holding onto him like this, although he still keep a distance between them to avoid triggering anything, it's so easy too tell of how much weight Taeyong had lost.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he cried harder, pulling at Jaehyun's shirt to feel him closer, but also feeling torn as he's pushing Jaehyun away.

Jaehyun is confused, "why are you sorry Taeyong? You did nothing you should be sorry for, don't say that."

"I'm sorry," he wiped at his wet eyes in vain as tears keep spilling out, breath shaky when he slightly pushing at Jaehyun's shoulder, "I shouldn't be like, I shouldn't- I'm sorry I can't stop this, I'm just a burden to you, I'm sorry."

 _Is this what Johnny warned him about?_ "No, Taeyong, don't think like that, you're not a burden, you are not. Don't... Don't be sorry, it's not your fault."

"I shouldn't-" he let the man go to cry to his palms, hiding his face from Jaehyun's eyes still with his body shaking from the restrained cry, "you should return me."

Jaehyun's heart drops as he heard the words, blood run cold and it feels as if gravity is pressing down above him, "what?"

"I'm only a burden, I'm useless, I can't-" he cried louder, hand fisting at the blanket on his lap, "I'm a mess, you should return me..."

Jaehyun couldn't understand what he was saying, it feels like Taeyong is speaking in another language, nothing getting through his brain except one thing that was Taeyong pushed him away. He look so broken, so small and so lost as Jaehyun stare at his shaking form on the bed, so far away that a cry also spilling out of his mouth, there's something warm running down his cheek.

"No," it was said in no more than a whisper, but it's ringing through from the deepest part of his heart, he said again louder and firmer, "no."

"Why-" he sobbed, glancing to Jaehyun with red eyes, wet and broken beyond repair, "why would you keep me when I have no use for you?"

"Shut up," Jaehyun said with a sob, only then he realized the cry which racking his own chest, so overwhelmed with many undecipherable emotions, "I didn't want you with me because I want to use you."

"But-"

"I said shut up," Jaehyun pressed Taeyong's hand to his lips, trying to contain the cry which bursting out of his whole body, "why can't you see... The way I see you? Why are you hating yourself so much like this?"

"I couldn't-" Taeyong swallowed before he cries again, "I couldn't stop myself from feeling like this, like a mess, all I did was... Burdening you, I couldn't do anything and just- I don't want to trouble you like this-"

"The only trouble you'll give me is if you push me away like this, don't take yourself away from me," he kissed the wet hand in his hold from his tears, desperate and so hurting, "can't you try to see yourself the way I see you? I want you with me no matter how wrecked we are. You're wrong, Taeyong, you have given me so much that you don't know of, so don't say you're a burden when I know, that you're not. You worth so much more than you think you are, please... Can't you try to love yourself like I love you?"

Jaehyun look up to see Taeyong still crying with disbelief painting on his face, his lean fingers squeezing Jaehyun's hand as he whispered, "why...?"

"Why? Why I love you? You rip apart everything that I know of and made yourself a space in my heart, you didn't burden me, you show me the world." The pain, the darkness, the surging light, the love he never felt, _everything_.

Taeyong sobbed, trying to pull his hand away from Jaehyun's grip, but the man didn't let him, "you're too kind, you're only pitying me-"

"Don't you dare dictate my feelings," he hissed amidst his cry, pulling tighter at Taeyong's hand, "maybe you're right, it does start from pity, but it wasn't it anymore, you were never just that to me. I want you to stay, because it is you, everything that is you, even your pain, your scars, I want to take it all."

Taeyong's cry ceasing down as he cradles Jaehyun's cheek with his trembling hand, leaning down to kiss his lips, tasting the salty taste of their tears. Chaste, so light and soft, but the cry that they shared, filling their chests with warmth amidst the haunting fear and the unknown. He couldn't look into Jaehyun's eyes, but Jaehyun could feel the truth from their lips, loud yet gentle and aching.

"Is it okay... To stay?" Taeyong whispered to his lips, breath mingling together so intimately.

Jaehyun took both Taeyong's hands to stop the trembles against his skin, heart clenching so sorrowfully and affectionately, "that's all I want."

"Even though... I'm like this? I don't even know why I'm being like this... I don't-"

Jaehyun hushed him softly, pressing their hands to his chest to feel the thudding of his heart, "if only I can open my chest and show you how much I want you. I have no words to tell you, but you can feel it, please... I'll show you and let you feel it how much I love you, Taeyong. So please, stay... Stay with me."

He sobbed quietly, connecting their foreheads as he's kissing Jaehyun's lips again, "I've never wanted to... Kiss someone like this. This is the first time I really want to hold someone that it hurts... I think, I love you too."

Jaehyun is cradling the back of Taeyong's head to kiss his cheek and his forehead, pouring all his feelings into the warm skin, "slowly... Let us find the truth, slowly."

He lay Taeyong down to the bed, still holding his hand as he rest his elbows on the edge of the bed, he didn't want to trigger anything as he's sure that Taeyong was still okay because the chemicals which are running in his veins. He stroke at the damp forehead and pink hair tenderly, slightly tickling the white ear and feeling it twitching from his touch, pressing a kiss to the thin hand occasionally with a smile. Taeyong is glancing to him at times, but he's mostly looking to their hands instead since the fear is still present deep down within.

"Will you stay?" he asked barely in whisper, eyes fluttering close as slumber trying to claim him.

"You can't get rid of me," Jaehyun laughed softly despite the ache in his chest, a cry which still begging to be let out. "I will stay, always. I'll be the first and the last thing you'll see."

A small smile blooming on Taeyong's pale lips as he said that, a light squeeze to his hand and his eyes closing with the last wordd said before he finally falling asleep, "thank you... Jaehyun."

He made sure until Taeyong is truly asleep before he's sneaking out of the room, seeing Johnny, Jaebum and Jackson waiting on the bench near nurse station, maybe Soonbok went home already. He only acknowledged them with a tired smile, motioning for the toilet and hides from their sight, going for the emergency stairs instead. And there, he could no longer denying his cry, tears come spilling out and he cries openly with his chest hurting so, _so_ heavily. There was too much to feel, too much to contain and he cries it out unrestrained in the solitude of an empty, cold stairs.

But then, there's a calming, heavy warmth of arms around his shoulder, recognizing it as Jackson's from his peripheral vision. His initial reaction was to hold in his cry, to hide his emotions again, but Jackson is embracing him so right, so calming yet firm, opening the locks and keep it like that as he murmur softly.

"You did good, it's okay, let it go, you did good."

And he allows himself to feel, to cry, to heal all the pain. _It's okay, this doesn't make you weak, it's okay because this is what will make you stronger, let it all out Jaehyun_. And he's leaning more into Jackson's chest as his deep, soothing voice continue to ease the pain.

 

_It's okay, you did good._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait whAT I CAN'T BELIEVE THE KUDOS??
> 
> Omgggggg you guys are too kind, I didn't realize the kudos almost hit 1k???
> 
> So y'all are masochist.... I get it now. And here I thought I need to lessen the angst (๑ơ ₃ ơ)♥
> 
> Lol just kidding. I'm really, really happy to know you like this story, really, it's a overwhelming feeling, a good kind. As some of you may know, my stories are close to my heart, it was born from my own experience, pain and overcoming it all by myself.
> 
> When you're liking this story, it feels a lot like you are accepting my person, myself and as if I found a place to stand firmer and stronger.
> 
> Thank you, a thousand thank you and sorry for the things I lack. Thank you ♥♥♥


	23. Paw Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit short and I'm sorry for that :')
> 
> At least it's a fluff, kinda Ahahaha.

"This is embarrassing," he whined as he presses his palms over his swollen eyes, head digging heavier to the plump thighs under him.

"Don't rub it or you'll make it worse," Soonbok chuckled, taking away his hands and placing a cold towel over his eyes instead, "there's nothing wrong about it, I'm glad you actually let it out rather than keeping it inside like you always did."

"I thought you went home already," he sighed in defeat, at least Johnny and Jaebum have some tact to leave them alone for privacy, it's enough for Jaehyun to have Jackson and Soonbok to see his breakdown.

"I only went to buy some foods and drinks. I figured we'll be here till morning after all."

"I'm so glad the waiting room is empty gosh, this is so embarrassing," Jaehyun lifted the towel a bit to peek out at Jackson, "how did you know I wouldn't have let it out if it was Johnny?" because that should be the only reason as to why it was Jackson who accompanied him instead of Johnny.

"It's three in the morning, of course it's empty," Jackson snickers, arms crossed over his chest as he's standing against the wall beside them. "You needed that, it makes your head clearer, doesn't it? And I know it's harder to open up to your family rather than to a stranger.... Or a friend."

"Yeah, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing," he grunted, but he whispered softly to make his gratefulness known,  "you're not a stranger to me." he cleared his throat to suppress the embarrassment when Jackson grins widely, "shouldn't you go back? It's late."

"Nah, Jaebum know I want to be here for you, he doesn't mind," Jackson waved him off casually.

Jaehyun didn't say anything to that, still too tired to argue. Soonbok giggling a bit as she's reminiscing about the past, "having you like this on my lap reminds me of the time when you cried to me because you saw a video about a stray dog and you said with tears stricken face of how pitiful the dog was."

"God, noona, why must you embarrass me more," he whined.

"It's not embarrassing, it's very endearing of you to feel that strongly to the point you cried so hard. You always have a kind heart, and just because of that, you moved many people's heart. It might be nothing for others, but it holds more meaning and strength for another. Sometimes it's the little things which people often missed which are important and meaningful for this world. And I know then, you'll be the man whom people will find comfort and love in, you'll do well."

Maybe it's the way the cold towel covering his eyes and darkness present behind his eyelids, that it makes him feel vulnerable and he couldn't close the lid of his heart, "I don't think I can help him..."

"Did you found something about him?" Soonbok asked with her soft voice, calming and soothing, pressing at the towel a bit as she noticed the slight tremble in his voice.

"Yeah... He got into a car accident when he was a child. It's so... Dreadful, I don't know what to do to help him."

It took a moment before Jackson said, "just be yourself, you've done well until now, I know you'll figure it out. _We_ , we will figure it out."

"Thank you..." he inhales slowly, trying not to cry again from the way Soonbok is brushing at his hair so gently.

"Nothing is impossible Jaehyun-shi, it's only impossible if you think so. It's okay, take your time, things like this need time."

She always know what to say, it makes Jaehyun feel as if he could do anything, maybe he truly can. He have to believe it. "I think it's better if I go back to his room, I promised him I'll be there when he wake up."

"Alright, we will wait here," she said and Jaehyun feel a bit guilty for that.

"No, go home noona, your mate must be waiting for you. And you too Jackson, please just go back, if you could please take Johnny with you too."

"I told him already I'm going to stay here, you need someone to accompany you," Soonbok argued although softly.

"True, me too," Jackson chimed in with a grin, "I'll tell Jaebum to take Johnny home if you're worried, but I'm staying."

"But you don't have to-"

"Of course we need to," both Jackson and Soonbok said in unison, then Jackson added, "just go back to Taeyong, don't think about anything else, don't over think, go."

Jaehyun is so thankful for them he couldn't muster any words to say, so he hugged them both to let them feel it instead, and Jackson hugged him a bit tighter. He went back to the hospital room then, relieved when he found Taeyong is still sleeping deeply. He took a seat beside the bed like before, but this time he didn't take Taeyong's hand since he didn't want to possibly waking him up and instead, staring at Taeyong's unmoving figure on the bed.

There was no thoughts at all in his mind, nothing. But there's a resilient strength which he try to believe in, that they will make it through it all. Taeyong could do it alone before, and now he's not alone, Jaehyun wants to believe that yes, they will. Two is better than one after all. Slowly, without him realizing it, Jaehyun is falling asleep in that stiff, narrow chair. At least this time, he did sleep well due to exhaustion and relief, although he'll have a sore body later.

What woke him up in the morning was ticklish touches of fingers over his arm, eyes opening blearily and looking up to see that Taeyong's face is turned to him although his eyes wasn't looking to him, "you're awake."

"You should have slept on the sofa bed there..." Taeyong whispered, motioning for the said sofa bed behind Jaehyun's chair in that single hospital room.

"I want to be closer with you," he chuckled, rubbing his sleepy face with a long yawn, "I would have sneak into your bed if I could."

Taeyong didn't say, but he's coiling his fingers around Jaehyun's wrist as he's closing his eyes in contemplation, "you could...?"

"No, I don't think that's a good idea," he smiled, straighten up from his seat to lean closer to Taeyong and kissed his forehead.

"Why you never kiss me on the lips?"

It was asked so innocently, but Jaehyun couldn't help the blush and the flutters of his heart, "um, well... I was just being considerate?"

"Considerate? But I want you to kiss me..." Taeyong is always so honest about what he wants and Jaehyun could never get used to it, his heart always jump whenever the man did this.

"Is that okay?" he whispered, eyes gazing into Taeyong's amber eyes which is looking everywhere else.

"I don't feel as scared as long as I don't look at you..." he answered so softly Jaehyun almost missed it.

"Alright..." he's leaning down again to kiss Taeyong's dry and chapped lips, much like his own. It wasn't the best lips Jaehyun ever have the honor to kiss, but because it's Taeyong, it's so much more liberating and overwhelming despite it was such a chaste kiss. As if he kissed him not with his lips, but with his soul, it did. "I missed you," he said unable to contain it.

"I missed you too..." Taeyong whispered back to his lips, eyes closed yet emotions still apparent for anyone to see, "I'm sorry."

"No more of that, please. No more sorry, I don't want to hear it," he rest his head on the bed near Taeyong's torso, wanting to hold him closer but it will have to do in that way, "is this okay?"

"I think it's okay... You can... On my lap, if you... Want," Taeyong said a bit hesitant, maybe thinking he's being too overbearing since he's just a hybrid and Jaehyun is still his master, although he knows better.

"I want to, I want more to be honest," he chuckled, lifting his head a bit to lean heavily on Taeyong's lap and sighed in contentment as he could feel the man's warmth against his skin, "you're more than just a friend to me Taeyong, I want you to know that, so please don't hold back if you want something."

Taeyong didn't answer and only sliding his fingers between Jaehyun's hair, touches light and a bit hesitant, so Jaehyun look up to see his face and there was surely uncertainty in his amber eyes, "are we... Lovers?"

"Lovers?" Jaehyun asked in surprise, since he didn't think Taeyong understand those word in the way he knows it, considering their past conversation.

"I mean... Jackson said so... I'm sorry if I'm-"

"You're right, he is right," he grins, thankful for Jackson and taking Taeyong's hand to kiss the pale and cold skin, "we are, and much more than that because I think of you as my family too."

There's a smile growing so beautifully on Taeyong's lips then, pulling gently at their hands and Jaehyun complying to kiss him, soft and fleeting not wanting to trigger anything. Oh how he wish he could kiss him silly.

"Don't... Look at me like that," Taeyong whispered with a shiver running down his body, turning his face away to ease the fear.

"Sorry," Jaehyun didn't realize he was staring at Taeyong's face for too long, getting back to rest his head on Taeyong's lap. It's strange, to be able to feel that happy although they couldn't be as close as they wanted to, it feels so true, so selfless. It's loud in the way his soul speak love for this man and Jaehyun accepted it no matter what hardship will come their way. It's worth it, it really does.

Taeyong chose to gaze into their intertwine fingers, playing with it a bit just to feel more connection and the warmth they are sharing. There's a small smile playing on his lips, a sight Jaehyun want to burn in his mind to be his strength, his solace. Then slowly, there's curiosity taking place in Taeyong's eyes, "you've been humming."

"Huh?" he got dumbfounded, not noticing that he's been doing that.

"You are humming, is that a song?"

"Oh I, I don't realize it," he chuckled a bit in embarrassment, "it just... Looking at you, there's a song which came up in my mind."

Taeyong hummed in acknowledgement, the moment being so tender and calm it feels that he too, finally find a bit of tranquility in it. He brings his other hand to play with Jaehyun's dark hair and the human smiled in amusement when he sees Taeyong's white ears twitching cutely as he did that. It tells him that the hybrid really is relaxed and not forcing it, he's glad for it.

"Do you like that song?"

"Huh?" Jaehyun said again in surprise, being too mesmerized with how beautiful Taeyong looked despite everything. It's a wonder how the heart makes someone look so ethereal to the eyes of the beholder. He's sure they look like shit for other people, but it's not like that for them.

Taeyong giggles softly, sounds like the most beautiful song to Jaehyun's ears and his chest sings from the way he's been longing to hear it again. It's so simple, yet the moment is magical to him, "the song you've been humming Jaehyun-shi."

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

He stops, but there's something akin to a shy smile when he let his eyes met with Jaehyun's, only for a short moment but it was truly gratifying, "...Jaehyun."

"Better," he grinned, kissing at Taeyong's fingers to pour his affections into it, "yeah, I love that song, it's a beautiful song, like you."

Truth to be told, Jaehyun did aim to be extra cheesy to pull out a reaction from Taeyong, but it still surprised him when a blush blossoming on the man's cheeks, "I didn't know you're... Quite a charmer."

"Yeah?" he laughed softly, "I thought you knew since you fell for me."

"Silly..." he chuckled, taking his hand away from Jaehyun's hair to cover his smile.

"Don't hide from me, I want to see your smile," Jaehyun whispered as he takes away the hand, squeezing it fondly. Warmth spreading in his chest when he remembers how Taeyong likes it when he called him silly, he said it feels endearing rather than mocking. Funny how such a simple word can move his heart that much.

Taeyong closing his eyes then, relaxing further into the calmness he rarely have as of lately, sometimes caressing the skin of Jaehyun's hand with his thumb, "can you sing it for me?"

"Huh? The song I was humming?"

"Yeah," he smiled without opening his eyes.

"But what if my voice scared you?" he chuckled.

"I love your voice Jaehyun... I don't think that's possible."

No one can blame Jaehyun for leaning up to kiss Taeyong's lips then, being so overwhelmed by the words alone, the only thing which can ease the urge to embrace the man so tightly, "alright... But you can't blame me if you did get scared."

He only chuckles without saying anything, squeezing Jaehyun's hand as a cue and what is Jaehyun if he's not complying to him? So he start to sing, softly almost like a whisper at first, as if trying to lull Taeyong more into calmness.

" _I don't mind your odd behavior, it's the very thing that I savor._  
_If you were an ice cream flavor you would be my favorite one_."

They chuckles lightly at the lyrics, but Jaehyun keep singing because it carries the truth of his heart.

" _My imagination sees you like a painting by Van Gogh._  
_Starry night and bright sunflower follow you where you may go._  
_Oh, I've love you from the start, in every single way and more each passing day._  
_You are brighter than the stars, believe me when I say._  
_It's not about your scars, it's all about your heart_."

Maybe, Jaehyun cried a little bit with the way his voice slightly shaking as he sang the last sentences, because it's true, so overwhelming and racking his whole being with how much he loves him. He couldn't stop the lone tears from rolling down his cheek as he saw tears also cascading down on Taeyong's golden cheeks from his closed eyes. And truly, his heart feel so full as Taeyong didn't say sorry and instead he whispered,

"Thank you..."

 

_Thank you for seeing more of me, believing it and accepting me. Thank you, for everything._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is All About Your Heart by Mindy Gledhill (Nie Version), it's really, really such a beautiful song, check it out :'))
> 
>  
> 
> [All About Your Heart - (Nie Version) Mindy Gledhill](https://youtu.be/x7Hd2pvAJ1g)


	24. Paw Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My love"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter more about... Technical stuffs? And a bit of Jaehyun's... Well, past lol.
> 
> Heavy seeds which I mentioned down below is to categorize types in hybrids. Mainly _domesticated_ hybirds fell into "light seeds", which means Taeyong and friends are in this category. While the "heavy seeds" referring to hybrids of bigger, assumed as wild types like tiger, lion and the sort.
> 
> I may use Sex Pistols manga reference lol.

Maybe it's a bit too late for Jaehyun to only noticed that the hospital they were in is a hybrids exclusive one, seeing some of the staffs are hybrids and going around freely in the hospital with only tagged bracelets without collars.

"I wasn't aware there was a hybrids only hospital in this good condition, the ones I've seen was small and clearly discriminated."

"Most regular hospital can't take us because we have different physiology according to them," Jackson snorted, "this is one of the few hospital which receives good help and connections than the other private ones."

"I see, and it's not too far from my house too, I'll go here for now on then, thank you," Jaehyun said and got an armful of Jackson squeezing him tight, so overly enthusiastic almost everytime.

"You're welcome! They also have many specialized doctors, be sure to check it out!"

"Um, yeah, I will," Jaehyun patted Jackson's back awkwardly, eyes looking to Jaebum who's standing not too far from them, "I don't think you should do this..."

"What? Why not?" Jackson pouted as his tail wagging relentlessly, and Jaebum caught on what Jaehyun was trying to say.

"Oh, you think I would be jealous over this?" Jaebum chuckled with a wave of his hand, "I wouldn't be alive if this much bothers me Jaehyun, Jackson can't live without clinging to others, I've grew desensitized to it or else I'll have a heart attack everytime he did this."

"You said it like it's a bad thing," Jackson accused.

"Nah, as long as I know that I'm the only one for you," Jaebum laughed when Jackson turned to hug him with a squeal. What an odd pair, he shared a weird look to Johnny.

Jaehyun look to the side to where Taeyong is standing with one hand clutching to his shirt, "are you ready to go home?"

He look up and stare at Jaehyun's nose instead of his eyes, giving a swallow nod with a small smile. He still look a bit off, but the doctor deemed him fine to go home so Jaehyun will try to believe it. He took Taeyong's hand off his shirt to hold hands instead, smiling with reassurance to him and kissed his cheek briefly, "let's get you home then."

They bid farewell and thank you to Jackson and Jaebum after that, before going to the car which was driven by his chauffeur. Johnny is quiet, but he's still a good buffer between them when the drive home becoming too silent and full of tension. Jaehyun look to Taeyong who's leaning to Johnny with closed eyes, face pale and breathing kind of irregular, "are you okay?"

They are in a car after all, but Jaehyun just couldn't let them go home by bus or subway after Taeyong just got out of hospital. The hybrid open his eyes slightly before he closed it again, "I'm okay..."

He's not, Jaehyun knew, but at least he was calm enough to be able to stay in control so he keep quiet. Thankfully the way home is not too long as the road are spared from traffic jam, Johnny lingers at the foyer when they took off their shoes and Jaehyun leading Taeyong up to his room. The tall hybrid following behind them although not too close and Jaehyun noticed that he might have something to say to him.

"Have so more rest and try to sleep when you can, okay? I'll wake you up when it's time for dinner," Jaehyun smiled while tucking Taeyong into the bed. He only nodded and closing his eyes after turning his body around and hiding his face from Jaehyun. Probably it's the relaxant which caused Taeyong to be this sluggish and quiet, it does serve as more time to gather Jaehyun's thoughts so he can't complain.

"Taeyong," he calls softly, "what do you think about us having some help to... Make you better?"

He didn't answer right away, but Jaehyun knows he's not sleeping yet from the way he's squirming under the blanket, "I will follow what you think is best... I'm sorry."

Jaehyun is worried because Taeyong didn't even let him see his face as he said that, but he decided not to comment on it and kissed his head instead before walking out of the room. And just as he expected, Johnny was waiting outside the door, "what is it Johnny?"

"I just want to say thank you," he bowed to Jaehyun, catching him in surprise and hurriedly pulling at the taller man's shoulder to stop him.

"You don't have to do that, god, I haven't do anything that you should be thankful for!"

"You have done a lot Jaehyun," Johnny said with a thick voice, eyes kind of red and there's gratitude so palpable within it, "I was skeptic about you, I judged too fast and I've never been so wrong. Most people would have take their hands off of us, but you didn't, you went as far as putting yourself aside to help us and I can't thank you enough."

"Johnny..." he gasped when suddenly Johnny hugged him.

"Thank you for staying with Taeyong and fighting for Taeyong. I feel so useless that I was unable to do anything."

At first Jaehyun's arms was hanging in the air awkwardly, then he hug the man back and patting it slowly, "that's not true, if you wasn't there I don't think I could take the first step, and I could only did that because you are there to stay with Taeyong when I couldn't. You're not useless, you're far from it. When Taeyong couldn't find comfort, it was you who could give it to him."

Johnny let go with a wide smile, part relieved, another part encouraged, "you too, don't be so hard on yourself, you've done more than others had."

 _Ah, Johnny really is observant isn't he?_ Jaehyun is kind of ashamed that he was that easy to read, that he never feel enough when he did things which are out of his comfort zone. The only thing he could do as a respond was a smile and a firm squeeze to Johnny's shoulder, then they go back to what they needed to do. It feels deep and echoing with reassurance when they truly feel like family, it's not the blood which define it, it's the way their heart cares for each other.

 

\--

 

"Are you sure you want me to do this?"

Jaehyun stare into Doyoung's uncertain eyes, he did feel bad for asking his friend about this but he does need a professional help and Doyoung is a psychologist. Maybe it's biased since they are friends, but he thinks of the man as a good one, "I don't think I can trust anyone else with this."

"I open home practice so I never... Do cases like this, I'm inexperienced in this field, I'm not sure I can do this Jaehyun," Doyoung reasoned while placing by the copied papers about Taeyong on the coffee table, too heavy in their hands.

"You do hypnotherapy didn't you? Maybe you can?"

Doyoung worried his lips while his eyes keep glancing back to the papers, "I need second opinions, I can't do this alone, preferably a psychiatrist to help with the medication since it seems that he's constantly plagued with anxiety too. I do behavioral intervention, where I read the patterns and break through it when it's needed, but this," he tapped his finger to the table, "this rooted deep inside that it also need medication intervention. This is digging out what was forgotten, a coping mechanism which existed to believe the issue is never there. What do you think will happen if this brought to surface? Words alone are empty when the unknown got acknowledged."

Jaehyun sighed tiredly, looking to the clock to make sure it's still not the time for Taeyong to wake up like usually. After they got back home from the hospital, he made sure that Taeyong at least able to take a nap since the man is usually unable to sleep at night. It's 4 pm, it won't be long before Taeyong wake up, "a psychiatrist huh? There was a doctor who gave Taeyong prescription before, would it be enough?"

"A doctor? What field?"

"I think she was a general doctor?" Jaehyun shrugged.

"We need a psychiatrist, this is not a general doctor's expertise, they could give the prescription for a one time thing, but not more. Without the view of a psychiatrist whom licensed to give medication intervention, I don't think even my hypnotherapy would be effective, the ability to have a calm mind is essential."

"But I don't want people swarming around Taeyong, I think even just having you around will be too much for him?" Jaehyun is rubbing his hands together in uneasiness.

"Jaehyun, first of all, have you receive his consent to discuss this with me? Second, do you think we're in the old age of something? We don't need two people present to analyze Taeyong in one sitting, it could be done by alternating the meetings, or if he really wasn't too keen at seeing two health providers, I could be the sole meeting point for him. But I would need his consent for the recording and datas which I could share with the psychiatrist and from there we could discuss the issue without Taeyong having to be present."

Jaehyun blinked, have he received Taeyong's consent? "I did told him that we need to seek help for him and he said he'll follow what I think is best for him? Does that count?"

Doyoung sighed, "I think you need to tell him the details too, please do that first before I agree to take this. In the meantime I will try to look up more of what I could do to help." He gathered the papers neatly and slid it into a folder, "by the way, I think you know a psychiatrist who you could try to discuss this with? Don't give her the details yet if you haven't gotten Taeyong's consent though."

Right away Jaehyun knew whom was Doyoung referring to, "oh god, her? I never contact her again for so long."

"Why not? Is not like you guys broke up in bad terms, I'm sure she's willing to help."

"Well, yeah... But I just can't deal talking to her," he groaned.

"Ah," Doyoung laughed, "you don't like it when she can read you. What do you expect anyway, with a psychiatrist?"

"You were the one who introduced us," he grumbled, kicking Doyoung's calf with it, "that was also one of the reasons why we broke up."

"Well, I'm just giving you inputs, I just thought it'll be easier for you if you know the psychiatrist inside out, that way you can talk more freely right? Take it into consideration, then I will try to study this after you have his permission," he finalized not without a nasty grin on his face, "that reminds me, you really have a thing for older people, huh?"

"Huh?" he lets out in confusion.

"Her, the woman before her and now Taeyong, do you realized they are all older than you?"

What surprised him was not the implication, but was the fact that Taeyong is actually older than him, "really?"

"Do you not read his papers or something? He's older than you by two years, maybe you should start calling him _hyung_ ," Doyoung cackled when Jaehyun kicked his butt, "maybe it can be a new kink for you guys!" he yelled as he be on his way and disappeared behind the front door.

Jaehyun glanced to the clock again, figuring that he still have more time before he need to see Taeyong, so he took his phone and dialing Jaebum's number. What greeted him was a high pitched voice full of enthusiasm though, " _hi darling, hi!_ "

"Jackson?" Jaehyun pulled away his phone to see if he had dialed the right number, "hello, but isn't this Jaebum's phone number?" _why was it always you who picked up lately?_

" _You're right but Jaebum is busy right now and I'm also acting as his secretary!_ " Jackson giggles, " _do you need him or I could be of some help?_ "

"You will do," he chuckled, Jackson is such a mood booster, "I want to ask about Hyungwon."

" _Hyungwon? What about him? You want to talk to him? I could get him._ "

"No, wait," Jaehyun splutters since Jackson is talking so fast, "I just want to ask if he's been seeing a psychiatrist or some sort?"

" _Oh, no, he doesn't. He didn't want to despite what we've been telling him._ " _Why?_ Jaehyun wanted to ask but Jackson is already telling him without it, " _I think he doesn't feel comfortable around humans anymore and going for it will make him feel more vulnerable? This is my own take though, since I was also in his position before and I really didn't like the idea of going to a psychiatrist too._ "

"Is that so?" will he be subjecting Taeyong to the same feeling too then? "Is he still with you guys now?"

" _Yeah, he haven't open up to Hyunwoo after all this time, you can't take things like this too fast anyway, so we're letting him take his time._ "

 _Time_ , Jaehyun have to be patient too. Although his attention shifted to that certain name which was said, "Hyunwoo? As in Son Hyunwoo from the international trading company?"

" _Yup, that Son Hyunwoo, I figured you would have know him and his family also have a partnership with Jaebum's family company_."

"Are you saying the Son family also have a hand in this movement we're trying to do?" Jaehyun is shocked, there never was indication of it and Son company is huge, some of their branch families are involved in politics.

" _Oh yes, you think we can do all these things without many helps?_ " Jackson said with a distinct tone of proudness, " _I'll have you know that the minister Lee's families are also in this too, we were just buying time and when we will make the move, it'll be an all out war!_ "

Jaehyun took his phone away from his ear due to Jackson's loud roar, "the minister Lee? Oh my god, doesn't he have that one nephew who own the media lines? He even have that one national television channel."

" _You got that right, Jaehyun,_ " he must be grinning now, " _the Chois are kinda hard to be persuaded though, since their political influence are big, they need to think about many sides or whatever bullshit they had said, but... Well, there's this Choi young man who have shown interest in our cause, maybe it'll only be a matter of time?_ "

 _But, there's still that other dark side of the chains we have yet venture in, the mafias_ -in many other names they may use when involving themselves into the government-. Where they live in, there's one name which is surfacing in Jaehyun's mind, the one who stood in the middle of it all, "the Kims."

" _That will be the strongest hit, but they're practically untouched_ ," Jackson sighed, " _to be honest that minister Lee's nephew is a childhood friend to the son of the Kim's current head, but... Kim Heechul is too neutral, he doesn't want to take sides_."

Jaehyun sighed, he was getting too excited that he almost get hasty, "then maybe that nephew is our key, is he fairly easy to contact?"

" _Lee Hyukjae? He was very supportive at first, easy to contact, but recently it's hard to after he adopted a tiger hybrid. Rumours said that he's been busy taming that said hybrid_ ," Jackson laughed.

"Tiger? But... Aren't the heavy seed types illegal to be adopted?"

" _Which is why it's mostly only rumours for the people, no one really know if it's true. We do though, we were the one who put that hybrid in his care,_ " Jackson sighed, " _it's kind of complicated actually, we smuggled him out of a laboratory when we found out about the illegal activities. We moved most of the subjects to an orphanage under the Lee's influence, but this one... He was a mess and need special attention, so after many deliberation Lee Hyukjae took him in. We wouldn't be able to gain reputation or trust if it were us who take him in_."

Because it's illegal, Jaehyun gets it, still he's dumbfounded to know these guys have done a whole lot more than he initially had thought, "I'm speechless... What about the laboratory after that?"

" _It was all hush hush, gone like the wind and we couldn't really have any hard facts about it since they erased their existence down to the bits, it's almost impossible to bring it up again. I'm sure they continue it somewhere else though, we just haven't pinpoint it yet._ "

Now that reminds Jaehyun of something, "talking about hard facts, I came to know someone who might have documents about hybrid orphanages in Seoul, maybe more. I have her contact info if you would, but please be careful because her position is fragile."

" _We are no novice in this Jaehyun_ ," Jackson snorted, " _hit up Jaebum's email with that, we will look through it later. Do you need anything else?_ "

"Ah no, sorry to take your time, thank you."

" _Oh right, we were talking about a psychiatrist, weren't we? There's this one psychiatrist we often go to when we need to, she only recently focusing more into hybrids, but she was really good at what she do, she also work at that hospital we went at last time_ ," there's footsteps and some rustling heard, " _wait, I'll look up her name._ "

"Are hybrids psychology differ from humans?" he need to ask that from the way Jackson is implying the matter.

" _Nah, I don't think so... I think it's more of formality or some sort? Who the fuck cares? Probably some shit people came up with. Ah, there it is!_ " Jackson yelled, damaging Jaehyun's ear again for the third time, " _her name is... dr. Song Aria_."

Jaehyun's world feel like spinning as he heard the name, so, _so_ familiar, "Song Aria? You must be kidding me."

" _Uh... No? That's her name, what? You know her?_ "

Know her? He wish he didn't, "an old friend."

Curse Jackson's ability to read people even only through their voice, " _oh? An old friend? Alright if you say so_."

Jaehyun hates his knowing and mocking tone so badly, but he's not without manners, "thank you for your advices Jackson."

" _No problem at all, send my regards to your old friend_ ," he chuckled and Jaehyun hang up right away, fed up and conflicted.

He turn around to go back to his room, only to collide with a smaller body and almost make the said person fall, thankfully his reflex is fast and he managed to catch the fall, "Taeyong! Hell, you surprised me!"

"I'm sorry, you were talking..." he squeezed Jaehyun's body briefly with his lean arms, before he push at the man's chest to let him go, the warmth was fleeting yet still it's managed to bring forth the fear inside.

Jaehyun look up to the clock, he was too late and Taeyong woke up already, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up."

"It's okay... You left the door opened so I can hear your voice," he lowers his face a bit when Jaehyun is kissing his cheek, shuddering from the proximity.

Noticing the slight tremble, Jaehyun took a step away and only holding on Taeyong's elbows, to which Taeyong is holding onto his elbows too so their forearms are aligning together. Soft, barely there warmth which are not enough for them, but at least some part of them are connected, "is this okay?"

Taeyong tiptoeing a bit to bump their foreheads gently, closing his eyes to feel the way their breath mingling like kisses to their skin, "not too long..."

Slowly Jaehyun take Taeyong's lips with his, brushing lightly at first testing the water, and when Taeyong pressing in too, they are moulding their lips a bit harder, tasting more of what they could get. Taeyong was the first to lean away, sliding down to rest his forehead on Jaehyun's chin instead. It was only a soft kiss, but still it make them breathless.

"Jaehyun..." he called, more than a name, deep in longing and ache.

"Taeyong," he answered, heart clenching in seeking, anything, _more_ , so many more. "My love," he couldn't swallow in the loud yearning from deep within.

Taeyong braved himself for one more kiss, more desperate before they let go for real, only fingertips upon their hot skin. And Taeyong too, couldn't silence the burst in his chest, looking up to gaze straight into Jaehyun's dark brown eyes even though it's as fleeting as a dying flame under a harsh wind.

 

"My Jaehyun."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING IT IS THAT TAEYONG FINALLY ACCEPTED THEIR RELATIONSHIP???
> 
> I mean, he was so hell bent they were too different, believing that they're basically impossible to be in that kind of relationship since they're human and hybrid and he been too conditioned that it's only right for him to be _'used'_. For him to accept that Jaehyun is **_his_** , it have a deeper meaning for him :'))
> 
> Self worth, self love, is important to stand back up on your feet. It is.
> 
> I love you guys ♥♥♥ thank you for those who reached out to me and help me back up to stand tall again. I feel bad for falling time and again, but that's life isn't it? Pain is part of growing and learning. Thank you, as many starts in the universe lots of thank you.
> 
>  
> 
> And if I could ask you to see this [tweet of mine](https://twitter.com/riri_sailing/status/1073108262285762562?s=19) thank you so much for your time and support, it really means a lot. May your life find the answers you seek and happiness be with you.


	25. Paw Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "buď šťastný"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of Taeyong's counseling :'))

Johnny got woken up feeling thirsty, getting out of his bed and walking down the stairs to the kitchen only to hear a low noise of a TV and the light in the living room still on. He padded there and sees two figures by the couch, one slumped on the said couch while the other is sitting on the floor with the upper body rested on the couch, both are sleeping soundly. Jaehyun and Taeyong must have fallen asleep hours ago since all lights are usually off by 10 pm. He tried to lift Jaehyun's body off the floor and bring him to his bed, but the human got woken up first as he touched his shoulder.

"Hmm, what?" Jaehyun mumbled sleepily, face scrunching up as he tries to blink away the remaining slumber.

"It's around 2 am Jaehyun," he informed in a whisper, gathering Taeyong's smaller body with the blanket which was over him and lifting him in his arms, "you should sleep in your room."

"Oh... We were watching TV and... Must have fallen asleep," Jaehyun yawned, searching for the remote to turn it off then following Johnny behind to climb up the stairs.

"Figured, you look like shit, sleep properly."

"Yeah..." Jaehyun waits until Johnny tucking Taeyong into his bed before he too getting into the bed, "sorry about this."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Taeyong almost weights nothing, but you're another story, good thing you woke up," he chuckled lowly.

"It's good he didn't wake up at all... He always had trouble sleeping at night," he yawned again, turning on the bedside lamp in case Taeyong get waken up later.

"Probably exhausted. You must be too, sleep in if you could, I'll take care of him in the morning," Johnny said before walking to the door and Jaehyun stop him with a whisper.

"Johnny, thank you," he got a soft smile as a response then the door open and closed, engulfing the room with silence.

He's shifting on the bed to face his body towards Taeyong, looking at him sleeping with relief swimming in his heart. Jaehyun never had trouble sleeping, it always come easy for him and it such a blissful feeling to be able to sleep after a tired day and cocooned in his warmth blanket with dreamless slumber. So, to witness how hard it is for Taeyong to fall asleep or to stay sleeping at nights, was painful for him. That's why he feels so thankful to see him sleeping so deeply like right now.

He brushed away the fallen strands over Taeyong's face, touches lingering on the golden cheek and staring at his closed eyes. He missed being able to see his amber eyes, without fear, without something separating them, it wasn't so long ago, but it does feel like it was. When will he be able to gaze into his eyes again? See his wide smiles, the mirth in his amber eyes, how it will crinkle into two crescent moons and cheeks rose up from the way his lips curling beautifully with echoing laughter. He missed it, so dearly. Oh how he wished he could take all his pain and nightmares instead, if only he could be the one who have it instead of Taeyong. But he believe in himself that they'll come to that point, where they could all be happy together, without fear, without restraint. He keep staring at sleeping Taeyong until his eyes too, falling close and the land of dreams claimed him.

He woke up only when the sun is high on the sky and the side where Taeyong was sleeping in is already cold and he realized that Johnny really let him slept in. It was a good sleep, it feels like he finally have a good rest and getting out of his bed feeling more energized than he did for the last few weeks, he really needed that. He go down to the kitchen after changing out of his yesterday attire, wearing a thin loose shirt and short pants instead because it's summer now. There's a fleeting thought that it was almost a year passed since he first welcomed Taeyong into his life, it was autumn when they first met. A year is not much, but they did came a long way.

The kitchen was empty except for some plates of food for him, so he went to the living room with a plate of omelet and two pieces of plain bread. Johnny and Taeyong are sitting on the couch watching a movie, and although there's still a lot of space on that couch, Jaehyun chose to sit by the armrest near Taeyong instead. Both the hybrids greeted him with a smile, and Jaehyun stroked Taeyong's head along with a brief kiss to his temple.

"How's your sleep?" he asked almost in a whisper despite Johnny never care when they're being too close or intimate.

"I slept really good last night," he replied with a wider smile, reciprocating with another kiss to Jaehyun's cheek, seemingly about to pull him closer and climbing up his lap, until he stopped and coiling his white tail around Jaehyun's arm instead.

Maybe it does hurt a little bit knowing that Taeyong wants to be close to the point he kind of forgot about his own fear, only to be reminded by the said fear itself. But it's reliving to see Taeyong is at least okay with their thighs pressing together and he let it be to placate the disappointment. Jaehyun start eating as Taeyong going back at watching the Disney movie about a girl with a man with big body built.

"Taeyong, are you okay if you have to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist?"

For a second he looked to Jaehyun's eyes, then fleeting down to his bread, "will you be there too?"

"Yes, if you want me to."

He seem a bit hesitant, but he answered, "I want you to... I'm okay with it."

"You know that you can say no if you don't want to, right?" Jaehyun asked carefully.

"I know," he rubs the top of his head to Jaehyun's neck briefly before letting the gap to fill in between them again, "but I want to be able to be with you more."

Jaehyun wished so bad he could hug him tightly, run his hands over his small bony back and kiss his face all over. The least he could do was to hold his lean hand, feeling his slender fingers intertwining with his own and for now, it should be enough. He continue eating then, letting Taeyong watch his movie.

But Jaehyun wasn't so invested into the movie because he noticed Taeyong's attire, he's wearing Jaehyun's big white shirt drowning his smaller body in it. He wonders if Taeyong actually wearing a pants underneath it or not, because he can only see his smooth golden thighs peeking out under the shirt. The white makes his skin kind of glowing prettily, slender and look so captivating for Jaehyun, making him want to glide his palm over it.

He is not unfamiliar with how soft and smooth Taeyong's skin was under his fingers, he can remember the warmth of his body, how it grew hotter under his own. He could still recall the taste of his skin, the scent and how right was their bodies fit together. The weight of those beautiful thighs around his waist, toes grazing his calves, the desperation of his slender fingers in his hair and over his pale skin, the soft caresses of Taeyong's ragged breath fanning against his lips, his face and his skin. And how much he wanted to rack that small body with a burning desire, to reach the explosion together, to elicit those debauched noises, to mark the expanse of his body with his own, to pour his feelings, to possess, to make him _his_. Hot, dirty images filling his mind and Taeyong look so sinful in his eyes.

"Jaehyun."

"Huh? What?" he jolted from surprise, the call of his name bringing him out of the dirty images in a snap, looking to Johnny who's giving him a knowing look.

"Your plate, it almost fall," he reminded, obviously aware of what Jaehyun was thinking about.

Heat spreading under Jaehyun's skin along with a blush on his face, shifting his plate to rest securely on his lap as he cleared his throat from shame, "yeah, sorry."

Johnny hides a chuckle while Taeyong is looking to his nose with worry swirling in his eyes, "are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, I'm okay," he cleared his throat again to which Johnny make a mocking face.

"I'm sure he's fine, Taeyong, _definitely_."

Jaehyun hides his face as it feels burning, standing up to get away from the sinful sight of Taeyong's thighs sliding down the couch for his feet to touch the soft carpet under it, "I'll, uh, finish my breakfast in the kitchen."

He walked away hurriedly not noticing the way Taeyong was trying to catch his arm to stop him from going, since all that he could feel at that time was the growing heat of desire within his body and the shame because of it. He sit down on the chair by the kitchen counter with a long sigh, rubbing his face to will away his lust, at least he didn't pop a random boner, god it was so freaking close.

The food losing it's charm over him so he put it aside and pull out his phone instead to call Doyoung to serve as a distraction. Thankfully the man picked up after the fourth ring, " _good afternoon Jaehyun, to what do I owe this honor of you calling me today?_ "

"Doyoung, spare me from your sarcasm," he sighed again.

" _I mean, you rarely call me but lately you did it so often_ ," he snorted, " _so, what is it?_ "

"I just want to inform you that Taeyong is okay with our prior planning."

" _Is that so? Alright, I've been reading more into his documents, but I think you need her to do his assessment since I'll be acting more like her extended hand_."

He groaned then, "seriously, must it be her?"

" _I don't get it why you're so against meeting her,_ " Doyoung inquired with a curious tone.

"Because she may or may not said something about Jungwoo, and I don't like it when someone reading into me too deep, I feel like I'm being stripped naked everytime I see her."

" _She really is that good, remember when she pointed out your egomaniac? Damn, that was the best shit ever, you tend to be self centred indeed, I applaud her for saying it out loud_."

"Not you too, Doyoung," he protested.

"' _This isn't about only you Jaehyun, stop seeing only yourself!' I can remember her voice so clearly even after years_ ," Doyoung mimicked with weird voice and a laugh.

"I learnt so much and hurt so much more from that alone."

" _Truth always hurts, isn't it?_ " he scoffed. " _I've already told her about Taeyong briefly, I didn't share much just that you may be needing her help._ "

"What? I haven't agree to this-!"

" _Hush, you and I both know she's the best for this. And she said she's willing to help, for one condition_."

"And that is...?" Jaehyun asked reluctantly, already guessing what she might wanted.

" _You have to ask her yourself and meet her with Taeyong for the initial assessment_."

Jaehyun could sense it so apparent how Doyoung must be grinning as he said that, "so that's why you suggested to make her to do it instead of you."

" _Partly, but I'm sure she could do better than me_."

With the best thought for Taeyong, Jaehyun give in.

 

\--

 

"Well, well, well, look who's here."

Jaehyun grimaced as the lady grinning up to him with both her palms placed on her slim waist, taunting. Aria still look as beautiful as he remembered her, her mixed race did her in the best way of how she have big grey eyes and gorgeous Asian features, and she's _tall_ , almost as tall as Jaehyun. With them standing together like this, Taeyong seem even smaller than he usually is.

"Beautiful as always Aria, nice seeing you again, although I still wonder why you didn't become a model instead," he forced himself to smile.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere Jaehyun, are you that afraid of me?" she chuckled with a slap to Jaehyun's shoulder, before she shifted her eyes to Taeyong, "hello there Taeyong, I've heard a lot about you and I must say your beauty captived me."

Taeyong blushed from the compliment, a small smile growing on his lips as he look at her face carefully, "you're very beautiful too... Doctor."

"Oh please, call me Aria, a friend of Jaehyun is a friend of mine," but then she cleared her throat suggestively, "although you guys are not really just friends."

Now it's both Jaehyun and Taeyong turns to blush even harder, "Aria please, spare us from embarrassment."

"I didn't intend to do that at all," she's touching her tied black hair with a grin, "no longer calling me Ai anymore, Hyunnie?"

"Please, if you don't want to embarrass me then you must be trying to torture me," he groaned.

She laughed then, voice light and airy still the same as Jaehyun remember it and he got reminded of why he liked her before, there's just something about her laugh which pulling at his heart strings. "I'm just joking, please come in," she squeezed both Jaehyun's and Taeyong's arm. When he sees the smile on Taeyong's face, only then he realized that she did that to eases Taeyong's apprehension towards a stranger.

She sit down on a sofa across the couch where Taeyong and Jaehyun is sitting at, a gentle and calming smile always present on her plump lips as she took a clipboard and placed it on her lap. Jaehyun didn't miss the glint he saw on her finger though, "you're engaged?"

"Oh," she bring up her hand to show more of her engagement ring, "yes I am, if only you didn't avoid me Jaehyun, I would have send you the invite for my engagement party."

"I don't think I would want to come, I had enough in my plate since you got another boyfriend before me, ugh."

There's surprise on her face, "wow Jaehyun, I'm amazed, you're so open about your stupid ego now, what a growth. It does hurt isn't it? Knowing your ex got another lover before you? Although you don't have any lingering feeling and we did made a race of it, that was so immature of us," she chuckled, "I'm glad of it though, because he become my soon to be husband."

"Oh it was that guy? Congratulations, when is the wedding?"

"Hopefully next year, if we didn't break up first from the stress of preparing it," she joked lightly before they shared a look. They aren't friends, but from the past which they shared, it does feel like they are both more and less than that, the feeling of caring which will always present now. Aria noticed the way Taeyong is growing uneasy from their conversation though, how he's coiling his tail around Jaehyun's lap possessively, so she smiled to him, "how is Jaehyun treating you Taeyong?"

"Huh?" he asked dumbfounded, tail flicking a bit faster on Jaehyun's lap.

"You guys are _involved_ right? Does he treat you right?" she grinned much to Jaehyun's exasperation.

"We aren't here for relationship counseling," he deadpanned.

"Hush, I asked him, not you," she reprimanded.

Taeyong blushed, but he nodded anyway, "he's... Very kind to me."

"That's all he's good at, isn't he? I can tell he really cares for you, but sometimes it takes more than that to treat their partners right."

"Oh I... I don't know, this is my first..." he blushed again, hiding his face under his palms with flattening ears.

"Gosh Aria," Jaehyun blushed too, caught in dilemma because he's embarrassed but he also really wants to squish Taeyong hard there and then with him being so cute like that.

She only laugh though, and start asking Taeyong questions which have nothing to do with the counseling. Maybe she's aiming to make Taeyong comfortable with her, familiarizing themselves so it'll be easier for him to open up and Jaehyun watching from the sideline with awe at how she's easing the conversation into deeper questions which threading on Taeyong's past. She's really good, indeed. Although Jaehyun can't say the same when she started asking about their sexual life, oh god, why she have to do that? It was extremely awkward and embarrassing, but as she wrote it down, Jaehyun realized it wasn't a question just for the hell of it, she's assessing everything about Taeyong's character and his social ability.

"So you have close friends from the orphanage too? Do you still contacting them?"

"No... I got out from there before them and I have no means to contact them," he said with a somewhat sad eyes.

"I see," she smiled, pen dancing upon the paper on her lap without making it obvious that she was jotting down notes so the counseling feels like a conversation between friends instead, "do you remember what was your first memory of the orphanage?"

"First memory?" he asked without really needing an answer, eyes flying up to the ceiling as he tries to remember, "I think... It was the hallway... It was dark, it was at night and I was... I really don't remember what I was doing."

"Do you remember how did you get into the orphanage?"

His hand subconsciously inching to Jaehyun's fingers, squeezing it, "no... I don't remember."

She noticed the gesture with her ever sharp eyes, "what do you feel when you try to remember it?"

"I..." there's a shiver on his body, intertwining his fingers with Jaehyun's as if he's asking for a silent support, "scared."

"Do you want to know?" she asked the important question, the one which will be the sole point of strength to assess Taeyong's insight, because no one else can save him better than his ownself.

Do Taeyong want to know? It doesn't feel like he want to, he's already so scared even when he's unable to remember anything, so how could he be sure he's strong enough to withstand the knowledge? But then there's a gentle squeeze to his sweating hand, looking up to see Jaehyun smiling patiently to him, not pressuring nor demanding, as if he tells him it's okay to take his time no matter how long, that he's not in this fight alone. Warmth, courage and determination spreading within his chest from the gentle look alone, Taeyong couldn't really see Jaehyun's eyes, but he could feel it, like a gentle and understanding embrace, a reassuring cocoon of support and love. _This is what love is, given without expecting anything_ , Taeyong thinks, patient and supportive, something which is quite unfamiliar but not frightening, because Jaehyun's heart is always comforting and grounding. Taeyong remember someone told him that the best love is where they grow into a better person together, maybe this is it.

So finally he answered, "yes, I want to know." _Because the past makes who I am_ , and knowing himself, accepting it will be the start of his steps to healing. This is a war between him and _himself_.

Aria didn't even hide how pleased she is, "and I'm sure we'll get to that. What do you think of yourself?"

"Myself? What about myself...?" he asked with surprise and unease creeping up on his face.

"Is there any thoughts coming up in your mind as I asked that?" she's asked gently yet firm.

Taeyong blinked, looking down to his feet and shifting it uncomfortably, "I'm... A mess."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because I shouldn't be feeling like this, because-" he inhales shakily when his voice got caught in his throat from the mounting emotions, "I can't control my fear, myself."

"Do you know why you're feeling like that?"

Taeyong look to Jaehyun, lowering his head quickly when their eyes met, his fingers squeezing harder and unwilling to let go, "It mostly happen when I'm around Jaehyun... But I don't know why."

"What do you feel about it?"

Taeyong is confused, not because of what those words may imply, but of his own emotions. He feels sort of detached with his fear, it was too abrupt, came out of nowhere and he didn't know what to feel about it, but he knows for sure about one thing, "I want it away, I want it gone."

There's a hidden smile on her lips from the answer, "have you think about what to do to make sure you'll reach your goal?"

Honestly, he didn't know, he have no idea, how could he when he didn't even know what is this about? "I don't know... But I will fight it."

And there, Jaehyun feel so immensely proud to see the strength in Taeyong's amber eyes, the way he's sitting straight beside him, so strong, so beautiful. _Damn, I really love him_ , he could feel it so strongly with his whole being and how lucky he was to have met Taeyong. He must thank his mother who prompted their meeting, their fate.

Aria pull out a paper and give it to Taeyong still with a smile, "could you draw the time now? And what date is today?"

That was a weird request, but Taeyong complying obediently, drawing a circle and the hands of time, clearly oriented with the time and the date, mind clear and conscious. She took the drawing with a satisfied look and stack it together with the notes she's been writing, "I think that's it for today, you did really good Taeyong, thank you."

"Oh, I... I should be thanking you instead," he said with wide eyes, not really feeling it that they have concluded the counseling since he couldn't pinpoint exactly when did the assessment started.

Aria smiled so beautifully to Taeyong, her grey eyes deep with empathy and care, which makes Taeyong's heart warm and there's a feeling of being understood. It's kind of strange, but the way she's looking into him bring forth calmness and affection, suddenly he wants to hug her tight, is this how being understood feels like? Gratifying and so, _so_ content. It's surprising because they only met that day, yet from her eyes alone she could comfort him like an old friend.

Jaehyun knew just how amazing Aria is with her eyes and what feelings she could evoke from the way she brings herself, so he only patted Taeyong's back when the hybrid shaking hands with her and his eyes never leaving her face. But then Aria shared a look with Jaehyun, a cue for a private talk.

"Could you wait here for a while, Taeyong? I need to talk a bit with Jaehyun."

"Yes, I'll wait here," he nodded, a smile never leaving his lips, Aria really bewitched him that hard to make him trust her that much. It's one of Aria's abilities which Jaehyun is afraid of. They leave the counseling room and closed the door behind them, instantly Aria's eyes turned serious.

"He was doing good, he got fourth grade of insight and Doyoung will take it from here, as of me, I will assist through the allo anamnesis from those meetings from on-"

"Aria, human language please," he sighed, never really able to understand any medical terms she had tried to teach him years ago.

"There are grades of insight in psychology, basically grade six is when the person is fully aware of what happened to them and want to get better. Grade five is when they know what caused their problems and what should they do but they didn't really apply it to their life. Grade four is when they know they have problems, want to get better, but they didn't know what caused it. Grade three is when they blame their problems onto another person or other factors. Grade two is when they somewhat understand they have a problem, but they didn't think of it as a problem or need to work on it. Grade one, is full denial."

Jaehyun think over the information slowly, "so he's somewhat in the middle...?"

"He wants to get better and that's what is important, it'll be the ground for him to bounce on if things goes south. Considering the case, I think that's bound to happen. But he's completely oriented and his overall cognitive and emotions are in sync with his outward expression, so I can say he's doing good."

"Are you really sure you can say that?" Jaehyun asked carefully.

"No, because there's never exact science about people's psychology, things can went completely different than what we have seen or hoped for. But what I was getting at is that his ground is solid, he's strong," she smiled, there's recognition in her eyes, "I had thought that this time you fell for someone who's completely different from your past lovers, but seeing him now, you always like the strong ones, don't you?"

"Why are you suddenly saying that?" he said with a pitched voice, embarrassed to talk about such thing with his ex. "Also do you really have to ask about our sex life? God that was embarrassing as fuck."

"I have to know every aspects about him and that includes his psychosexual Jaehyun," she laughed, patting Jaehyun's shoulder with an unreadable expression on her face, "I'm really glad to see you today, you have changed so much and it makes me happy."

"...why?"

"Because your heart never there, Jaehyun. Being in relationship, whatever form it is, isn't about you feeling good for doing what you think is right for them, but to do it because you want to make them happy and care for them. You were always a good guy, but you were never a good lover because you never put your heart in it, it was automatic the way you did things, you were only playing a role of a lover and that's why you always failed your relationships."

"Yeah I know now, do you need to rub it on my face?" he grumbled, this is why he didn't want to see her, damn.

"Hey, let me be happy to see you finally found that someone who can brought it out of you," she elbowed Jaehyun's on the ribs, "kinda sad for my ego that it wasn't me though."

"Just because you're a good psychiatrist doesn't mean you can always spark a change in someone," he snorted.

"I'll support you guys all the way, I hope he's really good for you and you are for him," she said instead.

"I hope so too," he whispered as a wish.

"Now that you aren't the same Jaehyun who only think about himself, I do hope you also acknowledging what I said about Jungwoo before."

"Oh not that Aria, spare me from that," he groaned.

"You can't keep living in your denial Jaehyun, it's time for you to free him from the brother role you forced on him!" she hissed.

"I'm no longer in denial, okay? The last conversation I had with him was real enough that the problem was acknowledged between us," he sighed, stepping backward to lean bodily on the wall, rubbing his face frustratingly, "it just... That's all we have been all these years and I can't have him away from me. I know, when I let him go, he'll take himself away from me and he will... I will lose my brother."

She take a step forward to Jaehyun, her tall height emphasizing what she's about to say, "is it worth it seeing your brother suffer?"

 _No, it does not_ , Jaehyun shake his head, avoiding her eyes. She took another unrelenting step towards him, "time, Jaehyun. Did you think so little of him?" _that's also what Jungwoo said to him, wasn't it?_ "if you truly believe in your bond with him as brothers, then you should let him go, love is not about possessing them, Jaehyun, it's about understanding, compromising. Time, it may take years or less, or more, but it will happen. There will come the time when he'll come back to you as the brother you always wish for, but this time it will be genuine."

He inhales tiredly, "oh how I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual, you frustrate me a lot with your indecisiveness," she snorted, patting Jaehyun's head as if he's a child, "now go, do the right thing. I'll take it from here through Doyoung, Taeyong should make a schedule with him by himself, don't force him, be patient."

"I know, I get it," he grunted, taking her hand away from his head, "should I call you noona from on?" he said sarcastically to imply the way she's been treating him.

"Oh please, you know I never adhere to that part of Asian cultures," she laughed mockingly, "and I'm only older than you by four years."

"That's a lot, old lady," he smirked, only to yelp when she banged the wall beside his head.

"I dare you to say that again," she's still smiling, but her grey eyes glinting so dangerously.

"I'm sorry young lady, I made a mistake."

"Good boy," she patted Jaehyun's head again just to irk him more, smiling smugly right to his face. But then her eyes turned soft along with a longing, gentle smile, " _buď šťastný_ , Jaehyun."

At least, from the good times he shared with her in the past, he still remember some of her other language, " _ty taky_."

She seems really touched and happy to hear him said that, squeezing Jaehyun's hand briefly before walking back into her office.

 

"My job here is done."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation (Czech):  
> Aria: "be happy, Jaehyun."  
> Jaehyun: "You too."
> 
> The way Taeyong felt by looking into Aria's eyes was actually my own experience to a psychologist lol. A good psychiatrist or psychologist, when they have empathy in their eyes, it makes you feel belonged, understood and somehow, it makes you feel at ease, loved and you just want to pour all of you to them, really. It's as strange as it is magical.
> 
> I hope there was nothing wrong in what I'm trying to portray and just a reminder, every cases are different depends on the person, adjustment are necessary.


	26. Paw Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Remember, you are here with us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY EARLY NEW YEAR!!!
> 
> But buckle up people, because we're going down a bumpy road.
> 
> This chapter might contain a triggering scenes as we delves deeper into Taeyong's past. _That past_

"Anxiety disorder... Specific phobic disorder..."

"And others names I can't really understand," Jaehyun supplies as Doyoung is reading Taeyong's assessment from Aria.

"SSRI, anxiolyctic and... Antidepressant, have you make sure he take these?" Doyoung waves the paper before settling it down on the coffee table.

"Yeah, but sometimes he still have panic attacks, although less than before... And I can leave him alone longer than usually. For the antidepressant, Aria said not to take it just yet to see how well he responds to the other medications."

Doyoung hummed thoughtfully, "we can start any time he's feeling ready, also make sure he's aware of what we're going to dive in."

The first counseling with Doyoung was done in light conversation, about what Taeyong usually do, his activities and what does he like to do, what makes him calm the most and what makes him feel uneasy. Then Doyoung educate both Taeyong and Jaehyun about the hybrid conditions, what may happen and why, what to do about it, he also tell them about self care and how to do emotional management, the things he need to avoid, his diet and to maintain proper exercise.

The second counseling was similar, more talk and engaging Taeyong to think about certain situations and what would he do in such situations, about his opinion and thoughts about certain things in life, as if Doyoung is delving deeper into Taeyong's insights, his way of thinking and his ability to perceive and adapt to it. Sometimes Doyoung only listen and triggering more ideas and thoughts from inside Taeyong, sometimes he puts in different views and opinions which Taeyong could start to think about.

The third counseling happens six weeks after their first one, Doyoung tell him about what happened to Taeyong in the past, gradually, cautiously, but the hybrid give little to no reaction, because there's no memories about it at all. Then he told him that making him remember it is important to help him to let it go, telling more details about what Taeyong might find while they're doing the hypnotherapy. it was more about Doyoung trying to put Taeyong into a state of calm and to touch his subconsciousness. He asked about what place did Taeyong feel most comfortable with, or if there's any memories which can help him with that. Taeyong doesn't notice it, but Jaehyun could hear how Doyoung's voice sounds different than usually was, smooth, gentle and very soothing. Almost like a lull that even Jaehyun who wasn't in the receiving end, feel his muscles relaxing and weight digging deeper into the couch.

"When I'm with... Jaehyun?" Taeyong answered a bit uncertain.

"Not like that, more like... Do you like the ocean? Or the mountain? Or maybe in the desert where it's full of beautiful glowing sand?"

"Oh," Taeyong lets out, eyes flying up to think about it, "maybe... The beach?"

Jaehyun's heart kicked his ribcage at the answer, because that's what Taeyong said is similar to him, right? Does everything and anything about Taeyong is revolving only around Jaehyun now? The thought is a bit frightening, very heavy, what if he did one mistake and it'll break Taeyong to dust? What would hold him up again when that happens? Shouldn't Taeyong hang his safety ropes onto other things beside him?

"Have you been to a beach, Taeyong?" Doyoung asked, stopping any thoughts which forming in Jaehyun's head.

"Yes, twice with my... Previous masters. I love it because I was left alone there, somehow... I sees the beach as freedom, where I feel safe although a bit lonely."

Something is shifting in Doyoung's expression as if he's feeling empathic for Taeyong, while Jaehyun's chest is clenching in a throbbing ache, realizing that this is why Taeyong projected those images into him. _Freedom_. Because that's what the first thing Jaehyun gave him, wasn't it? It's a strong realization that Jaehyun feels his entire being overwhelmed by it, mixed with so much emotions such as love and a longing to cradle Taeyong close to his heart. But he didn't let any of it shows, because this is not about him, this is all about Taeyong.

"Would you like to lay down then, Taeyong?" Doyoung asked while motioning for the couch and Taeyong immediately looking to Jaehyun wordlessly asking for permission.

"It's okay, you can lay down there since the couch is long enough with me still sitting here," he answered with a reassuring smile to which Taeyong is complying right away.

Doyoung waits until Taeyong stop shifting to make sure he's comfortable enough before continuing, "are you relaxed?"

Taeyong shaking his head softly, "not... Really."

"Could you close your eyes?" the hybrid did after a nod, breathing deeply as Doyoung waits again for a moment. "Try to regulate your breathing, Taeyong. Slowly but steady."

Taeyong did it for a while, waiting anxiously until his body visibly relaxing into the couch under him. Only then did Doyoung speak again, "focus on your breathing, feel the air coming in to fill your lungs, then release it softly, follow the rhythm."

One minute then going to three minutes until Doyoung's voice hit lower and softer, "feel the beating of your heart, try to listen to it from within your chest and feel the flows of your blood going through your veins, focus on it."

Doyoung keep talking in a very soft voice, sometimes he waits, then talk again to bring Taeyong more into relaxation until they could see that Taeyong is seemingly sleeping, "can you here me Taeyong?"

"Yes," he answered with equally soft voice, body unmoving.

"Listen to my voice, feel it as your anchor, as I count to five, you'll feel your body and mind growing heavier and sleepier, and when we reach five, you'll be under. Try to imagine the place where you feel most comfortable in, feel the tranquility in it," Doyoung said and starting to counting slowly, giving each count a chance for Taeyong to fall deeper. Waiting as he instructed again for the man to imagine the place he wanted to be, until Taeyong said ' _I see the beach_ '. "Try to imagine the feel of the air, the smell, the sand under your feet, the wind, everything as if you're there."

It all seems like they're progressing nicely, but then Taeyong say he can only see the image in his head but not feeling anything, so Doyoung concluded they have reached the end of that day session. "How do you feel?" Doyoung asked when Taeyong is blinking his eyes open.

"It calms me..."

"You can try to do it from time to time as a meditation, it helps at surfing the urges," Doyoung explained as he's jotting down notes into his papers.

"Surfing the urge?" both Jaehyun and Taeyong asked.

"Yes, it can pose as a self therapy," he nodded with a smile to the both men, "if you ever feel you're not in control over yourself, you can try to go back to what you're feeling just now. Focus into deep inside you, try to feel the emotions within you and where did it comes from, then slowly surf it to bring you out of it and into the relaxed state like you're feeling just no."

"How does it work?" Jaehyun frowned in confusion, somehow it doesn't sound make sense.

"Because you can't fight what you're denying, you fight by facing it," Doyoung said, gentle and grounding, no judgement at all. "It's like this, you know it's there, it's inside of you and you have the control and you want to, and you will chase it away. We can only ward off those from within by ourselves, if your heart is disturbed, you can't do that, that's why meditation is important. You don't go against the wave by refusing it or running away from it since it'll swallow you stronger into it, you have face it, hop on it and goes with the flow of that wave to bring you ashore. That's why we call it ' _surfing_ '."

Jaehyun can't really grasp on that logic if he were to be completely honest, but seeing the somewhat understanding in Taeyong's eyes and his silence, Jaehyun guessed it's something to be felt rather than understood, so he say anything. After Doyoung officially concluded that the session is done, Jaehyun ushered the hybrid to go to Johnny while he's having a private talk with the psychologist.

"What would you say about today?"

"Honestly we didn't manage to go under," Doyoung sighed, "hypnotize aren't like what movies often depicted, that they aren't unaware or unconscious when they're being put under, when actually they're aware of the surroundings and the people around them. It can be done with a sudden disruption to their brain waves, yes, to stimulate them to do things out of their conscious state, but not in hypnotherapy like these. Subconscious state is like the pass code to hack a system, they are heavily guarded that even their own person often can't touch it. Because Taeyong didn't trust me, deep down he's refusing me to let him go there, so I would say today is not really successful."

Jaehyun rubs his face tiredly then, "so it's no use?"

"I wouldn't say that, we took a step closer to our goals, just need more time and get him more used to me. Some people can dive in right away, some don't, especially in cases like Taeyong whom have something he himself didn't want to recognize, subconsciously," Doyoung patted Jaehyun's shoulder, consoling, "I will come often to familiarize ourselves from now on, don't worry."

 

\--

 

" _Medication is an external factors, Jaehyun. Human's mind is strange and work in it's own ways. If their insights thinks otherwise, no matter how many, how often they had their medication, it would do little to help them_ ," Aria voice heard so softly to Jaehyun's ear.

"So, would you say they are useless then?"

" _I wouldn't say that, they're different case to case, depends on the person_ ," there's a rustling heard through the line, it's late already but it seems Aria is still working, " _it's like this, you have a terrible headache, there's two medicines in your hand. One is a common medicine you can get by yourself, the other you can only get through a prescription. Unconsciously you think, '_ this common drug won't be able to help me, but this other one should be because the doctor gave it to me _'. Although in reality they both can help your headache, because you already thought in that way, that common drug wouldn't give you the effects which you wanted, because that way of thinking is already giving suggestions to your brain that it's useless, despite it's actually not._ "

Jaehyun think over the words, making sense of it, but then Aria added again, " _another example is the placebo effect. You give a patient the correct medication and they came to believe it really helps them as they continue to have it regularly and it does shown the effects which they wanted. But then we replaced the medicine with a placebo which have no acting compounds in it, because they believe it's still the same medication and it's been effective all those times, it will still give them the same effects as the real medicine, even though that placebo have nothing in it. It's their subconscious state which makes that possible, conditioned into that suggestions and it could happen in the opposite way too. When you're skeptical about the medication which designed for you, it'll not be effective because of that belief alone._ "

"So that's why hypnotherapy is important? To rearrange that belief?" Jaehyun asked.

" _Basically, yeah. They have to fight from within too, that's why there's such a thing as self therapy, they often are defensive towards external intervention which includes the medication and us, the health providers. If they don't want to fix it themselves, it's hard to heal it_."

Now that doesn't make sense for Jaehyun, "how can they don't want to fix it? They came to you to be cured, don't they?"

Aria sighed, as if she's pained too, as if she's sympathizing to that emotions, " _sometimes when the pain have been there for too long, it becomes part of you, Jaehyun. You want it away, yet at the same time you don't, because it's been there, it's you. It's hard to understand if you haven't been there, but that's been the issue in many cases_."

So that's why Doyoung said that Taeyong have to face it, to recognize it before anything else, is it? Jaehyun thought, because how could anyone erase something that's not there?

" _The only one who can rid of the demons inside, are the person themselves, Jaehyun. We are only hands extended to them, if they don't take our hands, then they are fighting a long battle blindly, they have to take off their own blindfolds for us to show them the way._ "

"Have you?" Jaehyun asked in a whisper.

" _Have I what?_ "

"Been there?" because you seems to really understand that pain in a deeper manner.

" _Everyone of us have been there, Jaehyun,_ " he could almost see the image of sad smile on Aria as she said that, " _every each one of us have different hardwares, some built to overcome it subconsciously by themselves, some of them have it haunting their waking and sleeping hours and sabotaging their supposedly coping mechanism. Our minds are strong enough to destroy even our physic, but that also mean they are strong enough to heal us if we knows of to control it. Ironically, subconsciousness are much more complex to be able to be controlled like that, maybe that's precisely why_."

"So... They don't know?"

There's quite a bit of tension in the outstretched silence as she said, " _some don't, some do, yet it's still hard to untangle it._ "

Then Jaehyun found himself wide awake later that night as he lay down on his bed with Taeyong sleeping beside him an arm away. He blinks up to the ceiling, wondering about the things which was told to him, dissecting every words to understand it more, yet it also gives him more questions in his head. He had read things like people dying to their thoughts alone, how they wither away after being left by their loved one, how people with fragile psyche prone to illnesses. He never think deeper into it, but now... Maybe the minds really are that strong, maybe, it's the key to everything.

"Jaehyun?"

He snapped to the voice beside him, "yes?"

"It's dark..." Taeyong whispered.

"Oh sorry, I forgot to turn it on," he quickly turn on the bedside lamp, illuminating the room with soft, dim yellowish light.

"You're not sleeping?"

"I'm about to..." Jaehyun whispered, feeling the shift of the bed before slender fingers touching his forearm, searching down to find his own fingers.

"Is there something bothering you?" Taeyong whispered, his voice is a bit closer now.

"No," he said softly, hesitance heard lining over the words, "...maybe."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" there's another shift and rustling, then a hand gently weighing over his chest before it went away leaving only the lingering warmth.

"No, it's okay, you should sleep," he exhales slowly, closing his eyes to force himself to stop thinking and sleep instead.

"Is it about me?"

It feels like a sharp aching in his heart as he heard Taeyong's question, the tone showing a lot of emotions that can't be describe into words, with the slight darkness around them only enhancing the pain from within as they found themselves there, in doubts and unanswered questions.

"Do you believe in me, Taeyong?" he whispered after a long, deafening silence.

The answer didn't come right away, he felt a soft squeeze to his hand and the way Taeyong is inhaling sharply, "I do..."

"Even if I become the one who hurt you instead?"

There's the light, but it was also dark enough that they can't really see their expression moreover with Jaehyun also isn't looking to Taeyong, eyes keep peering up to the ceiling, heart like a still water waiting for a ripple to be made on the surface.

"Like now?"

That makes Jaehyun to take his eyes away from the ceiling, to see Taeyong in the eyes and see the way the other man is looking away from his gaze. _What does he mean?_

"There's always fear everytime I look at you," Taeyong said in barely a whisper, so low that Jaehyun almost missed it, "but I know it's not you, it's because of this," he points at his head, "you're not the reason of my pain, it's something inside and I will get out. If it hindering me to be with you, then I want it gone, I want it disappear without a trace."

It's quite dark, but Jaehyun didn't miss the glints of strength in Taeyong's amber eyes, almost like a light in itself amidst the darkness of their room. Maybe this is what Taeyong is seeking for, the light inside the darkness. He's strong, he really is, Jaehyun thought, he will get there. He have no doubts that Taeyong would be able to get there with his strength, yet why does this unease in his heart persists like an unwanted fly?

"Can I kiss you?" he said almost like a breath instead of a sentence, but there's a soft smile growing on Taeyong's lips.

"Yes..."

He's inching closer to the beauty in front of his eyes under the dim yellowish light, a gentle image as it touch Taeyong even more vulnerable, a look like a thin glass about to hit the ground. Will it shatter, or will it fall with a crack but rolling on the solid ground for the destination ahead? Their breathing met together first before their lips could touch, like fingertips to a breeze, fleeting yet strong and true. He is brushing his fingers upon Taeyong's cheek, down to his jaw and his fluttering throat, feeling the pulse there, so alive, almost in synch with his own.

Then Taeyong look up to see at the point between his eyebrows, not seeing Jaehyun's eyes yet he could somewhat see the bouncing lights in it, "I need this... Your kisses, is what tells me what I what. Because as much as fear keep me away from you, I want it, I want more of your touches, the scent which only you have. It tells me what I really want, and for that, I will fight."

 _He speaks like I'm a reward to claim when he win the battle_ , Jaehyun thinks. And he knows, as he goes back to his side of the bed, fingers barely intertwining with Taeyong's slender ones, he knows that Taeyong will get through this, he have a strong mind, a strong soul. He will. Still, minds is so strange, no matter how many reassurance he gets, anxiety still present there.

After that Doyoung visited his house pretty often, just to talk to Taeyong, sometimes playing together with both Johnny and Taeyong. He's patient in his way, opening Taeyong's rusty locks one by one with precaution and gentle understanding, until it becomes apparent how Taeyong is steadily opening up to him, talking more and be himself like the cheerful guy he is without reserve or the politeness he always use to a stranger. And as autumn is getting near, Doyoung is already becoming friends with both hybrids.

Taeyong was also getting better a lot, still childish at times, but he no longer have panic attacks and he could be away from Jaehyun for a longer period. Jaehyun had thought, this much is already good enough, they don't need to dig deeper because Taeyong is finally smiling openly again, this is enough. But when he found Taeyong avoiding his eyes, of when his breathing getting ragged as the darkness surrounds him, Jaehyun knows that no, it's not enough, it's a hidden storm under the unscratched surface, waiting to burst out whenever there's enough trigger or if it's been denied for too long. _It's still not enough_.

Jaehyun no longer counting how many times have they been in counseling, the hot scorching sun getting gentler and there's a telltale of colors fading from the trees and the leaves which dancing in the wind. Taeyong have been growing perceptive towards Doyoung's hypnotherapy, the time to put him into a state of relaxation getting shorter and he fall into it readily. Trust, the trust he have towards Doyoung what was enabled him to do so. The minds really are strange as it is fascinating.

Until one day in one of their hypnotherapy, Doyoung asked to a relaxed, laying down Taeyong, "try to get into the water, feel the gentle waves to your feet-"

Taeyong gasped loudly, eyes still closed but it's apparent how he's in a state of surprise, mouth slightly gaping open, "I- I can feel it, it's cold..."

Jaehyun's head snapped to Doyoung in shock, looking into the man's much calmer eyes but he could still see the words within in, ' _we're in_ '.

"Feel it Taeyong, the water, the sand, the sun above you, feel it all," Doyoung said with a low voice.

A smile blooming on Taeyong's lips like a shy flower, hesitant but so much in awe, "I can feel it... It feels... Real."

"Remember that you're also in the present with us, you are there, but the real you is with us, can you do that?" he said carefully, still firm and gentle, he's threading it cautiously since they know what lies ahead.

Taeyong is frowning, confused of how to do that, but slowly it ceases and he's nodding softly, "I can... I can still feel the couch under me... I can also... Feel as if I'm standing here... In the beach. It's weird..."

"It's important to know that you're in the present with us, so whatever that you may see later, you're not really there, understand? You're safe, with us and I will pull you back when it gets too much, you can trust us."

And there Jaehyun realized, why Doyoung were persistent to have him there with them aside from Taeyong's own request to be accompanied. Jaehyun is the anchor, the key point to bring Taeyong back if something goes wrong. Doyoung had said before that when Taeyong went deeper into his subconscious mind, it'll be harder for him to pull himself back into the present, like a hook going down the deep ocean, if it stuck within, there will need an external force to pull it back up, the hands to yank at the fishing rod. Doyoung also said, in the moment of panic, Taeyong might not be able to hear his voice or he will subconsciously deny it since the unknown will keep him stuck inside. Jaehyun is the present, he'll be the strong point to make Taeyong realize that he didn't belong to the past which he's going to see, but he belongs to the present moment.

Jaehyun's fingers digging painfully hard to his knees as he understand it, now they're threading into the deeper and dangerous water. Doyoung only give him a nod before he continue forward, "Taeyong, do you see a boat there?"

Five seconds of silence until Taeyong answered, "no... I don't think so..."

"There's a boat near you, I want you to get on."

He gasped again, "yeah... Yeah."

"Are you there already? I want you to drive further into the ocean. Take your time with it."

Another silence then Taeyong said, "I'm far from the beach now..."

"Try to go further until you can't see the land behind you, can you do that? We will do what you want to do," Doyoung's voice hit lower, Jaehyun isn't sure how did he do that.

It didn't take long this time for Taeyong to say, "I'm here."

"What do you see?"

"...the ocean? I see the horizon... Endless ocean and the sun is... Setting," Taeyong whispered, breath still regular.

"There's a land in front of you Taeyong, do you think you can go there?"

Behind Taeyong's eyelids, Taeyong did see a land just like Doyoung told him even though it wasn't there before, "yeah, I'm going."

"Take your time Taeyong, no one is in hurry, if you want to, we can stop."

"No, I will... I will go there," he inhales sharply.

"Taeyong, do you know what you're going to search there?"

A beat of silence then, "my memories."

"Are you ready? Remember, you're in the present with us, nothing can harm you and you're safe with us."

"I'm ready," Taeyong said. His tone was firm, determined, but Jaehyun grew uneasy because he's not sure how Taeyong would take it, it was too much even for him, how hard will it hit Taeyong then? He's sliding down from the couch to sit on the carpeted floor, reaching out a hand to Doyoung as a strength he knew he will need. His friend took his hand wordlessly without taking his eyes off Taeyong.

"I'm here."

Jaehyun's heart kicked and Doyoung asked, "what do you see?"

"Snow... It's snowing here... The sun disappeared, it's... Night."

Jaehyun bring his other hand to clench at his chest, oh Taeyong really is going there, to his past. He's scared, he's terrified for Taeyong, they're now really minutes away from it, he didn't know what will happen, didn't know what did he expect, Jaehyun just know he isn't ready. He feels a squeeze to his hand, looking up to see Doyoung giving him an encouraging look, _'if you're not strong for him, then who will?_ '

So, he gritted his teeth to find his courage again, whatever may come, he'll be ready for Taeyong. So Doyoung continue again, "what lies ahead you?"

Taeyong took a moment to see amidst the snow dancing in a dark air, beautiful for his eyes, yet something sinister starting to twist from deep within his core, "a road... I see a road."

"Take a deep breath, Taeyong, find that calmness within you. Never forget that you're not really there, you're here with us, understand?"

Taeyong take a deep breath, keeping it regular and the tension which may taken place, releasing the knots in his muscles, "I'm okay."

"Good, you may proceed when you're ready."

"I'm ready," he said, taking new steps on the asphalt road, partly covered by the ever falling snow. It feels slippery under his feet, he noticed with amazement how suddenly his feet are covered by shoes. There's fog in front of him, causing him unable to see what at the end of the road, but he keep walking without falter. Until suddenly, warmth engulfed him and he's inside a car.

"Oh."

Doyoung slowly inching forward to sit at the edge of his sofa, senses heightens as he's focusing more, "what do you see Taeyong?"

"I'm... I'm inside a car," he said, surprise within his voice but more than that, both Doyoung and Jaehyun sees the way his breathing is shifting a little bit. "There are people at the front... Oh they are... She's my mother... And my father."

Jaehyun straighten up on his knees, squeezing Doyoung's hand harder as he brings a fist to over his lips, anxiety thrumming under his skin.

"Remember where you are right now Taeyong, who's with you?" Doyoung reminded again, it's important to keep this information intact.

"With you... And Jaehyun," he exhales slowly, trying to settle his breathing again.

"What are you feeling now?"

"Scared... So... Scared," he whispered barely inaudible, lips slightly trembling.

"We can stop now if you want," Doyoung reassure.

"No, I want to see... I want to know," he swallowed.

"Take a deep breath, control your breathing and find that calmness inside of you. Remember where you really are."

He's complying, taking a longer moment until his breathing slowing down again, "I'm ready."

Jaehyun wants to ask, 'are you, really?' And he knows even Doyoung want to ask that, but they didn't. Doyoung said, "you may let the car to proceed."

As soon as Doyoung said that, Taeyong feels the car take motion, rolling forward on the slippery road with rain of snow outside the window. Somehow, he already knew what he's going to see, where this car will take him with these images of his parents smiling happily together. Occasionally the image of his mother looking back to him with a grin, her soft voice said, ' _do you want some snack? Are you already feeling bored?'_

' _The road is still long, Taeyong, you can take a nap as long as you wanted_ ,' a deeper voice said with a hint of laughter, he look to the other side to see his father's face, still rather young yet holds a strength which taking place in people who knew how to fight the struggles in life. Certainly the opposite of his mother, who holds the same strength, yet softer at some edges, loving and compassionate.

' _Are you lonely sitting alone back there?_ ' his mother voice said again, followed with a giggle and a ticklish caresses to his face, causing him to notice how short and small his limbs are, child fingers gripping at his soft, slightly scraped knees.

' _He's a brave child, he knows how to be independent there_ ,' his father snickers, hands gripping at the wheels tightly.

' _Oh I know_ ,' his mother is smiling to him so beautifully, so alive, causing an unknown burst of longing inside his thrumming chest, ' _my son is so very strong, he can already fly up in the sky with his own wings_ ,' she said playfully.

It feels like a reflex, he feels compelled to reach out his hand to touch his mother's hand which on his head, with his little child fingers to feel her skin. So warm, so soft, so alive, so real.

' _I'm proud of you_ ,' she's smiling still, her longer, thicker fingers pitching his chubby cheek, fondness felt so strongly from the simple touch alone.

 _"Taeyong? Can you hear me?_ "

Whose voice was that? It feels like he knew that voice, but... He can't really remember.

" _Mom_ ," he said but why his voice sounds strange? Like a child but also deep like it's overlapping with a mature voice he didn't know whom it belongs to.

" _Taeyong_."

That voice. It's different than the first, but so familiar, causing a tugging sensation at his heart, whose is it?

' _Taeyong_ -' suddenly his mother's gentle voice got swallowed with a loud screeching sound, his body slammed the door and more loud noises filling his ears to the point of deafening. He feels his body being hit repeatedly everywhere, scream rushing out his mouth dissolving with other terrifying screams he couldn't decipher whose. All he could feel are pain, pain, more pain and a never unending screams along with his disorientation of knowing which is up and down, everything is mixing, a mess of pain and screams.

Nothing make sense until suddenly his body got thrown and his head hit something cracking with a strong force. Then came the darkness. Warm liquid drenching his skin and shaking limbs wrapping his hurting and weak body. Something is not right. The pain never stop, and what is that? Is that a scream? Whose scream? Why does it keep screaming? He doesn't want to hear. He don't want to. _Scary, scary, so scary, it hurts, it hurts, stop screaming, it's scary, scary, scary._

_"Taeyong!"_

There's a sliver of warmth over his hands, but all he could feel was the seeping cold, the never ending darkness, the whirlwind of time and the once warm and tender limbs around him growing stiff only to be soft again along with nauseating foul stench jabbing into his nose. The scream, why won't it stop? Where does that scream come from? Whose is it? When he look up, he sees a silhouette, of a head, a face looking to him like a black hole sucking him in, making him unable to look away. Terror starting to creeping in from his toes to the churning of his gut as the blackness taking shapes, a contour of deformed skin, his mouth opens, no sound, nothing, but the screaming from far away continues in a torturous way.

' _Zero!'_

"Taeyong!"

His body jerked up like a bowstring being released, lungs stiff and air stuck inside, unable to breath. When he feels a hand over his hand and another on his back, his disorientated mind starting to align and his stomach forcing out whatever it is that was inside, hurling continuously until nothing more but saliva spilling out, air finally coming in and out his constricting lungs.

"You are here Taeyong, you're in the present now," he heard a voice, now recognizing it as Doyoung's.

He look up slowly to see Jaehyun keep chanting his name, repeatedly full of worry and fear, making him clutching at the hand which coiling around his own.

"You're safe Taeyong, you're here with me," Jaehyun says over and over again with brimming tears.

Something feel amiss, because he thinks, how long has it been since he's able to stare at Jaehyun's eyes this long? Why he feels nothing? What is this gnawing void from within? Until he sees the way Jaehyun's skin starting to deform and discolored, his eyes melting with rotten skin peeling off his bones. He screams, horror filling his entire being to the point his skin growing numb and heart thundering in his ribcage, breath cut off along with the darkness taking place in his sight.

 

Before his consciousness left him, Taeyong finally realized, those screams was his own.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	27. Paw Twenty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "thank you and I love you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR~!!  
> ♪☆＼(^０^＼) ♪(／^-^)／☆  
> May this year be a good year for all of us and thank you for all the strength, the kindness and support you have given me last year. Thank you so much, I'm so grateful to have known you guys, I love you lots. m( _ _ )m
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is the start of the end, we're getting there now ^^ Every journeys must have come to an end and yet again, because of your beautiful, encouraging words, this have been a wondrous journey ♥♥♥♥ I hope you'll like it.
> 
> (Also there's a mild JaeWoo down there 👀)

Everything is still, as if time being stopped and he could only stay to watch helplessly without being able to do anything. The room is so quiet, the gush of air from the air conditioner was the only sound filling the room, yet somehow he could almost hear the dripping of the IV line attached to Taeyong's arm. It drips slowly, slower than the ticking of time, yet every fall of the droplets makes Jaehyun feel more restless and scratching painfully at his guilt. _Was it really his fault?_

Doyoung keep reasoning to him that this is inevitable, it will happen with or without his hands in it, that Jaehyun is not guilty for letting Taeyong did what he did. It was his choice, his will, that they were only doing what the man wanted to save himself. He's not guilty. Yet that's all he could feel as he's watching Taeyong laying unconscious in a hospital bed for a few hours now. Something in his pocket vibrates and he take it out, seeing his phone lit up with a notification of a text coming.

' _How is he? How are you? Should I go there too? Soonbok's mate offered to bring me there_.'

Johnny. Jaehyun exhales deeply, yet his chest only tightens even more than before. Amidst the flurry of panic, Jaehyun had jumped in his car and let Doyoung drove it to the hospital to bring unconscious Taeyong, since that man was the calmer one out of them, leaving Johnny to take care of their house. He look to the time in his phone, telling him that it's already late at night so he type back to the hybrid.

' _We're okay, you can get here tomorrow with Soonbok if you want to, but we are okay. Get some rest, Johnny_.'

Then he put his phone on the hospital nightstand along with the glass and a jug of water which provided to them. He lean back on his chair, yanking at his hair silently out of frustration, breathing shakily at the images of what happened earlier that day. Taeyong was screaming, like his soul was being butchered and his scream was the most terrifying sound Jaehyun had ever heard, bringing a terrorizing shiver all over his body, tearing his soul to bits.

Suddenly, he heard a low sniffle, bringing him up to look at Taeyong, the room is lit with a small lamp near the door so it's not too dark yet not that bright to really see if Taeyong is waking up, "Taeyong?"

There's more sniffles and gradually turning into a cry, he could see the shake of Taeyong's body on the bed then, making him to get up from his seat to kneel by the bed, "Taeyong-"

" _Don't!_ " he said hurriedly along with harder cries, hands coiling around his small shaking body to protect himself, "please don't... Don't get any closer."

But he's crying, crying so sorrowfully and so pained, as if he's bleeding with nothing to stop it, inflicting pain to Jaehyun's heart too. He decided to wait, giving Taeyong time to gather himself, to cry out all the pain, all the horror he just seen. But his cries are too much for Jaehyun to handle, too painful to hear and even more so that he can't do anything to soothe him. He can't come closer, he can't touch him, he can only stay still there, listening with broken heart of how torn Taeyong is. He felt a tickling sensations on his cheeks, fingers reflexively wiping it away only to realize he's also crying and as soon as he noticed it, his chest shaking with more cries desperate to be let out too. Oh how painful and hopeless they are, what could he do to at least easing Taeyong's pain a little bit? Anything, even if just a little bit, Jaehyun want to take those pain away, to tell him that even amongst the pain, he's there for him.

_I'm here, I'm here Taeyong, even if you can't look at me, feel me, I'm here._

" _Baby, I'll lift you up like an umbrella..._ " Jaehyun sing with trembling lips and voice, getting choked on some part as more cries trying to get out, heart in so much pain, even breathing is causing an ache. He can't touch Taeyong with his hands, but if he would wish, if he could hope, at least his voice can touch Taeyong's broken heart.

" _I'll make sure you're keeping your head up._  
_I'll promise to love you forever._  
_And I'll catch your heart like an umbrella._  
_Why would I stay quiet_  
_When the our time is right now._  
_Do you hear me callin' you, your heart speaking?_  
_Heart speaks in volumes, and I'm seeking..._ "

A mixed sound of a soft, relieved laugh and cries spilling out his mouth as he felt a tug at his sleeve, looking down to see Taeyong's slender fingers clenching at it as he's still crying with no means of stopping. He won't stop, if that can touch Taeyong in ways his body can't, then let his heart speak instead, that he won't go anywhere, he won't stop loving him and no matter what happen, he will be there for him, for them.

" _Remember those days you stayed inside._  
_Remember those tears, those years you've cried._  
_So why would I not hold you tighter_  
_'Til your days get brighter..._ "

Slowly as he's swallowing down his own cry, he's standing up to pull at the chair closer, sitting there when he makes sure he can see Taeyong's face, hidden behind one arm, cheeks wet and lips bitten to the point of bleeding still with pained cries. Carefully, Jaehyun try to touch Taeyong's arm with his fingertips, caressing it as he didn't get refused, gently taking it away from the crying eyes he's longing to see. Pain was all they're feeling in that moment, but more than that, their love rings true through the shared pain and cry. So Jaehyun wipe away those tears with careful fingers, brushing Taeyong's pink hair and placing a short, fleeting kiss to his closed eyes, tasting the salt of their tears at the tip of his lips.

" _Baby, I'll lift you up like an umbrella._  
_I'll make sure you're keeping your head up._  
_I'll promise to love you forever._  
_And I'll catch your heart like an umbrella._

_Never ever, I'll never ever._  
_I'll never let you, fall down_."

I'll be here, always. I'll never let you alone.

 

\--

 

He woke up with a startle as he felt a hand touching his shoulder, body screaming in pain from falling asleep on that stiff chair. He look up to the owner of that hand to see Aria smiling softly to him, taking her hand away when she was sure that Jaehyun is awake enough.

"Good morning Jaehyun, it's nine now," she said in a soft whisper, eyes glancing to Taeyong's sleeping figure.

Jaehyun stares at her with disorientated mind, eventually rubbing his sleepy eyes as he sees the gentle sunlight peering in from nearby windows. Looking back to the bed to see Taeyong's back facing him, face hidden from his sight. Is he sleeping? Or is he still crying? He wants to see, to somehow ease his worries a little bit, but then Aria's hand is touching his shoulder again.

"Johnny is here with Soonbok, they are waiting for you outside."

It feels like his brain is working in a very slow process, understanding what she said only after a few moments before he nodded, "okay... I'll go meet them..."

"I'm doing my morning rounds now and I'll talk to Taeyong a bit, so you can take your time," she informed with her softest voice, squeezing his shoulder gently as if trying to soothe him. Then she added in a more careful tone, "Doyoung is also here... With Jungwoo."

_Jungwoo? Why is he here? For what? And why exactly now?_ He didn't need to voice it out as it seems Aria is able to read him like an open book, "he was looking for you and he heard about what happened, he seems to have something to tell you."

Jaehyun is rubbing his face in mild frustration, unsure if he could handle whatever it is that Jungwoo wanted to tell him. But maybe, this is the right time to finish what he started, no more denial, no more lies, a long overdue apology. Maybe he too, also need a closure. He gets up from the chair not without a groan, muscles protesting from the movement since had been in an awkward position for too long. He threw one last glance to Taeyong's unmoving figure and about to make way for the door when Aria's hand stops him by the elbow, giving him a firm, yet gentle look.

"Everything will be fine, Jaehyun. I know it is," she's always, always so strong, never let anything to shake her no matter what. Something that Jaehyun used to loved and hated, Aria was too strong he never feel equal or needed to her, but now he's really glad for her strength, something he needs to lean on.

He hugs her briefly, kissed her cheek in a wordless thank you and went out the room, leaving Aria alone with Taeyong. She stood there for a while, looking to the door with a lingering look then down to her feet, no one can be that strong, they _chose_ to be strong. She took a long breath before turning around to face Taeyong.

"Good morning Taeyong, would it be okay to talk to you?" she knew from the start that the hybrid hadn't been sleeping.

He stay still, refusing to turn around, but his shoulder is slightly shaking. After a stretched moment, he finally said in barely a whisper, "was there really hope for me?"

"Yes," Aria said without uncertainty, firm in her voice and taking a step closer to the bed, to Taeyong, still keeping a comforting distance, "as long as you want it, you can."

"I want it...?" he sniffed, shoulder shaking harder, "I can't get it out of my head... I'm scared... And Jaehyun's face, oh-" he cried, "it was my mother's face _oh god, I can't_ -"

Aria stop by the bed, pressing a hand to the bed close to Taeyong's back as she's hovering carefully over him, "Taeyong, we can help you. The pain will always be there, but with your help we can make it better, time always heals. I promise you, it will get better, as long as you fight it. I know, I've seen it in you, you can."

"All I wanted... Was to be with him," he cried, curling his body smaller under the thin blanket.

"And you will, you will be able to touch him, to see his face again, gradually," Aria is smiling a bit when Taeyong finally turning around to look at her, "nothing is impossible love, nothing."

He stare at her in the eyes with his red, swollen eyes, cheeks wet with trails of dried tears, "it's so strange... I can see your eyes without feeling anything, but with him... I can't even handle imagining it."

"Because you love him," she smiled, brushing Taeyong's pink strands and white ears gently. "That fear exist because of the fear of losing him overlapping with your past trauma of losing your loved ones. If you can differentiate it and dull the pain of the past, accept it as memories and not a living pain in the present, you will be able to let it go. It's part of you but it doesn't define you and it shall not hinder your life, because many happier things in the future awaits you."

Maybe it's those promises, maybe it's Aria's strong gaze upon him which reawakening the strength within him. It reminds him of what he promised to himself, and by Aria's gaze alone he knows, that strength will remain as long he wants it for himself, not for Jaehyun, not for anyone else. But getting better for himself, he deserve it and he will, for he trust her and everyone who's been there for him, Doyoung, Johnny, Jackson and his friends, _and Jaehyun_. He trust them.

He didn't know what was it that caused the warm swells in his chest as he's staring into Aria's gentle eyes, was it relief? Was it the remnants of denied pain? Or was it her patience and acceptance which shake him so? It's weird, to feel that strongly yet there was no hint of fear, what was it about Aria that managed to reassure him that much? He cried again, but this time, it wasn't tainted with despair. This time, his cries are of hope and promises, rebuilding anew.

He's been longing for a warm touch, to feel warm arms around him, for someone to hold him tight, taking his cry and cradles him with comfort. So he couldn't stop himself from asking her, still with a cry, "can I- Can I hug-"

Before he managed to finish his words, Aria is already embracing him, tightly yet soft and gentle, so warm, so grounding. Taeyong hug her back as tightly, been so deprived of touch and it's such a resilient comfort, easing his pain but also burning his determination stronger. He lets go when he's starting to feel scared, noticing that even with Aria that pain still haunts him, he wish he could hug her longer, but maybe he could, later. _Later_ when he could also embrace Jaehyun again like he once did, he promised.

"Thank you..." he said, got a bit surprised when he saw the glints of tears in her eyes, "why are you crying?"

"Because I care for you, Taeyong, I feel your pain," she smiled, caressing his hair again, fondly, "trust me, we will make it all better."

Finally, Taeyong let a soft smile to form on his lips, "okay..."

 

\--

 

Jaehyun told Johnny and Soonbok what happened yesterday in more details and tell them that it's okay, they will be okay. After he made sure the two are also okay and told them to get something to eat, he went searching for Doyoung and Jungwoo, finding them waiting at some bench by the lobby. He didn't even need say a word as Doyoung is giving him this knowing look and an encouraging hug before he went up to Taeyong's room, leaving the two to talk, to mend.

There was long, awkward silence between them before Jungwoo forsaken the greetings and instead asked, "how is he doing?"

Just that question alone, coming from Jungwoo causing Jaehyun to crumble and cries coming alive again, reaching out for him and was welcomed into a comforting and tight hug, "it's so... Painful."

"I know," Jungwoo whispered while stroking his back, consoling, pressing the side of his head to Jaehyun's as he's tucking his face into the crook of Jungwoo's neck, "I know."

"I wish I can take all his pain, I wish it was me instead, I can't- I don't want to see him to suffer," he cries, hiccuping at some words.

"It's okay, it'll be okay, you'll be okay," Jungwoo said with gentle hushing, "you were always able to make things right and I know you will be now."

They stay like that in a consoling hug, warm to the heart and with so much more unspoken words. It took a while until Jaehyun is able to calm down his breathing and he knew he need to say it, "I love him... Jungwoo, I love him so much."

That was as good as anything, apology and the truth. Jungwoo's arms around him tightens a bit, but he took it all with open heart, "I know, I know from the start."

They pull apart to look at each other in the eyes, two pair of tearful eyes and matching smiles of understanding and acceptance, "thank you, Jungwoo..."

He shook his head, "no... Thank you, Jaehyun. Thank you for finally letting me go."

Jaehyun couldn't help to clutch at the shirt on the man's waist, still doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to let go. But he have to, he must, for the good of everyone, "Jungwoo, I-"

"Someone else is already taking care of your position in the office, Jaehyun. I noticed you never tell your parents about this, so I figured I have to do it myself."

Immediately Jaehyun is feeling anxious, unsure what to feel about it, but then Jungwoo continue, "it's a temporary post until you're ready to take it back, you need to start anew to show your capabilities though." A lone tears is rolling down his cheek but he didn't wipe it away and still keep smiling, "I know, it'll be hard for us to continue working together with things as they are, so I've resigned and finish whatever left for me to do before I can go."

"No," Jaehyun lets out, gripping at the man's arms in fear, this is what he's been afraid of, having Jungwoo taking himself away from him, losing a brother he so dearly loves and care about, "you don't have to go that far-"

"You know I have to," Jungwoo cuts in with a gentle voice, "it'll do us better if we're away from each other for a while, letting time take course and fix what we can't fix."

"I- I... I don't want to lose you," Jaehyun hiccuped.

"You never lose a brother, Jaehyun. This will be a journey of me finding my true self, I need it and nothing you say will change it. But you never lose me, ever. One day, I will be back to you and maybe, we can talk together like old times, maybe then we will be able to talk about our own love. I promise you that, brother..."

Jaehyun could only cry harder hearing Jungwoo calling him brother without a hint of disappointment and rejection, it still sounds forced, but they are getting to it. They will be true brothers again, in the future in a genuine way, without anything holding them back. Just that thought alone, slowly bringing peace within Jaehyun, like what Aria and Jungwoo himself had said, their bond is deep that something like this wouldn't be able to break them with no point of return. And he must believe it, trust in it.

So finally, he accepts it, letting his brother go with a nod and hugs Jungwoo again, trying to keep as much as he can in his memories, to leave some part of him to Jungwoo. And when he pulls away this time, Jungwoo's face look a bit wetter than before from the tears, he thumbs it away, the last act of his brother role until they meet again, hopefully soon. Jungwoo took Jaehyun's hand which is on his cheek with a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he's gathering courage to say what he's been wanting to say.

"Can I get one last kiss?"

Jaehyun is a bit surprised, but he can't say he didn't expect it at all, "we can't, it'll make it harder for us to go back."

"It won't. Just one... The first and the last kiss," he whispered, desperate and hurting. And Jaehyun is always so weak for his tears, so weak for his wishes that he can't say no, not even now. So he didn't move nor rejecting it when Jungwoo is leaning in for one, a simple and fleeting kiss on his lips. It was short, barely there and taste more like a brush of a breath instead of a kiss, but it was enough for Jungwoo.

"Thank you," Jungwoo whispered, resting his forehead on Jaehyun's shoulder, "can I see him?"

"Him? You mean Taeyong...?" now that Jaehyun didn't see it coming at all.

"Yes, for a closure, mine."

Jaehyun didn't say anymore, have no words to say and even though he wasn't ready to let him go, he also couldn't handle being with him for too long knowing that their separation is inevitable. So he lead them up to Taeyong's room, seeing Doyoung and Aria standing at the nurse station talking animatedly about something and didn't notice them coming at all. When he opens the door, Taeyong is still lying on the bed with his back facing them. Jaehyun waits at the door as Jungwoo coming in to stand by the bed, seemingly saying something then walking out of the room together with Jaehyun.

Jungwoo's last word wasn't good bye, "take care of yourself Jaehyun, and him and everyone else."

"You too, please take care of yourself," Jaehyun replied because he still worries, he can't stop it.

"Don't worry, before you know it, I'll already back with you and we would be sharing jokes again, maybe if fate allows, I can also go back to work with you again. Who knows what the future have in store for us? But I know, it'll be better."

And that was the last of Jungwoo which Jaehyun saw. Yet strangely, his heart feels unburdened and peace starting to take place within his soul.

For the better.

 

\--

 

Aria suggested Taeyong to stay at the hospital for longer, just to make sure everything is in place as she start new treatment for him. It seems both Doyoung and Aria decided to get involved more directly with Taeyong as per the man's consent. This time they don't go into details with Jaehyun as Taeyong was sure he wants to do it alone, it does make him feel useless and disappointed, but he learns to respect it.

The days when someone will accompany Taeyong in the hospital are divided evenly between Jaehyun, Johnny and Soonbok. Doyoung continue with his hypnotherapy while Aria handle the exposure therapy with Taeyong, since she could do medicine intervention if something goes terribly wrong. The first few weeks had been rough for Taeyong, continuously tortured by nightmares and frightening illusions, at some days he would even be haunted by hallucinations.

But Doyoung and Aria are patient as they're relentless, they both discuss heatedly after every sessions and deciding what to do next carefully and steadily. At first Aria chose Johnny as the subject for Taeyong's exposure therapy, reasoning that the strain which being put onto Taeyong is milder than having Jaehyun right away from the start. So despite it left him feeling extremely antsy and anxious, Jaehyun could only watch by the sideline, trying to understand that everything need to be done step by step. Until finally, Aria call Jaehyun into the room for the therapy.

They start out slowly, little touches and some sort, and they keep repeating it over and over again until Taeyong finally could hold Jaehyun's hand for a long period of time without feeling scared. That was when Aria deemed Taeyong fit to go home and to continue the therapies as an outpatient. At this time Taeyong is unable to sleep together with Jaehyun in one bed, so after a long argumentation about who's going to sleep on the bed, they settled with Jaehyun sleeping at another mattress near the bed.

Aside from Doyoung and Aria's constant visits for therapies, sometimes Jackson and Jaebum also come to visit to see how they all are doing, they also getting along pretty well with Soonbok, especially Jackson. Other times it would be Jaebum and Jinyoung who's visiting, informing him what they are doing or did, and what new improvements they need to do for their plans for new orphanage and other hybrids friendly facilities. Sometimes it would be Jackson, Mark and the kids, so basically Jaehyun's house is never quiet anymore. But it seems, the merriness which they brought along are helping Taeyong a lot at getting back his cheerfulness and easing bit by bit his demons.

One night, Taeyong asked Jaehyun to sleep on the same bed as him, to which that Jaehyun was uncertain about it at first. So they keep themselves at a distance with only the radiating of their body heat can be felt, that is until Jaehyun feels a hand holding his, hesitant yet determined. They didn't share a look, didn't say anything and keep staring at the same ceiling, but at least they knew, they had a matching soft smiles on their lips as they're falling asleep in a peaceful silence.

The therapies helps, mending a broken cup can help putting the pieces back into a whole cup again, but still the lines from where it was broken, would always be there. Sometimes Taeyong can stay in a close proximity with Jaehyun and other times it would startles him and put him into severe anxiety. Sometimes he could take glances or see Jaehyun's face for a moment, then the next he would refuse to see Jaehyun at all. But knowing why those fear are present, where does it comes from, makes a huge difference than when Taeyong was clueless as to why he felt like that. Maybe it's a bit like doing math problems, without knowing the formulas, you would only guessing and trying ineffective ways to solve it, but when you know just what formulas designed for it, it's easier to do it despite you may make little mistakes or slips.

One day, in the night when they were about to go to sleep, Taeyong sat on a sofa near the tall French window in Jaehyun's room, eyes looking outside to savor the rolling of droplets from the shower rain. It was already autumn, the air is always chilly and even more so at night, so Taeyong sat there bundled up in his favorite blanket.

"Are you not going to sleep, Taeyong?" Jaehyun asked when he's already tucked inside the bed, waiting.

He hummed, eyes never leaving the rain outside as if he's truly enchanted by the tranquility it brings within him, "It's been a year since you first adopted me, isn't it?"

Jaehyun wait only to let the moment stay longer, looking at how beautiful Taeyong's face is under the moonlight and the dim yellowish light from the bedside lamp, so pretty like he's a ceramic doll, "I suppose it is..."

Taeyong exhales slowly, eyelashes fluttering yet he's still staring outside, not giving Jaehyun even a glance that day. He understand, but Jaehyun still can't deny how lonely it makes him feel to be unable to see his face directly, even without a smile if Taeyong spare him a look, it brings joy within him. That's just how lonely and longing he was for Taeyong.

Suddenly he hears a humming, slow and low as first, but then Taeyong start singing softly, too soft that Jaehyun couldn't really hear it. He's watching quietly for he's afraid to break the fragile moment, despite he wants to hear it closer and clearer, Jaehyun waits on his side as he always did. And his patience are rewarded plenty when he finally can hear what is it that Taeyong is singing.

" _They say it won't be hard, they can't see the battles in my heart._  
_But when I turn away,_  
_The demons seem to stay._  
_'Cause inner demons don't play well with angels._  
_They cheat and lie and steal and break and bruise._  
_Angels please protect me from these rebels._  
_This is a battle I don't want to lose._  
_So angels, angels please just keep on fighting._  
_Angels don't give up on me today._  
_'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting._  
_'Cause inner demons just won't go away._  
_So angels, angels please keep on fighting._  
_Angels don't give up on me today._  
_'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting._  
_'Cause inner demons just won't go away._  
_So angels please, hear my prayer._

_Life is pain, life's not fair._  
_So angels please, please stay here._  
_Take the pain, take the fear_."

When Taeyong rest the side of his head on the window, he said with a soft yet levelled voice, "thank you and I love you..."

Jaehyun's heart burst when Taeyong is gazing into his eyes, only for a short moment yet it all so overwhelming and strong, like thousands languages, thousands stars and millions more emotions twirling together into one. There's a smile on his lips, a strength which Taeyong have found and he will keep it there for the longest time because he knows, he's never alone. Finally he found his core.

 

"You're my angel, Jaehyun."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it? I hope I didn't leave you feeling disappointed :)
> 
> (Fluff next? 👀)
> 
> The song which Jaehyun was singing is [Umbrella by Far East Movement ft. Hyolin & Gill Chang](https://youtu.be/fkAqDCb8RsE)
> 
> And the song which Taeyong sang was [Inner Demons by Julia Brennan](https://youtu.be/EPJSkSn7rt0)
> 
> I really love those songs, it's beautiful and bittersweet...


	28. Paw Twenty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A precious heart he want to protect.

"You're so irresponsible."

Jaehyun swallowed thickly at the deep voice accusing him, the tone doesn't sound angry but he feels like he's back being a child again caught doing something he's not supposed to, "I know, I'm sorry dad..."

"If Jungwoo didn't tell me, I wouldn't have know that you've been neglecting your job like this."

"Yes, I'm sorry..." he could only repeat.

"Do you even want to take on our company Jaehyun?"

He inhales sharply, that was a question which his dad never ask him, because no one ever tell him to do so and he never was feel forced, it just happens naturally. So now, with his dad asking him that directly, tells that the man is unsure about his credibility, "I am, I want to, dad."

"Is it not because you feel that you have to? Not because you really want to?"

"No, I... I do want it," he sighed, "it's just... I can't leave Taeyong alone, and I'm sorry I also never tell you guys about what he's dealing with. I just... I thought I should take care of it myself since... It was my own choice to adopted him."

The line went quiet, he would have thought that his dad hang up on him if it's not for the soft breathing which he could hear, "Jaehyun, you can be rather dumb at times and I wonder whom did you got it from. We also chose to have you, but do we take care of you by our own? Sometimes things happen out of our control, it's entirely absurd to take it upon yourself without the help of others, you can't live by your own, Jaehyun. Who do you think we are? Aren't we your parents?"

His heart is aching at the words, maybe he did realized of how hard he tries to separate himself from his parents to which he didn't think that it'll make them sad, "I... I know, it's not like I do it alone, I have help from friends too..."

"And you can't even ask for a favor from us? Not even about the company?" his dad said with a somewhat pained tone, Jaehyun couldn't answer and it's not that his dad never know why he's being that way, "I know your mother had been hard to you, but she wouldn't do that anymore, she let you go to be your own person now, she know that much. You're an adult now Jaehyun, I can tell you this now.

"We, your parents, are also just humans, we did mistakes, we are not without faults and we know sometimes we make it hard for you. I'm not saying that every single parents out there are thinking of the best of their child, but we do, we love you and we care for the best of you. Sometimes because you're our child, we put you in a box of what we think is best for you despite it might not be since you are your own person. We won't hinder your life choices if that makes you happy, maybe we may have a hard time to believe it or see it in your ways, but in time, we will understand. It's not that we want to control your life, Jaehyun, we just want you happy."

Jaehyun sniffed to hold in his tears, "I know..."

"Don't keep us in the dark, Jaehyun... Talk to us, and believe it, we will try to help you in every way we could," he said in a very soft tone, soothing and gratifying.

"I..." Jaehyun hesitates, unsure if he could really come clean about what he's feeling, "I love... I love him, dad."

The line went silent again, longer than before and even more burdening as if he's waiting for a judgement. But then there's a soft exhale and his dad said, "I see... That make sense now."

"I'm sorry..."

"What are you sorry for, child? I'm sure we can think of something else about your position in the company. I always said I like it fair and all, but for you my son, I will make an exception, it's my company after all," he chuckled lightly, catching Jaehyun a bit in surprise.

"No I... I mean about me loving him... He's a man and... You know."

"Well, although I'm straight and a bit traditional, it's not like I didn't see where you are coming from, Taeyong is definitely a cute guy."

"Oh my god _dad!_ " he whined, can't believe what his dad just said.

"What? He is cute, I don't find it weird to find other guys cute or handsome myself. Even if you fancy a muscular guy, then that's your preference. Wait, when you said _him_ , were you referring to Johnny? I just assumed-"

"No, no, good god, yes dad, it was about Taeyong," Jaehyun is shrieking inwardly in embarrassment.

"So I guess you guys need to come over again to redo the introduction to us," he laughed, light and not at all mocking, teasing maybe. Just what have Jaehyun did in his past life to be blessed by an understanding parents like them? "Or are you still in unrequited love..."

"No, I... We are in mutual relationship..." Jaehyun softly whined, he's so not having this kind of conversation with his dad.

"Oh! You work fast, son," he laughed again, "okay then, don't hold yourself back on our account, don't keep yourself away from us, okay? We want you to be safe and happy."

"Yeah... I know, dad. Thank you... I love you."

As he hangs up, Jaehyun is smiling to himself. Despite all the pain, if he really try to see it, he is blessed with other things he might have missed to notice. He's really, really grateful.

 

\--

 

"Take my hand Taeyong," Aria said while gesturing to the said man with upward palm, patient as she waits on her seat in front of Taeyong.

Taeyong took her hand gingerly, coiling his fingers around her slimmer and smaller hand, staying like that for a while and she didn't let go, "what do you feel?"

"...warm," he whispered, eyes gazing solely to their hands.

"Do you feel anything else?"

"Um... It calms me? It feels... Like I'm not just holding your hand, it feels... As if I'm being close to you too."

"Very good," Aria smiled, nodding to Jaehyun who's sitting beside Taeyong, "can you hold Jaehyun's hand with your other hand?"

Taeyong is visibly gulping, eyes glancing to Jaehyun's outstretched hand. He had been subjected to the same therapy for number of times now, yet still he feels that fear growing within just to touch Jaehyun. He's starting to feel fine whenever he did it spontaneously at any other time, almost like instinct until he becomes acutely aware and he'll have to let go of Jaehyun. But to do it like this, when he have to, being told to, he feels even more apprehensive, more scared. It's weird how his own mind decided such things.

"It's okay Taeyong, nothing will hurt you here," Aria said softly when Taeyong took too long at staring at Jaehyun's hand without doing anything.

Slowly he take Jaehyun's hand, and as soon as his skin touching Jaehyun's wider palm, soft and warm, his breathing hitching along with the mounting fear beyond the darkness in his chest. He want to let go, but Aria squeezing his other hand in an encouraging way, "stay, Taeyong, try to stay for as long as you can."

So he grips at Jaehyun's hand harder than he should, closing his eyes in reflex wanting for the fear to go away. Once again Aria squeezing his hand gently, "feel my hand, Taeyong, feel my hand instead of his."

He really try to, oh he did, but it's hard to do it. But Aria, she's really good at doing her thing, everytime it's starting to get too much for Taeyong, she would squeeze his hand, reminding him where should he put his focus in. Gradually, Taeyong is capable of keeping the fear under, it's still there but it's no more than a tickling of fingers trying to get out. Slowly Aria wrapping both her hands over Taeyong's occasionally twitching hand.

"My hands and his are the same, it does not bring you harm, never will. Remember Taeyong, it's not his hand, nor his touch or his person which make you scared, it's your own fear, your own mind which makes it so," Aria uses her deepest, lowest voice, diving into not just Taeyong's ears, but down under, where it's hard to touch. "You are the master of your own mind, the master of your own heart. You control it, not them controlling you."

"I am my own master..." Taeyong repeated in a whisper.

"Dive into your fear, Taeyong. Face it, don't run away from it. Face it, then talk to it, reason with it, they will not keep you from being happy, because it is your choice, only yours, not them. Find that peace within yourself, because here is where only you can save yourself."

He try to focus on his fear then, almost immediately that said fear is trying to swallow him down again, but he knows, he's not alone. These hands aren't there to hurt him, no. These pain are not who he is and he will not be reduced to it, these pain are true, but it's not him, it belongs to the past, not his current self. He is strong and he's going to be happy, he will make his own happiness, not depending on anyone else. _You make your own happiness, not through wishes, nor assumptions, but your own_. Even if in the future he'll be hurt by these hands, then that was the choice he made, then he'll try to make another happiness for him. He will not let anyone, not even himself to keep him away from happiness.

He's afraid, and he knows where does it come from. He doesn't want to be alone, afraid to be on his own, insecurities plaguing him and sabotaging himself from making his own life. But he is strong, he can be by himself, he shouldn't hang himself onto other people, he shouldn't wish for such happiness to be given by other people because there will be disappointment and trust broken. He live for his own, he can be independent, he is never alone. Even if it's not going to be these people who will stay in his life, he will be okay, because he is strong. This is his life, his choices and he will make himself happy. He will, _he can_.

"I'm strong..." Taeyong whispered to himself, breathing deeply and regularly, eventually touching his feet on the even ground where resilient peace is present, fear washing away into nothing and he found his true person. Love and respect for himself, _this is me, not without scars, but I'm a survivor and I will survive through anything else_. He's a fighter.

Then he open his eyes, staring into Aria's eyes where he found so much emotions within it, proud, happy and soothing. When he turned his face to Jaehyun, he sees so much, so much more emotions swelling deep inside his whole being, in Jaehyun's eyes, in his own. Love, strength and promises. Somehow, Taeyong found himself mirroring Jaehyun's smile, fear faraway under his feet and happiness bursting in his chest.

"I see you."

Jaehyun breathed out a chuckle, his eyes are glistening with brimming tears and he's squeezing Taeyong's hand fondly, "I see you too."

When love is being said through their eyes, this moment is something they will never forget. Jaehyun was right, Taeyong thinks with warmth swimming under his skin, finally able to see Jaehyun again without fear haunting him, he's a rebith. Their rebirth. A bond that's deeper and stronger than any words of love can speak of.

He only look to Aria again when she's caressing both his and Jaehyun's cheeks, proudness never leaving her eyes, "you are a fighter, you're doing so great, Taeyong."

And there was when Taeyong truly believe, he would be able to touch his scars without feeling pain. _He will_.

It's not that he is magically cured of it all, it will always be there, more haunting at times, but he's no longer lost, he have seen and found himself able to fight it, so he will do the same no matter how many times he have to do it over.

He's not lost.

 

\--

 

It was a thick envelope which he never get to open, still smelling a lot like Jungwoo despite Taeyong had been keeping it under his pillow. He was afraid to open it because he wasn't sure what's in it, what was Jungwoo wanted to tell him. He remembers the warm weight of the man's hand over his chest when he gave it to him when he was still hospitalized. He remembers his gentle and somewhat sad smile as he said, ' _take care of him_.'

Taeyong know Jungwoo was talking about Jaehyun, and he was leaving him to his hands. But somehow, he still was afraid to open the envelope. That day, when he finally can gaze into Jaehyun's eyes again even if he need to prepare his mind before it, was the day Taeyong finally find courage to open the envelope. It was a white envelope with flimsy floral pattern, elegant and pretty to his eyes.

As he opens it, he sees some photographs amongst the thick, folded papers filled with beautiful handwriting. There was Jaehyun in every photos, from when he was just born, when he was a little kid grinning to the camera, when he was a teen seemingly waving his graduation certificate, to the recent ones where Jaehyun already an adult and smiling beautifully unaware of the camera which capturing his radiating happiness. They were all so beautiful, yet more than showing Jaehyun's beauty, the photos showing more of the heart of the ones who took it.

Taeyong opens the folded papers and read the first lines carefully in his heart, ' _For our times to flow in the same time_.'

There was written carefully about Jaehyun's life, the photos which taken by his parents and how he was born. It tells about when and how Jaehyun lost his first milk tooth, when he first came home crying with bleeding knees and elbows, his first mischief, his first full score in a test, his first love, his first heart break, how he slowly closed himself, how he became skeptical about love, when he struggled with his mother's possessiveness, and then... How he met Jungwoo.

Everything about Jaehyun and Jungwoo was written in great details, which Taeyong could sympathize with them, more so about Jungwoo's pain. How he struggled to deny his feelings for Jaehyun, who's supposedly his brother, how guilty he felt to Jaehyun's parents because it felt like he's betraying their kindness and trust, how he tried to free himself from that love and how he wished he never met them, as if any other pain are much more merciful than what he felt then. Taeyong read it carefully, stopping at times because this wasn't just a letter, this is Jungwoo's whole heart, his love, his pain, his wishes.

He stares at the photos with adult Jaehyun, realizing it was the ones which Jungwoo himself took, he could see and feel just how much Jungwoo love him. It's heavy for Taeyong to take, but he find it easier because Jungwoo didn't tell him to burden or to make him feel guilty, he was confessing and hoping for Taeyong to love Jaehyun better than he himself could. Taeyong caresses the last lines with his fingertips, some words look a bit smudged with marks of dried tears.

' _I know Jaehyun will tell you everything about him, but I want you to see it in wider ways, through other's eyes and how it really happened. Like this, the times when you weren't there, will walk along with you. From the first time I saw you, I knew you'll be the one for him, he never being the way he is when he was with you. You brings out the best and the worst of him, as he is also doing the same to you. I don't need to see, I can feel it what he feels for you like he never does to anyone else. I was tormented because I was his only brother, the everything he believes he only have, because the weak me brings out the best of him._

_'I never blame him, I know it was circumstances. Had we met in a different way, I believe he wouldn't even feel so strongly about me. He mended my broken pieces and it made him believe that I am his responsibility, his own to care and love and possess. Taeyong, I know you understand what I'm going to say with this, how your circumstances also a juxtaposition of our own history. But do you know what's different? And how did he fell for you in ways he never did to me? Because you stood on your own feet, you make him see things he never notice, broadening his world in ways only you can. You are strong, I was not. A strength which is unique to your own._

_'He really loves you, Taeyong. And I hope, you can love him just as much. At the end of the day, he is my brother although we share no blood nor flesh, and I will care for him until the end of time. He may seem strong, but he's still just a man, with many fears, insecurities and pain. He's gentle, he empathize to people for too much at times, his heart is fragile. And now, I hope you can take care of him. And I hope, I wish, we could meet again with smiles and without hard feelings when the time comes._

_'From the deepest heart of mine, I thank you for freeing us. Thank you, Taeyong. And may we find closure to our own demons._

_'Until then,_

_'Jungwoo._ '

Silent tears rolling down Taeyong's cheeks, heart clenching in pain as he's folding the papers and put it back into the envelope neatly. He cradles the light, yet heavy for his heart envelope over his chest, quietly letting out the heartache with his tears. It's strange, but he considers the letter as a precious treasure to him, Jungwoo's heart which was entrusted to him and he will try his best to take care of it, respect it.

He keep one of Jaehyun's photo which Jungwoo took, where the man was smiling gently with dimples on his slightly chubby cheeks, lined with beautiful sunlight from behind him. It shows how happy he was, and how loved he was, it'll be a reminder to Taeyong that he's holding a precious heart which he need to, _want to_ protect. He keep Jungwoo's letter in the deepest part of his drawer, placed securely and preciously there. _Until then_ , he said to himself as he closes the drawer.

Few weeks after that, someday Jaehyun found him sitting near the fireplace all bundled up in a blanket, while staring at the picture of him smiling. The man was utterly surprised when he sees it, he didn't know that photo exist and what's more, just from where did Taeyong got that?

Taeyong pressed the photo to his chest with a contented smile on his lips,

 

"It was a gift."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No more tears, now we will embrace love and strength together
> 
> Lots of love from me, to all of you who's walking this journey together with me ♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡
> 
> We make our own happiness.


	29. Paw Twenty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because this isn't just about saving oneself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what can I say? No angst for jaeyong, no. This is about them finding their place in the world.
> 
> Warning:
> 
> \- There's mention of blood  
> \- There's mention of rape

Jaehyun folded the newspaper and put it down on the table, lifting up a cup of tea, which is cold by now, to his lips. There's a smile as he sip at the tea, his ears being blessed by the sound of laughter as his eyes trailing on Taeyong and Johnny who's playing in the snow, chasing at each other and throwing snowballs. Time flies by so fast, it's already winter now and it's no longer the lonely season for Jaehyun, because that's when he first met Taeyong and now when he sees the said guy gradually getting better from his nightmares.

He cradles his cheek as he keep watching the two hybrids playing around, face red from the cold and their glee. What a beautiful and adorable sight, he thinks with a content sigh. Lately Taeyong haven't been experiencing any panic attacks, although at times he will grow quiet, but that was it before he comes back bright and being his cheery self in the next day. It seems his nightmares too, is reducing significantly, although he still couldn't sleep in the dark and keep Jaehyun an arm length away. Taeyong said it's his weakest moment when he just woke up, having considerably less comprehension and he got scared when Jaehyun is being too close. But it's a great progress already, right? Jaehyun thinks it will be alright if he go back to his job.

He needs to contact his dad for that though, what's with his post being taken care of someone else and he don't have any secretary. He sighed, maybe Taeyong is ready for him to go back to work, but the question is,  _is Jaehyun ready?_  It's been so long since he stayed home, his skills must be getting rusty and every time he tried to go back, he got discouraged and stayed as a bum in his own house. But he need to step it up soon, or else he'll be way too enchanted to leave the warmth of his house and Taeyong's also Johnny's pleasant company.

"Guys," he called, effectively gaining attention from the two, "let's go inside, it's getting colder."

Taeyong and Johnny went running again, kicking at the snow to hit each other, laughter never stop filling the cold air, making their heart warm. Jaehyun opens the door when Johnny patted his back and skipping inside, leaving Taeyong who's walking slower behind him. Readily, Jaehyun is holding up his palm to Taeyong, who took a deep and long breath before he takes it. It makes him smile, at least now Taeyong could do it most of the time. Aside from Jaehyun wanted to hold Taeyong's hand, it is also part of the man's therapy to get used to skin contact.

"Jackson is still not coming yet?" Johnny asked with a relieved groan as he's sitting stretched in front of the fireplace, tail wagging excitedly.

"No, it's been hours now, it's not like him to be this late," Jaehyun got his hand tugged, releasing Taeyong's hand since he understand the hybrid still couldn't handle it for too long. "I will call him now."

Taeyong is joining Johnny by the fireplace when Jaehyun is walking to the couch to sit down, pressing the phone to his ear after he dialed Jackson's number. The constant beeping stays on for a long time until it stop, so he tried dialing again only to receive the same response, Jackson is not answering. That overly excited hybrid never fails to pick Jaehyun's call before, so it's starting to worry him, opting to dial Jaebum's number only to get ignored again.  _What happened?_

"Something wrong?" Taeyong asked, soft yet underlined with worry.

Jaehyun could only offer a reassuring smile, because it's winter, the road is slippery and those guys always get around with their car. The last thing Taeyong need is to hear them got into an accident, even though now Taeyong is able to ride one again, Jaehyun didn't want the man to backtrack. He tried calling Jinyoung's number then, after a long ringing, finally the other line got pick up and he breathed in relief, "hello-"

" _Jaehyun? Have you heard? I'm going there now, so-_ "

"Wait, hold on, what happened? Jackson should have been here with Jaebum, but they haven't show up yet," he straightened up in his seat, avoiding Taeyong's and Johnny's stare, not wanting to alert them.

There's a curse heard under the man's breath,  _"I guess Jackson didn't tell you yet, but they found a guy near their place and-_ " there's some rustling telling Jaehyun how rattled Jinyoung is, " _he's injured like, real bad. But the problem is who the guy is and why_."

"Who...?"

" _Lee Hyukjae,_ " he sighed, " _you know him right? Fuck, if this goes out, there goes our plans-_ "

Now, it's not everyday he heard Jinyoung curse like that, this must be really alarming, "yes I know him, why? What happened?"

" _His hybrid injured him and the last thing we need when everything is on the edge like this, is for this to go out. Oh god, it's not that I don't care about his injuries, but-_ oh shit."

"How bad? Wait, I'll go there too," he said hurriedly and Jinyoung didn't waste any time for pleasantry to hang up. When he's standing up, he sees Johnny and Taeyong kneeling while facing him with so much worry, "hey, I think I need to go out for a while-"

"What happened?" Johnny demanded, his arm is being grabbed by Taeyong so hard, as if he needs the support to hear the news.

"Someone got hurt, but it's okay, I'll just go there to check-"

"Is it a car accident?" Taeyong asked in a whisper, squeezing Johnny's arm even harder, fear painting his whole being.

"No, no, it's not that. There's someone who got hurt and they are treating him there. They can't get him to hospital because..." his words trailing off, he just couldn't say it.

"It was because of one of us, right?" Johnny said it instead, to which Jaehyun could only stay quiet.

"I'm going," Taeyong said as he's standing up.

"But-"

"We are going," Johnny stressed, going to his room to prepare without waiting for Jaehyun's permission.

Jaehyun is plopping back down to the couch with a tired sigh, knowing he couldn't deny the two hybrids from going. He didn't know how bad it is at Jaebum's place, he didn't want to risk to trigger anything out of Taeyong, or even Johnny, because this isn't just an assault, this is jeopardizing everything that have been worked on so carefully. Suddenly he feels fingers touching his hair, looking up to see Taeyong looking down to him.

"It's okay..." he says, so soothing, so gentle. What is Jaehyun doing? He should be the one who's comforting him, not the other way around.

But then Taeyong is climbing up his lap, "Taeyong-"

" _Shh_ ," he hushes softly, sitting down on Jaehyun's lap with a long exhale, placing his hands on the man's shoulder, "it's okay."

"Are you okay...?" he asked carefully, not knowing where to place his hands, so he rest it on the couch.

"It's okay," he inhales sharply, more to himself than to Jaehyun. Then slowly, he's looking up to stare into Jaehyun's eyes, "I'm okay."

He feels like his heart is about to burst, so much yearning and pride, but he keep his hands at bay not to break the moment, "really... I'm so proud of you, you're an inspiration Taeyong..."

Taeyong chuckled, looking down to Jaehyun's nose since he can only holding up for so long, fingers tickling the human's cheek, "you are mine, my inspiration."

"Oh god please don't do  _that_ ," Jaehyun grunts to hold in his yearning heart, leaning down about to rest his face on Taeyong's collar bone, but he stops, not sure if he's allowed to do even that. But then Taeyong is cradling his head, placing his face to his neck.

"I told you it's okay," he whispered.

"You're trembling..." Jaehyun could feel it how Taeyong's body is slightly shaking from the contact. He longs for this, but not if it's at the expense of the man's suffering.

"It's okay," he said again, stroking Jaehyun's back just to show how much he wants this too, "no hard work will be in vain, they are going to be alright, us too. I know this, you show me this."

How could Taeyong is wrecking him so badly like that just by his words? His fists hanging midair, so tempted to embrace the man, but he can't, yet, "can I... Hug you?"

"Do it," Taeyong said in a firm tone, leaning back to look into Jaehyun's eyes again, caressing his slightly chubby cheek with his thumb while his other hand stroking his back. He's leaning closer, breaths mingling together on their lips, "do it."

And so, Jaehyun do it, carefully coiling his arms around Taeyong's slim torso, palms gliding upon the warm skin covered by thick sweater, trying to feel the man's whole being from the simple act alone. Oh if only he could touch him without the sweater, to feel his skin directly on his, to trace the bumps of Taeyong's spine with his fingertips. Jaehyun is digging his face deeper into the crook of Taeyong's neck, inhaling the fresh scent of snow and the sun on his skin, tasting the way it's lingering in the air to his lips, his mouth-

"Oh," Taeyong gasped, it was so soft yet it brings Jaehyun out of his fleeting desire, jolting backwards in surprise and shame when Taeyong's thighs are slightly shifting on his own and making him fully aware of what's happening, " _you_ -"

"Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm  _so sorry_ ," Jaehyun splutters with flushed face, covering his mouth with his hand in even stronger shame, "I swear it was-  _it was_ -"

Somehow, Taeyong is chuckling when he's looking down to Jaehyun's lap, seeing how his pants is tightening, "it's okay, I under-"

"No, no, but I- I swear I had no intention to- I- I'm sorry," his rambling got stopped by warm, slightly chapped lips covering his, soft and chaste, yet also so much more. When Taeyong is leaning away, Jaehyun is still closing his eyes trying to chase after the fleeting sweetness and the tingles all over his body, only opening his eyes when Taeyong is cupping his face.

"It's okay Jaehyun," he smiled, cheeks pink and eyes warm, "I like it."

Jaehyun groaned in embarrassment at the teasing tone within Taeyong's voice, "god, you just-"

There's a loud knock by the door, revealing Johnny who's holding Taeyong's jacket with disinterested expression, "hey hey, someone is dying out there."

Taeyong jumped off Jaehyun's lap with a giggle, pulling at his hand to help him standing up and covering Jaehyun's hard on with his own smaller body. "Thank you for getting my jacket, Johnny," he smiles, still with playful edge to his voice.

"Sure," the taller said while fake gagging.

Even when Taeyong is taking his jacket from Johnny's hand, he's still holding Jaehyun's clammy -from embarrassment- hand, "are you still feeling okay with holding my hand?"

Taeyong look back to him with a grin, "right now, I think I can do  _anything_ ," he winked.

If only the ground can swallow Jaehyun, feeling so ashamed by Taeyong's heavily implicated words.

 

\--

 

What welcomes them when they reached Jaebum's house is a car parked carelessly at the lobby, making all of them growing wary. And it's getting even worse when the smell of blood punched them in the face as they opened the door, even to Jaehyun's human's nose it was so distinct, how bad it is for the guys?

"Hello?" Jaehyun calls in the eerily quiet house, both Johnny and Taeyong standing behind him with a radiating, thick wariness.

When he's about to call again, Youngjae is running down the stairs with a pale face, "oh it's you guys, are you with Jinyoung?"

"No, we're not, he's not yet here?"

"He said he's bringing a doctor with him," Youngjae said, squirming on his feet and eyes fleeting everywhere, obviously panicking.

"How is he?" Jaehyun is actually not so sure to ask, fearing for the worst.

"Bad," he said, biting his nail obsessively, "there's a big gaping claw wounds on his back and he lost a lot of blood, he's still not regaining consciousness..."

"Was it-" Jaehyun swallowing thickly, "was it because of his tiger hybrid?"

"Yeah, I... We keep Hyungwon in his room, but..." his eyes flickering to Taeyong, "we're not sure it would help."

_Hyungwon?_  What is it that Youngjae is trying to imply here? Wasn't that hybrid the one who got- Jaehyun's thoughts stops abruptly, realizing what is it that taking place. But it was Taeyong who's voicing it out, "was he raped?"

All the people who presents in the room held their breath, tension dawning on them and it was as good as a dreadful confirmation. Youngjae was the first to exhales shakily, "we are guessing it was due to his heat, Hyukjae-shi had been telling us that no suppressant works for his hybrid. But usually he would isolated him in his room when it's coming, so we think..."

_A moment of recklessness which leading to disaster_.

"Can I-"

"Can I see Hyungwon?" Taeyong asked instead, cutting off Jaehyun's inquire to see the injured man.

"Yeah, he's in his room," Youngjae said, motioning to the second floor with his finger before telling Jaehyun and Johnny to wait in the living room.

Taeyong only give the other three a small smile before he's climbing up the stairs alone, going to the said hybrid's room. He wasn't really sure why he felt the need to see the guy, probably because he thinks that Hyungwon needed the support. It's an incident which could trigger anyone, moreso for them who had been in similar situations. He knocked on the door, waiting, until the tall cat hybrid opens the door.

"Taeyong..." he said no more than a whisper, motioning for him to come inside, then the two of them are sitting down on the edge of Hyungwon's bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Is this about the man who got carried here? I don't exactly know what happened, but since you asked me that, it must be because the man was...?" his question left hanging, unneeded since they both know the rest of it.

"Yeah..."

"Maybe I'm surprised," Hyungwon said honestly, looking to his closed door with a distant gaze. "I thought it was only us... But it seems, even humans are hurt, huh?"

"People hurt each other no matter who or what you are," Taeyong said, voice soft and disappearing in the too quiet room.

"Does it make me feel better knowing humans are also hurting? In ways that is similar to me?" Hyungwon asked to himself, had been thinking about how unfair it is that they're treated as inferior to humans, as if they're nothing but objects, as if they worth nothing and humans are entitled to them. But he thinks, "I don't... I still hate them, but it doesn't make me feel better. Privilege are only illusions, it seems... In the end we are all hurting in so many different ways."

Taeyong is fingering the jeans on his knee, mind full of thoughts, images and understanding which he came to see and acknowledged from the experience of his own and the people around him, "we judge too fast, the things which may seem nothing for us, may torment others in ways certain things haunt our own. We're all running in circles in this mad world, every single one of us. Maybe, because of those fear that people do crazy things, setting up rules and society judging, all to protect themselves. Selfish, but... Understandable, we want to keep ourselves safe."

"Doesn't make it right, it's never right to hurt others to make yourself feel better."

"No, it doesn't, it was never right," Taeyong chuckled in bad humor, "unsurprisingly what seems right for us, isn't always right for them."

There's silence taking place, letting the words to soak into their souls, then Hyungwon asked, "do you feel nothing?"

"I feel way too much," Taeyong answered in whisper, "I remember it all, the pain, the cry, the hatred, yet at the same time, I don't. I feel detached with my pain, for the lack of better words, it feels like that. Still it haunts us, isn't it? But I think, I decided to fix than to blame and judge them."

Hyungwon is finally looking to him when Taeyong is looking back to him, he asked again, "is it because of your human?"

"Trust..." Taeyong starts with a long inhale, "it hurts, it really is. But without it no salvation will ever come."

They stay quiet again for a moment, for Hyungwon to think over the words and what they're implying, "I don't think I will ever find it again."

"Your ownself, Hyungwon, it have to start from there. Trust yourself and maybe, maybe then you can see it differently."

 

\--

 

Jinyoung came just right in time with his doctor, tending to the human and try their best without the need to go to the hospital. Jaehyun and Jaebum had reasoned that if it get worse, plans backfire or not, they'll take the human to the hospital. It was a decision made not without doubt and regret. It's a crucial time, just when they were building strength to start the fight, this happened and risking it all to dust.

"We can't do this, that's a life being put into risk, is it right to do this for the sake of our plans to work?" Jaehyun said to Jackson while pointing a finger to the room where the injured man is being tended.

Jackson didn't even blink, he keep his stern and expressionless look on his face, "the plans which might save many of us from being put into risk, yes."

"But-"

"Can you let Taeyong go?" Jackson cut Jaehyun off, "if this blow up, there's a chance, a huge chance that they will take us all, Taeyong and Johnny included to god knows where. Put them into quarantine and be subjected into something unknown, you can live knowing that?"

Jaehyun have nothing to say to that, he can't think, didn't know what's right or wrong. But it hurts, it's a fact, and he knows,  _oh he knows_  he wouldn't be able to handle it if they take Taeyong away from him, Johnny too. Why are they so powerless? Why,  _he's_  so powerless? Is there really nothing else that they could do? What is right and wrong? He didn't know, he truly have nothing to say.

"Do you think this doesn't hurt us? Hurt  _me?_  I care for Hyukjae, he had been there from the start, he is a friend, a brother to us more than anything. Do you think I didn't feel like I want to rush him to the hospital? I was the one who found him bleeding to death in front of our gate, I found a friend dying in front of  _me_ ," Jackson said, voice strained and thick of trembling, denied cries.

Jaehyun look down to his feet to avoid looking into Jackson's redden eyes, glistening with brimming tears. Was he being too naive? But this, what they're trying to do still feels so wrong. Jackson could somehow see it, the words unsaid, and so he said, "why do you think he came to our place when he's bleeding that badly, risking his own life, when he could call an ambulance and wait, which have higher chance of surviving?"

He shut his eyes tightly, gripping his fist strongly to his thighs, yet again proven wrong and ashamed. Why everything is so grey? Nothing is black and white, not like what he used to believe, this is a world he never know. Everything was easy, everything was less complicated, he could decide without guilt because it was all about blavk or white. But now, just how had he lived his life before? Which parts he was blind to? Was it his heart? Or was he simply chose to ignore to care about himself?

Suddenly there's a hand on his cheek, bringing his face to look up to see Jackson gazing to him, gentle yet full of strength, "we are all fighting, Jaehyun. Most of the time it hurts more than relieving, but it never about just one side, how painful it will be for Hyukjae when all his fight is for vain? It will hurt not only us, but also him. We are trying our best, he too, and believe it, it will be okay, it will be."

"For greater good...?"

"It doesn't seem like it, does it?" Jackson chuckled in pain and worry, "but sometimes pain is the only way for it to work. We can only believe for the best, stay with the positive thoughts, it will get answered in time."

_In time_.

 

\--

 

It was two days later when Lee Hyukjae finally fully coherent, still hurting both physically and mentally, but he stay strong and unrelenting like the person that he is before the incident. When they came again to visit, Jaehyun, Jaebum and Jinyoung are gathering to talk about what they are going to do while the others stay with Jackson in the living room to give the injured man a space and the chance to recover. But Taeyong went to the man's room, wanting to be there, to understand better, only to see Hyungwon was there with Hyukjae.

Hyungwon was the first to notice his presence by the door, standing up from his seat to give Taeyong a moment alone with the said man in bed. Before he leave, he said to Taeyong, "maybe I'm starting to see what you told me."

Then the door closes behind him and silence taking place. Slowly and unsurely, he's walking to the bed, seeing the man named Hyukjae laying there with a weak smile to him, he took it as a welcome to sit on the chair by the bed. The man still looking so pale, IV drips attached to his arm, taking the place where a blood bag was hanging, there's also an old looking medical machine beeping constantly. Maybe something which Jinyoung's doctor brought, less advanced from the ones in hospitals, but it was functioning enough.

"Hello."

Taeyong look back to the man who's still smiling to him, snapping him out of his inspection and swarming thoughts, "hello..."

"Are you new here? I don't think I ever see you," Hyukjae asked, the smile never leaving his lips even though he must be feeling really exhausted.

"I'm... I'm Taeyong, I'm with Jung Jaehyun..."

"Ah, Jung... I've heard of him, unfortunately I haven't had the pleasure to meet him," his smile slightly getting bigger despite his eyes are looking so tired, "nice to meet you, Taeyong, although in this kind of circumstances, but I'm Lee Hyukjae."

"Nice to meet you Lee Hyukjae-shi," Taeyong can't help but smiling back, it comes out naturally from the way the man's presence are warm and gentle.

"Is there something you want to talk about?"

Maybe there was a thought in Taeyong's mind, how could this person still being patient and asked about Taeyong when he's in this horrible state? It's not something that everyone could do, being polite or not, and Taeyong admire the man for his strength. Still, there's that naught in his mind, a question he feels urged to voice out, and so he did.

"Do you hate him? Do you... Hate  _us_?"

There's questions in Hyukjae's eyes, questions he didn't let out and instead he said, "no, I never hate any of you."

Somehow, Taeyong's heart is aching from the answer, "even now?"

"Even now."

There's no lie in the man's eyes, still Taeyong feels skeptical, with all those wounds and scars, how could he not hate them,  _blame_  them? Hyukjae keep a closer look on Taeyong, knowing the untold disbelief which is plaguing him, to which he asked, "do you hurt people, Taeyong?"

"Me? No... I don't. I think."

"Then why should I hate you?" he smiled, catching Taeyong in surprise.

"Then... You hate the one who hurt you?"

Hyukjae sighed deeply, still smiling, "it'll be hard for me to see him right now, I admit. But, I know it wasn't his fault, as we're talking right now, I know that he's tormented by his own guilt from hurting me, I know that much. So no, I don't hate him."

Taeyong is scratching at his knees softly, thinking, "what if he was doing it on purpose? Will you hate him?"

"Tell me, how would I know something that I don't know?" Hyukjae said, words calm yet it runs deep, deeper than it may seem. Why people assume? Why people worry? Why people judge? Why the unknown rouse such questions? Why hate is the answer for pain? "will hating him help me?"

Taeyong keep quiet, it wasn't his right nor do he know what to say. So Hyukjae said, "I believe, everyone get what's coming for them, bad or good, they will reap what they sow. You know butterfly effect? Everything is not without consequences, even the smallest things, so why I stay with the bad when the world is already so full of wrong? I would prefer to break the chains of evil, because hating will only make it worse, for myself, for anyone else."

It feels like a thunderous wave washing all over Taeyong, the strength those words carries, true and healing, loud and saving. The lights are visible in moments of darkness, the land across the ocean can be seen instead the one under their feet, the pain is there to see the goodness which may goes unnoticed. It's grown, it's life, it's forgiveness.

"I think so too," Taeyong said with a smile, heart unburdened as he's staring into the man's warm, dark brown orbs.

"Then why the question?" he smiled.

"Because the doubts is always coming back."

Hyukjae chuckled lowly, "doubts is always our greatest fear."

That was when Taeyong find his path, finding the surety of it. That saving people will also save him from his demons.

And so, when him, Johnny and Jaehyun is going back home, with the soft noises from the radio filling the car, Taeyong placed his hand on the human's knee. Jaehyun momentarily took his eyes away from the road to look at him, smiling gently when he's looking back to the front, prompting him to say what he wants to say.

"I want to... Help Jackson and the guys."

Jaehyun is glancing to him again with question in his eyes, Taeyong could also sense it from Johnny who's sitting in the back, so he said it more clearly.

"I want to save all these people."

 

Because this isn't just about saving oneself.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But let's not forget about the sexual tension between jaeyong 👀


	30. Paw Twenty Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to feel more of you, it's never enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mayhaps... 👀

"Make him our mascot?" Jackson said amidst his munching.

"How irresponsible," Jaebum sighed, wiping a stray sauce off the dog hybrid's lips, "we can't just make him the face of our movement, that's a lot of burden, Jack. I know this since you're kinda one of it."

"So are you actually addressing my eating etiquette as irresponsible or my idea of making him our mascot?" he rolled his eyes.

"Your pick," Jaebum scoffed.

"I'm... Willing to be one of the data," Taeyong supplies, the food on his plate is still untouched as the guys are gathering together in Jaebum's long table for lunch and casual meeting.

"Are you sure about that? We've been putting you out the loop with Johnny and Hyungwon, doing so may require you to be present at the floor action, isn't it?" Jaehyun asked, lifting a spoonful of food to Taeyong's lips since the hybrid is too focused in the conversation to eat, the smaller man took it wordlessly. "How far are we?"

"The bill is accepted for a debate," Jinyoung answered this time, "we're done with rules committee so we're waiting for the floor action, if it's accepted, the bill will goes for a senator to present and the committee will decide if it's worth going to the whole senate."

"Which, my father will help with the process when it comes to that phase, also with the Son's help, they got some power play in politics too," Hyukjae chimed in, cringing a bit when he tried to get a bowl of mashed potato due to the pain of his healing wounds, Youngjae was fast to help him.

"Your story will be seen by all these people, Taeyong, are you sure you're up for that?" Jaehyun asked again, had forsaken his meal to feed Taeyong instead.

Taeyong munched and swallowed the spoonful which Jaehyun gave him before he answered, "yes, I'm sure."

"Put in mine too then," Johnny added, "I never ask you to put mine out, but I understand your concern, put it back in."

"More data, more power," Jackson grinned, been deliberately smearing sauce all over his mouth so Jaebum would wipe it off. "Oh and we've moved Hyohyeon back to Seoul, but her address will remain hidden until further notice. If you want to meet her, tell Jaebum first."

"Speaking of Son..." Mark and Yugyeom said in unison to trails off, unsure, eyes flickering around the faces in the table until it rest on Hyungwon and Minhyuk, _especially_ on Hyungwon.

"I've decided to go with him..." the cat hybrid said, causing the dog hybrid beside him to grin and nodded, "me and Minhyuk."

"I told you he's nice!" Minhyuk exclaimed excitedly.

"It's okay if you prefer to stay with us, we don't want to force you," Jaebum said.

"No, I know you already have many to handle, I can't possibly add the burden," Hyungwon chews on his plump lips nervously.

"You can stay with me, I have only Mark with me," Jinyoung smiled in reassurance.

"No, I'm not forced. I can see... Hyunwoo is nice."

"Is that why you told us that he's coming today?" Jaehyun asked.

"Yeah, I figured you guys want to send Hyungwon off to his new life, right? Especially Taeyong, you guys kinda bonded," Jackson said with a smile.

"I do..." Taeyong smiled, squeezing Hyungwon's hand under the table bypassing Johnny's lap, "I'm happy for you."

"I'm happy for myself too... Maybe," Hyungwon smiled.

"Me! Me too!" Minhyuk also said, always being the cheerful dog hybrid he is.

"But I thought...?" Youngjae's question hangs in the air as he's looking to Hyukjae then to the rest of the people at the table. It's about a certain tiger hybrid.

"I will bring in Donghae later, in the evening perhaps," Jinyoung explained, "Hyunwoo is coming after lunch. Then..."

There's some tension rising as all eyes fall on Hyukjae, the man himself is smiling softly, "I'll be fine, I can't avoid him forever and it's not like I didn't know he didn't mean to hurt me. So it'll be okay."

They stay quiet for a moment, trying to ignore the foreboding trouble by diverting their worries into eating the meals, that is until Hyungwon decided to speak up, "won't it be too... Risky? Can you really see him so soon after what happened?"

The others could only share the questions with their eyes, fleeting between the cat hybrid and Hyukjae. The human sighed slowly, "it scares me to be honest. But if I'm waiting until I'm ready, then I'll be waiting forever."

It's deep, it can be felt to all the people who are present at the table, Taeyong too, could feel it ringing true in his tight chest. He brings his hand down to squeeze Jaehyun's knee lightly, only looking up to the man when he felt a big hand covering his own, seeing Jaehyun smiling warmly to him. From his eyes alone, Taeyong could feel so many words being conveyed, the thickest one was, _'it's okay, I got you_.'

Taeyong knows, how deep and lasting is Jaehyun's patience, but he always welcome and needed such reassurance over and over again. It makes him feel stronger than he already is, it makes him braver to face his fear again until he can control it and not the other way around. There's an idea, which Taeyong knows neither Jaehyun or Johnny would agree, but he make his own decisions, and so he decided he will do _that_ _idea_ of his.

"That's also why we take precautions," Jaebum chimed in, bringing both Taeyong's and Jaehyun's attention back to the conversation at hand, "Hyunwoo and Wonho are big, they could help if anything goes wrong."

"We make sure they come first before Donghae," Jinyoung added with a nod.

"Who's Wonho?" Minhyuk asked.

"Hyunwoo's dog hybrid... He didn't tell you?" Jackson asked worriedly.

"He did tell us he got a hybrid, but..." Hyungwon trails off, worry starting to creeping in his face, "he never tell us that... He's big."

To that Bambam laughed, "Wonho may be bigger than Jaebum in term of muscles, but you don't have to worry, the guy couldn't even hurt a fly."

" _Literally_ ," Jackson laughed along, "once, he screamed because a fly was coming to him."

"He's a very nice guy, Hyungwon, you can rest easy," Jaebum grinned, sharing a look to Jackson.

Nobody question why he was grinning like that, it seems kind of shady, as if the guys know something that others didn't. After lunch, Taeyong helped Jinyoung washing the dishes while Youngjae and Yugyeom cleaning the table, and the other guys gathering in the living room waiting for the said Son Hyunwoo to come. Not long after the guys finished cleaning up, the man came with his hybrid, Wonho. This is the first time Jaehyun see him face to face, feeling a bit intimidated by how tall the man was, not as tall as Hyungwon or Yugyeom, but still taller than him and obviously body built thicker than him. He kind of worries for Hyungwon, _will he really be okay with this guy?_

But Hyunwoo, despite his big and buff body, seems to have the heart of all things fluffy, a bit awkward and shy. Wonho on the other hand, seem more open and flexible, pink lips wide in grin and he's _thick_ , muscles stretching his shirt although he's a lot shorter than Hyunwoo, probably as tall as Taeyong. Their introduction was cut short since Hyunwoo's attention seem rest solely on Hyungwon, who's appearing to be having second thoughts since the time for him to leave finally came. Hyungwon is damn tall, but he's extremely slim and the way he brings himself make it seems as if he's small, hiding behind Minhyuk who's a lot smaller yet brave and cheerful like a fucking sun. Hyungwon only took Hyunwoo's outstretched hand when Minhyuk practically clinging to the big guy, smiling a bit.

Seeing the display, Taeyong feel a bit relieved, because the big human seem to be truly a good guy, he'll try to believe that he'll be able to protect both Hyungwon and Minhyuk. But what is affecting Taeyong is the way Wonho keep staring at Hyungwon, there's this shine in his eyes as he's looking up to the tall cat hybrid, his tail wagging excitedly despite he stayed beside Hyunwoo without getting closer. Somehow, Taeyong's heart jumped when Wonho grins even wider and said the next words breathlessly with so much awe.

"You're really beautiful..."

It wasn't just Taeyong, he could see some of other guys are also blushing at Wonho's apparent fondness towards Hyungwon, it's unfiltered and very honest, bold in the sweetest way. The tall cat hybrid blushed too, lowering his head in shyness although he never like it when someone compliments his look, yet at that time, he feels flattered.

"Thank you..." he muttered, red reaching his neck as Wonho keep staring at him, affecting all the others who's watching the whole exchange.

"Why do I feel embarrassed too..." Johnny whispered to Jaehyun.

"Same bro," Jaehyun coughed softly, hand unconsciously searching for Taeyong's and holds it.

"I've seen your photo," Wonho said again, seemingly unbothered that many eyes are on him, "but you're so much more beautiful in real life... Can I touch you?"

"Eh?" Hyungwon took a step back, taken aback.

"Wonho," Hyunwoo reprimanded softly, hands on Wonho's super thick biceps to keep him in place.

"No, I... I just want to touch his face," he said, eyes never leaving Hyungwon, gleaming brightly.

Honestly, Hyungwon hates to be touched, but Wonho's eyes holds nothing like lust or evil intent, and so he found himself saying, "okay..."

Taeyong held his breath and squeezing Jaehyun's hand when Wonho reaching out his fingers to touch Hyungwon's cheek, trailing over the slope of his nose, then slowly brushing at his silver hair. Then he said, voice full of wonders and admiration, "you're alive... You're so beautiful."

It feels like Wonho didn't just touched his skin, but deep beyond with his eyes, it caused a tears to spill out of Hyungwon's eyes, "I'm... I'm sorry, I don't why I'm-"

Taeyong didn't see more of it since it feels too intimate to watch, just like the other guys who are leaving the room for the four to have their moment. Hurriedly he pulls at Jaehyun's hand and lead them deeper into Jaebum's house, going inside a bathroom and locked it behind him, catching the said human in surprise.

"Taeyong, what-" his words dies in his throat as lips suddenly covering his with a kiss, hot breath fanning his face and a slender hand caressing his cheek. Jaehyun opens his mouth readily when Taeyong diving in his tongue, kissing him open mouthed, hungry and thick longing can be tasted. "What... Was that?"

"I miss you," he breathed to Jaehyun's glistening lips, closing his eyes when he's leaning his forehead to rest on the man's cheek, "I miss you so much."

Jaehyun's body is slightly shivering at the sudden proximity, heat rising within yet he keep his arms on the side, gripping the edge of the sink under his butt. Only then he realized that Taeyong is practically pressing his body so close, almost climbing to his lap, the realization bringing another heated shivers, "is this because... You saw them?"

"Kinda... I miss being able to touch you," Taeyong whispered, still breathing rather raggedy to Jaehyun's face, his amber eyes finally fluttering open to stare into Jaehyun's eyes, "I want to touch you."

Jaehyun inhales shakily, swallowing the grunt which climbing up his throat, fingers turning white from gripping the sink strongly to keep his sanity intact, "then touch me, I'm here, you don't need to miss me, I'm always here."

Instantly Taeyong is kissing him again, more daring, deeper and intimate as he's bringing one of his hand to hold Jaehyun's nape and the other caressing down on the man's firm chest, fingers stroking the bump of his nipple under the thin sweater. This time Jaehyun couldn't hold in his moan, spilling out for Taeyong's mouth to taste, strong tingles spreading under his skin. But then, Taeyong let go, leaning away to take a deep breath.

"Are you... Are you okay?" Jaehyun asked breathlessly, wanting nothing more than to ravish Taeyong's swelling red lips, yet mindful enough to be the sane one to step on the brake if they're crossing the hybrid's limits, hands persistently on the sink.

"I'm okay... I... God this is so _frustrating_ ," Taeyong grunts, fisting the sweater on his chest, yet he's staring back to Jaehyun's eyes, then rounding his arms on the human's head as he stays there. Jaehyun's heart is stuttering when Taeyong keeping their eyes in contact, intense and unrelenting, it feels like this is the first time that Taeyong is capable to do that long, and it feels really intense with the way the hybrid keep caressing his cheek, his hair and their noses rubbing together.

"Taeyong... You don't have to force yourself," he whispered when he felt the man starting to tremble against him.

"Hyukjae-shi is right, if I'm waiting until I get ready, I will never be ready..." Taeyong said in whisper, closing his eyes again before leaning in for a kiss, softer and chaste, barely skin gliding over skin. Then he whispered right into Jaehyun's open lips, wet and tingling, "so touch me, Jaehyun, _touch me_."

Immediately Jaehyun is catching Taeyong's slim body in his arms, stroking his palms heatedly all over the arching spine because he's just a weak man, how could he resist Taeyong? Grabbing the hybrid's nape rather roughly to inhale those sinful red lips into his, kissing him like he's finally given water after a long, torturous thirst, one hand diving down to pull at Taeyong's butt and lifting him up to sit properly on his lap. Taeyong moaned when he's trailing his kiss down to his jaw, licking to his neck, tasting his skin and scent with his tongue, instinctively rutting upwards to Taeyong's tightening thighs around his own.

One last kiss on the middle of Taeyong's collar bone then Jaehyun stops, leaning away as he felt the man is shaking above him, and he's aware it's not due to the pleasure, it's something sinister dawning on Taeyong, "let's stop..."

" _No_ , I want this," Taeyong hissed, a single tears rolling down his cheek, "if we don't, we will never-"

"Hey," Jaehyun cuts in softly with a smile, brushing away Taeyong's pink strands with so much fondness, fingers slightly tickling the white twitching ears, "don't say never, we have all the time in the world, let's take it easy."

He hiccups, more tears staining his cheeks and quivering lips, "I hate this... I want to feel more of you, I-"

"I love you," Jaehyun whispered, yet it's loud to their hearts, an overwhelming warm swelling within their soul which is indescribable. He cups Taeyong's wet cheeks gently, wiping the spilt tears away with his thumbs and kissed his nose, then his cheek, lingering there for a moment, "I can feel you through your eyes alone, Taeyong, just seeing you smile, I can feel you. There's no need to hurry, you can feel me in many different ways."

He took a shaky breath, his trembling body easing down, weight increasing on Jaehyun's lap as he's relaxing, still keeping his arms around the human's neck, "it's not enough... And you're... Hard."

Jaehyun bite his lower lip then chuckling awkwardly, "it's not like we can do anything here in someone else's bathroom."

"What if you take me still? Maybe then I won't have any space to feel scared, you shouldn't be so worried-"

"Then I will leave you no choice," Jaehyun said, kissing Taeyong's lips chastely, "I don't want that. Despite what you said and want, it'll be like rape, I'll be forcing you and I don't want to be that kind of guy."

Taeyong bite his lip, subconsciously mirroring Jaehyun, "distract me... Give me more so I'll forget my fear, because I want to feel you, it's never enough."

Jaehyun is shivering under Taeyong from the strength of his words alone, he could even feel the twitch inside the man's jeans through his thighs. The human was about to say something, but it got forgotten as the door is being knocked on.

" _Guys, Jinyoung is about to bring in Donghae, we need everyone present_ ," Mark's muffled voice rang through the door, then his presence dissipating as he's walking away.

They were silent for a few seconds, before laughing softly from being caught red handed. Jaehyun is pushing at Taeyong's waist gently to detach their bodies, but the hybrid stays unmoving there, not yet climbing down his lap. He look up to Taeyong in confusion only to get kissed again, soft warm tongue sliding over his upper lip, " _Taeyong_ -"

"We will try again later..." he whispered, giving a last peck to his lips before he's finally jumping down from Jaehyun's lap, "and maybe you should stay here for a while to calm that down," his teasing eyes flickering to Jaehyun's crotch, a naughty smile on his lips before he disappeared behind the door.

"Fuck," Jaehyun hissed, going down from the sink, hand squeezing his crotch briefly in a vain attempt to ease the hot itch. He breathed out slowly, "okay, calm down junior, no need to be so _eager_."

Then a grin blooming on his face as he's shaking his head in disbelief, Taeyong really out there about to kill him.

 

\--

 

Donghae's and Hyukjae's meeting is all sort of dramatic. The tiger hybrid was so scared that he refused to take a step into Jaebum's house, shaking like a leaf in the storm with terrified face as if the world is ending when he stay rooted by the door. Jackson and Yugyeom had to placate him and basically dragging him inside while Bambam pushing him from behind. When he saw Hyukjae where the man is sitting with his back facing him, Donghae vehemently going against the pulls and pressing his body to the wall, looking like the cat he is gripping at the wall with his claws when the guys are trying to drag him again.

"It's okay Donghae hyung, don't be so scared," Youngjae keep saying gently, but the man shook his head repeatedly, eyes crying like a stream.

"No, no he hates me, I can't- I don't want-"

"He don't hate you, I promise," Jackson said this time with his most soothing voice.

"No, he must hate me-" his words got cut off as both Hyunwoo and Wonho hauls him in the air, bringing him inside the open backyard uncaring of the wails of the tiger hybrid, only letting him down in front of Hyukjae who's sitting calmly on the long, comfy swing. In panic, he look up to see Hyukjae looking down to him with an expressionless face, arms crossed over his chest causing dread to overwhelm Donghae, who immediately sprung up to his feet, wanting to run away again.

"Run, and I will really hate you," Hyukjae said in no more than a whisper, almost inaudible, but for the tiger hybrid's keen hearing, it rings clear, loud and terrifying. So he fell down to the ground again, curling his body so small that he's prostrating in front of the human, unable to say anything but the unrestrained cries to be heard. The other guys are hiding behind the wall, not wanting to intrude yet watching carefully to make sure nothing bad will happen. They're just curious to be honest.

Hyukjae stays unmoving there for a long moment, letting Donghae crying in that position, until he stood up and kneeling in front of the trembling hybrid. Donghae visibly jolted as Hyukjae's hands touching his back, shaking even harder when the man is curling up above him, embracing him and whispering words that no other ears could hear. Then, it seems as if tension is bleeding out of Donghae's body as he cries even louder, embracing the man back and hiding his face on Hyukjae's knees.

Seeing that was enough, so the others are going back into the house without worries, leaving the scene for the two to mend what was broken. But Hyungwon and Taeyong stays, seeing the display with glistening eyes, until the taller of the two speak, "it's strange, but seeing this somehow makes me feel relieved."

Taeyong smiled, squeezing the man's shoulder softly, "I know."

When they go back to the living room, Taeyong went to sit beside Jaehyun on the couch, resting his head on the man's shoulder, he whispered, "maybe you have to be like Hyunwoo and Wonho."

Jaehyun lifted up an eyebrow in question, thinking over the words until he understand, "so you still think that I have to force you despite your fear?"

"To face my fear, not despite it..." Taeyong corrects, "maybe if I could feel you closer, I'll be able to really feel it that my fear is solely a ghost of the past. Maybe then... I won't be in so much fear anymore."

He didn't reply, instead rounding his arm on the backrest to make it seem as if he's holding Taeyong, close yet not too close. Then he's smiling, slowly resting the side of his head on Taeyong's head, heart full of hope, "let's wait, us, is worth waiting for."

 

_Wait, because time will heal everything._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that his fear considerably lessening, Taeyong is back to his bold and daring self. Or maybe all he needs is to be triggered from watching an intimate scene lmaoooo 👀 👀
> 
> Probably some of you can already guess what was Taeyong's idea to make it possible to _touch_ Jaehyun hehehe


	31. Paw Thirty: Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to feel it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the smut wasn't cringey hehehe

With both hands holding a mop, Soonbok is staring at the content of the trashcan, wondering if what she's seeing really what she thinks it is. There's many questions swarming her in head, there's also worry and she needs to ask just to whom does the thing she saw belongs to. The trashcan was placed in the kitchen, as if whoever threw it there expected that neither Jaehyun nor Johnny would see, but of course she _did_. So she took it and placed it somewhere else until she know better why the item was there.

Recently Jaehyun is busy to catch up with his neglected works, his dad had given him tasks to do before he could go back to the office, in turn he's been coped up in his study. Sometimes Taeyong will accompany him there while reading a book or listening to music through his headset until he fall asleep on the couch near Jaehyun's tall book shelves. Sometimes just like today, Taeyong isn't with him and doing his own things alone or play with Johnny. That day though, something was different since Jaehyun could hear Soonbok's voice ringing through the hallway and he could also hear Taeyong's voice having what sounds to be arguments.

That's new, what could have happened for them to do that? The argument seem to last quite long, rousing curiosity within Jaehyun although he still need to get over many documents, until it get the better of him and he walked out of his study to find out. As he's walking through the hallway, he see Johnny's room open and the guy is listening to his headset, but considering he's looking up to stare at him, he must still be able to hear other noises despite the headset. Johnny give him a somewhat strange smile, probably implying something to the argument which is happening downstairs in the kitchen.

He heard Soonbok's voice more clearly when he's getting closer to the kitchen, "... _it's your assumption, but what if it backfires and make it worse? You don't want that_."

" _I know myself, noona, I know what I'm doing,_ " this time Taeyong's voice rang through, impatience could be heard from it.

Jaehyun knocked on the wall, "is something wrong?"

Both the two people in the kitchen turned around to look at him, effectively stopping whatever argument they were having and Taeyong smiled, "no, nothing happen."

"Are you sure?"

"We're sure, I was just asking what he want for dinner," Soonbok said, smiling too although her eyes showing anything but. _Why are they lying?_

"Really? Because I-"

"I want to have pizza for dinner, but noona wouldn't let me," Taeyong pouted, it was done so smoothly that Jaehyun almost didn't realize he was trying to divert the topic.

"You had it last week, that's not good for you."

"Last week is a different week!" he whined.

"Well, what do you think Jaehyun-shi?" she look to him with a disapproving eyes, but this is Jaehyun they're talking about.

"If Taeyong wants it to the point he argue with you, then he will get it," he answered, earning a gleeful cheer from the man.

"I can't believe you," she rolled her eyes.

"Yay~ I win!" Taeyong slightly jumping on his feet.

"But let me ask Johnny first if he agree with it," he supplies and start walking away from the kitchen, not without lingering behind the wall for a while, prompting the two to start talking again discreetly.

" _I'm keeping it with me, so if something really goes wrong, you better ask for it_ ," Soonbok whispered.

 _"I threw it away for a reason, there's no need for you to keep it-_ "

" _No, I won't let you gamble without a safety net, Taeyong-shi,_ " she cuts in and her words are final.

Jaehyun isn't stupid, he knows they weren't talking about pizza, there must be a reason why they're being secretive. Yet he's also aware that they won't tell him no matter how persistent he ask them, and so he come to Johnny's room for the question.

The dog hybrid is already expecting him when he comes to the opened door, "you heard them right? What were they talking about?"

Johnny slide off his headset, "no I don't, I was listening to music."

"Don't lie to me," he lifted an eyebrow, challenging, "if you really didn't hear them, you would ask who was it that I was referring to, but you readily answered no. You even heard me coming."

"There's only the four of us at home, we're both here so it's obvious who is it that you were referring to-"

"You answered too fast, and you being aware or not who I was referring to, doesn't matter since that's a reflex to ask ' _who_ '."

Johnny chuckles lightly, "didn't know you can psychoanalyse."

"Office environment sharpening your sense in that," Jaehyun said while crossing his arms over his chest, unrelenting.

"Even if I know what they were talking about, it's not my place to say it. So I don't know," he shrugged, still smiling.

"Is it something that I should be concerned with?"

Johnny hummed in thinking, "I would say I'm not entirely agree with it, but since Taeyong decided it, than that's his right to do so. Let's just trust his decision."

He huffed in dissatisfaction, "not really answering my question but _alright_. And the pizza?"

"I'm always open for pizza," Johnny grinned and that concludes their conversation. Nobody will tell Jaehyun until it happens, whatever it is.

He should have seen the signs though, whenever he saw either Soonbok or Johnny fanning their noses, or when Taeyong grow quieter and his lingering gaze lowering down to Jaehyun's torso and even lower. He should have, but alas Jaehyun is rather... Dense. He should be thankful that he's not yet going back to the office, because despite his father being lenient about his issues, jeopardizing his job just when he finally have a fresh start is not something his father will appreciate.

Because one day, he got woken up with something wet and hot air hitting his crotch repeatedly. Instinctively a frown is made on his face, addled mind starting to question just what may caused such sensations? It feels familiar though, despite how bizzare it is, the tickles seems to be elicited by those fingers like shape. _Um? Fingers?_ And those hot air... Doesn't it feels like breath? Then that wetness...

Jaehyun jerked to sitting position like a catapult, startled and getting even more shocked when he saw big, dazed eyes staring up to him from his crotch. His scream was too fast and too strained that all which came out was a high pitched wheezing from his throat, hands fisting his blanket so hard he must have ruined it somewhat.

"Taeyong! What are you doing??" this time he was able to scream, getting choked up at the last syllable since the cat hybrid is lightly chewing on his bulge, effectively pulling out a low moan out of his chest.

"I want you," Taeyong breathed to his wet pants, still persistently trying to drench it with his saliva as he keeps mouthing at it, licking at the damp fabric upwards to feel the outline of Jaehyun's hardening dick. "I want it, give it to me."

Rough, hot shivers rushing all over Jaehyun's body from the desperate and full of lust tone, vibrating to his crotch in the most pleasurable yet torturous way. Heat stirring under his skin and swirling down to his gut along with constant goosebumps running up and down his spine, making his dick to twich under Taeyong's tongue and the man appreciate the response with another suck through his pants.

"You're getting bigger," Taeyong moaned hotly to his drenched pants, unknown if it's only due to his glistening tongue or also because of Jaehyun's precum which seeping out to grace his lips, "I want it in my mouth, Jaehyun, please give it to me."

"I- Tae- _What the fuck is happening?_ " Jaehyun gasped, reflectively holding onto Taeyong's head, unsure if he's keeping him away or actually pulling him closer. His mind is a mess, he was sleeping, last night they went to sleep like usually, an arm away and holding hand. Then suddenly this? Out of the blue? Jaehyun is wondering if he's still sleeping and this is merely a dream, or is this reality? How could this be reality? Taeyong is still scared to be close with him for too long.

Then, he finally gets it. _The heat_. It render him incoherent and with it his fear also get suppressed, because the only thing he could think of is to mate and mate only. Jaehyun's head is spinning from the sudden blood rush at the realization, Taeyong is in heat, _fuck_. As if the hybrid could hear his mind, he's crawling up above Jaehyun, pressing their crotches together and leaning in to kiss Jaehyun's gaping mouth, licking his palate with the tip of his tongue. Jaehyun is shivering again from the lewd kiss, heat pooling in his groin to the point that his dick is fully hard now.

"Oh," Taeyong gasped to his face, red blooming even prettier in his golden skin, glistening slightly from the thin layer of sweat, "you're so hard... Touch me Jaehyun, please touch me."

"How-" _how could you be in heat? You were on suppressant_ , Jaehyun thoughts was fading into oblivion when Taeyong is diving deeper into his mouth, kissing him and tasting him as if he's an oxygen he needs to breathe in.

It's some sort of a miracle that Jaehyun could still think and connects the dots even when Taeyong is being so sinfully attractive above him, he realized this is what the hybrid was arguing about with Soonbok few days ago. Taeyong decided _this_ , forsaken his suppressant to have this with him, to which neither Soonbok nor Johnny agreed with, but he still did it. Know so, how could Jaehyun do anything but to comply?

That's what allows himself to embrace Taeyong tightly, kissing him back with fervor and holds him dearly within his arms. Taeyong is still fully clothed, but that didn't keep Jaehyun from feeling his radiating body heat, stroking his craving hands over the quivering slender body and slipping in his fingers to feel the dip of his spine directly under the thin shirt, relishing the trembles which he awakens and tasting the moans that come spilling out to his tongue.

Taeyong jerked and moaning loudly when he's caressing down to the base of his tail, stroking up to the fur and down to the warmth in between his small cheeks, fingertips met with a growing wetness. Taeyong is rubbing his face to his jaw and neck, licking at his skin and biting gently up to his ear, hot ragged breathing hitting it to which Jaehyun is flinching due to the sudden racking tingles spreading out from his ear down to his entire body.

"Jaehyun..." he whimpered to his ear before licking it again, causing another wave of shiver upon the human, "put it in..."

His heart is beating too fast and too loud that Jaehyun could even hear it in his eardrums, his whole body feels on fire and his chest is moving too fast it seems to be fluttering instead of breathing properly. _God_ , there's nothing more that Jaehyun rather do than sliding in his fingers into Taeyong's wet and twitching rim. It's worth selling his soul to the devil just to do that. But Jaehyun can't, not when there's still sliver of sanity twirling around in his head which questioning everything.

He couldn't deny, he couldn't stay sane any longer, so he chose to run away, pushing Taeyong off of him as gently as he could before he ran for the bathroom. ' _Jaehyun_ ' he heard Taeyong's voice calling him from behind the door, but he locks it and let himself to take a deep breath as he's gripping the sink strongly, trying his best to ease the raging lust which demanding to be released. He shouldn't, not when he didn't know what's exactly happening. He just _woke up_ goddammit.

But, what's he actually scared of? There should be nothing. This isn't like before, when Taeyong hadn't trust him, when he still didn't know what he feels for the hybrid or when Taeyong wanted it just to feel okay. This time, there's none of it, they've bared their hearts to each other, a love which is mutual, the desire which they both holds. So why, Jaehyun is feeling unsure?

Maybe because he's been way too used having to hold back, to deny his own desire when circumstances get in the way, to get deprived of it when he's craving far too much. Now he's afraid to be given only to have it taken away again, if that were to happen after he's succumbing to his desire, he didn't think he could stand it anymore. It'll be too painful, he loves Taeyong way too much to be able to handle it.

But Taeyong trust him with _this_ , he decided this on his own despite what Soonbok said because he trust Jaehyun, because he wants this too. Jaehyun stops his thoughts, looking up to see his face being reflected on the mirror yet he's not really seeing it, instead the image of smiling Taeyong filling his mind along with his voice, ' _maybe, if I could feel you closer, I'll be able to really feel it that my fear is solely a ghost of the past. Maybe then... I won't be in so much fear anymore._ '

Could it be or would it be only wishful thinking? Jaehyun breathed out loudly, gripping the sink for one last time before he ready his heart and walk out from the bathroom. But maybe he should have readied himself more before he goes out, because his heart drops when he see Taeyong lying on his bed, legs spread open and he's gasping softly as he's thrusting his own slender fingers into himself. His golden skin looks like honey under the mellow sunlight, bare as the man had gotten rid of his pants and his shirt pooling at the crook of his elbows showing the smooth skin of his beautiful shoulder.

There's a sound of something snapping inside his head, then in the next second Jaehyun is already rushing to the bed to hover above Taeyong's open body, something akin to growls vibrating lowly in his throat, "fuck, Taeyong... _Taeyong_."

The man under him moaned when he's leaning down for their chest to collide, heat seeping in and Jaehyun waste no thoughts nor time to kiss Taeyong hungrily, licking over his lips and opens it with a soft bite. Taeyong, oh perfect Taeyong, he let Jaehyun to ravish his mouth so deliciously, hot breath swallowed together and a drop of saliva rolling down the corner of his mouth.

"You came back," Taeyong whispered.

"Where else would I go?"

Jaehyun persistently placed his hands beside Taeyong's head, but the smaller man's hands are roaming across Jaehyun's pale skin and taut muscles, seeking for more and pulling at Jaehyun's thicker thighs to earn them more friction to their groins. Jaehyun pulls away from the kiss to groan to Taeyong's jaw, grazing his teeth over the skin to hold in the moan which suppressing his throat, "you're a drug, I'm losing my mind."

"Then go crazy, because _I am_ ," Taeyong rasped directly to his ear, bringing awake more shivers through Jaehyun's spine. Loud moans pouring out his gaping mouth as Jaehyun caressing one of his hand down his chest, to his fluttering stomach and lower to his slender thigh, fingers finally found purchase over the hybrid's twitching and wet rim, slowly pushing in a finger inside.

He took in his finger so well, loosening and squeezing around his digit that Jaehyun push in another just to find it getting sucked in so perfectly as if the hybrid doesn't need to be prepared anymore, " _shit_... You're so good."

"Your clothes..." Taeyong whispered to his wet lips with a soundless moan, hands yanking at Jaehyun's shirt and pants.

The taller man lets go to straighten up and took off every pieces of his clothing, throwing it mindlessly to the floor before bending down again to smother the smaller body with his bare skin, finally tasting the sweetest heat directly. But Taeyong is pushing at his chest, for a millisecond worry is taking place in Jaehyun's mind, "are you okay? Should I-"

His words fading into a loud moan as Taeyong is curling down to lick at his hard arousal, fingers instinctively flying to fist at the pink hair. There's wave after waves of hot shivers running down his body caused by Taeyong's tongue dancing so sinfully over his sensitive skin. His tongue is rough unlike human's, Jaehyun is aware of this from the deep kisses they shared, but to feel it over his dick? Jaehyun may have found a new religion.

He feels like he's about to burst, but it feels so breathtakingly good that he wants it to last, moreover seeing Taeyong licking him like he's tasting the tastiest lollipop is not an image he want to deny to burn into his brain. As a distraction to keep himself last, he lifted Taeyong's waist with both hands and positioned the man sideway so he could start fingering at his rim, successfully gaining a rumbling moan around his dick as the hybrid taking half of him into his mouth.

This time he managed to push three fingers in without so much of a resistance, running his thicker fingers around the wet, velvety walls and relishing at the way they're constricting around his digits along with another gush of slick dripping down his wrist. _Fucking hell_ , Jaehyun's head is spinning so much that he almost white out just from foreplay alone.

Taeyong pulls away to whines around his dick, lips trembling as he said, "no more... Give it to me Jaehyun, fuck me please, _please_."

"I have to prepare you-"

"No need," he gasped, letting go of his dick to lay down on his back, pulling at his own knees to spread himself open for Jaehyun, so perfect, so beautifully ready for him, "please, I can't wait any longer..."

Sanity is only an illusion with Taeyong, Jaehyun couldn't say anything else nor was he able to hold back anymore, so he's coiling one of his hand over the hybrid's waist and the other to hold his aim into Taeyong's welcoming rim. He's pushing in slowly, gritting his teeth to stop himself for thrusting in too abruptly. But suddenly Taeyong is constricting around him so tight when he's only halfway in, his smaller body convulsing under him with a loud moan which almost sounds like a scream, white spurting out to paint both their chests.

 _He came_ , just by having Jaehyun inside him, his stomach tightens since being pushed to the edge by the display and the intensity of the scene alone. Just when Jaehyun thought he could hold in his own orgasm, Taeyong moaned out the words while staring into his eyes so intimately, so beautiful, so full of lust.

" _I love you_..."

Against his own control, Jaehyun's body being racked by the burst of intense orgasm and ejaculating inside Taeyong unstopping just from the spoken love and yearn. They barely start, barely moved, but the overwhelming emotions they're feeling, caused such an explosion of pleasure which none of them ever experienced. Their chest thrumming from the harsh beating of their hearts, Jaehyun fall down onto Taeyong's smaller body since strength are forgotten and orgasm lasting so long he couldn't control his breathing nor keeping his body upright.

"Fuck... You are too much," Jaehyun grunts to Taeyong's cheek, "I love you so much, so much I can't even describe it."

"Don't stop... Still not enough," Taeyong breathed shakily, tightening his legs around Jaehyun's waist.

"I just remember... I forgot to wear a condom..." he chuckled, "please let me breath for a moment..."

"Inside... I want you to come inside me," another moan spilling out his mouth when he felt Jaehyun twitching inside him, a small smile growing on his lips, "I think you're ready for another..."

" _You just gotta_ -" Jaehyun groans when goosebumps rising over his body, so he kissed Taeyong passionately, having no words to say to speak for his heart, gathering all of the man in his arms.

He could never deny Taeyong, it took him less time than usually to be ready again and give just what Taeyong demanded. He started out slow and gentle, but it's not enough, not nearly enough for Taeyong and so he took up the pace, getting rougher and rougher, eliciting many curses and his name pouring out of the smaller man's lips in the sweetest and sinful moans.

The second didn't take long either, his stomach tightens and Taeyong bites at his shoulder to moaned out, "inside, come inside me _Jaehyun_ -!"

Screams jumping out of their mouths as they orgasms together, bodies jerking and limbs twitching from the sheer intensity of it. Jaehyun almost pulled a muscle, breath thinning and heart thundering, but Taeyong is still gasping, "more, more, I need _more_ Jaehyun."

They couldn't count just how many times they came undone after that, doing it over and over in many positions. Pressing Taeyong's chest to the headboard, his back to the wall as his legs bouncing in the air, his cheek shoved to the bed with drools wetting the sheet under him, the side of his body on the bed as Jaehyun fucks him from behind. Over and over again he came inside Taeyong repeatedly until finally Taeyong stop asking for more and Jaehyun fall onto the bed in exhaustion.

"That was-" Jaehyun breathed out harshly.

"Amazing..." Taeyong gasped, turning around to embrace Jaehyun close, tucking his face into the man's neck, "I love you..."

"I love you too..." he said, still breathing rather hard from the exertion, rounding his arms over Taeyong's slim torso. "Are you okay?"

"Definitely sore," he's chuckling, fingertips caressing Jaehyun's face as he's staring into his eyes so fondly, "but I feel nothing of the fear... I told you so."

"You're not yet sober," Jaehyun whispered, kissing his cheek softly, sinking his fingers into the silky pink hair, scratching at the relaxed white ears lightly. It's so cute to see Taeyong's ear flapping when he feels ticklish.

"I'm not drunk... But alright it does feel like it," he hummed, smiling when Jaehyun kissed his nose, "having you like this... It's telling my subconsciousness that you're not the source of my fear." he's leaning in to kiss Jaehyun's lips, so gently, "you're the source of my happiness."

Jaehyun's heart leaps at the affection, "I..." he swallowed, couldn't respond properly to those words since butterflies bursting in his gut, so he chose to say something else, "is that what Aria told you?"

"I learnt from her, but she hadn't say anything explicitly. She said that those fear wasn't mine, they exist because I'm slipping between reality and the anxiety which feeding on the unknown. So I thought, if I make it known, wouldn't they have no reason to exist? That's also why she keep pushing me to face it, wasn't it? To see that they're nothing more than illusions and a ghost of the past. And I won't, I would never let them haunt me again."

Jaehyun wonders, how could someone as beautiful as Taeyong, could be even more beautiful and bright? His strength is something so beautiful and inspiring that Jaehyun didn't think he ever seen such beauty in all his life, until now. When he rested his palm on Taeyong's cheek, feeling his warm and soft skin, it's so gratifying how such a simple touch could feel so strongly as if their souls are speaking to each other with no words needed to be said.

"Even the words I love you couldn't say how I really feel about you," he whispered, gazing into Taeyong's deep amber eyes, like liquid gold and all things beautiful in the whole universe. Those gorgeous eyes which Jaehyun want to stare at forever, to be the first which greet him in the morning and the last to savor before he fall asleep. That one and only amber eyes, it feels like he's drowning in it.

"I want to feel it..." Taeyong answered in a soft whisper, bringing up his hand to hold Jaehyun's hand preciously on his own cheek, "so I want you to feel it too."

Somehow there's a blush on Jaehyun's cheek, reminded of what they did moments ago, "uh, this is kinda weird because I know you weren't talking about _that_."

That makes Taeyong to chuckle, bumping his forehead to Jaehyun's out of adoration, softly kissing the man's lips with a smile, " _that_ can be too. Even if the fear may come back when I'm not in heat, now that I'm off suppressant, we could have this regularly."

Jaehyun is blushing even harder, to which Taeyong is laughing softly and squishing the man's cheek full of fondness, "Jaehyun, you're so cute, I don't think I really notice this side of you."

"Because you were too focused at calling me Jaehyun-shi," he pouted.

"Ah.. " Taeyong lets out, "you were... Kinda intimidating before."

"Just what about me is intimidating? I think I'm far from it, Johnny didn't even give a shit from the start," he frowned, genuinely confused.

"For me, Jaehyun. You're my master and for me... Anyone who holds that title is... Intimidating for me..." he whispered, only to frown when Jaehyun is giving him a look with a somewhat nasty grin, "what?"

"You said _are_ , do you think I'm still your master? Because it's not for me."

Taeyong bite his lower lip, teasing and also to stop himself from smiling too wide, "family?"

"That too, _but_ ," Jaehyun is smiling as he's leaning closer and kissing Taeyong, eyes slightly open and they're so close that they barely could see each other. He placed another chaste kiss on Taeyong's lips, "firstly, you're my lover."

He giggled, "I love it..."

"It's an honor for me," Jaehyun giggling along too, "you know... This is kinda abrupt, but are you still in heat? Because I don't think I remember you being coherent like this when you were in heat."

"I did eat and drink in the between."

"Yeah but... That was kinda different..."

"I was uncomfortable with you, at least partially," Taeyong sighed, shifting so he could lay down his cheek and stomach over Jaehyun's torso, an arm placed securely on the taller man's shoulder, fingers dancing around his jaw and neck, "so I chose to sleep or stay quiet. But now, I want to savor ever second that I could have with you. I don't know yet if I could have this after my heat passed, so I want it to last. I hope... I truly hope I could still be this close with you."

"You will, I promise that you will," Jaehyun kissed the hybrid's head and stroking his slim back fondly, sometimes brushing over the pink hair, "even if we couldn't, we could do it like this in your heats..." his words trailing off as he got reminded of something.

"My heats are every two months though," Taeyong pouted, "two months is too long and what about you? Can you hold on that long? Jaehyun?"

"Taeyong," he gulped, already feeling the first cold sweat rolling down his temple, "I just remember... Aren't you a... Unisex? And you're in heat and you asked me to come inside... So, doesn't that mean...?"

Taeyong laughed at that, squeezing the man adoringly with his lean arms, then he's smirking teasingly, "you just remember that? Oh Jaehyun, I think it's too late now, _it's done_."

There's something akin to horror dawning on Jaehyun as his mouth is opening and closing out of shock, "but- I- You- _Then_ -"

Using his forearm to lift up his torso, Taeyong is half hovering over Jaehyun, cradling the man's head affectionately, "calm down, I was just kidding."

Immediately the man under him is breathing out of relief, eyes shut close as tension bleeding out his muscles, "don't do that, I almost got a heart attack..."

"You don't want to?" he asked in a whisper, tone neutral yet it seems to cause panic on Jaehyun.

"I- It's too sudden, there's much to think about and it's not gonna affect only us. So I... I can't say yes or no, I don't know yet," Jaehyun is spluttering to which Taeyong kisses him to shut him up.

"It's just a question, calm down," he chuckled, pinching Jaehyun's cheek slightly.

"So we're safe?" he asked with a guilty smile.

"Who knows?" Taeyong grins, "but for now, let's start again."

" _Wait_ -"

He didn't let Jaehyun to speak anymore, rendering the man into burning lust once again for the three days ahead. If Taeyong gonna suck the man dry, so be it.

Such is their life now.

 

 

  
Months Later.

 

Taeyong is looking at the beautiful picture of a snowy mountain and a man grinning to the camera under a thick jacket, a hat and a scarf, the sunlight partially hitting his face. He flipped the postcard around and read the carefully written words.

' _Tibet is so beautiful! You said you like snow right? Maybe you can add this place to your 'vacation list' lol._

_'I'm doing fine here and I hope you're doing well too, Taeyong. Please tell Doyoung to stop worrying since he can't reach my phone, signals is hard to come by here. And tell Jaehyun to take care._

_'I'll send you a postcard with a photo of food later! - Jungwoo.'_

It makes Taeyong to smile and he read it twice, turning it around to see the photo again and the man's happy smile. He seems to be having a really good time, that's a relief. He jolted when suddenly there's a hand placed on his shoulder.

"Oh sorry, I forgot," Jaehyun said with a guilty smile.

"I told you, you have to come from in front of me," he rubs his chest to calm down his rapid heartbeat.

"I'm sorry, I got too excited," Jaehyun grins, bending down to embrace Taeyong affectionately, kissing his cheek as an apology, "I see that he sent you another postcard?"

"Jaehyun, I told you, you can't suddenly touch me like that... At least wait for a while," he sighed, brushing through his pink hair to shake off the ill feelings from under his skin.

"Forgive him Taeyong, he's been too excited since last night that he can barely think," Johnny giggles from across the living room, still fondling the tie around his neck.

"I'm sorry. I mean, why am I this excited while you guys being so passive about it? We're celebrating today!" Jaehyun is almost squealing, yet he decided against it at the last second. It's embarrassing.

"I'm happy Jaehyun, I really am," Taeyong smiled, pulling at Jaehyun's cheek to kiss his lips softly.

"But not the level of excitement which I want to see!" he whines, jerking a bit when Johnny slapped his butt.

"There's still so much to do beside having the bill being accepted into law, there's little to no change if people's awareness are too low," Johnny sighed.

"Still this is a milestone for us! Don't be so negative like that!" Jaehyun yelled, looking like a sulking kid.

"You've changed so much," Johnny chuckled, patting Jaehyun's shoulder to placate him.

"So are we," Taeyong chimed in, hugging Jaehyun from behind to rub his face over the wide back, then he give the postcard for Jaehyun to see.

"Still don't get it why he sent this to you instead of me," he pouted, "and he barely wrote a line about me!"

"He still need time," Taeyong kisses his neck and roaming his hands over Jaehyun's chest, "Doyoung gonna be in the party too, right? So I could relay his message."

"Yeah and Aria too-"

His words got cut off with a loud squeal which coming from the front door, then came Soonbok running in her beautiful dress, "I'm so _excited!!_ "

" _This!!_ " Jaehyun is squealing too, "this is the level of excitement I was looking for!"

The two then twirling in glee while holding hands, the postcard had been placed securely to a nearby table, but their excitement last only for a short moment until Johnny said, "I'm more excited to see Jaehyun and Taeyong having a duet."

Soonbok is squealing again, "yes yes!"

" _What?!_ " both Jaehyun and Taeyong exclaimed in shock.

"Duet, dearies," Johnny grinned, "Jackson and I decided to have the two of you to perform on the stage for the party."

"Wha-what? I've never heard of this?" Taeyong shouted in disbelief.

"What the fuck??" Jaehyun shouted even louder.

"Don't pretend like you guys never have a duet in your bathroom, we can hear you," he smirked.

"Sometimes you forgot to close your door, so," Soonbok laughed, having to elaborate more just to make the two even more miserable, "your voices are quite lovely, but I can't say the same when they were singing a different type of _song_."

"Oh that was both amusing and nightmare inducing," Johnny snickers, utterly pleased to see Jaehyun and Taeyong turning red like a boiled crab.

The cat hybrid fell down to the floor while covering his face with his palms, totally ashamed and embarrassed, "just bury me... Please."

"B-but... I always close the door..." Jaehyun whimpered, still blushing even harder.

"There are times... When Johnny accompanied me to do groceries shopping. Perhaps you got too excited and thought we would take long and..." Soonbok pretends to whispering conspicuously.

"They thought they were alone," Johnny whispered too, grinning even wider.

" _Jaehyun!_ " Taeyong whined loudly from the floor, rolling around to hide his face.

"I can't help it! You were looking so delectable-" his words dies as soon as he realized how bad he sounds, adding more to his shame that he too, falling down to the floor face down, "please... Just bury me."

Soonbok and Johnny guffawing loudly, thoroughly amused by the stupidity which the couple had displayed. They only go to the car not without another series of teasing towards the couple, to which Jaehyun vowed, "just you see Johnny, I will make you _pay_."

And Jaehyun somewhat managed to did it in the party when he's introducing the tall hybrid to a certain influential foreigner.

"You can call me Ten since my name is too hard to pronounce. I'm from the hybrids association in Thailand and some of my job is to bring back the hybrids who got shipped internationally in illegal ways. You said his name is Johnny? Were your origin from outside Korea?"

Johnny couldn't answer and only gaping stupidly while his eyes fleeting up and down the smaller human in front of him. So Jaehyun took it as a chance and patted his back, "I'm sorry mr. Ten, but Johnny here seems to be too _stunned_ by your beauty."

"Oh is that so? Why, I think you too is a handsome one," Ten laughed much to Johnny's embarrassment. When he look to the side, he sees Jaehyun grinning impossibly wide to him.

"Why Johnny? Cat got your tongue?" he guffawed, satisfied from being able to make the score even before he left the two to talk among themselves. Maybe it's the start of something new.

He come closer to Taeyong who was talking to other hybrids, one of them is Hyungwon who got another hybrid, Wonho, attached to his arm. When Taeyong noticed him, he's being greeted with the most beautiful smile and he readily hooking his arm around Jaehyun's elbow, a simple gesture which still caused his heart to sing no matter how much closer they had been.

" _Now for the highlight of the party!_ " Jackson voice booming through the speaker, they look up to see the man is motioning for them, "a duet by our most favorite couple, Jaehyun and Taeyong!"

The hall instantly got filled with sounds of clapping and occasional whistling, successfully making the both of them to blush. Taeyong is gripping at his arm tightly, hiding his face behind Jaehyun out of embarrassment, "oh god, they're really making us do it."

Jaehyun feels like he's dying slowly on his stood, since he's not mentally prepared. But when he look at the faces in the hall, smiling and laughing together, he knew them all, friends and family. _H_ _is family_. And he knows, even if he make a fool of himself, with them it will be a beautiful memory to look back to. And most importantly, he took Taeyong's hand and kissed it, _he's not alone._

"Let us sing that song, Taeyong."

The man look up, finding Jaehyun smiling warmly to him, assuring and calming that it makes him feels less wary, "our favorite?"

"Our favorite."

 

 

_When I let you dive into a reality_  
_We will be wading_  
_Stay in the depth of this sanity_  
_Won't let you dance with the uncertainty_  
_Tracing constellations_  
_Passing the presence_  
_Of this gravity_

_Soon strongest tree will quiver_  
_Soon leaves will fall and shrivel_  
_Bodies will fade away_  
_But one thing remains_

_Our love will stay_  
_Will make it through_

 

_"Our love will stay."_

 

 

 

_\- The end -_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last song: [GAC - Love Will Stay](https://youtu.be/7J7xfBEh1W8)
> 
>  
> 
> What a long ass journey~!!
> 
> Throughout this journey, I too growing together, there's always much to learn about the world. But when there's darkness, there's always light, even if we may missed it since the darkness is too thick.
> 
> Never give up, love, kindness and positive mind will always pull through and at the end of the tunnel, you'll bath in the glory of sunlight.
> 
> Through this journey too, I found friends, to which we share pain and hope together. It's the most blissful thing that I could get. I love you guys.
> 
> Your comments, your kudos are what keeps me going, telling me I've done good enough and that I still have those hope no matter what. I hope through this story you also find a strength, something to think about and try to see the bigger picture (beside that my grammar is shit, lmao)
> 
> Thank you for everything, your kind words, your support, your encouragement when I fall down and for being there because it accompanying me and tells me, we're never alone.
> 
> Thank you, so many thank you. Words always feels so empty when I try to speak my feelings, but I hope you can feel it how grateful I am to you.
> 
> Thank you very much
> 
> And let's see each other again in another story ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Writing and drawing is my passion, it also my coping mechanism. I have a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) if you want to check it out! I'm also open for talk, don't be shy if you want to or need someone to talk ♥♥♥
> 
> (Also, I'm maybe shameless but I do need your support. So please check out my twitter and thank you so much for your kindness :')))


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